HOUSE OF SIN - The Diary of Uke Yutaka : CHAPTER 14 PART 3

[luna_no_koibito]

Title: HOUSE OF SIN - The Diary of Uke Yutaka
Chapters: 14.3/21
Author: luna_no_koibito
Genre: Human drama, romance, war, angst.
Warnings:  men/men relationship, cursing, sex, violence, incest.
Rating: from PG -15 to NC-17 (Depending on chapter)
Pairing: Revealing this might spoil the story just yet ... suggest looking at the character list (^_^)!
Bands: the GazettE, Dir En Grey, X-Japan, Nightmare, An Cafe', Alice Nine, Kra, SuG.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and don't wish I did because I'd be sorry for what could befall them （・＿・；）！
Summary:
  MAIN



CHAPTER 14 PART 2

If he had to consider the effective number of inhabitants of the Hayashi mansion, counting the actual members of the family, and attendants all together, it could have been reasoned somewhat peculiar, just how much Takanori's absence was being noticed, not only by Yutaka, but everyone else, in particular, and obviously, by his immediate family members.

Starting from Yasuno, who kept bringing back memories he had of Takanori's accomplishments during dinner, and systematically ending every sentence with “... uh! a prodigy he was indeed”, while everyone merely nodded, or nostalgically tried to add their input, which really was only Kazuhiro, who seemed to have funnier anecdotes about the blond's youth. Anecdotes, which apparently Takeru had no idea of, being the youngest, and which for a few seconds at a time, would make him silently smile.

Kazamasa as his usual, didn't speak a word at dinner, although he had weakly smiled at some of Kazuhiro's stories as well. However, soon after dinner, he walked back to his room where he probably spent a good amount of time, and where he probably still was, studying the at least thirty volumes of books that Takanori had given him from his personal collection. They were very detailed illustrations of the anatomy of a human body, which the eye-glassed blond most have though might have been useful for the painter in his attempt of perfectly reproducing a human being in his paintings.

Then, there were the more emotional siblings, Takeru and Takahiro, whom had been fighting inside Takanori's studio, for the past thirty minutes, over the couch in the studio were they both used to lounge, mediated by Akira, whom was trying to act as a lawyer and hear them both out. From what Yutaka was hearing at the moment, since he currently inside Takanori's room, they both affirmed that Takanori had personally promised them the possession of said couch. However, as Yutaka began to notice, in the same way that Akira ha pointed out a couple of time during the discussion, there were two of the same couch in said studio, and the lawyer, same as Yutaka, highly doubted that Takanori had considered the fact that they both were asking about a particular one out of the two; given that they were identical.

Lightly chuckling, as he kept hearing Akira's voice bellow over the other two screaming contestants, Yutaka then walked away from the door that separated the room from the studio, and carefully took a look around, for before leaving, not only Takanori had handed him the keys to his studio, telling the apprentice that he could have done of it whatever he fancied, and that all his books were also at his mercy, but he also entitled his bedroom to the brunette, if he'd deemed it necessary, which was exactly the reason why Yutaka was there at the moment.

Or at least, it was one of the reasons. The other, the subtly most important one, was that Akira had told him to wait for him there, saying that he would have come after he had settled things with Takeru and Takahiro. It wasn't anything to be excited about in the way he would have liked to, for the elder simply wanted him to make a decision, so that he could mobilize people to start moving his things around. However, they were still going to be together for that fraction of second he was going to either reply yes, or no, after which Yutaka predicted the lawyer dashing out of the room.

Pathetic it was indeed, but he couldn't quite complain either, could he? A week and some days had passed since they'd have that unfortunate accident, and things seemed to have improved, even if just a little. And he had his diary to prove that, for after the day they returned home, he had religiously made a little entry everyday in his new diary, in order to “note any progress in Akira's conditions”; … that sounded professional enough. Having brought his diary along, as a measure to decided whether he would have moved into the room or not, because, if he liked the way he felt when he sat at the desk to write, he would have accepted (yes, he was that meticulous), he then began to run through said entries, just to reconfirm the existence of those improvements.

15th May 1728, Sunday

10:01 PM

Dear Kai,

I was able to convince Takanori to allow me to take care of Akira. Of course, it is all purely professional, given that I still have to have some notion of medical procedures, and it will also allow me to analyze the subject's behavior in a state in which he is not necessarily as strong as he could be, thus tamer, thus less dangerous, thus approachable, thus … I made my point. Convincing Takanori had not been hard by any means, not that I would have expected him to refuse my proposal, given that he still particularly seems to fancy me, but he just seemed kind of distracted, and somewhat lost, ever since we came back yesterday. He is most likely suffering from post-traumatic-syndrome, which I should be able to help him with. In fact, I think I shall go and do exactly that.

Uke Yutaka

16th May 1728, Monday

11:45 PM

Dear Kai,

Mind of a Healing Subject: Day 1

As it always end up being when dealing with Akira Hayashi; I was completely wrong. I do not think I have ever had to deal with such a stubborn element, I do no even know where he gets all the energy to argue! Though, he did not resolved to being physically violent, the mental abuse of anything or anything that entered (or as myself stayed) into that room was intolerable. Unless it was one of his siblings of course, Such as Takanori, who came in with the specific intent to apologize for the harm caused, but “Mister nice guys with my family and clients” chided him not for the obvious dangerous situation he had put us in, but for having put his genius self in danger! Who cares about the poor apprentice, who just so happened to be there, and who could have died!! Even though … it is true I was perhaps the main cause of Akira's stabbing. That had been the center of our argument “my ineptitude to walk straight without losing things!” … which once again, might be true, but NOTHING WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF THE BOY HAD NOT RAN AWAY IN THE FIRST PLACE, which had been my entire point for the entire argument with the headstrong lawyer, whom however, of course, did not care of given me some credit, as we kept screaming at each other, whereas I was supposed to change his bandage, which I still did not do, for I got dismissed ten minutes ago; I got dismissed! He said “please do leave this room this instant before I lose my sanity. I am in an infirmary to try and recover, and not turn into a nut case, so would you please let me at least sleep in peace. You are dismissed”. HOW DARE HE! I was so indignant that I merely got up, clenched my fist, and rushed out the door. Oh, but I am going back in at this instant, he is probably sleeping, and my waking him up, might cause my premature death today, but I could care less: those bandages will be changed.

Uke Yutaka

17th May 1728, Tuesday

8:24 PM

Dear Kai,

Mind of a Healing Subject: Day 2

I slapped him. It was unintentional ... my hand sort of slipped, in a heavy manner, this morning, when I tried to change his bandage …

I said “I am extremely sorry to disturb”,

he said “then get out”,

I said “I will after I change you bandage”

He rose to a sitting position , hissed for the pain on his side, and yelled “Out!”

I suddenly got angry, and stomped right towards his bed, and (I think I was not thinking clearly) I removed his covers in one go, which he did not like too much so he said “How dare you! Removing people's covers on a whim! I could have been naked!”

I believe I might have blushed for a second at the thought and then said “You are acting like a child, I am just trying to do my job!”

He said “You are not a doctor, nor a nurse! I mean how would you like it if I-” and he did it: reached for my shirt and tried to pry it open … so I slapped him.

He silently blinked at me for a while, as I tried to catch my breath, from the scare of being newly assaulted (like Takahiro had once), and the shock of my following action. Then he simply remind silent, and allowed me to unbutton his shirt and do what I came to, at the end of which, I believe I heard him whisper 'sorry'. During the whole day I was attending to his needs as usual, we really did not speak. The only words where for his requests, and I silently compiled. Today he fell asleep earlier than yesterday, thus I just got up and left.

18th May 1728, Wednesday

10:12 AM

Dear Kai,

Mind of a Healing Subject: Day 3

We had an awkward moment, reason why I am back this early. Takanori announced that Akira could try and walk, with the help of someone to keep him up for the first two or so days, just to avoid his body suddenly give up on him, not that it could happen given the nature of the wound, but he wanted to take all his precautions.

Thus, did it not take another discussion? “You will make me fall, I can feel it” he said “I will try my best not to” I annoyingly replied, and we would have been at it again, if Takanori had not shouted at us to be quiet and just do it. I will admit that the sentence was quiet misinterpreted in my brain, which was why I turned incredibly red, but Akira of course had not, and suddenly swung his arm around my shoulder trying to pull himself up, but I was not expecting that yet! … so we fell. “I said so” he hissed “You did not warn me!” I hissed back from beneath him, who just kept silent and stared at me. I then suddenly and obviously turned red, again, because I could feel it, which made me turn my head to the side as I politely requested for him to lift off me at which he said “I can tell from your face that you are getting weird ideas” so I yelled back, tightly closing my eyes (even though I was trying to avoid saying it, he provoked me! ) “and I can tell from the swell in your pants that you are as well, so please would you get off me!” He took his time, but eventually got off, and we both agreed that he had enough physical contact for the day, and Takanori offered himself to take care of his brother for the day.

Uke Yutaka

19th May 1728, Thursday

11:58 PM

Dear Kai,

Mind of a Healing Subject: Day 4

I am dead tired. Akira suddenly remembered that he had a job after all, and that he needed to work on documents and get back to his office, and in order to do so he had to be able to walk, thus, he silently accepted me as a clutch, and we practiced all day. I felt like a mule, and he looked like he merely went for a walk. That is all for today, I might soon faint.

Uke Yutaka

21th May 1728, Saturday

2:35 PM

Dear Kai,

Mind of a Healing Subject: Day 5

You might wonder why I am writing at such an insane our, the same way I am wondering how am I not fainted under my covers. I could start be saying that the man, has some serious childlike issues. It appears to me, as if he has matured to be an amazing man when it came to relation with the world, and socializing (with exception of me) whereas his mental growth seems to have stopped somewhere around the age of 10 when it come to himself, or personal matters. He was found laying down the ramp of stairs out side the living room and before the garden; he slipped trying to walk himself towards his cottage. I, once again, panicked and did not think straight, and without any reason to, I yelled out my concern , and I might have called him a “Neurotic-unintelligent-humorless-and-suicidal” being, told him stay put, and that I would have slapped him again if he tried to move: that, for some reason, seemed to work. “Yes mother” he lowly replied, with a light smirk, and albeit I did sound like one, I did not laugh, and merely asked him what he needed, and I went straight to the office to grab the pile of documents he talked about … and everything was going so well, I felt in control for a little while … until I finally got inside the room, and the sudden barking of Saga and Tora, whom I hadn't seen in a good five days, startled me. The papers fell. Akira got angry, and insulted me. I sighed, and staid a whole day, trying to place them back in the order they were by date and alphabetical order. Around elven in the evening, the lawyer had pity on my soul, and asked me to give him a pile of not order papers, which I kept on his bed. We finished not too long ago. I think I will go and faint now.

Uke Yutaka

21st May 1728, Saturday

11:30 PM

Dear Kai,

Mind of a Healing Subject: Day 6 (theoretically 7)

He stayed up working on the documents I had left, I doubt he slept at all. when I got inside his room at around noon he looked horrible, but was still very busy working on papers. I tried to tell him he should sleep, and he just told me that “sleep was for the weak” so I merely sighed and as usual got his food, he paused a second for a walk around the house, and then as we got back to bed, he wrote a line, then fell asleep, which was around six in the evening. I got rid of all the papers on his bed, orders them away, tucked him in, and rushed to the door as I hear Takanori call me; did nt want him to wake up. The Takanori that was standing in front of me felt extremely … different if not even weird. There was something wrong, and aside form the fact that I am not going to go to London anymore, he looked incredibly concerned, then, he stated something about becoming a good man, and ran away. Later on, at dinner, he announced that he was not aiming to be a famous surgeon anymore, but rather a surgeon of the people. Everyone seemed genuinely happy for Takanori, everyone but Akira, who was happy but seemed slightly offended for reasons I perceived and tried to talk to him about later. “They will not always be dependent on you, so just because he might have com up with this on his own ...does not mean you are any less important to them” I cautiously stated, then silently awaited our next argument. However this time, he merely and absently dazed passed me, out of the window, and said “Is that alright?” I did not quite understand the question in reply to my sentence, but I managed to say “He … looks happy, and you have one less wanted-burden at the moment, so that … should be alright”. He slowly nodded, thanked me for the ay, and requested to sleep. I smiled and left. Progress.

Uke Yutaka

22nd May 1728, Sunday

11:01 PM

Dear Kai,

Mind of a Healing Subject: Day 7 (theoretically 8)

Everyone was extremely busy trying to help Takanori with his packing, thus the house looked like a restless mess for the bit I stayed, because Akira had to go and collect money and other important document that could help Taknaori around town, thus I followed him because “I will need your thorough assistance if I want to be able to make this in a day” he plainly stated, I smiled, and gladly helped. It was indeed a long day, all over pharmacies, banks, and offices, thought he did pay for dinner at the 'From Heaven' the restaurant were we first met (with Saga and Tora), one of Yauno's restaurants as well, and we really did not have to paid, we kept being told, but Akira would not take that; so stubborn. When we went back, he had a little-long talk with Takanori and Mr. Shiroyama, after which we went to the cottage, where I helped him with some more work (I believe he probably might think of me as his secretary as of now …). I then took my leave after I made sure he reached the third floor, and his room (he was “released” from the infirmary). He newly thanked me, I newly smiled, and I am newly here very very impressed and happy of such progress.

Uke Yutaka

23rd May 1728, Monday

7:25 PM

Dear Kai,

Mind of a Healing Subject: Day 8 (theoretically 9)

Takanori left today, this afternoon to be more precise, which was when the house stopped working as well. This morning he came to me and handed me the keys to his studio and also those of his bedroom, and said that they were mine. I was rather shocked, obviously, but I quickly thanked him, for he stormed off; he was quiet in a hurry. The departure was a very joyful one, Akira, whom accepted my requested of standing next to him just in case, without any protest, did not say much of anything, probably having said everything he had the day before, and silently stood, and watched them leave. As we got back inside the mansion, the lawyer did not have to ask, I neither, we just went to the cottage, and began to work on a lawsuit he would have to asses on Wednesday. During the work all of a sudden, he stopped and looked at me “I … thank you Mr. Uke for your help ...- he lowly began -... I am a difficult person to deal with … so I appreciate the effort … you are not obliged to help me anymore, I am more than alright at the moment - he plainly stated, as I nodded, and feeling awkward somehow I got up and bowed. I was about to leave, but he then added “If you intend to move into Takanori's room ...please do tell me … I shall make arrangements to get the room ready tomorrow” I smiled and nodded, and left the room. Somehow, I am more tired that I have been in the past week, but I doubt I will be able to sleep. I wonder why.

Sighing while closing the diary, and absently staring outside the window he had stopped in front of after having randomly walked about the room while reading his diary, he sighed again, wondering what would come next, what he was to do next. With the passing of the days, things in the house seemed to be fixing themselves on their own. Bringing out the paper with the seven capital sins written on it from his side pocket, he resignedly looked at it again, resisting the impulse to ball it and throw it, as he realized that he'd done nothing so far, that he still had absolutely no clue of who were the remaining sins, and, probably the biggest of the realizations he made so far; that he didn't care. He sincerely and honestly didn't care, and the siblings seemed to be doing just fine without him, or his advice so, once again … exactly what was his function in the Hayashi mansion?

-Yes? - he politely replied as he heard a knock at the door, and observed Akira make his entrance

-I apologize for the wait ...- he calmly stated, standing by the door, unmoving, the same way that Yutaka was, unmoving in front of the window, looking back at the blond

-It is alright … I did not wait long at all- politely replied the apprentice

-That is good then ...- stated Akira, keeping his stance -... so have you reached a decision?- he then went right to the point, just as predicted by the apprentice

-I am still … not sure … actually ...- replied Yutaka, pausing for a second as he turned around to absently stare out the window -... to be quite honest ...- he lowly resumed, lightly lowering his gaze -... I am still not sure of why I am here exactly … - he sadly and sincerely admitted -... or even why I am telling you this, I apologize - he then quickly replied, turning towards Akira with an apologetic smile -... I- he then tried to add, feeling incredibly stupid for having just admitted to something like that, but he was unexpectedly interrupted by the blond

-I believe … - blurted out Akira -... I believe there is a reason why things happen, and maybe ...- he then paused, looking away from the brunette, and randomly into the room -... maybe it may not be the reason you initially were brought here for, or any that you might believe … maybe - he then paused for a second, placing his hands in the pockets of his summer jacket -... it is not yet time for you to know said reason, and maybe ...- he newly paused, taking one step forward -... maybe the reason has been reveled … and you just have not noticed yet ...- he concluded almost in a whisper, as Yutaka dazed at him in complete awe, for he never would have expected such a reply from the lawyer; never.

-I am so clueless though that I will never find out ...- bitterly smirked Yutaka, turning his head to newly face outside, as he mentally kept wondering exactly why was he opening himself to the blond the way he was, with such private manners he himself, would refuse to asses on his own -... my lack of awareness is actually the reason why I decided to specialize in the study of the mind ...- he kept on reveling, while absently staring out the window -... I was tired, of always being the last to know, the last to understand …. thus I figured that understanding what how a mind worked, would have helped me predict or understand things before they could happen, or just figure them out easily ...- he went on, as he heard steps getting closer to him, and suddenly -... which seemed to work for a while … or rather it always had, I have always been able to discern anything that has been brought to my attention ...- he kept explaining, as he felt himself been taken over by a sudden wave of frustration and resignation, while tightly clenching his right hand on his side -... until I came here, where I found myself completely lost, wrong, and out of it, which, once again, why is it that I am telling you this things? - he then quickly professed, turning around to dismissively smile, and almost jolted finding out that the blond was much closer than he thought

-Something wrong with it being me? ...- almost whispered the lawyer, probably die to their current extremely close proximity, as they kept staring at each other

-No … or … I do not know … I just ...- began the brunette sounding hypnotized, not being able to break his gaze of the one of the blonde, who was a few centimeters away -... out of all the people in the house … we obviously cannot exactly define our interactions as those that would indicate us being in good terms … - concluded Yutaka, successfully tearing off his gaze from the elder, at the sad reality of what he had just stated

-Says who? ...- replied the blond, in a quite firm tone, which took the brunette completely off guard, as he darted his eyes back up to newly meet the elder's straight face

-S-says who? ...- inquired a wide-eyed Yutaka, in an incredulous low tone, obtain the same straight face in reply from the blond, who was perhaps waiting for said answer - … I was very close to being beat up very badly from you, if not killed, the first time we met, we continuously fight and argue, and never … I mean … is this not reason enough? ...- resignedly observed the younger, newly lowering his gaze to his feet

-I do not believe it reason enough, being a lawyer, I believe there are other factors that determine “being in good terms” … and for the records - he then paused, rolling his eyes in a “obviously” manner -... I was not going to kill you, or beat you up … why and how would have I? - he matter-of-factly pointed out

-How was I to discern that?! ...- exclaimed the brunette in mild annoyance, feeling his face sightly warm, from the irritation that was threatening to surface, after hearing said issue so easily dismissed,, which had been his cause of so much fear and nightmares -... you terrorized me! In one occasion menacingly held me, and tried to get to me with a clear not benevolent intent written all over your furious expression! - indignantly blurt out the younger

-But I would have never, not to anyone who has clearly done, or could be capable of doing any harm! ...- exclaimed the elder, in slight distress -... that is just the way I am! I react defensively, because- he professed in a slightly louder tone, and instantly stopped, shifting his gaze

-Because? ...- firmly and swiftly insisted the younger

-... this has, as our usual, gotten out of hand ...- whispered the blond, in a very obvious dismissive attempt -... I … do tell me when you decide about the room - he then concluded, lightly bowing and turned around, leaving a not agreeing and rather discontent Yutaka, whom thwarted by the fact that he had been so closed to maybe have a clue to begin solving the intricate mystery called”Akira”, acted on impulse, and grabbed the blond's arm, and quickly released it, as soon as the blond turned towards him with his usual hard expression

-W-we ...were actually ...- hesitantly began Yutaka, feeling his body slightly shake, not in fear, but in expected nervousness -... it seemed we were actually getting somewhere … - he observed, making the elder turn around, and himself mentally sink for the silent dismiss -... I told you I wanted to help did I not? And I clearly opened myself to you some minutes ago … which does not obviously mean that you are now entitled to do the same but … -he then stopped, not sure if he really were to keep going on or rather give up

-but? ...- coldly called the blond, keeping his facing forward stance

-We will probably get nowhere if you keep dodging getting somewhere like this … - he resignedly concluded

-Perhaps I am just not ready to go anywhere … perhaps I may not be allowed to be even going anywhere, and I would like for you to accept that- tried to reply the blond in the same cold manner, but was readily cut off by the brunette

-Says who?! ...- he distressingly exclaimed -... are you not master of yourself? As far as I know you- exasperatedly progressed Yutaka, but was the one being interjected this time

-Exactly ...- coldly stated the blond -... as far as you know- he concluded, and, as Yutaka had predicted would have happened a couple of “says who?” ago, the blond stormed out

-If this is all I know, meaning that I obviously do not know any better, and you obviously do, how am I to know if I am not told? ...- he lowly lamented to himself, while clearing tears, which, like everything else around himself, he didn't understand the meaning of -... why is nobody telling me anything? ...- he kept lowly crying, as he turned around to absently daze at the setting sun -... why can I not see anything, when I am pretty sure my eyes are wide open? … why is everything still so dark when it comes to me?- he distressingly whispered, as he kept silently crying discouraged by the fact that not only the more things seemed to get better for those, who were supposed to be helped by him, the more they worsen for himself, who was supposed to have everything in its place. But also discouraged by the fact that just when it appeared they, himself and Akira, had finally taken little steps forward, it now looked like they had just been catapulted miles backwards.

CHAPTER 15 PART 1

A/N: It took a while uh? But the things are moving one quite smoothly, at least for some of them, whereas our poor Yutaka is just as lost as ever, and Akira is really not helping too much is he? But he really had been trying so hard, hasn't he? What else could he do now? What is he supposed to do? … we'll find out soon no worries, but not in the next chapter which, will have as main characters uncle Kouyou and … who? well ... I guess will have to wait for the next chappie uh? Thanks so much for reading, and supporting me! Your comments are also always so precious, and I thank you lot for those!

Much Love -LnK♥(~_^ )/-