The Love That Remains - Chapter 1/22

[lullysg]

Saudade is a Portuguese and Galician word for a feeling of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which has been lost. It often carries a fatalist tone and a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never really return. It was once described as “the love that remains” or “the love that stays” after someone is gone.

PART ONE - I can’t get you out of my head

12 Years Ago - 1994

“Momma, I don’t wanna go!”, Jared whines as he walks alongside his mother through the crowd at the bus station, his smaller hand holding Sherri’s on a death grip, his hazel eyes shining with tears he’s fighting so hard to hold back. He’s not a baby anymore, he won’t go there. He is scared, though.

His mother soon locates the bus they’re looking for, the one with Camp Water Mill written on it, and points to it so Jared can see it too.

“Look J.T., this is you!”

Jared groans when he spots countless kids and teenagers near the bus, either saying goodbye to their families, loading their luggage on the bus or catching up with fellow campers they probably haven’t seen for a year.

“Momma…” Jared starts, but Sherri crouches down in front of her son and places a hand on his shoulder. “I know it’s hard for you baby, it’s your first time away from home and us. But I promise it will be fun. I want you to make friends and also start to learn how to be more independent. You are a big boy now, and it’s time. I’m sure you’ll have the time of your life there baby, and by the time this month ends, you’ll wish you could stay more.”

Jared pouts. “Doubt it. I don’t get why I can’t stay home like Jeff.”

Sherri just smiles at him. “Well, you know that Jeff will be helping pastor Jim at the church during the summer, so it’s not like he will be home doing nothing.” She gets up, grabs Jared’s hand with one hand, his suitcase handle with the other, and they walk towards the bus together. They find who appears to be the person in charge, and Sherri gives the lady Jared’s name. She turns to Jared and smiles at him.

“Hello, Jared! I’m Sam, and I’m guessing you’re a first timer?” Jared shyly nods. “Well, I’m positive you’re gonna have so much fun at Camp Water Mill! There will be a lot of kids your age, so you’ll make tons of friends!”

Jared instantly likes Sam, there’s this good vibe coming from her, so he feels a little bit more at ease. Sam shows Sherri where to put Jared’s luggage, and after that’s taken care of, it’s time to say goodbye. Jared doesn’t want to cry, but it’s hard to think that he will be spending a whole month without his family.. He can do this, though. He will show his momma he’s a big boy, not a baby anymore. Sherri hugs him goodbye and Jared holds her tight.

“I’ll miss you momma.” Jared feels proud for getting the few words out without his voice cracking.

“I’ll miss you too, baby. But soon you won’t even remember us, I promise! Just go and have fun, and whatever you need, have them call us, okay?” Sherri plants a kiss on Jared’s cheek, who tries to pretend he’s annoyed by the public show of affection (he’s already 11!), but secretly he doesn’t wanna let go of his momma.

Jared gets on the bus, and with a final glance at his mom, he walks down the aisle, trying to find himself an empty seat. There’s one at the back of the bus, with only a blonde kid occupying the window seat.

“Hey, is this seat taken?” Jared quietly asks.

The kid looks up from the gameboy he’s playing. “Nah, go ahead.”

Jared sits down and places his backpack under his seat, then turns to the kid. “Hey, I’m J.T.!”

The kid smiles for the first time and Jared feels a bit better. “Hey J.T., I’m Chad. So, it’s your first time at the camp too?”

Jared can’t help but being happy that he has found someone else who has never been there before, so he smiles back. “It is. Mom thinks I’m too shy so she’s hoping I’ll make new friends.”

Chad’s smile grows wider. “Awesome!”

Jared eyes the gameboy in his hand. “What are you playing there?”

And that’s how Jared makes his first friend, even before getting to the camp.



Three hours later they arrive at Camp Water Mill. Jared and Chad had bonded pretty well during the ride, Chad shared his gameboy with Jared, and Jared shared the snacks his momma had packed for him. They talked about school and their families, and how they imagine the camp would be like. Jared is relieved he at least knows someone already. Things had started better than he thought.

They get off the bus and are greeted by a couple of counselors.

“Hey guys!!” The one who looks older shouts at the group. “If you’re here for the first time, welcome to Camp Water Mill. If you’re old news, welcome back! I’m Rick and this is Karri, we’ll probably be spending some time together! Now, if you’ll follow me, we will get you to the lobby so you can be assigned to your cabins, and after you’re settled, we’re gonna show the camp around to the first timers.”

They all arrive at the lobby and Jared silently prays he ends up in the same cabin as Chad, so he will have his buddy with him. Luckily, they are put in the same cabin since they are the same age, and Chad smiles at him when their names are called.

Chad, Jared and a handful of other boys are taken by another counselor to their cabin. When they get to the front of it, the counselor turns around to face them.

“Hello boys, I’m Matthew, call me Matt, and I’ll be the one responsible for your cabin. Anything you need, please let me know. Your luggage is already in there, and you are the first ones here, meaning you get to pick the first beds. So go inside and don’t kill each other for the best bunk!”

Chad hurries inside with Jared in tow, and they end up choosing two bunks pushed up alongside the back wall of the cabin, so their heads are close and they can talk before bed time. They pick the top bunk because of course it’s way cooler. There’s a window right beside Jared’s head on the wall and he enjoys the view.

After getting settled, Matt calls the boys to go to the cafeteria for lunch. Jared hadn’t even realized how hungry he is. After eating, they spend most of the afternoon on a tour through the camp with Matt, while other campers arrive by buses from other cities or with their parents. The camp is huge, there’s a big lake with a lot of water activities, rec fields, basketball and volleyball courts, horse stables, room for art crafts, and so on. Jared is actually excited when he sees everything, he’s starting to feel more at ease now that he’s not facing the big unknown anymore. And everybody seems pretty nice, so he thinks he may even survive this month.

Matt takes the boys back to the cabin so they can relax a bit and get cleaned up before dinner, and while they wait for the last campers to arrive.

Jared takes a quick shower, grabs his backpack and climbs onto his bed. While he waits for Chad he takes a notebook out of it and starts scribbling on it. Jared likes to write stuff down, it’s so not a diary because he’s so not a girl, but he does it anyway, he enjoys documenting stuff, maybe when he’s older it will be fun to read his thoughts as a teenager.

June 30th, 1994

Today I arrived at Camp Water Mill.

Jared writes about his first day at the camp so far, how scared he was about coming here, how it’s not as scary as it seemed, how his new friend Chad is very cool, and how he hopes to meet even more cool people.

He glances out of the window and he sees that a new bus has arrived. Some kids and teens are getting out and he distracts himself watching them.

It’s the first time Jared sees him.

The boy is the last to get off the bus, and Jared just stares at him. He is probably 15 or 16 years old. Jared watches him greeting a counselor like they’re old buddies, and start chatting away. From where Jared is, he can see that the boy has spiked blue hair and is wearing some funny clothes. He can’t see his face very well, but Jared thinks the boy must be cool. Way cooler than him. Without thinking, Jared grabs his pen again and writes down another sentence on his notebook.

A boy with blue hair just arrived at the camp.

Chad is out of the shower and climbs on his bed, startling Jared who quickly closes his notebook and averts his eyes from the window where he has been watching the boy talking to a group of people.

“What you’re writing J.T.? You got a journal there?” Chad waggles his eyebrows at him.

Jared rolls his eyes at him but tries to hide the fact that his cheeks have just turned a shade of pink. “It’s not a journal okay? I just happen to enjoy… writing stuff sometimes, so what?”

Chad just shrugs. “Sounds like the definition of a journal to me! But hey, if that’s your thing, go for it friend!”

Jared just shoves the notebook back into his backpack and throws a quick glance out of the window before climbing down the bunk, but the boy with the blue hair is gone.

The boys wait in the cabin until everyone has showered and dressed, and then they head out with Matt towards the cafeteria for dinner.

When they get there, the place is crowded, it seems like there are like a thousand people eating, walking around, getting food, catching up, looking for friends. Jared feels like he’s in a zoo. He steps closer to Matt, trembling slightly, he feels like a toddler but he doesn’t care, if he gets lost here he doubts he can even find the exit.

They all get their food trays and head to their assigned table. Jared tries to look around hoping he can spot the boy with blue hair, but he has no such luck, it’s impossible to see anything in all that mess going on. Jared eventually gives up on trying to spot the boy, and finishes eating his dinner while talking to the other boys from his cabin and hopefully trying to make new friends, after all that’s why his momma sent him here, wasn’t it?

After everybody has finished dinner (and Jared found it pretty good), Sam takes a mic and tells everybody they need to go to their rooms, grab a flashlight, and then head along with their respective counselor to the soccer field where they will be separated into teams for a night activity. They will get more directions when they arrive at the field. Jared and the other boys get excited with the idea of a activity around the camp, especially in the dark, it’s gonna be Jared’s first time in one of those and he just can’t wait.

The crowd leaves the cafeteria and Matt leads them back to the cabin, Chad bouncing by Jared’s side.

“Dude, what do you think the activity will be about? You think we’re gonna have to hunt something?”

Jared thinks for a second, his eyes serious. “I don’t know dude, never been in one of those before… I hope so though, it would be totally cool!”

They reach the cabin and Jared grabs his brand new flashlight from his suitcase and checks to see if it’s working. He decides to put on a light jacket over his small shoulders, assuming they will be walking around camp and it will probably be a bit cold.

Once everyone is set, Matt leads them to the field where most of the campers are already waiting. Chad and Jared sit side by side, swinging their legs excitedly, still coming up with theories of what the activity will be about. They wait for around ten minutes until everyone is finally at the field. One of the counselors climbs on the bleachers with a mic in hand and turns to them.

“Good evening folks! For the first timers, welcome to Camp Water Mill! And to the old faces, welcome back! I’m sure we will spend the best summer ever together!”

Jared can’t help a small smile spread across his face. He hopes the guy is right.

“After a great dinner I will let you know how tonight will work for those who don’t know it yet. We will be separating you all into 10 teams. Until our time here is over, you’ll be doing some activities with your team, and every time you win, you get points. By the end of our stay, the team with most points wins, obviously. You guys can pick a name for the team and a leader. For tonight’s activity, you will have to explore the camp and find 5 indians. Each indian will give you a map piece. When you have all five, put the map together and find the lost shaman. Give your map to the shaman and he shall give you a dreamcatcher. The first team that gets it and brings it over here, wins tonight’s activity.”

Jared and Chad look at each other with excited faces.

“Dude, that sounds so cool! Can’t wait to start!” Chad is practically bouncing up and down.

“What are the chances we end up on the same team?” But before Chad can say anything, the counselor starts talking again.

“To divide the teams, your counselor will assign you all with numbers, from 1 to 10. When you get yours, go sit by your respective number over there.”

Jared looks at the direction the guy points to, where other counselors are holding big papers with numbers on them, spread around the other end of the field. The counselors start sorting the campers into numbers, and everybody begins to get up and sit at the other side of the field. Jared has to wait a while until Matt reaches him, and when he does, he assigns Chad to team 5. Since Jared is sitting right beside his new friend, he knows it’s almost impossible to be assigned to the same team. Predictable enough, Jared ends up on team 6 and with no friends there. Just awesome. Chad and Jared slowly walk towards the numbers, and Jared sulkily goes to where the counselor is holding a big 6. He sits down wishing there was someone from his own cabin in his team, at least he will have someone to talk to. He takes a look at some of his teammates and they all look older than him. Great, he will probably be the dumb little kid nobody pays attention to.

Jared lowers his head hoping nobody will mind him when he hears it.

“Hey!”

Jared turns his head to the direction of where the voice came from, peers through his hair and then he spots who just talked to him.

It’s the blue-haired boy.

“Welcome to our team dude!”

The boy is smiling at him, he is looking at him and smiling and Jared can do nothing more than stare at him open-mouthed. Jared had only seen the boy from afar and had been curious, but now he can finally take a closer look at him. Obviously, the boy has blue hair, Jared can’t make the natural color of his locks but he actually kinda likes the blue dye. His eyes are black, so black that he can’t even see the iris, and the boy also has freckles scattered across his tanned cheeks and pierced nose. Jared can also see another piercing on his left eyebrow, and he thinks it’s really rad.

Jared is somewhat hypnotized by the boy, he doesn’t know what exactly he’s feeling, but he just can’t take his eyes off him. He just feels… something. He doesn’t know if a second or 10 hours passes, Jared just looks at him in awe and he can’t seem to look away.

Eventually a thought penetrates the fog in his mind and Jared realizes the boy is still looking at him expectantly, and his brain manages to tell him he might still be waiting for Jared to reply.

The young boy blinks a few times to clear his head and forces his mouth to open, managing to stutter a quiet “thanks” to the boy before lowering his gaze because he’s that shy.

Thankfully, a couple other campers approach their little group and the boy gets distracted waving them over. They sit down and the boy welcomes them as well, and Jared takes his time to look at the blue haired boy a little more. He’s still talking to the new additions to their team, Jared just can’t get enough of looking at this boy and he has no idea why.

When their team is complete, the boy addresses all of them.

“Hey guys, welcome to our team! We’re gonna kick everybody’s ass as usual and we’re gonna be the best team of the camp. Also, modesty is our motto.”

Everybody laughs and Jared can’t help but smile at him. The boy catches Jared’s eyes and smiles at him again, and the only thing Jared can do is avert his eyes, as if he was just caught staring. God, he’s so lame.

The boy goes on. “Since we’re a great team, we’re gonna need a great name too, so let’s hear everyone’s ideas.”

They all start to talk at the same time, but Jared keeps quiet, he doesn’t have any good ideas and he’s happy just listening to everybody else and secretly looking at the blue-haired boy.

After a lot of discussion (not so much from Jared’s part though), it’s decided that the name for their team will be ‘The Milkshake Demons’, which is weird but Jared actually loves it. Everyone also agrees that Blue-Haired Boy should be the team leader, Jared half expected that already, he is a natural apparently.

After all the teams have chosen their names, the leader of each one says the names out loud, and Jared thinks theirs is the best by far. A picture of each team is taken, Sam had announced earlier that there would be a photographer around during a few days to take pictures at the camp. Jared’s whole team poses for the photographer when he approaches them, and since Jared is right beside the boy with blue hair, the older boy puts an arm around his little shoulders and smiles for the camera. Jared thinks he never looked happier in a photograph in his life.

When all the pictures are taken, they are all sent to walk around the camp and find the indians.

They manage to find 4 indians in 30 minutes, and apparently that’s fast. They overhear the other teams saying they only found 2, or 3. The team pretty much owes it to Blue-Haired Boy and a couple of friends of his, it’s obvious to Jared that they are very used to it and know where to look. Jared stays out of the way most of the time, just running after them and exchanging a few words with some other members from the team. But even though they are fast, it seems impossible to find the last indian, because it’s nowhere to be found. Their worry escalates when they learn that another team has also found 4 indians, so whoever finds the final indian first, is likely gonna win the game.

They walk around for about 20 minutes, and everyone is starting to get seriously worried, Jared can see Blue-Haired Boy frantically looking everywhere and he mostly keeps out of the way, walking behind his group. They are passing by the cafeteria, and Jared is looking around, mostly to see if it seems any other team is finished, when he takes a quick glance at the back of the cafeteria and then he sees it.

A blue warbonnet quickly disappears behind the back wall, and he’s sure they haven’t found an indian here yet. Jared’s heart starts beating fast, his team is already walking away and he’s about to shout when he notices another team nearby, and they clearly haven’t seen the indian, so he runs towards his own members, stopping in front of Blue-Haired Boy and his friends, and talks hurriedly, forgetting his shyness towards the older boy momentarily.

“I just saw an indian behind the cafeteria, and I don’t think anyone else has found him yet, let’s go, fast!”

The boy stares at Jared for a fraction of a second before he’s running back to the cafeteria, the whole team behind him, and sure enough they find the last indian hidden in a dark corner. The indian gives them the last piece of the map, and the older boys hurry to put it together. When it’s complete, they study it and go after the shaman. They walk for about 15 minutes and finally locate the man on top of a hill. They still don’t know if they are the first team to arrive.

Blue-Haired Boy hands the map to the shaman, who studies it for a second. The whole group waits expectantly, and watch in awe as the shaman takes a brown dreamcatcher, with green, blue, red and purple feathers and a small crystal hanging from it, out of his clothes and hands it to Blue-Haired Boy.

The team quickly thanks the shaman and runs down the hill towards the field, all shouting excitedly so everyone knows they’ve won even before handing the dreamcatcher.

They eventually reach the counselors that are waiting for the winning team, and hand them the item. One of them grabs a mic and announces on the sound system that the hunt must stop immediately, the Milkshake Demons are the winners. The whole group shouts and goes for a group hug, some hands pat Jared’s head, congratulating him for finding the last indian. Jared feels really happy for having helped his team, and he realizes he can’t wait for more of that, he really had fun tonight.

After the other teams arrive at the field the activity is officially finished, and all the campers are sent to the cafeteria for a snack before going to bed. Jared locates Chad, who tells him his team found only 2 indians and that they suck. Jared laughs and brags about how he was the one to find the last indian and got them to win the game. Chad calls him a showoff and they arrive at the cafeteria. Both boys grab some cookies and orange juice and go sit down with other boys from their cabin. When everyone is finished, the counselors call it a night and send everyone to bed.

Jared heads out of the cafeteria with his cabinmates, and as they start to walk away, he feels someone touching his arm. When he turns around, his brown eyes go impossibly wide because it’s none other than the Blue-Haired Boy.

“H-hey…” Jared manages to stutter, and Jesus Christ, why does he get so nervous around this dude?

“Hey!” The boy smiles at him, and Jared finds himself automatically smiling back as he feels something tingle inside of him. The boy goes on. “I just wanted to say you did a great job back there! If it wasn’t for you, we probably wouldn’t have found the last indian.”

Jared blushes at that. “It was nothing, I just saw him and thought we hadn’t found that one yet…”

“Yes, exactly! Good move there! Is it your first time here at the camp? I don’t remember seeing you here before.”

Jared manages to blush even harder when those eyes stare expectantly at him.

“Yeah, it’s my first time… my mom thought I should come and make friends and stuff.”

The boy smiles again and offers him his hand. “Well, here’s one then. I’m Jack.”

Jack. The boy with blue hair finally has a name and Jared likes it. And if Jared isn’t mistaken, he offered to be his friend. He can’t help but smile back again as he shakes Jack’s hand. His hand is soft but his grip is strong, and the minute Jared touches it, it’s like an electrical shock is running up his arm. He blinks a few times before answering.

“Nice to meet you Jack. I’m J.T.”

Jack lets go of Jared’s hand and gives him an apologetic look. “I guess I kept you for too long, looks like your friends have left you behind.”

Jared looks behind him and true enough, Chad and the others are almost at the cabin by now. That’s nice, now he will have to walk there alone. Not that he minds it much, it was worth it.

But Jack pats his shoulder to get him in motion. “Come on, you got delayed because of me so it’s only fair I walk with you to your cabin. It’s halfway towards mine anyways.”

Jared gives him a small smile as they start walking.

“So J.T. tell me, are you enjoying the camp?” Jack asks, turning his head towards Jared.

“It’s pretty cool so far.” Jared shrugs. “I wasn’t sure before coming here because I didn’t know anybody, but everyone has been nice and I had a great time today, so I can’t complain really.”

Jack gives him that smile again. “That’s great! You’re gonna love it, I promise! Today was only the beginning, there’s much more to come and by the end you won’t want to leave, I assure you. Plus, you ended up on the best team in the camp, that alone is a high honor!”

Jack playfully punches Jared’s shoulder as he laughs, they reach Jared’s cabin and he thanks Jack for walking down there with him.

“No problem J.T., as I said, it’s halfway to my own. I advise you to get a good night’s sleep because tomorrow will be a busy day. I hope you keep helping us to win the activities! Good night dude!”

Jack walks away and Jared can’t help but keep looking at him until the boy disappears from view. His heart is beating a mile a minute because the Blue-Haired Boy - Jack - talked to him, better yet, walked him to his cabin, and he knows his name now and he will see him again tomorrow. He just can’t wait.

Jared walks inside and Chad wants to know who he was talking to. Jared just tells him a guy from his team wanted a word with him, he’s not feeling like sharing much. All the boys are talking excitedly about the first activity and some want Jared to tell them how his team found the indians and the shaman and managed to win the game. Jared briefly tells them while he changes into his pajamas and brushes his teeth. Everyone slowly settles down for the night, and Jared climbs onto his bunk but is feeling too restless to sleep just yet. So he grabs his notebook, flashlight and hides under the covers.

June 30th, 1994

We had our first night activity today and it was so cool. I ended up at the same team as the boy with blue hair (The Milkshake Demons - I think it’s an awesome name!), and I helped them win the game. He talked to me afterwards, and his name is Jack. He is nice and he has some cool piercings. I can’t wait for tomorrow to come, and hopefully we’ll have more things to do with our team.

Even though he’s tired, Jared stays awake for a long time.

Chapter 2