Detour - Chapter 5 / Prologue + 7 + Epilogue
Title: Detour
Chapters: 5 / 7 + Epilogue
Author: luna_no_koibito
Dedicated to: hyprakktiv
Genre: Romance, Angst, Human Drama
Warnings: sexual activity, cursing
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: ?? / Kai
Bands: the GazettE, Dir En Gray
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and don't wish I did because I'd be sorry for what could befall them （・＿・；）！
Summary: Love is to Life, what a detour is to a road. It comes unexpected, and if we choose to not turn back and take it, it will supposedly lead us to where we think it should. Yutaka is a 21-year old university student in the faculty of transportation engineering, and roads are no secrets to him. In fact, he sees life as a giant map, which he believes he has figured out. However, life is about to detour him into a road he though he had closed long time ago, when it decides to reunite him with his first love. Will he turn back, or follow the detour? And in the case he where to follow said detour … will it take where he thinks it should?
*-@ MAIN @-*
*-@ CHAPTER 4 @-*
In Front of a Dead End :
“Get Back and Find Another Way; Going Through The Same Road Again, Will Bring You Here Again”
One month before Valentine's day (… that night)
As wanted by what now Yutaka truly believed to be his “greatly nonsensical and masochistic” life, his path was detoured into the one of whom was certain to be the wrongest person at the wrongest time. However, obvious observation hadn't been processed through his mind at the time of the encounter, because all that he had eventually ended up reasoning, was that from said person, he could most definitely get what he wanted, what he thought he needed, which was an eternal distraction from what was sure to be his eternal pain, for he knew, there was no feasible way he could get over Akira; he just couldn't.
-In a hurry are we? … - spoke a calm tone, as Yutaka's face suddenly collided against someone's chest, whose hands had firmly and readily grabbed his upper-arms, and whose smooth voice, and extremely familiar cologne he never could mistake. Just the mere thought of having to raise his head and find himself face-to-face with whom he thought, quickly began to make his stomach churn in disgust, which made him rapidly try to free himself
-Let me go ...- pointedly hissed the brunette in a low angry tone, as he continued to forcefully attempt to free himself from the the person's grip, who didn't seem to want to do so in the least -... leave me the fuck alone Yuu, god … Leave. Me. Alone.- he angrily stressed out, quickly raising his distressed features, to glare at the taller brunette
-What happened? … - calmly stated the brunette staring down at Yutaka, with an expression that in the long one year they had been together, he had never seen the elder wear, thus was momentarily thrown off. It wasn't his usual smugness, but it didn't seem to even be any of the concerned looks that Akira would have certainly sported … Akira ... and leave it to him to think about the blond, just when he resolved that he needed not to, and that single thought started to frustrate him exceedingly, to the point that his anger to a hike, as he began to roughly pull, and contort himself, which however went all to no avail; and he was seriously considering biting the hell out of the elder
-... what part of “Leave me alone” don't you all understand! -he then yelled at the top of his lungs, spiteful tears beginning their flow down his ragingly red cheeks -... what do you all want from me?! ...- he angrily screamed out, as Yuu quickly glimpsed at his surrounding, must likely concerned of the attention they were starting to attracted.
-Oh I perfectly understand, I simply don't want to ...- coolly replied the elder maintaining his expressionless features fixed on Yutaka's distressed ones
-I'll shout for help if you don't quickly leave me ...- challengingly stated Yutaka, stopping his fight, and glaring up at the elder, who merely smirked
-None of the people here are going to come help you, not in our modern society, you know that very well, it's alla about self preservation, remember? It was one of my lectures … - Yuu explained with a amused smirk, as Yutaka quickly took a look around themselves, and sure enough other pedestrians were merely staring with their bemused and shocked expressions, as they hurried their walk away. If it were Akira, he would have definitely come in his aid, because he was the type that … and once again, Akira …
… Akira, Akira Akira, Akira, Akira, Akira, Akira …
This was never going to end, was it?
-well then ...- suddenly spoke Yutaka, considering his fight a lost case anyways, and concluding that he truly needed a distraction, he calculatedly got closer to the elder, and slowly raised his head to look up at him -... how about a little private review session? -
During his obsessive period, cutting himself had been enough a distraction, the pain felt almost sweet, it was such a freeing sensation, but still very quick, but it was okay, because he knew that Akira would have checked, and even though he would have got angry, he would ultimately pity him, and give him that bit more of attention that he craved for; and that was all he needed.
However this time he couldn't run back to him. He didn't need anybody else to feel sorry for himself, he didn't need lectures about how life was more than this, of how there were different types of love, and so on, because he already knew all of that, he wasn't retarded; he was simply in love, period.
Thus came that thought, that very simple mind process that always made sense in the head of the hopeless, which was taking the easy route; also known as death. And it would been so easy. He pondered on it and it seemed like the fairest way to stop this miserable life of his. When once he had tried to carry his beloved with himself, this time he'd go alone, to atone to his mistake; yes, it made perfect sense. However there was a little glitch, which consisted in the fact that he was hundred percent sure that ceasing his life, would have in a way or the other, ceased Akira's as well, outcome which he didn't want; and wasn't that just so endearingly funny?
Funny how currently every cell in his body wanted for Akira to live the rest of his life suffering the worst of pain, and yet … yet … his heart, that incredibly stupid and uselessly hopeless heart, still didn't want him to suffer, still felt his pain as his pain; still wanted his happiness as his happiness.
-Look, who I've brought Aoi …- nonchalantly proclaimed the professor talking to his metallic-black Lexus, making Yutaka lightly grin, having to admit that he had in fact missed the car a little -... I think she missed you ...- proclaimed the elder, making the car emit two quick and sharp sounds, as he pressed a button to open it
-Did she? ...- skeptically proclaimed Yutaka his features still expressionless, his tone absent. All he wanted was a distraction, and he was sure that small talk wasn't needed, but this was the “man of philosophy” he was dealing with, thus he knew that he had to get ready to have more than just his body to be screwed with
-... well, I keep bringing quite the number of “guests”, but I think she was particularly attached to you ...- explained the elder, turning on the ignition, as Yutaka's cell phone went off, playing the tune he had assigned for Akira -... not going to answer that? ...- nonchalantly inquired the brunette as they began the drive, but Yutaka merely turned his head to look outside the window, blatantly ignoring the recent question
Yet, beyond ephemeral pain, meaningless distractions, or death, there was an even easier solution, and he had known this for quite a while now; he simply had to let go. He needed to find the strength, the courage, to cut the invisible thread that was still connecting his heart to Akira's; that was his only real problem. Because he had never truly let go of him, even in those five years they stayed apart, he truly never had. He simply didn't want to; he didn't know how to.
… How did you stop loving someone?
-... You are not going to answer that? … - calmly inquired Yuu turning off the engine of his car, as Yutaka swiftly got out the car, slamming the door close, and directing himself towards a bar, which was underneath the elder's house -... might as well turn it off then, don't you think? … - observed the taller, at which words the younger reacted by randomly throwing the ringing device in the air, which Yuu readily caught -... always so drastic ...- chuckled the elder, quickly following the younger, who had disappeared inside the bar
-the strongest thing you have please… - absently blurted out Yutaka, before the bartender could even utter the question, nodding at his customer and getting to prepare the requested drink
-Mmmm … prince charming must have done something very bad uh? … - smugly spoke Yuu, sitting on the stool next to Yutaka, who merely didn't pay him any attention -... I am sure you don't need me to tell you that people tend to often do things they regret when shit-face drunk right? ...- he then quickly added with a provoking grin, as Yutaka received his drink, which he quickly downed
-... it is when sober that people often do things they tend to regret resulting in needing to get shit-face drunk ...- absently replied Yutaka, placing the cup on the counter - … another one please ...- he then requested, receiving a silent nod by the waiter
-Are you really sure about this? I know you … and you know yourself as well ...you are going to regret this … -seductively whispered the elder, raising his head to stare at the absent expression on Yutaka's face, whose eyes slowly moved to look at him -... not like I am complaining just- tried to continue the elder, but was abruptly interrupted by the younger, whom, rapidly closing his eyes, swiftly collided their lips together, wishing with all his might for Akira's smile to go away … go away …
Almost losing his balance, as the alcohol began to take its toll, he allowed the elder to eagerly guide him to the bedroom they both were very familiar with, their mouths still latched together … please go away ... making the elder swiftly take over the dynamics of the kiss.
Once the back of his knees hit the bed, Yutaka then swiftly began to unbutton the professor's black shirt, allowing Yuu to heedlessly devour him, needfully touch him; use him … or just tell me how to stop loving you ... and the elder didn't make any attempt to resist, now pulling away from his lips, and roughly grazing his own on the younger cheeks, and down to his neck, while pushing him down into the bed
… please …
-He~... is getting ... marrrried you … know? - slurred Yutaka, as he brought himself up the stairs of the brunette's apartment complex, who merely followed behind him, apparently very attentively listening, as Yutaka managed to drop himself on the door of Yuu's apartment, stupidly laughing to himself, and playing with the collar of the elder's shirt, who was silently standing in front of him, and being pulled down by the younger, who kept grazing his lips against the elder's -ne~ Shiroyama-Sen ...sei … teach me~how … to cheat ...- he amusingly requested, half laughing, half kissing the taller, as they leaned on the door
-Yes sir … - replied the elder, whispering on the younger's lips, inserting the keys into the door's hole, slowly opening the door, while being dragged in by the younger
Quickly getting rid of Yutaka's boxer's, Yuu didn't waste any time in getting in-between the younger legs, who readily spread them open, while the elder took a second to admire what he hadn't seen in a while -... don't stop ...- sternly ordered Yutaka, looking down at the elder through slightly half-lidded eyes, but all the other did was smirk, and sensually moved up his body, until they were face to face
-If we have to do this … how about having fun while at it- amusingly grinned the taller, as Yutaka merely stared back at him, and silently observed him newly connecting their lips, and tentatively grazing his tongue against his own lips, at which he didn't hesitate to open his mouth, and consent the elder to do as he pleased -... I'll need you to be a bit more responsive love ...- then whispered the taller, slowly studying, and passing his thumb across the younger lips
-This is all the response you'll get ...- apathetically replied the younger, moving his lips from the elder's touch, who newly shifted his gaze to fix it on Yutaka's absent one
-Come on ...- he then incited, languidly rolling his hips, over the younger's manhood, whom caught unawares, couldn't holding his groan as he had planned to, fixing his eyes on the elder's grin -... you can to better than this … and its not a secret to me, we both know this ...- stated the older, soothingly, passing his fingers through the younger's fringes, down the side of his face, neck, and ending on his chest -... just like in the old tim- tried to point out the elder, but was sharply interrupted by the younger
-Just hurry up and get inside me already ...- hissed Yutaka, spreading his legs even more … if he gets inside me, will you leave? ... -don't bother getting me ready ...- he then quickly added, as he observed the elder's arm reach for something inside a drwawer by the bed, and stopping for a second, he then merely brought out a condom
-Want me to hurt you as much as he hurt you? … - he then inquired, momentarily placing the condom on the bed, and placing his hand on the younger's chest, he arched his fingers, and lightly passed his nails down the younger's chest, while resuming his sucking, and biting of his neck
-… more ...- breathed out Yutaka -... hurt me more ...- he ordered in a loud whisper, receiving an understanding smirk form the elder -... make it go away … - he then almost pleaded - … make him go away ...- lowly whispered the younger, as Yuu rose away, and sat back on his heals, quickly pumping his manhood, while fixing his gaze on Yutaka, whose head was listlessly laying on the pillow, expressionlessly staring at the ceiling. After having wore the protection, the elder slowly pushed himself inside the younger, whose eyes quickly shut close form the incredibly pain. It must definitely hurt more than when Akira had during their first time, yet again, somehow it didn't
-... god … you're so tight ...- lowly whispered the elder, once completely sheathed inside the younger, whom slowly tried and open his eyes in-between tears of pain, and observed the elder holding himself up on his arms, which were on both sides of his body, and whom was now slowly leaning down to seemingly kiss his tears away, but Yutaka quickly turned his head to the side
-... M-move … - panted the younger, which command was immediately executed by the elder, who began a slow-paced but hard thrust, making the younger, whimper and lean his head backwards in the pillow in pain
-... Does … it hurt? ...- quickly asked the elder, as he began to increase the speed of his thrust, but receiving no reply form the younger, who just strongly bit on his lower lip -... more than the way he is hurting you right now? ...- he then added, as Yutaka tried his best to lift his head and stare his skeptical grin -... is that even possible Yutaka? ...- he then stated, lowering down into the younger ear and newly whispering -... can I really hurt you more than he is? … can anyone?- he concluded, making the younger's eyes widened in anger, and almost drove him to push him away, but was stopped by a sudden wave of pleasure, which were more frequently arriving, and subsiding the pain
-You have... my body … - tiredly panted Yutka -... leave … my mind … alone ...- he tried to order, but the elder, had apparently other plans
-He is still there isn't he? ...- he inquired, making the younger turn his head to sternly stare at the taller, who kept increasing his thrust roughly, hardly, pounding into Yutaka, who tried his best to just kept staring back at the elder -... he is not going to go anywhere you know? … - continued the elder … stop it! Don't say that!... making his eyes widened in anger, and soon close again overwhelmed by another familiar pleasing sensation -... I … can't make him go away Yutaka … - he then whispered as he frantically kept shoving himself inside the younger -... and … he … - lowly breathed out the elder, heavily panting, but seemingly determined to say what he was trying to
-... S-stop it ...- protested Yutaka, tightly holding the elder's back, he didn't want to be lectured, he didn't want to hear that he was simply looking for another way out, that he doing what he was doing at the moment wouldn't have solved anything -... I … don't ...care- he tried to express, but was caught unawares by a sudden groan
-... he ...can't leave you either ...- firmly expressed the elder, freeing himself from the younger's grip, ans forcefully pinning the youger's wrist on his pillow by both sides of his head -... only ...you ...Yutaka ...- he then paused, lowering his head, apparently trying to maintain some sort of lucidity in the mist of circumstantial blinding pleasure
-... sh-shu ... .. up ..- tried to retort the younger, closing his eyes, and turning his head to the side trying to avoid the elder's direct gaze on him, and suddenly abruptly arching his back and leaning his head backwards, feeling himself about to hit the climax
-only ... you can …- sternly declared the elder, followed by a loud groan, as he came inside the younger, and dropped his head beside the younger's
-... but I- tried to loudly protest the younger, but end up loudly moaning instead as he came as well, releasing his cum on the elder's chest, and sudden more tears on the elder's pillow, while resuming talking heavily panting -... I don't know how to!- he screamed, finally pushing the elder away from his body, and turning himself to the side, and retracting in fetal position -... I don't … know how to ...- he whispered in between his silent crying -... I don't know how to- he newly lowly declared, feeling the elder's arm reaching over him inside the drawer again, and then lifting away
-... then we are in two ...- calmly professed the elder, sitting up against his head board, cleaning up his chest with part of his sheets, as a familiar scent of cigarette's reached Yutaka's nose -... and I had tried … so many times … -kept speaking the elder, as Yutaka slowly moved on his back, and then to the other side to look up at the seated brunette -... why do you even think I cheated on in the first place? … - rhetorically inquired the elder, slowly exhaling some of the smoke, as he kept staring in front of himself, and flicking it, inside the ash-tray on the bed-stand on his side of the bed
-u-uh? ...- confusedly sobbed Yutaka, who didn't think he was ready to hear anything that was about to come out of the elder's mouth; he'd had enough heart breaking for the day
-I don't think you did it on purpose … I doubt you ever noticed but … - began the elder, newly flicking his cigarette in the ash-tray -... you kept comparing me to him ...- resignedly stated the elder exhaling some of the relaxing smoke from his slightly parted lips -... continuously and … it was kinda funny after a while ...- he then cynically smirked -... you called his names a couple of time, when we'd do it … and you never even noticed- he concluded, smashing the remaining of the cigarette into his ash tray, as Yutaka closed his eyes, while biting his lower lip, and silently taking it all in; … he truly had never noticed
-I ...- he tried to intervene, to maybe excuse, but how did you apologize to that; how was anything ever done, when two hearts were involved?
-... It's alright now, well not really, but you know what I mean … - absently replied the elder, bringing out another cancer stick, as the younger, merely lowered his gaze, feeling the need to hit his head really hard against anything, as he tried to understand exactly how was it that he suddenly had to find out in the mere arch of a day that he had practically ruined two hearts, without even knowing … and I will not say that it wasn't your fault, because it was … but only in part ...- resumed the other, as Yutaka quickly found out that there were still tiny part of his heart that had been intact, and were obviously no more, at the elder's remark -... I should have said something, instead of just letting it all slide all the time, and waiting for the day, you'd finally see me behind his face ...- Yuu kept confessing, at which Yutaka quickly got up, intending to get dressed and leave; this wasn't what he had planned for -... but ...- quickly exclaimed the elder, and he grabbed the brunette, and pulled him back into the bed -... but … I am not helping any am I? - h then stated, for the first time, allowing the younger to spot a trace of tenderness, on his features
-... No ...- sobbingly whispered the Yutaka, who was quickly pulled the younger to his chest, and lightly embraced the slightly stupefied brunette
-... I am sorry … - whispered the taller, soothingly passing his hand on the Yutaka's back, whose muffled cry became louder, as he held extremely tightly to the professor's body
-It hurts ...- blurted out the younger on the his chest
-I know ...- calmly replied the elder, still absently staring in front of himself
-It hurts so much … - continued the younger, depositing all his despair filled tears on the elder's chest
-I know ...- newly replied the elder
-... I … s-s-sor- tried to excuse the younger, suddenly remembering that he was apparently doing the same thing to the elder, whom however, cautiously interrupted him
-It's okay, I am sorry, just … let it all out … it helps … - gently explained the elder, hesitantly leaning his head on Yutaka, and after a second or so, turning to face it and bestow a simple stamp-kiss on it. Yutaka truly hadn't bargained for this tonight, he was looking for a distraction, for someone, who would momentarily take up the endless emptiness left by Akira, and Yuu was just the right person he had thought; so much for being the cynic and cold philosophy professor. If he had known the elder was suffering as well, if had known he'd meet kindness and understanding at the end, which was a product of the other still hanging on him, he wouldn't have come, because he knew exactly how the elder was feeling, and he himself wasn't enjoying having to be in his arms crying because of another man, especially since he knew that he wasn't going giving the two of them another try, but he just couldn't stop; ending up being the one to using and abusing
-... H-h-he... - then resumed Yutaka, non hesitating in accepting the elder's advice -... he is everywhere! - he then finally cried out - the air that I breath, the things that I do, the future I see … in my dreams ...- desperately began to explain the younger -... He is there drawn with an non-washable marker, and he just won't go away … - sobbed Yutaka in conclusion
-Then … throw it all away ...- lowly suggested the elder -.... start it all over … - quickly added the elder
-I can't... - quickly replied the younger- I can't, I can't, I can't! - forcefully cried out the younger -... if I did that I'd have to throw away my life! -quickly exclaimed the younger, lightly hitting his clenched chest on the elder's bare chest -... I'd completely fall apart … I … just … can't …
-How bout you just listen to what he has to say for now ...- suggested you, reaching for the younger's cell phone, in the pockets of his own discarded pants, and handing the device to the younger, who stared at it for a while, and then grabbed it, with shaky hands, tuning it on, soon after which he listened to the voice message registration which signaled that his voice mail was full. Quickly turning off the device again, he placed it on the bed, and embraced himself -... okay … maybe tomorrow ...- suggested the elder, guiding Yutaka inside the bed covers -... now just try to sleep ...- added the professor, turning to face the younger's back, and place an arm around his waist
Minute, hours had passed, and Yuu was sound as sleep, but Yutaka was sound awake, he couldn't close his eyes, as he realized that falling asleep was out of the question; he wasn't going to be safe in his dreams anymore, as his head kept being tormented by Akira's voice
… never leave me again? … had said the elder
- … then don't kill me please? ….- lowly whispered the younger
*-@ CHAPTER 6 @-*
A/N: Well, well, well. Behind schedule are we not? …
Baaa, but Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. However, I'd like to wish it in particular to those who might have lost a loved one, who don't have one, who are in an unrequited love, whose is already taken … just because I'd like for people to remember that this is unfortunately not a joyful day for everyone in the world, and people tend to forget that. However, don't mean to get all depressed and mushy on you all. By all means, if you have a lover, and if you truly love he/she, do celebrate and enjoy each other's company, there is nothing wrong in that either (~_^! ).
So how is Yutaka going to get out of this situation? Is Reita going to climb to Heaven, and go down to hell to find him again? ...find out in the next Detour. Thanks for reading, much Love (^ ^! )/.
“You are the one who broke my heart,
You're the reason my world fell apart,
you're the one who made me cry,
yet I'm still in love with you,
and I don't know why.”
by [I couldn't find the author]