Today is the day. I'm going to quit smoking. I tried once when I was in Oklahoma and lasted all of 4.5 hours. I SLEEP longer than that without a cigarette. That's pathetic
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I have anxiety attacks frequently, which I get the shakes, cold feeling, and start to feel paranoid as if someone is watching me. I've been on prescribed medications for 19 years. Nothing like starting medical drugs at 11 years old. Now 30, I have more problems with more drugs piled on, so I sleep to escape my episodes, which doesn't help my body, but it calms me down
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It's really a new thing. As far as knowing it could go to the level it went to, that started on the 17th of December. I've had two more times where I had the anxiety+paranoia, and then maybe a few times a week I'll just have pointless anxiety for the whole day. Overall not too bad. And since I don't plan on smoking weed anymore (8 years is long enough, right?), I don't think it'll ever GET to that level again.
The last thing I want is to be on some sort of abusable med, like xanax. Yeesh. There are MONTHS of my life that I don't remember because of xanax.
I did something similar to myself with DXM once and it definitely scarred me for over a year. I feel kind of lame that out of the hundred or so times I've tripped on a multitude of chemicals that I was busted by a bottle of fucking Kroger brand cough syrup. However, a dose of 2C-I I took a year later reversed the entire thing somehow. It kind of felt like I had beat my brain chemistry and sanity with a sledgehammer so many times that it randomly just shuffled back to normal and after that I pretty much hung up my pacifier and retired while I felt like I was still ahead at the ripe old age of 21. It's been about two years since then and it's shocking how emotionally stable I am now and how good my memory is and I wonder how I even functioned before.
Good luck quitting smoking, though. I think about doing it all the time but it's way too ingrained in my daily rituals at the moment. The drive to class doesn't feel right without my arm hanging out the window with a cigarette.
That's the weird thing... I've NEVER had a bad trip. And I've done SO many hallucinogens. Mescaline, AMT, acid, ecstasy (for me, hallucinogenic), salvia, mushrooms... never a bad trip. Acid was the second drug I ever did, after weed. I was always the babysitter.
Before I researched what happened to me on the 17th, I just assumed it was either a flashback or some sort of nervous breakdown. I didn't know WHAT to call it. But not having any idea why it happened or what it actually WAS was pretty freaky. And I was in rehab from 10 days after it happened until a week ago, so it's not like I had internet access and could look anything up. It didn't make much sense to me that I would have this horrid flashback when I'd never had a bad trip in my life.
As far as the quitting smoking... heh. Going decently well. Update in main journal.
The cigarette addiction is just as much psychological as it is physical. You're already taking care of the physical part by giving your body its boost of nicotine. Find an alternative to the psychological reflex your body exudes when it feels it "needs" one. Play with a stress ball, crouchet, or play a video game. Teach your habits, don't let them control you. Best of luck, my friend!
Yes, I'm realizing this. I mean, I KNEW this (because I've been addicted to something else, namely heroin/fentanyl/oxy's). But it's different knowing it by doing it, and knowing it by having read it somewhere.
That's the interesting thing about the patch. I KNOW that I don't need nicotine. I KNOW I don't. And yet I still feel like a cigarette maybe every 10 minutes or so. It'll just flash across my brain (like a blinking red light).
Cigarette!
Cigarette!
Cigarette!
So it's definitely the psychological aspect that I'm playing with at the moment.
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The last thing I want is to be on some sort of abusable med, like xanax. Yeesh. There are MONTHS of my life that I don't remember because of xanax.
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Good luck quitting smoking, though. I think about doing it all the time but it's way too ingrained in my daily rituals at the moment. The drive to class doesn't feel right without my arm hanging out the window with a cigarette.
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Before I researched what happened to me on the 17th, I just assumed it was either a flashback or some sort of nervous breakdown. I didn't know WHAT to call it. But not having any idea why it happened or what it actually WAS was pretty freaky. And I was in rehab from 10 days after it happened until a week ago, so it's not like I had internet access and could look anything up. It didn't make much sense to me that I would have this horrid flashback when I'd never had a bad trip in my life.
As far as the quitting smoking... heh. Going decently well. Update in main journal.
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That's the interesting thing about the patch. I KNOW that I don't need nicotine. I KNOW I don't. And yet I still feel like a cigarette maybe every 10 minutes or so. It'll just flash across my brain (like a blinking red light).
Cigarette!
Cigarette!
Cigarette!
So it's definitely the psychological aspect that I'm playing with at the moment.
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