I've known for all of my adult life that I have trauma. And regardless of what any other wild stories people spin up, I've been dealing with it piece by piece for twenty years now. The trauma inherently makes me feel a step away from what other people consider normal, and it affects how my emotions manifest. In general, they are repressed to the ( Read more... )

For the last few years, I've been studying mental health. Independent of the classes I'm taking on a variety of topics, I've been reading up a lot on both gaslighting and narcissism. Today I had an "aha" moment ( Read more... )

I woke up this morning thinking about the absurd situation I've found myself in and questioning whether I had ever had the power to make any choices that would have avoided this whole thing ( Read more... )

I process in this bizarre obsessive way. Been true quite a while now. I fixate on unusual moments I've flagged and assemble and reassemble them until a truer picture emerges in my brain and I can name things for what they are, deal with them, and keep going ( Read more... )

I like change. Ginormous fan of it, in fact. I'm sure it's related to spending my teenage years stuck in never-changing dysfunction. Now, when things even remind me of that endless, depressing sameness I start feeling like I'm going to crawl out of my skin. It's one of the hardest parts of seeing my mom. Knowing that all these decades later, ( Read more... )

I recently came across this article about PTSD, and it's been on my mind. The Circuit-breaking/Return of Feelings bits, in particular.

Many years ago a guy I was briefly seeing told me I was like the water fixture in O-Ren Ishii's back garden from Kill Bill, and he wasn't wrong. You know, the one that sits there and then periodically spills over ( Read more... )

I’ve been toying with the concept of intimacy recently, and the blurry line between emotional and physical intimacy. I was watching this show a couple weeks ago where a character claimed that cheating emotionally in relationships was harder to deal with than cheating physically. I’m not sure that I have a concrete opinion on that issue, but it ( Read more... )

I'm a scary person. I'm still not completely sure why that is, but I have a few theories ( Read more... )

Well, I still hate being a girl ( Read more... )

Hey folks, it's been a bizarre couple months, so let's talk about how we got here ( Read more... )