Dance and I have this terrible abusive relationship ( Read more... )

One less pill at bedtime, one more year of whatever the fuck this is.  I walked home alone last night at 2 AM and it was so quiet. I wish I could store that stillness somewhere and pull it out sometimes when the world feels too big and too small all at once.  I wish I were home and I wish I were even further away from it ( Read more... )

I keep telling myself, well, myself and anybody else that will listen, that one day it will be worth it ( Read more... )

I'm not stupid enough to believe that shit they told us-
Everything does not happen for a reason,
regardless of what you were sold on Sunday mornings.

But the fact that I'm here,
healing and learning and waiting for you,

when before I was tearing us,
you,
the world to pieces...

That tells me that maybe,
sometimes,

things happen they way they

So when does the livin' get easy?

and it's always lurking --

at the edges of an afternoon with friends,
in the corners of a laugh.

It is oily and sinister, and above all it is covert,

A silent, creeping shadow
Waiting patiently at the edges of an orange cylinder

For its chance to sneak in, unseen

Until the damage has been done.

My Grampa died today.

After I got the call I walked over to the river and I stared at the water for a long, long time.  Nothing ever stays the same but I guess I just never really believed we'd already spent our last moment together.

*sigh*

My Grampa is dying.

And my Mama is hurting and my baby sister is angry and I am lost.

Funny how, nine years after middle school and in a committed relationship, I still spend all my weekends wishing someone, anyone would call.

Seems like the only time I wasn't just waiting for life to come find me was when I was too focused on the excruciating task of breathing, of waking up each day, to notice ( Read more... )