HOUSE OF SIN - The Diary of Uke Yutaka : CHAPTER 6 PART 1

[luna_no_koibito]

Title: HOUSE OF SIN - The Diary of Uke Yutaka
Chapters: 6.1/??
Author: luna_no_koibito
Genre: Human drama, romance, war, angst.
Warnings:  men/men relationship, cursing, sex, violence, incest.
Rating: from PG -15 to NC-17 (Depending on chapter)
Pairing: Revealing this might spoil the story just yet ... suggest looking at the character list (^_^)!
Bands: the GazettE, Dir En Grey, X-Japan, Nightmare, An Cafe', Alice Nine, Kra, SuG.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and don't wish I did because I'd be sorry for what could befall them （・＿・；）！
Summary:
  MAIN

CHAPTER 5 PART 3


In his eyes, the same unnecessarily bright orange ball was finally rising, behind the same uselessly wide window, in front of his same absent gaze. He was silently and thoughtfully lying on his bed, with one hand holding an open notebook on his chest, and holding a quill with the other, whose arm was resting on the pillow over his head, as he quietly sighed and thought how to continue his next verse.

Would you love me still, if you knew,

If you knew that other side of me,

That other side of me that is so sickening,

So sickening that I wonder,

Wonder if you would love me still.

Writing on a desk had never been his style, none of the conventional ways had ever been, and in his singular opinion, writing lying down on his side was the most comfortable way, or rather, for one particular reason, it was the best way to foster his imagination. Next to him, directly on the mattress was his little jog of ink, which so often, forgetting he was actually on a non-solid surface, he would distractedly induce it into producing a black sea on his rigorously yellow bed-sheet, which color reminded him of his favorite place to be when he wouldn't, or rather couldn't, be with him; be with Kazamasa.

Even though he knew that the young blonde painter had irregular sleeping patterns, which would have him up and wake hours before the awakening of the sun, the writer had to be aware of the inhabitants of the house and their habits of partaking in stealthy activities during unusual hours of the day, thus, in order to avoid being seen by anybody else, he had deemed the period during the rising of the sun, the safest time to go and spend his most precious time alone with the younger, who he knew would have been waiting for him.

That was the only reason why he would find himself awake at such early hours, he wasn't interested in observing sunrises, he despised them, just as he despised mornings, or any other thing that had to do with that orange round thing. He just couldn't stand the sun, he hated the way it would always make its ascent with an air of self-importance, just because it knew that everyone loved it, that everyone longed for it, that everyone needed it. The moon instead, wasn't able to make anything grow, nor it was a reliable source of illumination, basically it was pretty useless; just as himself. Nevertheless, it had its charm, and some other hidden qualities, which people would not be able to see, because always on the other face of it, but he gladly discovered that there where a few, who could see those hidden qualities and consequentially learned to appreciate it; just like Kazamasa, who saw the other side of him and learned to love him.

Paying attention to the jog of black ink, he slowly got off his bed, and holding his notebook, he exited his room. He descended the ramp of stairs that led to the second floor, and double checking his surroundings he quickly directed himself to the painter's room. Once in front of the room, he sneaked himself in, gently closed the door, and leaned on it, facing Kazamasa's sitting up figure, on his baldachine bed, who was now absently looking towards him.

For a while, they stayed silent and unmoving staring at each other, both their expressions seemingly distant, until the sitting blonde's lips slowly shaped into a smile, which the other replied with a little laughter. The blonde wasn't laughing, but the other didn't mind, for he knew that making him smile each and every-time they met, was already a great achievement.

-Good morning Shou- kindly greeted the writer walking towards the young painter.

-Good morning … Ruka - replied the younger in his habitual faint tone, slowly turning his head to face the painting in front of him, as Takahiro climbed, and sat on the bed right next to his younger brother, as well turning to face the same object; the completed painting of the two naked blonde men in a starry night sky.

-… it's wonderful Shou - commented the elder glancing at the younger - … sure it does look like me and you ... though there are no faces on it - he jokingly commented, observing the reddened face on the younger, who averted his gaze from his painting

-I'm just teasing you Shou, don't mind my restlessly perverted mind! - he then concluded gently circling the younger blonde's waist from behind, and placing his chin on the painter's shoulder.

-I did promise we were going to wait until you are ready for it right? … - he then whispered to the younger, who had turned even redder, if possible -... no matter how long, even if you decided you don't want to, it doesn't matter to me, alright?- he concluded, as the younger slowly nodded his head once in agreement.

Takahiro nodded as well in a gesture of reassurance, as he hesitantly moved his cheek closer to the one of the younger, slowly and cautiously, until finally closing any distant between them. The younger startled a little in the contact, but didn't push him away, nor hyperventilated, or anything else, leaving the elder wondering whether the younger had any idea of how he was able to make him feel every time they were together. He himself couldn't describe those feelings he had, every time he thought through the fact that he was the only one, who could get this close to the younger, the only one, who was allowed to love him the way he did, the only one, whose touch didn't stir up hell in the younger.

He had tried many a time, with no avail, to express those overwhelming feelings in his poems, which nobody in the house knew about but Shou, just as their relationship, which he had, and was still working really hard to keep secret, not wanting to be seen as the one that Yasuno and Takeru had, which everyone was silently aware of. Their relationship was something purer, they truly loved each other, beyond any lustful desire for their bodies.

Shou picked up the notebook that the elder had brought with himself, and slowly ran through it, apparently looking for a page in particular.

- ... I haven't finished that yet - explained the elder looking over the younger's shoulder, at the single stanza he had wrote earlier - but there is one that I had completed, after Starry night - added Takahiro, swiftly glancing at the painting in front of him, which was in fact a representation of that poem, for that was what they would spend their time together doing, Shou would choose a poem and represent it through his painting, the way he perceived it, and the elder would lay sideways on the younger's bed, which was the most comfortable way, he could face the younger in action, the sight of whom, was the only thing that would always foster his imagination.

The poem after Starry Night, was named Contact, and after the younger had finished reading it, he merely kept staring at the stanzas; his face newly reddened.

-As I said, do not feel pressured by any of the things I am writing lately … I am just … I don't know … - I'm kind of horny he wanted to say, knowing how sexually frustrated he was becoming with the passing of each day he was around the younger, but he had no intention of forcing the younger, and as he mentally reminded himself to keep his composure, a diverted smile crept on his lips, as the memory of some months ago, about the first time they had approached the topic of sex, suddenly surfaced.

-Shou … - he had hesitantly called, sitting up straight on the painter's bed, who was intently painting , and slowly turned towards him -I … don't know what they teach you here at home - observed the elder, referring to the fact that he, and Kazuhiro were home-schooled -… but … I was wondering … whether … - he then stopped, thinking of the best way to usher the following question - whether you knew anything about … sexual intercourse … - he concluded in a whisper, observing the rapid blush that was covering the younger's expression, who quickly nodded in agreement, averting his eyes from the elder.

-I see … - murmured the elder

-Why? ...- hesitantly inquired the younger blonde, not once attempting to even glimpse at the elder, as his face kept basking in his sea of red.

-I would like us to … - tried to explain the elder, his voice almost failing to cover up his nervousness, as it turned into a whisper

-You … want to do that … with me? - once more hesitantly inquired the younger

-Yes - confidently answered the elder - … if you want that is - he then swiftly added, not wanting it to sound as a demand, at which the younger slowly nodded.

- … well … - resumed the elder, with a tone of satisfaction, given the silent admission - I suppose ... they never talked about … sexual intercourse between two men … right? - he inquired looking at the still averting gaze of the younger, who once again nodded in agreement.

-Of course … - whispered the elder, who nodded as well, folding his arms on his chest -well I am not good in explaining anything … so I don't think I'd do it justice … but I have an idea - he declared looking at the puzzled face of the painter, which was now looking at him.

-Later tonight I'll come pick you up - instructed the elder with a reassuring smile, as they both returned to their works.

That night, as promised he did collect the younger, and hand in hand they went in front of a particular room he had spotted some minutes ago, following the present residents.

-So … - he whispered, not wanting the people inside the room to hear him - … we are going to take a pick, for a quick practical lesson - explained the elder, gently moving the younger in front of him, and reaching past his waist, he gently held down the handle. To his light surprise, the door was unlocked, then again, what else did he expect from two constantly horny dogs ... and he wasn't referring to Tora and Saga. Thus, he cautiously opened the door just enough for one of their eyes to be able to see, and granted he had chosen Yasuno and Takeru for his improvised lesson, as soon as he saw what was going on in the room, he realized how bad an example he had chosen.

Both naked, Yasuno was sitting on an armchair, while Takeru was sitting on him in an almost upside-down position, his legs were open with his knees on both sides of the eldest's torso, while is upper-body was leaning backwards, his head almost touching the floor, which he used to support himself with both his hands. The youngest was frantically moving up and down into the elder, at an insane speed, in the mist of obscene moans and and profanities, which Takahiro wasn't even aware of.

The exact moment the two lovers were about to reach their climax, Kazamasa swiftly grabbed the door, closed it, and turned facing his own lover frantically shaking his head in denial.

Fearing that the couple might have actually heard the door closing, the elder grabbed the younger by the hand, and made a run back to the painter's room, quickly locking the door behind them.

When he turned around, he found Kazamasa crouched on his bed, tightly embracing his legs with his arms, and his head hanging low. Sighing, the elder cautiously approached the younger on the bed, and gently disentangled his crouched form, embracing him.

-That is not how normal people usually do it … that was a very bad example - he tried to reassure the younger, who still remained silent in his embrace.

-Normal people … - resumed the elder - aren't as creative - remarked the elder softly stroking the painters blonde locks - in fact, they are rather boring … can I show you? - he then hesitantly asked - ...how it is supposed to be. We are not going to do it, I promise - he reassured embracing the younger tighter - … just want to show you that there's nothing to be afraid of - he concluded softly pulling the younger of his chest, holding him by his arms, and receiving a single consenting nod from the younger.

-Ok so … first thing, you lay on the bed - he softly explained guiding the younger's head into the pillow, and kindly stretching his legs out - and look, you are done already … see? Simple … - informed the elder, kindly stroking Kazamasa's fringe, as he stretched right next to him placing himself on his side.

-Then it's my turn … - he continued - and I'll … be over you … like this - whispered the elder, slowly and carefully placing himself over the flushed and gaze averting younger.

-Then … I might start kissing you all over, because you are just so cute ... - continued the elder in a diverted whisper, performing the stated action in random spots of the younger's face as they both chuckled - following we will remove our clothes, and then … then the magic will happen - he concluded softly kissing the younger.

-See? Now it is not that scary, is it? … - he asked with a sincere smile, looking at the younger, who nodded with a wide smile, his face still lightly reddened, feeling a little embarrassed from the actual position - Good … so whenever you feel ready … just tell me, and we will make it happen- had concluded Takahiro, placing a peck on his lover's forehead.

Even though that night, he had been serious about giving the younger all the time he needed to make his decision, he was seriously going to accuse Takeru and Yasuno, in the eventuality that their absurd position should have scared the younger for life.

If that were to be the case he could always rely on his poetry to release some of his sexual tension, or he could go about less conventional or acceptable ways, such as what he did, and was almost regretting doing with their apprentice the night before, which was what had made him write the unfinished poem earlier this morning.

For a while now, he had began to loath his cruel and unforgiving side, which was still a very present part of him that had developed before the birth of his lover, when they were still four siblings.

For the delicate personality he had at the time, the fact that he had a brother, who was forced to act like a girl was distressful enough, however, having to accept the fact that his twin brother could excel in anything better than anyone else, making Takahiro the subject to constant comparison, gave birth to an unhealthy form of envy, which rapidly progressed into a disturbing jealousy, and ended in hatred and heedlessness, because in Takahiro's eyes, he was never enough, whatever he did, no matter how much he tried, would never be good enough. Moreover, given Akira's sharp discerning abilities, he had quickly become Yasuno's favorite twin, which added pain to the injury, given his admiration for the elder.

He slowly began to distance himself from Akira, whom he knew didn't do any of the things he did on purpose, and on whom he didn't want to end up reversing all his hatred, for he was his twin brother anyway, and still couldn't find the power to openly hate him. Thus, he began writing, in the private confines of his garden of yellow roses, under his gazebo at night, when he was sure Akira won't come looking for him, being the ever caring and worrying being that he was. However, at the same time, him and the Ishihara twins, Takamasa and Takami, with whom along with Akira, used to be an inseparable quartet, began to partake in unlawful activities, which also helped in the release of his hatred, and which the yet to become Lawyer of Justice, would of course not participate in, as he decided to pursue a career in law.

By the age of twenty, Takahiro had long before dropped out of school, and continuously got himself into trouble with the Ishihara twins, but nothing their wealthy families couldn't take care of, with conspicuous bribes here and there, whereas Akira had successfully achieved his degree in Law.

For the celebration of such event, under the graduate's request, they had no public ball, just a private gathering with family members and few friends.

The day of the gathering, Kazamasa, Takanori and Takeru had of course, to be hidden in their chapel for a while, just the time to get their mother to participate in the venue long enough before being sent to sleep, and for the the few guests not to get suspicious of the sudden disappearance of the three children.

When it was time for the three unwanted to make their appearance, Kazamasa seemed to have spotted a figure lying in the garden of yellow roses, and abandoning the other two, he directed himself to said person. Noticing the presence of somebody in front of him, Takahiro looked up from his lying position, and stared at the unmoving absently gazing figure of Kazamasa.

-Can I help you Shou?- indifferently asked the elder, returning his attention to the poem he was writing, when he suddenly found a piece of candy being placed on the pages of his notebook.

Confusedly, the elder observed the younger stooping down, and intently reading his work. Given the rather intimate subject of his poetry, he never would have allowed anyone read his work, not that he thought anybody would have even cared or noticed, but for some reason he didn't seem to be bothered by the younger reading it. Perhaps, because he knew he wouldn't have been able to report whatever he discovered, or because deep down inside, he wanted someone to know, to know how distressed he felt.

That night he wrote about the time him and Akira used to sneak out into the woods behind the chapel in their estate as children, and happily play war among its trees, next to their lake. He missed those days, and he did miss how they used to be. A few days later, as he was walking through the second floor, he noticed Yasuno, Akira and Kazuhiro interestedly discussing something, in Kazamasa's room, and caught by a tiny bit of curiosity, he silently leaned on the opened entrance, and found himself staring in stupor at the new painting the younger had just completed; two blonde children, apparently playing in the woods, by a lake.

After that happening, it naturally turned into a silent agreement for the two, to meet in the yellow roses garden, as the younger kept on showing up by the side of a lying and writing Takahiro, almost everyday. Kazamasa would spend a few minutes reading whatever the elder had wrote, and then leave towards his room, in an attempt to save the elder's emotions in his drawings. Not being used to so much attention, Takahiro began to slowly appreciate the company, and became rather possessive of their quick encounters, and wanting to keep their meeting as secret as he could, he decided to move their encounter to the yougner's bedroom.

Takahiro had never been a talkative person, but during the times they were together, he would found himself wanting to say an infinite amount of things to the younger, who gladly listened, and occasionally replied. Those mornings rapidly became his most treasured possession, for the time spent with Kazamasa brought out of him, a humanity he though he had lost long time ago, and with the passage of time he got more and more emotionally attached to the younger, in a way he wasn't too sure anymore to be entirely fraternal, which dilemma received an unmistakable answer, the first time they kissed.

Approximately a year ago, during the now habitual encounters in the younger's room, Takahiro found himself for the umpteenth time, being lost in thought while gazing up at the figure of the younger, from his lying posture on the carpeted floor. As usual, wondering how it would have felt to maybe hold his bare hands, delicately caress his cheek, or kiss those deliciously looking lips. When he realized what he had once again abandoned himself into thinking, he swiftly tried to push his thoughts and stare away from his younger brother, and trying to find a new, less distracting position, he harshly hit his knee on one of the legs of the stool in front of him, causing him to yelp in pain. The abrupt impact had startled Kazamasa, who was sitting on top of said stool, and dropped his brush in shock, looking down to face the suffering expression displayed on his brother's face, as he rapidly stood up from his stool.

Noticing the scared expression on his younger brother, Takahiro swiftly released the grip around his knee, and nervously smiled at the observing blonde.

-I am alright … nothing serious - laughed out the elder, as he quickly raised up from the floor, at which sudden action, Kazamasa unknowingly took a step backwards, and slid on the brush he had previously dropped and would have certainly fallen, if Takahiro hadn't been fast enough to catch him by his wrist, and because of the force of the pull, they suddenly found both their faces just inches away from each other.

They stayed unmoving, staring at each other, when Takahiro suddenly realized in utmost disbelief, that he was actually holding the younger by his unclothed wrists, and that the younger hadn't reacted in any abrasive way to the contact.

-Shou … I ... I … I'm touching you - stuttered the elder in a soft incredulous tone, maintaining their vicinity, as the younger glanced at his still tightly held wrist, and swiftly stared back at the elder, with a slight questioning expression.

Once more, they remained silent, still gazing at each other, as if they had just met for the first time, Takahiro enjoying the feeling of Kazamasa's skin, on his palm, as he loosened the grip just a little, and allowed himself to slowly travel down his forearm, while Kazamasa lightly flinched at the contact, but yet didn't seek to want any freedom, as he curiously observed the elder's descending arms.

Takahiro couldn't vouch for the younger, but his heart felt like it was going to explode at any moment. The so longed sensation, the breathtaking closeness, and the whole essence of Kazamasa, was just too overwhelming, and before he could even acknowledge it, his eyes were close and his lips on the ones of the younger. As expected, the contact had been too much for his frenzied heart, which he thought had stopped the exact instant their lips had touched, and though he would have wanted to deepen their kiss, his heart was now urging him to profess those three words, he had subconsciously for so long, been dying to say.

-I love you … - he breathed out on the younger's lips - I love you Kazamasa - he then reconfirmed this time opening his eyes, gazing at the utterly dazed expression on his face. Takahiro, who would have wanted the younger to give him some sort of reply, but wasn't expecting anything else to happen, quickly smiled at the younger, and in order to savor the moment for a little longer, he allowed himself to caress one of the younger's cheek with the back of his hand, as he slowly released the grip around his wrists. Then bringing himself back to their reality, he decided it wiser to just set the already sweet memory aside, and move on, when the totally unforeseen happened.

Just as he was about to bend to pick up the fallen brush, Kazamasa's swiftly embraced him, placing his head on his chest, holding him so tightly, as if scared the elder might suddenly disappear, and seconds later, he had once again blessed the elder's ears with the sound of the unexpected, as he whispered

-I … love you too ... Takahiro -

The memory was still so vivid, and of course, he had a wonderful abstract painting of Kazamasa to go with it, which as all of the younger blonde's art, some were destined to the family's art gallery, and some were going to be sold, under the expert eye of Yasuno, who not wanting his younger's brother talent to go to waste, had an agreement with the painter in which, they were going to keep, all those drawings that represented family moments, and sell the rest, in order for the younger to have his own kind of income, given that he couldn't work outside because of his condition.

He would usually consult Kazamasa before selling any of the paintings, but the one that represented their first kiss was so abstract, that he thought it had been created exclusively for selling purposes, so he went ahead and sold it. Of course, when the involuntary harm had been discovered, the painter ended up having one of his horrifying fits, and Takahiro had to use all the self-control he could muster to hide his own personal rage. The painting had too much of a personal value for both of them, and even though it wasn't a valid excuse, he ended up stealing from those who had bought, but never told his lover, who he knew wouldn't have approved, just as he stole those bandages from Dr. Niikura, in order to heal Kazamasa's hand.

-I think it's time to remove those … - stated the elder, moving in front of the younger, and grabbing his hand - you really didn't need them in the first place … but just for the sake of it - laughed the elder, as the younger smiled. Once removed, he placed a peck on the healed hand, and was about to lean to kiss the younger's lips as well, when a familiar insanely loud tone of a female voice, grabbed both their attention.

-Taka~hiro~! Ready or not here we co~me! - yelled the voice, which he had no problem in recognizing it as pertaining to Takami Ishihara. He grumbled in displeasure and irritation, then looking at the questioning expression on his lover's face, he reluctantly spoke -I have to go now Shou … there are some things … I have to take care of- he smiled and leaned forward, this time successfully sharing a brief tender kiss with the younger

-sorry we couldn't do anything today, but I'll be back tomorrow morning, alright? - he reassured the younger, who displayed a faint smile and nodded -I am really sorry … - repeated the elder observing the saddened features of his lover, and leaning over for another quick kiss

-love you always - he then concluded in a whisper.

-… love you - replied the younger in his usual faint tone, after which the elder swiftly got off the bed, and excited the room, walking upstairs to his own, finding the Ishihara twins embraced in each other, waiting in front of it.

-Where were you ho~ney? - chanted Takami, as Takahiro's figure came into sight

-Taking a walk … - nonchalantly replied the blonde, not wanting Kazamasa and the twins to have absolutely anything to do with each other, for he dreaded his despicable and disgusting dark side, to somehow stain the perfectly immaculate one of his lover.

-Now … didn't we do a good job last night? - swiftly asked Takamasa, glancing at the blonde -Granted that Takami's scream it's her area of expertise … I believe I wasn't any bad either -

-It would have been better if you would have had the decency to at least wear some sort of disguise, like she did … you idiot of an actor - drily spat the blonde, sighing and leaning on the wall facing his room, next to a window.

-Don't get mad at me honey … - replied Takamasa with a feign saddened expression, as he kept playing with his sister's black locks - … we had a bet as well ...- he concluded giggling with Takami

-... Who won … - breathed out the elder, trying to keep his irritated tone in check, as a reaction to what he had just discovered

-Well me of course … -cheerfully replied Takami - … so~ ... when do we get our share of the prize? whe~n? - she then swiftly inquired in a pretense childish tone.

-As soon as Takanori get's up … - informed the elder, sighing as he looked out the widow.

He was personally getting really fed up with all of it. His wrongdoings, his laziness, and the involuntary way he caused harm to his lover, by making him keep the secrecy of their relationship, as if they were doing something so bad. He had been seriously considering for a while, giving it all up, taking Kazamasa with him and elope somewhere, faraway, where nobody knew them. Where they could peacefully enjoy each other's company as they painted and wrote under the protection of that moon they both so much loved.

There was after all an end for everything, nothing could last forever, and maybe, just maybe, the same applied to them, maybe, just maybe, it was really time to turn the infamous rumors of the house of sin, into a real myth, maybe, just maybe it was time to end it all; for good.

CHAPTER 6 PART 2

A/N: Another long chapter, ne~? I just can't seem to stop can I (LOL!) Poor Takahiro, I feel sorry for him, it still doesn't justify any of the things his done, but it must have been hard somehow, and don't worry Shou is in good hands with him, I can assure (^_^!!) ..next part yey! [I will say it at the end of the other part too, but I have updated the character list if you guys want to check out the Ishihara twins, and Yuu!]