WHOLE LOTTA LOVE - CHAPTER 10 PART 1 ( KAI/RUKA, HYDE/TESTU one sided )
Title: Whole Lotta Love
Chapters: 10.1 /??
Author: luna_no_koibito
Genre: Romance, Life
Warnings: men/men relationship, cursing, sex, violence.
FOR THIS STORY the band NIGHTMARE will be a PS Company band
Rating: from PG -15 to PG -17 (Depending on chapter)
Pairing: Shou,Gackt (main) Ruki/Hyde, Kai/Ruka, Hiroto/Reita, Miyavi/Hizaki
(more pairs will appear as the story proceeds)
Bands: Gazette, Alice Nince, Nightmare, Versailles, Kra (for now ...)
Summary:
Year: 2004
Scene: ( Read more... )
Extra: ( FIRST FIC. ENGLISH not the BEST but ... )
Comment: Sorry I am only posting the first part, couldn't finish the second on time, getting late, and I am sleepy, but I thought I'd post the first part at least!
MAIN
Chapter 9 part 2
Why? … Why was this happening? All he wanted was for the both of them to be happy, and they were, just a few hours ago it felt like the world could come to an end and they wouldn't care. So why, why was this happening? That was all that Kai could think of, as Ruka roughly threw him inside their car, after he had dragged him out of the club they had previously agreed to go to, where, once the brunette had spotted their band's vocalist, something seemed to have snapped into the elder drummer, to whom Ruki's presence always seemed to upset him beyond believe, for reasons the brunette was completely unaware of.
As they commenced their drive, Kai hesitantly turned to his right and glanced at his lover. Ruka's eyes where firm on the street ahead of them, his lips tightly sealed in an extremely thin line, and then, silence, such a painful and thick silence that was threatening to slowly suffocate the ever bewildered and distressed brunette, whom, if he had known what was to come, would have rather allowed it to be so. They were driving at an insanely high speed, and Kai couldn't help biting his lower lip, suppressing sudden yelps, at every sharp bend, while he tightly held himself to his seat.
-Baby … slow- kindly attempted to utter the younger brunette, but quickly held himself from concluding the sentence, noticing how those mere words had swiftly spurred the elder into increasing the speed.
-Ruka? … - Kai whispered, sorrily observing his lover - I … don't understand ... have I done something wrong? I thought … - he tried inquiring in the softest tone he could muster, but the elder didn't even make sign of acknowledging his presence, as he kept his gaze in front of him, one hand on the wheel, the other resting on the door. Kai bit his lower lip once more, and abandoning the sight of the other, he fixed his stare on the street ahead of them, his mind blank, only hoping they would make it home in one piece. He didn't know what to think, do or say. All he knew, or rather felt, was that what he had so long dread, might finally become a most unpleasant reality.
Once they reached their apartment complex, the elder swiftly rushed out of his car, and roughly slammed the door, startling the brunette, who was following him towards their entrance, keeping a certain distance. They lived on the third floor, which wasn't too far a floor to walk, but they usually always used the elevator. This time however, Ruka proceeded towards the stairs, the whole time never once even glancing at the worried expression on the young brunette, who kept sheepishly following him, still maintaining his distance.
The elder slowly brought out his pair of keys, opened the door, and stood outside of it unmoving, his head lowered, blankly staring at his feet, leaving a sufficient amount of space between him and the entrance, waiting for the younger to go through first, who quickly walked by him, into their apartment. Once inside, Kai heard the sound of the keys locking the door behind them, and then a few steps coming towards him, at which he slowly turned around to face the slowly approaching drummer.
-Ruka I- tried to utter the brunette, but his words where suddenly and sharply silenced by what the younger had hoped would never happen, but inwardly had feared for so long time. Ruka had just slapped him, in such a hard and unexpected way, that it plunged the younger to the floor. Kai was now looking up at the elder, nothing but fear in his eyes, as he touched his recently bruised cheek, and allowed tears to stream on the other.
-So that's what you planned to do all along uh? … - firmly whispered the elder, his maddened gaze fixed on the receding crouched figure in front of him - I am not enough for you? … - he then hissed slowly walking towards the utterly scared brunette, who was frantically shaking his head in negation.
-Uh!? - he then yelled, harshly kicking the still crouched figure, who was shielding himself at his feet.
-No … I don't … I …Ruka ... - tried to utter the trembling brunette, his arms around his head, fearing another hit, as his tears kept flowing unrestrained.
-Then why was he there? - furiously hissed the elder, swiftly bending in front of the brunette, grabbing both his arms, rapidly pulling him up to his feet, and slamming him to the nearest wall -Why was Ruki there?! - he shouted into the brunette's averting gaze.
Kai didn't know how to reply without making the drummer even angrier. Obviously, the elder thought that there was something going on between the drummer and the vocalist, and even thought he wanted to deny everything, the brunette was just too panicked to even look at the abusing man in front of him, not to think of uttering a single word. However, just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, just when he thought he could get away with not looking at the elder, he found himself having to do just that, horridly gazing into the elder's raging orbs, his own eyes widened, gasping for air, as he placed his hands on Ruka's, which were now tightly griping his neck
-B-bab-by... yo-yo ..i-it..sto- tried to utter the brunette, fighting to free himself from the hands around his neck, still staring into the elder's eyes, which were fixed on him, but felt as if they weren't really looking at him; this monster wasn't his Ruka, where are you Ruka?
-R-ru ..k-ka... p-ple..ase - attempted once more the brunette, grabbing the elder's wrists, and managed another unsuccessful pull, until all of a sudden, the grip loosen around his neck.
Kai roughly began to cough, and collect as much air as he could, still gasping, keeping himself up by holding the wall he had just been slammed into, as he looked at the panicked face of the other drummer, who was still standing in front of him. Ruka slowly shook his head in denial, and maintaining his stare on the younger in front of him, he slowly began to step backwards, until he reached their entrance, and swiftly disappeared behind it.
-R-ruka … - was all that Kai could whisper, as he tried to reach the fugitive drummer, before he could disappear, but finding himself facing their closed entrance. While massaging his neck, and ignoring the pain coming from his right tight, which was previously kicked, he quickly opened the door and tried as fast as he could, to chase the drummer. Unfortunately, by the time he had reached outside, the elder had already hopped into their car, and drove off.
Kai rushed back to their apartment, he was hurt, scared, and confused, but most of all, he was worried to death, worried about Ruka; but why? Why even take the time to think about someone, who just tried to kill him? Why did he feel like he could die, at the mere thought that something bad could happen to elder? He simply couldn't explain it, he just didn't know, all he knew at the moment, was that he had to find him, before anything bad could actually happen.
Please please please don't … was all he could think, as he quickly brought out his cellphone and began scrolling through his contacts' list looking for a particular number, which he swiftly called once found. The phone rang twice, before the jolly voice of a young man answered.
-Moshi moshi, Kai-kun? - said the voice
-H-hai Yomi-kun? - hesitantly replied the drummer, trying to assume a relaxed tone of voice.
-Yeah long time no see or speak, how are you?- swiftly inquired the vocalist, clearly sounding happy to hear from the drummer.
-I am okay … listen … I was wondering whether Ruka was there with you? - lied the drummer, knowing that there was now way in earth the drummer could have already reached any destination.
-No, why? - confusedly asked the vocalist
-Well he hasn't come back home yet … so I was wondering -
-No haven't seen him, since after practice, I thought you guys always went home together? -
-Yes, we do - quickly replied the drummer, still trying to keep his tone as normal as possible -just he ... said he was going to go out for a second, and he hasn't come back … and he is not answering his phone … - continued the brunette, hoping the vocalist would just take it as that.
-Well … I haven't seen him, but in case he shows up I'll let you know ...-
-Please … - rapidly stated the younger - … do so- he then whispered
-... Are you sure everything is okay? Did something happen? … - hesitantly asked the vocalist
-Yes, everything is perfect, not to worry- quickly lied the brunette - well then talk to you later okay?- swiftly added the brunette.
-O-okay … - bemusedly replied the vocalist, as the brunette hanged up the phone.
Immediately after their connection was severed, Kai called the other Nightmare members, asking them the same question, and requesting to be called back.
He almost died. Today was the day he almost died by the hands of the person he loved the most, and even though he had felt it would happen, even though it hurt as hell, physically and emotionally, he also knew, he couldn't help not being angry, he couldn't help still loving him, he couldn't help wanting him home, next him, as tears kept rolling down his more than distressed features.
-Please be save … - he whispered to himself, tightly clutching his cell phone in his shaky hands, as his body slid down the wall next to their entrance - … please be safe-
888 --- *** --- 888
Love is blind so they said, and Tetsu completely agreed, in fact, in his eyes, it was so blind that it kept on missing him all the time. Every time it seemed he had some kind of chance with that one person that had been the everlasting owner of his heart, it just dissolved in thin air, and the more he thought about it, the more he convinced himself that said chances had only been a mere mirage, playing with the eyes of his heart, continuously toying with him, as the blind deity of heartbeats, kept skipping him in its journey.
What were the chances, out of all the clubs in Tokyo, that Ruki would just show up, out of nowhere. He couldn't fathom it, it just seemed so unreal, just like the reaction the young vocalist and their one had spotting each other, it felt like they had just left each other the day before. Two years had passed, two years and nothing had changed, absolutely nothing. Then again, there were those so could soul-mates, matches made in heaven, and looking back at it, Ruki and their vocalist, seemed to pertain to such species.
Testsu smirked, stopping from his walk, momentarily looking up at the pitch black sky. The whole point of him walking out of that club, after his affront with Ruki, was to calm himself down, to decided his next move, but he was faraway from calm, so far away. He really hadn't accounted for Ruki's appearance, and now the chances of him getting their vocalist to accept his feelings were slimmer than ever, just as usual. However, this time, he really didn't feel like giving up, this time that his odds were as low as they have ever been, he felt like giving up wasn't an option. How hopelessly stupid he thought, as he proceeded his walk to his apartment, wondering what Hyde was doing at the moment.
He was most likely crying, yes, that came very natural to their princess. Wishing he could be hugged by somebody, comforted, he loved that, and that was usually the bassist job, but he wasn't by his side now, so he wondered, wondered what other remedy the vocalist might have found. However, he didn't have to wonder for too long, when reaching his apartment complex, and climbing all the way to the fourth floor, there was Hyde, leaning on the wall next to his apartment door, silently gazing upwards, as a flow of tears painted his rosy cheeks.
-Where have you been? ... - accused the singer, turning his head towards the bassist approaching figure -... how there you make your princess wait - he then whispered, landing his face on the bassist chest.
-Hyde … - lowly sighed Tetsu, as the younger's sobs rapidly turned louder.
-How long have you been standing here? … - asked the bassist, but the vocalist didn't reply, simply shook his head into the taller man's chest, who was patting the him on his back, as he attempted to open the door with his free hand.
The bassist sighed, as he dragged both of them into his apartment, mentally preparing himself to do what he always did, such as telling him that everything was going to be alright, or telling him that they would have found a solution somehow, like he always ... always did.
-Water? … - calmly asked the bassist as he directed himself to the kitchen but stopping on his tracks when hearing the vocalist negative response. Thus, he stood there, in the middle of his living room, looking at the distressed brunette, waiting for the younger to open up to him, and begin their usual healing session.
-I still love him … - stated the vocalist, like it was the most natural thing to say, as he dropped in the furthest corner of the bassist couch, pulling his legs to his chest, as he kept on crying - … so much … -
he kept rambling, as the bassist merely stood in the middle of his living-room, absently gazing at nothing - … but … I am sure he hates me, and I can't stand-
-Don't! - suddenly exclaimed the bassist, abruptly interrupting the still sobbing vocalist, swiftly regretting having done so, in such a harsh way, as he wondered what was this sudden unsettling feeling that was slowly taking over him; a feeling very close to anger.
-don't … - he then whispered, tightly clenching his fist.
-Hm? … - confusedly hummed the vocalist, lifting his gaze at the rigidly standing figure in front of him
-Are you really that oblivious to me? ... - whispered the bassist, keeping his stance, as if talking to himself - … can you really not tell? - whispered once more the bassist, turning to fix his saddened gaze towards the extremely bewildered vocalist, who really had no clue in regard of whatever the bassist was talking about.
-In all this years, Hyde, all this years, you … - uttered the taller man, maintaining his gaze on the crouched figure on his couch - never … noticed? … - whispered the taller once more, this time looking as if he was once again talking to himself , and it could have in fact be so, given the indescribable looks the vocalist was sending him.
-... Why do you always come to me? What do you think every time you show up here … how do you think I feel every time you show up crying in front of me? - suddenly questioned the taller, looking at the vocalist, whose crying had now reduced to faint sobs, and was now looking at him, his mouth countless times falling open.
-You are my best friend … who else do you expect me to go to … - slowly replied the shorter, sounding slightly offended - … I come to you because you listen, because you care, because you always here for me, because you understand me, because you … - suddenly stopped the vocalist weirdly looking at the bassists, his eyes slowly widening as he carefully observed the suffering expression on his band mate -... because ... you … - he then whispered in a sorrowful tone, slowly lowering his head, as if he had suddenly realized something.
-Because I … - continued on the taller, staring at the younger man - say it … - he loudly whispered, but the vocalist slowly turned away, his expression displaying no intention of saying those two words the elder was awaiting to hear.
-Because I? - pressed on the taller, swiftly kneeling in front of the younger, holding him by his arms, trying to get his attention - … look at me Hyde … - he requested the bassist, but the vocalist, simply shook his head, tightly closing his eyes -please say it!- he then exclaimed, in a tone that almost sounded desperate, and maybe it was.
-No!- shouted the vocalist - I will not say it Tetsu! - shouted the vocalist once more, this time looking straight at the shocked bassist in front of him -You can't be! … not with me!- went on the vocalist, his voice trembling, as his eyes resumed the lucid coating they had lost some minutes ago -No, no, no ..- kept on professing the younger, shaking his head in accordance -Not you ...-
-Why not, why not me!- suddenly screamed the bassist, just to make sure the vocalist, who had placed his hands on top of his ears, could here him loud and clear - I lov-
-No! - suddenly yelled the brunette, removing his hands from his ears and covering the bassist mouth - No … - kindly stated the vocalist once more -why? ... Why me? … - whispered the younger brunette, his tears making their second appearance of the night - … you deserve so much better than me … - kept on the singer, looking at the absent gaze on the bassist, as he slowly took his hands away from the elder's mouth.
-Who decided that?- drily inquired the elder
-You know I only cause drama, you, out of everyone should know better, better than … - tried to explain the vocalist.
-So are punishing him, Ruki?- cynically smirked the elder, averting his gaze from the singer- are you saying he deserves less than better?-
-He … Ruki is … we … I can't explain it Tetsu … - hesitantly replied the vocalist, lowering his stare from the elder's.
-whatever … it's okay- suddenly stated the bassist, leaning his forehead on his on the crook between his index and thumb, ad he closed his eyes - forget about it -
-… I'm sorry - whispered the vocalist - … so sor-
-Save it - abruptly interrupted the bassist, getting up the floor - I don't want to hear it ... - harshly spat the bassist, not really wanting to sound as aggravated as he did, but that was the best he could manage, as he tried to balance his shattering world, and the still yet troubled figure in front of him.
-You can sleep in the bed … I'll just stay here- he then concluded in a whisper
-Tetsu … - called the vocalist, looking up at the standing man - I-
-Please … - whispered the taller man, biting his trembling lower lip - just for tonight ...I can't be by your side … forgive me- he concluded, laying down on his couch, as the vocalist got up.
-Tets-
-Just for tonight, please … tomorrow - lowly explained the bassist -... tomorrow you won't have to see this me again, not tomorrow, not ever again … I promise.
Hyde remind silent, and nodding, he slowly walked himself to the elder's room.
The bassist crouched himself deeper into his couch, lowly sobbing, as he allowed himself to die in his sorrow. When was the last time he had cried? he thought. He still felt broken inside, but it did also feel like each tear was carrying away a piece of his broken heart, maybe that was the reason way he felt a tiny bit better, lighter, as he mourned the death of a love that never could be, that was never given a chance, but then again, there had never been a chance from the beginning, and now he knew, and could only hope that the following morning, and all the next mornings in the rest of his life, could remind him of such fact, in such a way that he could finally aid that blind missing deity, and firmly push it away in the case it ever even got any closer to him, ever again.
Chapter 10 part 2