Detour - Epilogue / Prologue + 7 + Epilogue
Title: Detour
Chapters: Epilogue / 7 + Epilogue
Author: luna_no_koibito
Dedicated to: hyprakktiv
Genre: Romance, Angst, Human Drama
Warnings: none
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Uruha / Ruki (this is the only certain pairing, others don't want to ruin ...(^ ^! ) )
Bands: the GazettE, Dir En Grey
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and don't wish I did because I'd be sorry for what could befall them （・＿・；）！
Summary: Love is to Life, what a detour is to a road. It comes unexpected, and if we choose to not turn back and take it, it will supposedly lead us to where we think it should. Yutaka is a 21-year old university student in the faculty of transportation engineering, and roads are no secrets to him. In fact, he sees life as a giant map, which he believes he has figured out. However, life is about to detour him into a road he though he had closed long time ago, when it decides to reunite him with his first love. Will he turn back, or follow the detour? And in the case he where to follow said detour … will it take where he thinks it should?
*-@ MAIN @-*
*-@ CHAPTER 7 @-*
*-@ CHAPTER 7.5 @-*
When At Crossroads:
“Like at Metró ... Interesting Things Will Always Happen”
Fours years later …
Love is patient, love is kind … He truly was kind and patient, yet, Yutaka would always try to pick a fight with him. Every single time, every single day. For every little thing, for no reason at all, and it was always his own fault. He could remember it clearly, even the first time they met, the first time he saw him, in that hospital in Okinawa, four years ago, as he opened his eyes, he was right there, in his white coat, staring right back at him, his face slightly covered by his relatively long black hair, and lightly swallowing in what seemed like nervousness, as he tried to assume the typical stoic expression that doctors usually wore while writing something on their boards.
-My name is Dr. Niikura Kaoru and I am your doctor U-uke-san ...- he'd quite hesitantly introduced himself, sounding so incredibly tense, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. In fact, he felt so anxious, that it wouldn't have taken a genius to realize that he was fresh out of medical school, as Yutaka later discovered, the same way in which he later found out that ironically enough, he had been his first patient. Ironic because -... and I am terribly sorry, and beg for your forgiveness if you ever could ...- he had professed, and deeply bowed at the brunette, whom, restricted by a neck-brace, could merely move his still barely open eyes towards the area were the doctor had suddenly disappeared, wondering what was he to forgive him for, given that he had apparently saved him -... I am also the person who crash into your car. I am incredibly devastated for this to have happened, and I perfectly understand if you shall decide to not have me as you doctor- he concluded, as all that Yutaka was able to whisper was
-... the ... fuck ...- while shockingly staring at the newly standing straight figure, of the extremely apologetically looking doctor -... I … you ...what? ...- newly asked Yutaka still very faintly and confused
-I am the- newly tried to explain the doctor in a polite manner, but was interrupted by Yutaka, whom for some unknown reason was feeling extremely irked by the elder's gentle tone, and seemingly exceedingly kind disposition; … all so darn similar to the one of a certain blond
-Whatever ...- he bluntly whispered, and apparently still too weak, he'd newly fell asleep
Once fully awake, and conscious enough to discuss his situation with a lawyer, he was told that the breaks in the doctor's car, had been malfunctioning, and had suddenly given up, which made his accident a literal “accident”. Thus, deciding against pressing charges, he'd allowed the “apprentice” to take care of me, because truthfully, he really didn't care too much. His separation with Akira was still very fresh in his mind, it still hurt, probably more than his present condition, and truth be told; he somehow wished he hadn't survived the accident. So began his rehabilitation sessions. His legs had been momentarily paralyzed, for a week he had been asleep, and in order to get them back to their former self, Dr. Niikura had assured that rehabilitation would have been enough, but with his close to zero motivation, and incessant depressive mood, Yutaka made it so easy to start argue.
Every. Single. Time.
-It is necessary for you to do this Uke-san!- Dr. Niikura would always stress in frustration at the younger brunette's lack of cooperation -... if not you'll never gain back a complete mobilit- he'd try to continue, but Yutaka would always, always, end up retorting with something on the lines of
-You are the one, who did this to me, so stop shouting at me, and leave me the fuck alone! -gaining perplexed looks from all the other rehabilitation patients, as he'd wobbly get back on his wheelchair and wheel himself to his room.
Or, there were times in which Dr. Niikura would for example would make obviously necessary “suggestions”, such as
-It would be best if you ate, Uke-san ...- and he'd readily receive in reply
-... it would have been best, if you didn't hit me-
Nevertheless, he stuck by him. He stuck with him, through it all.
… It does not envy, it does not boast … At first, it might have been guilt, it might have been pity, and it would have been clear and understandable, given their particular doctor-patient slash culprit-victim situation. However, Yutaka had caught him intentionally staring a couple of times, or not being able to keep up eye contact, or even finding as a meal something that didn't exactly looked like hospital food, every once in a while, and right then, the suspicion of an unexpected crush was almost blatant. And was he'd made sure that his conviction was right, he decided that he was going to pick on that, just because, since he'd newly opened his eyes, he somehow became too bitter towards life, and love. Just because he disturbingly thought that he could rejoice, and feel better in knowing that he could get him to do anything he wanted; just because he himself, knew he had voluntarily got himself in a position in which couldn't get whom he believed he still wanted. However, in doing so, he ended up hurting, the wrong person, at the wrong time; again.
Given, that he had received permission to be transferred to Osaka, a week after his awakening, among his daily visits of an ever gossipy Takanori, and a weirdly distantly acting Shinya, Yuu would always stop-by after work, to keep him company, apparently, still very much in love with him, and Yuutaka, still very much careless of to the fact, as he'd shamelessly flirt with him, whenever the doctor would sometimes come in to check on him, or give him his medicines; … he really was the worst of human beings, wasn't he?
-I do not care if you play around with me, for I guess you have noticed me … having some sort of … interest for you, but …- stated the doctor, one night during his night check -but … I feel sorry for that friend of yours … he truly seems to love you- he observed, to a feign sleeping Yutaka, whose head was hidden under his covers silently listening -that's all I had to say, actually... well … - he then paused for a second, and resumed in a firmer tone - this my ... feelings towards you ... will require a change of doctor … so from tomorrow … you'll have a new one assigned ... good ...night- he'd explained, and that night, had been the first time, in which he'd noticed, thanks to a sudden violent jump of his heart at the professed news, that the thread in his heart; was being pulled again.
… it is not proud … He really would have become his punching bag if Yutaka would have asked him to.
-I thought you didn't want to be my doctor anymore ...- cynically observed Yutaka, at the sudden appearance of Niikura-san the following day, after he had been assigned a new doctor
-... it's not like I didn't want to be your doctor … you know that- kindly tried to explain the elder, but was sharply interrupted by an ever spiteful Yutaka, whom flat-out ignored the raging beat of his ready to reciprocate heart
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, it wasn't like there was anything between us anyway, not on my behalf at least- nonchalantly stated Yutaka, heedlessly staring at the TV in the left high corner of the room- ... So sorry, but it seems like you went through some unnecessary hassle ... if you had at all- he stated, soon after feeling that stupid thread violently pulling again, as he glimpsed at the sadly smiling face of the elder
-...well… that is how it works. Under the circumstances of any emotional involvement with a patient, a doctor isn't allowed to take care of said patient … either one-sided or not …- he explained, and quickly received another shining pearl of bitterness from his ex-patient
-eeeh ...- dragged out Yutaka in a tone of feign wonder -... so even after I clearly pointed out to the fact that yours is obviously a unrequited thing ... you still go on stating that you like me? Have you no pride? … you could have just negated everything right here, right now, make up some sort of excuse like feeling guilty to justify your dropping my case, and very easily gotten away with it you know ...- he indignantly professed, feeling worse at every piercingly stated word; … masochism had become the order of the day
-... Would it make you feel better, if I did? ...- merely replied the other, with a gentle smile, and oh how much did Yutaka wish for the other to get angry at him instead
-... stop worrying about me, it's not your call anymore. I am sure you have new patient to take care of back in Okinawa, so, have a safe trip, bye-bye- he'd nonchalantly replied
-I … asked to be transferred here … so - nervously stated the young doctor -... I guess I am stuck in Osaka for a while ...- he then smirked, obtaining a roll of eyes from the younger; ...and a leap of joy form his heart
-how stupid ...- lowly whispered Yutaka in a feign unimpressed tone, turning away to absently look outside his window, trying to ignore as hard as he could, the fact that yes, it seemed like he was indeed falling for the doctor, and yes, he couldn't admit it, because it somehow felt as if he were betraying Akira; … and now, just how stupid was that?
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking … And yet, he kept coming.
-... You? ... again … you seem to have a lot of time on your hands for being a doctor uh?- stated Yutaka in a rather flat tone, observing the elder coming inside his room, apparently off duty, for he wasn't wearing his white coat, and then he'd noticed for the first time that; Niikura-san was actually quite the handsome man. He probably was as old as Akira, and unfortunately, they also seem to share the same lack of sense of style, which would have made him a new toy for Takanori, but … something had to be happening between the two of them for it to be so, … and nothing was going on between them, so that was a very unnecessary though … right?
-I am off … was about to go home, and decided to come check on you … couldn't help it- serenely snickered the elder, shifting his gaze from the window, to the younger, who merely rolled his eyes -... and, by the way ... you can call me Kaoru ...- kindly informed the elder, as the other skeptically raised an eyebrow, while giving him a quick condescending once-over
-You know, Dr. Niikura, the first time you 'hit' on me, you almost killed me … shouldn't that be telling you something about trying to 'hit' on me again?- nonchalantly stated Yutaka, gaining nothing but another smile from the other
- well ...Uke-san … you can always tell your new doctor to keep me away from you, if my visits annoy you as much. It would be detrimental for you health to have a stress such as myself around, this is a policy too you can- smugly tried to observe the elder, no malice intended though, in fact it almost sounded like a playful tone, which however was interrupted by Yutaka, whose heart (because it obviously couldn't be himself) immediately flinched at the idea of not been able to see Kaoru again
-... for starters, you could come in here dressed a bit decently ...- he lowly pointed out, now playing with the food in his plate feigning utter disinterest
-I tell you what …-then stated the doctor - since you are going to soon be released, how about you show me how to? … I am afraid this is the best I can do ...- proposed, and finally admitted the elder, seemingly confident, but Yutaka knew him to be at the moment, rather nervous, from the way the elder always lightly swallowed, and almost inconspicuously tapped his left foot on the ground
-Still trying to hit on me are we ...- trailed off Yutaka in response
-... is that a no? ...- hesitantly asked Kaoru
-... it's not a yes ...- readily replied the other, making the elder lightly grinning
-... and is this … a bad thing?- inquired the elder in renewed hesitation
-... it's surely not good ...- quickly replied Yutaka, in his usual flat tone, staring at his food, wondering exactly why couldn't he stop being stubborn, and accept the obvious date offer -... and isn't that supposed to be confidential anyway? How do you know I am getting out? … Kaoru?- he accusingly inquired, obtaining a blinking, and a baffled expression from the elder, whom obviously didn't know how to answer, and then looking a this feet, he was about to open his mouth, and for the life himself, Yutaka knew he was going to reveal a degrading truth, which he really didn't want to hear, thus he quickly intervened; … he truly didn't have any sense of self did he? -I tell you what. Since I am sure you could get in serious trouble for having “accidentally” looked at my file … how about you take me to eat, at a place of my choice, at your expense, and also ... because what you did was pretty bad I believe ... you'll also take me to any other place I want to go, and buy me all that I shall, and might want from said places- plainly offered Yutaka, obtaining a wide ecstatic grin from the elder, which quickly disappeared behind a fake loud cough, as he'd replied
-... sounds good to me … Yutaka ...- he stated with a gentle smile, and that, had been the first time they had both addressed each other by their first name. Yutaka knew himself to be blushing; but that could have easily be blamed on … the weather?
it is not easily angered … Yutaka truly began to believe that there had to be something wrong with that man. This type of kindness, this type of dedication, truly didn't existed. Akira had been the same; and it didn't end up in anything good did it?
-Taiin omedetou~! (= congratulation for your discharge form hospital)- cheerfully exclaimed Kaoru, opening a bottle of wine, as they sat in the must expensive restaurant in Osaka; just like Yutaka had once instructed Akira, but this time; ... he had raised the notch of a whole lot. Yutaka had ordered three bottles of the must expensive wines, two of the must expensive appetizers, three of the must expensive first, and three of the must expensive seconds, and four extremely elaborated dessert; yet, from Kaoru, not a single complaint
-I don't feel like eating all of this ...- suddenly stated Yutaka, absently looking at all the food on the table, at which Kaoru quickly blinked and nervously smiled
-... want me to ask for a take away?” he tired to reply, at which the younger felt an increasing sense of anger running all over himself, because he wanted him to get angry at him
-... whatever ...- shrugged away the younger, thinking of how, if he were to have been Akira, he would have received a lecture. But he wasn't Akira after all, wasn't he? -I want to go... - he then stated, as he observed the elder trying to eat his second dish
-... already? Sure you don't want to try any of this? It's really good and- kindly tried to explain the elder, but was sharply interrupted by an ever vexed Yutaka
-I said ...- he loudly exclaimed, momentarily gaining the attention of everyone in the restaurant; inwardly kicking himself as he tried to understand how had he developed this habit of shouting in public -... that I want to leave, now- he lowered his tone hissing, and quickly getting up, he walked out of the restaurant, leaving the elder with an extravagant bill to pay, loads of take-home food to carry, and quickly trying to catch up with him
-sorry! ...- panted the elder, once caught up -... where to next?- joyfully inquired the elder, following a speed-walking Yutaka to his car
-... Home- bluntly replied the younger, dropping himself in the old Toyota Camry, banging his door closed
-... did ... I do something wrong? ...- hesitantly inquired the elder in a low and confused tone, lightly swallowing, while glimpsing at a silent Yutaka, and followed his demand, all along the younger, not speaking a single word
-... way to celebrate my discharge, thanks- quickly blurted out Yutaka, newly banging the car's door closed, once he had been brought to his destination, and dashing towards his entrance feeling more and more shocked and stupidly guilty; ... more and more in denial and stupidly in love.
it keeps no record of wrongs … According to Shinya and Takanori, he simply and was hopelessly and shamelessly head over hills.
-If it isn't …. Dr. Niikura ...- smugly and almost pitifully dragged Takanori, as said person shyly walked inside Metrò, where Yuataka had finally resumed working, after a good three months of absence, the day following their “disastrous” first dinner -... you are so kind and patient with our poor Yutaka, ne~?- teasingly stated Takanori, impersonating the tone of an apologetic parent, dragging out the last “ne” along side with Shinya, as they both slowly nodded in playful agreement
-After all that he made you go through, still trying to pursue him … it is really remarkable Kaoru-kun, but I think you truly are wasting your time with our princess over there …. - stated Shinya in an as well playful tone, but adding a bit of truthful bitterness towards the end of his sentence, as he turned his eyes to stare, at a completely ignoring and heedless Yutaka, whom merely limited himself to folding shirts in a back corner of the store -... ne~?- he then dragged out as well, still along side with Takanori, as they newly nodded their heads in the same apologetic manner
-well ...- hesitantly began the doctor, glimpsing at the brunette with the side of his eye -... maybe I was expecting too much ... given that I had been the one to have almost killed him, whereas I came out … rather unharmed - he apologetically observed, and quickly receiving a dismissive “psth” from Takanori, who quickly glared at the still gaze averting Yutaka
-That wasn't even you fault … I can assure you it has nothing to do with that, not at all- genuinely stated Shinya, with a resigned sigh, sorrowfully regarding the doctor -... it's just that a certain brunette, needs to realize how much life is been nice to him … people will not come begging you to love them forever you know ...- he then concluded looking straight at the brunette, in a plain tone, but Yutaka was sure he could sense a tinge of spitefulness, probably referring to Yuu, and of course he knew the elder blond to be right. However, no matter how right Shinya always was, no matter how much his and Kaoru's heart seemed to be pulling at each other, he had decided that he didn't want it, none of it. Of the frantic heartbeats, the overwhelming happiness, the “joy of loving” he didn't want it anymore. He didn't need it, because his mind had convinced himself that he couldn't love anyone else but Akira anyways, until the day he died, even if it obviously meant he was going to die alone. He didn't care, he was sure that he never was going to love, the way he'd loved the blond; so why even bother?
-Now now ...- cautiously intervened Kaoru with a nervous smile, shifting his gaze from Shinya to Yutaka, and lowering his head almost in defeat, as his stare finally stopped on the one of the obstinately gaze averting younger brunette
-I used to practically throw my meals on you when in the hospital … - began Yutaka in a plain tone, as he heedlessly kept folding shirt in a corner, and not once lifting his gaze to regard the doctor -... I cursed at you any occasion that I could, even though you were simply trying to do your job, even when it became clear that you actually felt something for me, I did the best I could to make you feel like the most worthless human being - began to gradually list Yutaka, an angered frustration slowly creeping at every stated sentence, as he annoyingly dropped every new folded shirt on the pile he was making -... then … I made you spend close to ￥100, 000 (= $1,000) for a dinner, given that, without counting the food, each of the three bottles that I “requested” were ￥25,000 (=$250 ) each, and we both know, that as a novice doctor, you don't make as much to yet consider that as mere chicken change - cynically observed the younger brunette -... yet … you are here trying to show me what? that not only you don't seem to get the message, but you are completely unfazed by it all? … give me a break- blankly concluded the brunette, in an incredibly cold tone, which visibly shocked both Shinya, and Takanori, but mostly himself, realizing just how skilled he had become at deceiving people, and in particular, himself, but not his heart; that … was still terribly aching.
-Yutaka! Chill the fuc- angrily tried to admonish a suddenly very livid looking Takanori, whom was glaring at the brunette with so much intensity, that if possible, Yutaka could have burst into flames
-It's okay ...- quickly announced the doctor, still sounding very apologetic, and rather than saddened, or angered by the brunette's spiteful words, he looked extremely concerned -... clearly, something … someone … must have been responsible of all that you are going through, and … I am sure it must be hard, I cannot say that I understand you, because I honestly haven't “personally” been through something even similar to what you might be going through, but … this … is the only way I can help you ...- he then shyly stated, but with an air of confidence, which served only to further throw off the younger brunette, and simultaneously increase his anger. And all of a sudden, Kaoru appeared to be like a surreal combination of Akira's behavior, and Yuu's brain, which actually made perfect sense, because it had to be left to his idiotic life to put him in the path of someone, who represented his life's greatest torments; yes, leave it to his life to fuck him over in the right way twice in one -... thus, if hating me makes you feel better, even just a little … then … it is truly okay with me … - he concluded staring back at Yutaka with a genuine expression, which left the the younger with a distraught questioning expression; ...why would he go this far? -... I guess ...- resumed the elder, as if he had been able to read the younger's mind, while slightly swallowing, and lightly tapping his left foot -... I guess, love really makes you do stupid things uh? ...- concluded the elder, bowing at everyone, and weirdly exiting the store, leaving Yutaka, for his first time ever, wanting to be hated. He wanted Kaoru to hate the guts out of himself; because he was almost sure; that he wasn't going to be able to do as much.
Love does not delight in evil … And so many were the times when he could have; but didn't.
Kaoru still kept showing up, and still kept being insulted, or ignored, and contentiously been told by Shinya or Takanori to let him be, both feeling bad that such a person should end up being used by their turned frighteningly resentful Yutaka, whom however had taking up the rather addictive habit of drinking like there was no tomorrow, and afterward showing up in front of Kaoru's house, extremely drunk, and cranky, thanks to an address purposely written on a piece of paper, which he'd always mange to drunkenly slap in the face of every taxi driver
-F- ..fu-ck me~! ...- he'd slur out every times, loud enough to sound like an order, but quickly downgraded by the silly giggles that would follow soon after, as Kaoru would help him inside his apartment, apologizing to his ever-vexed room-mate, for the frequent intrusions at extremely late hours of the day. They'd manage to get to his room, where Yutaka would always be quick in trying to get his clothes off, and the other always quick in trying to make him keep them, and get him in bed -... you~ … know you want to ...- would exclaim the younger, in an ungracefully failed sensual tone, trying to pull him down with himself under the covers
-Yes … but not like this ...- would reply the elder, obtaining a disappointed whine form the younger, who would sometimes crash, and some others he'd pretend to be asleep, just to then sneak behind the elder's studying figure at his desk, suddenly nibbling on his ear, sucking at the back of his neck, or whatever else his obviously heated and frustrated body could come up with.
Yet, not once, had he taken advantage of him; not a single time.
… but rejoices with the truth … He just … wouldn't give up.
-... it should be a Fourier series, but I can't tell you for sure ...- stated Kaoru, scratching his head, suddenly lifting up from his chair, and exiting his kitchen, where, threatened by Shinya and Takanori, Yutaka had agreed to spend some of his afternoons, to receive help to catch up with the semester he'd lost because of his accident, and that he apparently couldn't recover because of lack of will. Kaoru would be as nice as ever, and also strict when he needed to, the same way in which the younger brunette's heart was as jumpy and needy as ever to try, and his mind as stubborn as ever to silence the voice, which kept screaming that he did like him; that he did want to be loved by him.
-Where did you go? … all of a sudden … -inquired Yutaka, trying his best to sound uninterested, as he observed the older coming back inside the room, hiding something behind his back, gaining a visibly skeptically annoyed expression by the younger -... what did you do? ...- he then quickly inquired in an accusing tone, having a half idea of what the elder could have been hiding, it was his birthday after all;.. it didn't take a genius. The novice doctor merely smiled at him, and sat down at his chair making sure to keep his back away from the irritated younger
-Well ...- nonchalantly began Kaoru -... it is your birthday today so … I thought ...- he then trailed off, bringing out a box, wrapped in red gift-paper, and a black elaborately tied-up bow. As Yutaka had thought, he was then staring at the red box, somewhere deep down rejoicing, because somewhere deep down he had wanted for him to know about his birthday; somewhere deep down he'd wanted to be with him for his birthday -come on, open it! - incited the elder, still cheerfully grinning at the younger, who merely turned towards him with a mixed serious and sad expression
-... Why? - resignedly stated Yutaka -… like … how do you do it?- he then confusedly inquired, sounding more angry than interested
-Do what? ...- bemusedly questioned the elder, releasing a light chuckle
-This!...- hissed the younger, widened his eyes, trying to point out at their situation -...keep smiling, act like nothing, pretend like it doesn't hurt you to have me constantly reject you, why don't you try and hate me, or make yourself stop loving me ...- seriously inquired the younger, somehow hoping, and not, that the elder wouldn't pick up on his suggestion, which he didn't
-Why? ...- lightly laughed the elder, turning to stare down at his hands on the table, with an almost nostalgic expression -...I love you ...- he then resumed, professing those three word with such confidence and straightforwardness, that it kept echoing inside the walls of the Yutaka's heart so powerfully he felt like crying. It had been so long since anybody had told him that; in that way -... and I found out that it is easier and more natural to just accept it, instead of deceiving myself, and maybe, just as naturally ...- he then paused, turning towards the speechlessly staring younger -... I'll be able to move on from you ...- he concluded with a pitiable grin, and keeping is silence
-Well then let me help you with that ...- quickly and accusingly hissed Yutaka, getting up form his chair, taking the jacket behind it, and speed-walking towards the exit, his face reddened in unexplainable anger to the dumbfounded elder, who quickly got up to follow him, but much more unexplainable to the angered brunette himself. Yutaka just couldn't understand, or even recognize himself anymore, all the things he had been doing, since he woke up form that hospital bed, were either out of logic, or the exact opposite of what he meant or knew he should have done. Such as in this moment, in which he was apparently getting angry because the elder wanted to eventually forget him; and he didn't want that. Someone needed to knock some sense into him; and apparently, Kaoru had been placed on his way to do just that.
---> take last Detour to SECOND PART