Obsessed

[lovesmonet]

I am so obsessed with all things exercise: walking, running,biking, blogilates. I have a fitbit and one of my hospital volunteers is super competitive with me which just makes me CRAZY. I have to beat her every day. I can't stand it when she wins because she will send me emoticons with tongue sticking out when she is ahead. Argh. So juvenile but I

Comments

[craycraytheysay]

You sound VERY unhealthy. Like someone who is about to have a cardiac arrest. You probabaly know this, but intense work out, little calorie consumption AND lots of purging is one of the unhealthiest ways to live there is. Have you thought about inpatient treatment?

Also, I wish you'd throw this fitbit thing away. To be honest, I hate this whole fitness tracking movement because it seems so destructive to compare yourself to others. I feel like a healthy relationship with your body means you keep it healthy for yourself, and you neither need anyone's judgment nor precise numbers telling you how many calories you burnt with a workout or how many steps you walk for that. I think for me it would either cause extreme frustration or extreme obsession at least the comparing aspect. Having someone you ACTUALLY SEE and who is so competitive too must be very hard. I think you do it because you have an eating disorder anyway but that certainly doesn't make it healthier for you.

[lovesmonet]

Intellectually, I know you are right but these unhealthy activities keep my mind off my loneliness which I feel will lead to my true demise. I will talk to my dietician about additional care when I see her on Saturday. Thanks for your concern and wisdom.

[bookgurrl]

I have to agree with cray. What you are doing is so deadly. The eating disorder that has the highest death rate is purging anorexics. Add the exercise to that and I really fear for your life.

Get rid of the damn fit bit. You aren't "fit" you are sick and killing yourself. You don't need to be in competition with anyone. That just feeds the disease.

I really think you need inpatient care. You are totally out of control. I fear you'll just disappear one day and we won't know what happened to you.

PLEASE think about a higher level of care. I hate those words myself, but this is not worth dying for.

Many hugs to you girl.

[lovesmonet]

I know everything you say is right. I need inpatient care just for symptom interruption. I am sitting here now with my throat on fire from my stomach acid. I know I'm out of control but doing all this stuff keeps my mind off my intense loneliness. I will talk to dietician on Saturday when I see her. Hugs and love to you.