SILENT KNIGHT, HIDDEN PRINCESS - CHAPTER 4 / ??
Title: Silent Knight, Hidden Princess
Chaper: 4 - Nostalgia of the Heart Is? ... / ??
Author:luna_no_koibito
Genre: Human Drama, Angst, Romance
Warnings:cursing, touching (for this chapter)
Rating: PG-15 (for this chapter)
Pairing: Reita / Kai
Bands: The GazettE
Disclaimer: Just need your faces darlings, my fingers will type the rest ..._〆(・∀・＠)
Summary: Be. Who you were meant to be, who they want you to be, or who you want to be. This is the story of two boys, eighteen year old Akira Suzuki and fifteen year old Yutaka Uke. This is the story of discovery, love, pain, and all the things that make life what it is; either it good or bad. This is the story of their search, fight, acceptance, hurt, growth, and their trial to understand exactly who and what they want to be in this world. This, is the story of the silent knight, and the hidden princess.
MAIN & LIST OF CHAPTERS
CHAPTER - 3 I Know You, I Walked with You Once Upon a Dream
Nostalgia of the Heart Is? ...
Why so nervous?
Because admittedly, he was, nervous as hell, and he hadn't been this nervous since the first time he'd had to publicly display any his drawings at his first art-competition during his freshmen year in middle school. The sudden image of Heath Ledger in the role of the Joker asking him Why so nervous? had just made his stomach sink even deeper than what it already had. Shit. If he didn't calm himself a little, he wouldn't have been able to promptly type a single digit on his cellphone, given as to how much his fingers were sweating. He couldn't even rotate the device between his fingers, as he was apt to when felt nervous, for fear of it siding away.
Though he had to pat himself on the shoulder for having come up with something so perfect, in such a confused state of mind. The scholarship had been real, but he had already sent his drawing the previous week, and the theme had nothing to do with Nostalgia, it was "The Future", which made him wonder. Was that what he was presently feeling? Was it nostalgia that was making him this horrid human mess? Had he felt the brunette's absence to this magnitude, and never noticed? … Was Kai that missing something that had been bothering him lately?
Pang.
A strong one at that, right from his heart. Was this his body's way to tell him that he had found the right answer? Could it really have been though? The instant he saw Kai for the first time yesterday he was initially just really shocked as to how much he had changed, and that was all. In fact, a part of him was probably disappointed as to how different he was, thus didn't think too much about it. However, as he kept thinking over the events of the previous morning, he then remembered the peculiar flutter his heart made the moment in which Kai had smiled at him in the way the "old Kai" would have before rushing into his class. Perhaps it had been then. Perhaps that had been the moment in which his subconscious acknowledged the fact that that was the boy it remembered. Yes, it was after that one smile that everything began to start spinning in his head.
So … what exactly was this nostalgia that his heart was feeling?
But most important, where was Kai? School had ended a good twenty minutes ago, students whom had places to go had gone, those whom had to stay for extra-curricular activities were doing as much, and ... Akira had indeed already texted the brunette asking him where he was. Really though, what was the point in having a cellphone if
he never replied! And it wasn't like he could call anyways. Haha, that would have made for a perfect mute-people joke. Akira wasn't one to be offended by "targeted jokes", he was of the opinion that if something was funny, it was funny, period. So yes, him not being able to use a phone to call Kai would have been funny, but at the moment; not so much.
What if he was stood up again? Though he wasn't too sure he could have could have defined the missed Skype-appointment as being stood up, but he had been there and the brunette hadn't so it sort of fitted. No matter how anyone looked at it twenty minutes were a lot though, and he wasn't too sure for he had never been on a date, but if this were to have been one, this would have been considered as a bad start, right? But this wasn't a date, and … shit happened … yes … so he just need to calm the fuck down. And he also needed to discusses the cellphone usage with the brunette as soon as he got there. If he ever got there.
How long was he willing to wait? Quickly dismissing said question, Akira instantly thought about the fact that he could wait for Aoi to finish with his band practice, and walk home with him since, they lived a few blocks from each other. That was a perfect excuse, which would have given him justified time for standing like an idiot at a school's gate longer than needed, and also the perfect excuse to avoid answering the how long am I willing to wait? question. The answer to that question, he feared, had the high potential to be highly humiliating.
“Akira-senpai!” suddenly screamed a loud voice from behind, to which the blond teen almost instantly turned. The image of Kai running towards him, suddenly clearing all the distress and the conspiracy theories his mind was still conjecturing. And when a flustered looking and heavily panting Kai stopped right in front of him, he just couldn't help but serenely smile.
“I am so sorry this is happening again!” instantly breathed out the brunette, looking and sounding seriously concerned and sorry “Saga just wouldn't let me off because he wanted me to join him and Pon to go to karaoke now, even though I kept telling him that I was meeting you, and then when I finally got away from him, Yurika came out of nowhere and … I am so so so sorry” he rushed between pants, and ended with a deep bow. Akira lightly smirked, typed up something on his cell, and tapped the device over the still bent head of the younger teen.
Senpai?
Gingerly touching the spot of his head that had been tapped, while raising his head, the brunette looked at the blond in confused worry after having read what was written on the screen, which made the blond amusingly snicker as he added more.
Senpai? You just called me Akira-senpai (^ ^; ). You've never called me that
“We were kids then … and now … well … I wasn't sure of how to address you so ...” promptly expressed the brunette, giving the elder a sheepish grin, before awkwardly massaging his neck, while the blond resumed typing.
Akira is just fine. Just like you used to.
“A-alright ...” humbly replied the brunette, and even though he really wanted to bring up the "cellphone usage issue", he also really wanted to get the hell out of there, so with a nudge of his head to the side he made sign for them to start walking, as Kai readily nodded, and followed.
He got what he had wanted, hadn’t he? Himself, alone, with Kai. Yet, he couldn't quite understand why, but the feeling of wanting to "monopolize" the younger wasn't gone at all. It was as if by them being on the road, which was open to access to anyone, there was a high possibility of "random human beings interfering". It was a weird though, bizarre indeed, but that was the only way he could explain why he had unknowingly began to walk so hurriedly towards his house. It was really odd, and he knew it was probably best if he slowed down, but the "fear of interference" beat "acting normal" so he kept on with that pace.
Also; what was with this silence? Glimpsing at Kai, Akira noticed how the younger boy's eyes were so rigidly fixed on the ground before themselves, and he seemed to be keeping his distance from the blond. All these silent suppositions were going to lead to nowhere. He needed to do something, because Kai didn't seem inclined to want to, but Akira was a man of action, want’s he? As he began to type he then cautiously moved a bit closer to the brunette, whom however very instantly and quite noticeably jerked a bit away.
Akira would have lied, big time lying, if he were to say that such a reaction hadn't stung. Actually, it was somewhat discouraging, and very throwing-off. Nonetheless, he braced up and turned his cell towards the brunette, whom quickly read the content, while looking somewhat mortified. Could it have been that the brunette thought him to be intimidating? If so it would have explained the unfamiliar shyness and uncertain way in which he was carrying himself around him nowadays. Sure he was the new-old cool kid in town, but around him, and solely around him, he truly seemed on edge.
How was your day?
“Good” concisely expressed the brunette, at which Akira slowly nodded in acknowledgment, hating just how perfect of a conversation-stopper that reply had been. Maybe he just didn't want to be in his company. Akira had after all practically begged him this morning, because he was obviously trying to refuse. Damn. That was suddenly a very depressing thought “Yours?” Kai then hesitantly inquired, glimpsing up at him, whom began to type.
I was a nervous mess all day thinking about now would have been his spontaneous answer, but that was one advantage of being mute, and having technology as a means of communication; he could backspace.
Same old, same classes, same people ...
“Auch … This would break Aoi's heart if he read it” gingerly teased the brunette with a timid grin, as Akira made a feign apprehensive expression, while he quickly typed his reply, and showed it to the younger wearing an incredibly serious expression.
Good. Then I'll use it.
As expected, or rather, as hoped for, Kai laughed in the dainty and unrestrained manner he had known him to, and it was so cute, so terribly cute, that his heart apparently couldn't stop having pangs; a couple more of those and the blond really might have died of laughter.
Following the seemingly ice-breaking moment, the two teens kept onwards the blond's house randomly making fun of Aoi, whom apparently was incredibly easy to make fun of. The blond made a mental note to thank the brunette for that.
Once they reached his apartment complex, Akira unknowingly took a big slow breath as he opened the front door, allowed the brunette in, and somehow marveled at the fact that they truly were alone with each other. His mother wasn't going to be in either, and most likely wouldn't have been back until much later, fact which he was liking particularly at the moment. He loved his mother, enormously so, but right now she unfortunately would have fallen into the same category of those "randomly interfering human beings".
Having removed their shoes at the apartment's entrance, the blond readily walked down the long corridor and turned into his room, the second to the last one on the left, room into which Kai had been before, countless times, during those days four years ago. The room however, was completely different now, as expected for it to be given his age, the same would have been expected of himself, but Akira hadn't changed at all, and with a bit of luck, he'd find out that the same was for the brunette. Because his heart seem to careless about the new badass kid from America, not a single bit.
Closing the door behind them, Akira then stood still observing the brunette, whom was reservedly observing the room. He looked marveled and not disappointed as the blond had feared, but that was the usual general reaction of anyone walking into. His room had his own drawings pasted on each side of its four walls, except for a square area above his bed.
“Is there a reason ...” hesitantly inquired the brunette, quickly glimpsing at Akira and then back at the empty space “... for that spot being empty? … it … it looks like you purposely placed those drawings around it …” he gingerly pointed out. Akira nodded in accordance, after which making sign with his index finger to wait a second, the blond walked to his desk, turned on his computer, and flicked a switch to his right. As soon as the switch was flicked, a blue screen appeared in the square space, revealing a projector hanging from the ceiling right next to the main-lamp.
“Oh wow, I … totally hadn't noticed that all ...” bewilderingly expressed the brunette, as he observed the Windows 7 logo flashing on the wall “... it's so freaking big, how the hell hadn't I noticed that ...” shyly snickered the brunette, as the password screen was being cleared, the desktop was being displayed. Its background being an incredibly well drawn yet curious black and white scene of a beach, with snow falling over it “... did you draw your background?” inquired the brunette, looking at the blond so impressed, that it suddenly made the blond feel so proud of himself for having created something so simple and rushed. Agreeably nodding, the blond then opened WordPad, and just kept watching the brunette.
“It is so beautiful … you have become so amazing in drawing … ” declared the brunette “... I still can't believe you'd want me as a model” lowly expressed keeping his head bent away, as Akira began to type.
I couldn't think of anyone more perfect
Concluded the blond, quickly glancing at the big letters, of what he had just typed, being projected on the wall, which was the whole point of that projector, making it easier for the blond to communicate with people when they got into his room. However, Kai's head was still staring at the ground and away from himself, completely defeating the purpose of said screen. It wasn't like he could call for his attention now, could he?
Feeling slightly frustrated, he lightly chewed on his lower lip and swiftly pondered on how to solve this little issue. Finally concluding that he was absolutely not going to threw something at the brunette, thinking it too rude, or begin to frantically wave hands, thinking it too stupid, he walked right behind the younger, but before he could even tap him on his shoulder, the younger instantly turned and raised a rather panicked expression towards him.
Why was he so scared of him?
Once again keeping that thought aside, Akira dejectedly nudged his head at the wall in front of himself, making the brunette slowly turn towards it, and speechlessly stare, as the elder walked back to his computer.
“That's because the theme was "Nostalgia" ...” attempted Kai, with a completely insincere giggle “... if that hadn't been the theme … you'd really be better of with Yurika you know ...” vaguely dismissed the brunette, but before he could even finish that sentence, Akira had already resumed typing a very annoyed kind of typing. Yurika, Yurika, Yurika. The more he heard that name coming out fro the brunette, the more it was beginning to get on his nerves, and now he was ticked.
It feels like you are trying to push her on me, and vice-versa. Is it so wrong for me to actually WANT you as a model?
Concluded the blond, and this time he had unknowingly pressed the board's key in such strong annoyance that the typing sound had been somewhat distinct, and the brunette's head was then instantly turned towards the wall.
“Well I mean ...” Kai began to awkwardly reply “... wouldn't you naturally? She is pretty, she is really kind and well behaved … and she is totally capable with sign language …” explained the brunette, all the while completely avoiding the blond's face, whom meanwhile was getting irritated, really irritated, and didn’t even know why “... I'm her brother … so you shouldn't hesitate, really … if you are interested … I can totally you know … like ...” confusingly continued the brunette, even though he completely didn't look like he meant a single word he was professing; rather it looked forced.
You know, if you don't want to be in my company, you don't have to. I realize I did sound pushy about today's meeting, and I apologize for that, you really can leave if you want
Akira swiftly typed, and though he felt like he had finally freed himself from the mouth of a hungry alligator, he also instantly regretted every single letter he had typed. He regretted it, and there was no backsapce that would have done the trick now, it was all out there on his wall in big black Claibri font letters, which the brunette was silently and unmoving staring at.
“It's not like that ...” lowly expressed the younger, as he lowered his head, his voice sounding strained, while he kept his back to the elder. Normally, words like that should have been enough to keep any soul at peace, but, with the fact that Kai was still not looking at him, and that he had sounded absolutely not convincing, Akira's soul was be all but calm. It was aggravated, frustrated, and pained for reasons he sill couldn't even understand, but at this point he just didn't want to keep it in anymore, or he was going to explode. Reason why his fingers vehemently resumed typing.
You haven't answered a single one of my texts, not to talk about completely not showing up on Skype, which we both had agreed on. You rarely look at me when I am talking to you, and you look so frightened whenever I try to get close to you, what am I supposed to think?!
Typed the blond, viciously, spitefully, also quite childishly. In the minute it took him to spit all of that righteous venom, he had however completely forgotten that there had been moments in which the brunette had genuinely laughed with him. He had forgotten that just before they left Aoi's house the previous afternoon, the two of them had a normal pleasant conversation. None of any of the good moments had crossed his mind as he basically threw up everything that hadn't been sitting well on his heart; everything that was interfering so bad with that sense of nostalgia.
Those moments were all popping up right now, as he wordlessly stared at the brunette, whom took his own time to stare at the screen, and quickly after, hurriedly walk out of the room. He needed not a voice to screw shit up after all; he finally had the prove. No matter the form, when delivered, words would always be just as rejoicing, or just as fatal.
The blond could have simply remained sat boiling in his anger, wallow in sadness, and mix it all with the aggravation, which his heart was producing, but before those thoughts could as much as reach his mind, without even knowing, the blond had been on his feet, out of his room, and after the brunette. "Bless Japanese houses for genkan!" thought Akira, as he spotted the brunette swiftly trying to get his shoes on, making it possible for him to get past him and place himself against the main entrance. Once the brunette had done, he stood up, and keeping his head really low, merely stood unmoving a few steps away from the blond.
Akira should have let him leave, after all, weren't all those accusatory words he'd typed away inviting him to do so? He should have let him go, but he did not want to, he should have apologized, but he had no idea what for, he should have been rational about things; but he had no idea what was and what wasn't anymore. Thus, wondering what on earth to do next, and staring at how the brunette seemed fixed on not taking a single step, he then remembered his cellphone, and hesitantly bringing the device out, he began to type. He'd already gone one way anyways, might have as well go all the way.
Sorry. Somehow it seems I always end up hurting you don't I? I had done the same four years ago, just before you left. You never told me what was wrong, but you seemed alright after I apologized so I forgot about it. But now it is repeating again, and I suppose, maybe, my reaction was caused by an irrational fear I have that you'll disappear on me again? I don't know. But you know, I hadn't realized until some time this morning, that I had REALLY missed YOU a lot. Today, all I could do is look forward to meeting you. I was really happy, and you avoiding me, or talking about your sister in the same dismissing manner, really bogged me, and I just don't know why. But I am sorry
Long-ass message was long, and he wasn't even sure it made any sense, his thoughts were so jumbled and the words just kept flowing, nonetheless, the blond then selected a sender, and this time, sent the message instead of showing it directly to the brunette, whom a few second later hesitantly brought out his own calling device from the pocket of his school pant's uniform and began to read.
Akira's head was now the one to go low, so he couldn't see whether Kai had risen his head or not, though it was probably more precise to say that he was actually scared to see any of the brunette's reactions. This time around, Kai had seemed ten times more apathetic and more distressed than the morning he had met him in front of their school's gate four years ago; he remembered now. Yet the outcome of that day, had been perhaps the most reliving sensation he'd ever felt. Undoubtedly, Seeing Kai cry had been a major worrying factor, but then that overwhelmingly genuine and serene smile … those words … what wouldn't have he done to see and hear them again right in this very moment.
Thus, he kept his head low until, perceiving what sounded like low and restrained sniffs coming from the brunette, Akira's head lightly popped up and watched in concern as the brunette, whose head was still as low, began to type something on his cell phone. A few minutes letter, his cellphone received a text.
From: Kai
Me: Me
I was really trying my darn best to at least not cry in front of you this time, but sorry, I really can't hold them
Read the message, and as soon as the elder had finished reading it,proper loud sobbing could be heard, at which Akira instinctively got off the door, and took a few careful step towards the still downwards looking brunette. He wanted to touch him. To clear any tear that was dropping, to comfort him, to take away the pain that he himself had caused. But he was so scared, what if Kai would jerk away at said contact, just how much pain would such a reaction cause him?
Then would you look up at me, smile, and say that you are happy, like you had that day?
Akira typed, it was a stupid thought, and quite selfish, given as how he didn't know what exactly was the brunette such distress. Yet, with quite trembling hands, and a raging heartbeat, he hesitantly reached for the brunette's head, but stopped half way. Instead, he lowered his cellphone at the same level of Kai's bent head, allowed the younger to read, and just like that, some seconds later, Kai slowly raised his head, revealing indeed crying features, however, he wasn't smiling, but he wasn't frowning either. Kai looked as if he was searching for something, while dazing into Akira's eyes, but, once again, the blond had no idea what exactly he was looking for. Yet, he did think that ... no ... he knew for sure that they were currently feeling the same thing.
Nostalgia of the heart.
Without thinking, Akira's hand newly raised towards Kai's face, and this time its fingers delicately grazed away as many tears as they came in contacts with over one cheek. Raising his other hand he then repeated the same on the other side of the brunette's face, while both set of eyes kept fixed on each other, like in a trance, as the elder's hands ended up gently cupping the younger boy's cheeks, and to the immense joy of Akira's heart, Kai came closer. Differently from his body, Akira had no idea what was about to happen, but he knew that whatever it was that was about to happen, he wanted it to, badly. Apparently, Kai did as well, for he was slowly raising his head a bit more, while Akira leaned in at the same pace, both seemingly aiming for each other's lips; when the house bell rang.
They stayed put, still enthralled in each other, but looking as if wondering what they should do next, or perhaps hoping that such a disturbance could be overlooked and they could get back at what they were about to do. But the bell rang again, and again, and fucking again.
Thus, after they had synchronously looked away from each other with the expression of a kid whom woke up on Christmas day to find not a single present under his tree, Akira quickly withdraw his hands, while Kai swiftly cleaned his remaining tears. Then, viciously turning towards the outside-view monitor, the blond was somewhat not surprised to find that the fucking "random human being interferer" was none other than Aoi. He could have killed his own best friend with his own hands he was presently that angry. Nonetheless, he pressed the "speak" button allowing the brunette to say whatever he had to say on the other side.
“Yo … Reita? … yo man, open up ...” requested Aoi sounding quite crestfallen.
“I'll go use the bathroom” instantly announced the brunette, knocking off his shoes, and rushing towards the room at the end of the corridor. Akira dejectedly nodded in response, and while he waited for Aoi to arrive, he felt his cellphone vibrate. Apathetically, he flipped it open, and read the text.
From: Ruki
To:
I don't know what you had in mind to do with Kai, since I know sure as hell that whatever scholarship thingy, you have turned it in last week, but THAT look … oh I know that look too fucking well. Anyways, as I was saying, I am still at school with Uru, but I saw Aoi storming out of whatever shitty-band practice, so you might soon be interrupted ...that was just FYI (Hope I didn't interrupt you as well, which I probably did, but better than having Aoi storming in, while you know … Though considering that I sent this just now, he might have reached your place already … oops) BUT who knew you had it in you~!! Loverboy~ won't blame you though Kai is kinda cute, but Uruha is much better. C ya tomorrow with details~
Dumbly staring at Ruki's text, Akira stayed put in the middle of his genkan as Aoi stormed into his apartment.
“Dude. Today fucking sucked.” hurriedly expressed the brunette, as he furiously got rid of his shoes, and walked past a mechanically slow nodding Akira, whom was still staring at the text, while Aoi walked himself straight toward the blond's room.
Do with Kai? THAT look? Loverboy? Kinda cute? As he read those parts of the text over and over, completely jumping anything regarding Aoi or Ruki, Akira could feel his heart beat harder and harder, as well as his cheeks get hotter and hotter. Lover ...boy. Is that … what this was?
Was he … in love with Kai?
“Reita~ … I need you~ come console me!!” childishly whined Aoi, making the blond automatically began to walk towards his own room, and quickly glimpse at the bathroom door once he past by it. Bathroom into which Kai currently was, and that mere thought had been sufficient to make his heart beat a few beats harder.
Fuck … shit … wow … damn.
He was in love.
@---,---'------☆~♥~☆------'---,---@
What the fuck had just happened?
Or actually, what hadn't just happened. Still setting at the feet of Akira's bathroom door, Yutaka was trying really hard to stop his heart beat from racing, his head from spinning, and his ears from whistling. Just a few minutes ago, at the other side of the corridor, in this very apartment, him and Akira Suziki were about to kiss, right? Their lips were most definitely going to land on each other and it all would have been of Akira's initiative, right? OhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGod … now way!
Gingerly placing both his hands over the same spots were Akira's had just held his face, the brunette closed his eyes and could perfectly picture their magical moment again. He could still feel the warmth of Akira's hands on him, his breath, his scent, it was all so much, so inebriating, in fact, Yutaka was utterly surprised at the fact that he hadn't fainted. God, his heart won't stop beating, and his body couldn't even move he was still trembling so much.
Though he had pictured a moment like this, so many freaking time, never in a million years he'd thought it would actually happen, at least not so vividly and so out of the blue. Infinite were the things he thought he would have have to do before he could get anything even close to a kiss. A kiss. Holy shit. The brunette had thought he might have ended up having to get the blond perhaps drunk, or have himself dressed as a woman, and so many other quite degrading and desperate measures.
Fucking Aoi.
Yutaka swore to all gods that he would have got up this bathroom floor, and rushed to reduce him into a pulp, if only he had the strength to get to his own feet. Nonetheless, he eventually needed to get out of that bathroom, thus, he needed to calm down already. Taking a few deep and slow breathes, the brunette managed to get to his feet, just to then drop himself on the door, feeling as exhausted as if he had ran a marathon. God he wanted to squeal.
Then, as he tried his best to clear his sight from the constant repeat of his missed-kiss scene, Yutaka walked towards the sink, and stood tall looking at his reflection in the mirror. He looked like a strawberry, his eyes were a bit puffy, and what was with that hair?! He looked a hot mess. Was Akira really about to kiss him looking like this? Ew, ew, ew, ew!. There was nothing even close to watchable in his present reflection, not to talk about kissable, yet, the elder had seemed so captivated, and Yutaka still couldn't believe it. How was he supposed to believe that that Akira was not interested in his sister, that he was looking forward to spending time with him, basically the he possibly-seemed-to-maybe-perhaps l- … li- … li~- … like him?
There must have been a mistake somewhere, this just couldn't be. Not like he could presently find many other interpretations to a kiss, but the brunette wouldn't all himself to think much about it at all. Though it was presently impossible not too, he just had too, because about to get his hopes high again, just to then precipitates, again, given as to how this time he might have not survived the impact.
Resignedly sighing, Yutaka newly touching his cheeks while still dazing at his face in the mirror; which was still burning so bad. He was in bathroom though, all he had to do was splash some water over it, but there really was no fucking way he was going to wash off a face that had just been touched by the person he loved. Fuck that. Yes, he had just decided to not deceive himself, but no, he wasn't going to speed the "sobering" process.
What to do next? Yutaka was still too shaken to revert into being a functional member of society, and that was going to be bothersome, especially with a face looking like this, which would have made it impossible to dismiss anything, particularly with a worrywart like Aoi. Thus, still refusing to wash off his face, the younger concluded that the it was best to leave.
It was perhaps the worst plan of action he could have taken given as how the blond had pointed out not liking his
"bailing" out on him, but he just couldn't stay, and he needed to relive this some more, undisturbed, before whichever reality of tomorrow came knocking at his door.
Thus, carefully opening the bathroom door, he silently tip-toed out "Yey Japanese house for not allowing shoes inside" he mentally chanted knowing just how noisy his leather shoes were. Once he reached Akira's room, his heartbeat resumed drumming, but he manged to ignore it, as he peeped in and noticed that Reita and Aoi were both seated at his computer. Finally some shitting luck! Not thinking twice, the brunette tip-toed past the room, and got himself to the genkan where he war his shoes, quickly opened the door, and left with the door banging behind himself. So much for secrecy.
As he walked in the direction of the station, he tried really hard to stop missing his way, but his head was still too much of a mess, and … shit … he had forgotten his school back at Akira's place. Oh well, it would have to stay there because he wasn't about to go back there. Thus, he walked on, trying his best to focus on his current "getting home mission", when his phone vibrated.
From: Akira Suzuki
To: Me
You forgot your school bag.
Forlornly staring at Akira's message, the brunette was nearly hit by a cyclist, as he shakily began to reply it, remembering his not replying to texts being another of the causes that had the blond so riled up. And it wasn't like he didn't replied to people on purpose, he just didn’t do it instantly, and he sometimes got too tied up with things, and would eventually forget about them.
From: Me
To: Akira Suzuki
I know
Was his reply. So dumbly concise, but what really though, what else should he have said to such and observation, since he wasn't going to write the normal oh! Okay give me a sec, I'm coming back. As he kept walking, and wondering what else should he have added to the already sent text, to make it sound not so crude, another text arrived.
From: Akira Suzuki
To: Me
Didn't think you were going to reply. Glad you did though (^_^” ) and call me paranoid or whatever, at this point I'm really not going to care, but I suddenly have this very irrational fear, that tomorrow I am going to go to school and Aoi will come tell me that you went to Zimbabwe. All I am saying is that I want you tell me that you will be at school tomorrow (plus I suppose we need to talk). Swear that you will come to school.
Why was this text suddenly making him so happy, why did he feel like crying all over again; why was Akira trying to give him so much hope? What person wouldn't have loved to hear such words, to know that there was someone somewhere that wanted him around, and when this person just so happened to be that one person he'd so willingly give his heart and all to, how was he supposed to not want to believe in it.
From: Me
To: Akira Suzuki
I promise I am not going anywhere. If you want, we can meet before school opens. 7 AM by the gate?
Boldly replied the brunette. There wasn't too much time for things once their academic daily routine had started, so he thought that meeting early, no matter how hard to actually get out of bed would have been, was the best; not like he was going to sleep a whole lot this night anyways.
From: Akira Suzuki
To: Me
Alright, 7AM it is, and I swear, if you don't show up, I'll hunt you down! (-_^ )
Finally getting into the station, Yutaka composedly stood at his platform, waiting for his train to arrive, while dazedly staring at the winking smiley from Akira's last text message. If it were to truly be, that somehow Akira really did like him, it this dream-world scenario were to finally become his reality, would it have been okay for him to be happy for himself, even knowing very well that such an outcome was certain to provoke his parents rage, or that his sister would be incredibly hurt? Was it okay to be as selfish as to really want this, in spite of all of that? Was it alright for once for him not be the only one stuck loving?
Was it alright for once to be the one being loved?
CHAPTER 5 - Lovers' World
AN: UH?! SHE UPDATED SO SOON?!?!? LOL !
The thing is that I am foreseeing a very busy set of weeks coming up, so I am trying to write as fast as I can, and give you all the much I can before, it gets hectic again~ So who knows, if I'll be able to give you chapter 5 soon as well not sure .... Poor our Akira, he really had quite the eventful hour there, didn't he? (though it must have felt like an entire afternoon had past to him). It's hard though, it really is hard, to deal with your own emotions, realizing and admitting to your own mentions as well. Particularly love, which in RARE occasions makes you the strongest of human beings, but in MOST occasions, it weakens you beyond belief. Kai on the other hand, is perfectly aware of his emotions, and now that there is a CHANCE for his greatest wish to come true, there are consequences, which almost make him want to not make said wish come true.
A lot is about to happen to this boys of ours, it's gonna be bum-py ride! but as you can tell from the title, the next chapter, should be a quite enjoyable ride And sorry if it is moving so slowly, but after Lovers' World things will pick up~ m(_ _ )m .
Much Love -LnK♥(~_^ )/-
Chaper: 4 - Nostalgia of the Heart Is? ... / ??
Author:luna_no_koibito
Genre: Human Drama, Angst, Romance
Warnings:cursing, touching (for this chapter)
Rating: PG-15 (for this chapter)
Pairing: Reita / Kai
Bands: The GazettE
Disclaimer: Just need your faces darlings, my fingers will type the rest ..._〆(・∀・＠)
Summary: Be. Who you were meant to be, who they want you to be, or who you want to be. This is the story of two boys, eighteen year old Akira Suzuki and fifteen year old Yutaka Uke. This is the story of discovery, love, pain, and all the things that make life what it is; either it good or bad. This is the story of their search, fight, acceptance, hurt, growth, and their trial to understand exactly who and what they want to be in this world. This, is the story of the silent knight, and the hidden princess.
MAIN & LIST OF CHAPTERS
CHAPTER - 3 I Know You, I Walked with You Once Upon a Dream
Nostalgia of the Heart Is? ...
Why so nervous?
Because admittedly, he was, nervous as hell, and he hadn't been this nervous since the first time he'd had to publicly display any his drawings at his first art-competition during his freshmen year in middle school. The sudden image of Heath Ledger in the role of the Joker asking him Why so nervous? had just made his stomach sink even deeper than what it already had. Shit. If he didn't calm himself a little, he wouldn't have been able to promptly type a single digit on his cellphone, given as to how much his fingers were sweating. He couldn't even rotate the device between his fingers, as he was apt to when felt nervous, for fear of it siding away.
Though he had to pat himself on the shoulder for having come up with something so perfect, in such a confused state of mind. The scholarship had been real, but he had already sent his drawing the previous week, and the theme had nothing to do with Nostalgia, it was "The Future", which made him wonder. Was that what he was presently feeling? Was it nostalgia that was making him this horrid human mess? Had he felt the brunette's absence to this magnitude, and never noticed? … Was Kai that missing something that had been bothering him lately?
Pang.
A strong one at that, right from his heart. Was this his body's way to tell him that he had found the right answer? Could it really have been though? The instant he saw Kai for the first time yesterday he was initially just really shocked as to how much he had changed, and that was all. In fact, a part of him was probably disappointed as to how different he was, thus didn't think too much about it. However, as he kept thinking over the events of the previous morning, he then remembered the peculiar flutter his heart made the moment in which Kai had smiled at him in the way the "old Kai" would have before rushing into his class. Perhaps it had been then. Perhaps that had been the moment in which his subconscious acknowledged the fact that that was the boy it remembered. Yes, it was after that one smile that everything began to start spinning in his head.
So … what exactly was this nostalgia that his heart was feeling?
But most important, where was Kai? School had ended a good twenty minutes ago, students whom had places to go had gone, those whom had to stay for extra-curricular activities were doing as much, and ... Akira had indeed already texted the brunette asking him where he was. Really though, what was the point in having a cellphone if
he never replied! And it wasn't like he could call anyways. Haha, that would have made for a perfect mute-people joke. Akira wasn't one to be offended by "targeted jokes", he was of the opinion that if something was funny, it was funny, period. So yes, him not being able to use a phone to call Kai would have been funny, but at the moment; not so much.
What if he was stood up again? Though he wasn't too sure he could have could have defined the missed Skype-appointment as being stood up, but he had been there and the brunette hadn't so it sort of fitted. No matter how anyone looked at it twenty minutes were a lot though, and he wasn't too sure for he had never been on a date, but if this were to have been one, this would have been considered as a bad start, right? But this wasn't a date, and … shit happened … yes … so he just need to calm the fuck down. And he also needed to discusses the cellphone usage with the brunette as soon as he got there. If he ever got there.
How long was he willing to wait? Quickly dismissing said question, Akira instantly thought about the fact that he could wait for Aoi to finish with his band practice, and walk home with him since, they lived a few blocks from each other. That was a perfect excuse, which would have given him justified time for standing like an idiot at a school's gate longer than needed, and also the perfect excuse to avoid answering the how long am I willing to wait? question. The answer to that question, he feared, had the high potential to be highly humiliating.
“Akira-senpai!” suddenly screamed a loud voice from behind, to which the blond teen almost instantly turned. The image of Kai running towards him, suddenly clearing all the distress and the conspiracy theories his mind was still conjecturing. And when a flustered looking and heavily panting Kai stopped right in front of him, he just couldn't help but serenely smile.
“I am so sorry this is happening again!” instantly breathed out the brunette, looking and sounding seriously concerned and sorry “Saga just wouldn't let me off because he wanted me to join him and Pon to go to karaoke now, even though I kept telling him that I was meeting you, and then when I finally got away from him, Yurika came out of nowhere and … I am so so so sorry” he rushed between pants, and ended with a deep bow. Akira lightly smirked, typed up something on his cell, and tapped the device over the still bent head of the younger teen.
Senpai?
Gingerly touching the spot of his head that had been tapped, while raising his head, the brunette looked at the blond in confused worry after having read what was written on the screen, which made the blond amusingly snicker as he added more.
Senpai? You just called me Akira-senpai (^ ^; ). You've never called me that
“We were kids then … and now … well … I wasn't sure of how to address you so ...” promptly expressed the brunette, giving the elder a sheepish grin, before awkwardly massaging his neck, while the blond resumed typing.
Akira is just fine. Just like you used to.
“A-alright ...” humbly replied the brunette, and even though he really wanted to bring up the "cellphone usage issue", he also really wanted to get the hell out of there, so with a nudge of his head to the side he made sign for them to start walking, as Kai readily nodded, and followed.
He got what he had wanted, hadn’t he? Himself, alone, with Kai. Yet, he couldn't quite understand why, but the feeling of wanting to "monopolize" the younger wasn't gone at all. It was as if by them being on the road, which was open to access to anyone, there was a high possibility of "random human beings interfering". It was a weird though, bizarre indeed, but that was the only way he could explain why he had unknowingly began to walk so hurriedly towards his house. It was really odd, and he knew it was probably best if he slowed down, but the "fear of interference" beat "acting normal" so he kept on with that pace.
Also; what was with this silence? Glimpsing at Kai, Akira noticed how the younger boy's eyes were so rigidly fixed on the ground before themselves, and he seemed to be keeping his distance from the blond. All these silent suppositions were going to lead to nowhere. He needed to do something, because Kai didn't seem inclined to want to, but Akira was a man of action, want’s he? As he began to type he then cautiously moved a bit closer to the brunette, whom however very instantly and quite noticeably jerked a bit away.
Akira would have lied, big time lying, if he were to say that such a reaction hadn't stung. Actually, it was somewhat discouraging, and very throwing-off. Nonetheless, he braced up and turned his cell towards the brunette, whom quickly read the content, while looking somewhat mortified. Could it have been that the brunette thought him to be intimidating? If so it would have explained the unfamiliar shyness and uncertain way in which he was carrying himself around him nowadays. Sure he was the new-old cool kid in town, but around him, and solely around him, he truly seemed on edge.
How was your day?
“Good” concisely expressed the brunette, at which Akira slowly nodded in acknowledgment, hating just how perfect of a conversation-stopper that reply had been. Maybe he just didn't want to be in his company. Akira had after all practically begged him this morning, because he was obviously trying to refuse. Damn. That was suddenly a very depressing thought “Yours?” Kai then hesitantly inquired, glimpsing up at him, whom began to type.
I was a nervous mess all day thinking about now would have been his spontaneous answer, but that was one advantage of being mute, and having technology as a means of communication; he could backspace.
Same old, same classes, same people ...
“Auch … This would break Aoi's heart if he read it” gingerly teased the brunette with a timid grin, as Akira made a feign apprehensive expression, while he quickly typed his reply, and showed it to the younger wearing an incredibly serious expression.
Good. Then I'll use it.
As expected, or rather, as hoped for, Kai laughed in the dainty and unrestrained manner he had known him to, and it was so cute, so terribly cute, that his heart apparently couldn't stop having pangs; a couple more of those and the blond really might have died of laughter.
Following the seemingly ice-breaking moment, the two teens kept onwards the blond's house randomly making fun of Aoi, whom apparently was incredibly easy to make fun of. The blond made a mental note to thank the brunette for that.
Once they reached his apartment complex, Akira unknowingly took a big slow breath as he opened the front door, allowed the brunette in, and somehow marveled at the fact that they truly were alone with each other. His mother wasn't going to be in either, and most likely wouldn't have been back until much later, fact which he was liking particularly at the moment. He loved his mother, enormously so, but right now she unfortunately would have fallen into the same category of those "randomly interfering human beings".
Having removed their shoes at the apartment's entrance, the blond readily walked down the long corridor and turned into his room, the second to the last one on the left, room into which Kai had been before, countless times, during those days four years ago. The room however, was completely different now, as expected for it to be given his age, the same would have been expected of himself, but Akira hadn't changed at all, and with a bit of luck, he'd find out that the same was for the brunette. Because his heart seem to careless about the new badass kid from America, not a single bit.
Closing the door behind them, Akira then stood still observing the brunette, whom was reservedly observing the room. He looked marveled and not disappointed as the blond had feared, but that was the usual general reaction of anyone walking into. His room had his own drawings pasted on each side of its four walls, except for a square area above his bed.
“Is there a reason ...” hesitantly inquired the brunette, quickly glimpsing at Akira and then back at the empty space “... for that spot being empty? … it … it looks like you purposely placed those drawings around it …” he gingerly pointed out. Akira nodded in accordance, after which making sign with his index finger to wait a second, the blond walked to his desk, turned on his computer, and flicked a switch to his right. As soon as the switch was flicked, a blue screen appeared in the square space, revealing a projector hanging from the ceiling right next to the main-lamp.
“Oh wow, I … totally hadn't noticed that all ...” bewilderingly expressed the brunette, as he observed the Windows 7 logo flashing on the wall “... it's so freaking big, how the hell hadn't I noticed that ...” shyly snickered the brunette, as the password screen was being cleared, the desktop was being displayed. Its background being an incredibly well drawn yet curious black and white scene of a beach, with snow falling over it “... did you draw your background?” inquired the brunette, looking at the blond so impressed, that it suddenly made the blond feel so proud of himself for having created something so simple and rushed. Agreeably nodding, the blond then opened WordPad, and just kept watching the brunette.
“It is so beautiful … you have become so amazing in drawing … ” declared the brunette “... I still can't believe you'd want me as a model” lowly expressed keeping his head bent away, as Akira began to type.
I couldn't think of anyone more perfect
Concluded the blond, quickly glancing at the big letters, of what he had just typed, being projected on the wall, which was the whole point of that projector, making it easier for the blond to communicate with people when they got into his room. However, Kai's head was still staring at the ground and away from himself, completely defeating the purpose of said screen. It wasn't like he could call for his attention now, could he?
Feeling slightly frustrated, he lightly chewed on his lower lip and swiftly pondered on how to solve this little issue. Finally concluding that he was absolutely not going to threw something at the brunette, thinking it too rude, or begin to frantically wave hands, thinking it too stupid, he walked right behind the younger, but before he could even tap him on his shoulder, the younger instantly turned and raised a rather panicked expression towards him.
Why was he so scared of him?
Once again keeping that thought aside, Akira dejectedly nudged his head at the wall in front of himself, making the brunette slowly turn towards it, and speechlessly stare, as the elder walked back to his computer.
“That's because the theme was "Nostalgia" ...” attempted Kai, with a completely insincere giggle “... if that hadn't been the theme … you'd really be better of with Yurika you know ...” vaguely dismissed the brunette, but before he could even finish that sentence, Akira had already resumed typing a very annoyed kind of typing. Yurika, Yurika, Yurika. The more he heard that name coming out fro the brunette, the more it was beginning to get on his nerves, and now he was ticked.
It feels like you are trying to push her on me, and vice-versa. Is it so wrong for me to actually WANT you as a model?
Concluded the blond, and this time he had unknowingly pressed the board's key in such strong annoyance that the typing sound had been somewhat distinct, and the brunette's head was then instantly turned towards the wall.
“Well I mean ...” Kai began to awkwardly reply “... wouldn't you naturally? She is pretty, she is really kind and well behaved … and she is totally capable with sign language …” explained the brunette, all the while completely avoiding the blond's face, whom meanwhile was getting irritated, really irritated, and didn’t even know why “... I'm her brother … so you shouldn't hesitate, really … if you are interested … I can totally you know … like ...” confusingly continued the brunette, even though he completely didn't look like he meant a single word he was professing; rather it looked forced.
You know, if you don't want to be in my company, you don't have to. I realize I did sound pushy about today's meeting, and I apologize for that, you really can leave if you want
Akira swiftly typed, and though he felt like he had finally freed himself from the mouth of a hungry alligator, he also instantly regretted every single letter he had typed. He regretted it, and there was no backsapce that would have done the trick now, it was all out there on his wall in big black Claibri font letters, which the brunette was silently and unmoving staring at.
“It's not like that ...” lowly expressed the younger, as he lowered his head, his voice sounding strained, while he kept his back to the elder. Normally, words like that should have been enough to keep any soul at peace, but, with the fact that Kai was still not looking at him, and that he had sounded absolutely not convincing, Akira's soul was be all but calm. It was aggravated, frustrated, and pained for reasons he sill couldn't even understand, but at this point he just didn't want to keep it in anymore, or he was going to explode. Reason why his fingers vehemently resumed typing.
You haven't answered a single one of my texts, not to talk about completely not showing up on Skype, which we both had agreed on. You rarely look at me when I am talking to you, and you look so frightened whenever I try to get close to you, what am I supposed to think?!
Typed the blond, viciously, spitefully, also quite childishly. In the minute it took him to spit all of that righteous venom, he had however completely forgotten that there had been moments in which the brunette had genuinely laughed with him. He had forgotten that just before they left Aoi's house the previous afternoon, the two of them had a normal pleasant conversation. None of any of the good moments had crossed his mind as he basically threw up everything that hadn't been sitting well on his heart; everything that was interfering so bad with that sense of nostalgia.
Those moments were all popping up right now, as he wordlessly stared at the brunette, whom took his own time to stare at the screen, and quickly after, hurriedly walk out of the room. He needed not a voice to screw shit up after all; he finally had the prove. No matter the form, when delivered, words would always be just as rejoicing, or just as fatal.
The blond could have simply remained sat boiling in his anger, wallow in sadness, and mix it all with the aggravation, which his heart was producing, but before those thoughts could as much as reach his mind, without even knowing, the blond had been on his feet, out of his room, and after the brunette. "Bless Japanese houses for genkan!" thought Akira, as he spotted the brunette swiftly trying to get his shoes on, making it possible for him to get past him and place himself against the main entrance. Once the brunette had done, he stood up, and keeping his head really low, merely stood unmoving a few steps away from the blond.
Akira should have let him leave, after all, weren't all those accusatory words he'd typed away inviting him to do so? He should have let him go, but he did not want to, he should have apologized, but he had no idea what for, he should have been rational about things; but he had no idea what was and what wasn't anymore. Thus, wondering what on earth to do next, and staring at how the brunette seemed fixed on not taking a single step, he then remembered his cellphone, and hesitantly bringing the device out, he began to type. He'd already gone one way anyways, might have as well go all the way.
Sorry. Somehow it seems I always end up hurting you don't I? I had done the same four years ago, just before you left. You never told me what was wrong, but you seemed alright after I apologized so I forgot about it. But now it is repeating again, and I suppose, maybe, my reaction was caused by an irrational fear I have that you'll disappear on me again? I don't know. But you know, I hadn't realized until some time this morning, that I had REALLY missed YOU a lot. Today, all I could do is look forward to meeting you. I was really happy, and you avoiding me, or talking about your sister in the same dismissing manner, really bogged me, and I just don't know why. But I am sorry
Long-ass message was long, and he wasn't even sure it made any sense, his thoughts were so jumbled and the words just kept flowing, nonetheless, the blond then selected a sender, and this time, sent the message instead of showing it directly to the brunette, whom a few second later hesitantly brought out his own calling device from the pocket of his school pant's uniform and began to read.
Akira's head was now the one to go low, so he couldn't see whether Kai had risen his head or not, though it was probably more precise to say that he was actually scared to see any of the brunette's reactions. This time around, Kai had seemed ten times more apathetic and more distressed than the morning he had met him in front of their school's gate four years ago; he remembered now. Yet the outcome of that day, had been perhaps the most reliving sensation he'd ever felt. Undoubtedly, Seeing Kai cry had been a major worrying factor, but then that overwhelmingly genuine and serene smile … those words … what wouldn't have he done to see and hear them again right in this very moment.
Thus, he kept his head low until, perceiving what sounded like low and restrained sniffs coming from the brunette, Akira's head lightly popped up and watched in concern as the brunette, whose head was still as low, began to type something on his cell phone. A few minutes letter, his cellphone received a text.
From: Kai
Me: Me
I was really trying my darn best to at least not cry in front of you this time, but sorry, I really can't hold them
Read the message, and as soon as the elder had finished reading it,proper loud sobbing could be heard, at which Akira instinctively got off the door, and took a few careful step towards the still downwards looking brunette. He wanted to touch him. To clear any tear that was dropping, to comfort him, to take away the pain that he himself had caused. But he was so scared, what if Kai would jerk away at said contact, just how much pain would such a reaction cause him?
Then would you look up at me, smile, and say that you are happy, like you had that day?
Akira typed, it was a stupid thought, and quite selfish, given as how he didn't know what exactly was the brunette such distress. Yet, with quite trembling hands, and a raging heartbeat, he hesitantly reached for the brunette's head, but stopped half way. Instead, he lowered his cellphone at the same level of Kai's bent head, allowed the younger to read, and just like that, some seconds later, Kai slowly raised his head, revealing indeed crying features, however, he wasn't smiling, but he wasn't frowning either. Kai looked as if he was searching for something, while dazing into Akira's eyes, but, once again, the blond had no idea what exactly he was looking for. Yet, he did think that ... no ... he knew for sure that they were currently feeling the same thing.
Nostalgia of the heart.
Without thinking, Akira's hand newly raised towards Kai's face, and this time its fingers delicately grazed away as many tears as they came in contacts with over one cheek. Raising his other hand he then repeated the same on the other side of the brunette's face, while both set of eyes kept fixed on each other, like in a trance, as the elder's hands ended up gently cupping the younger boy's cheeks, and to the immense joy of Akira's heart, Kai came closer. Differently from his body, Akira had no idea what was about to happen, but he knew that whatever it was that was about to happen, he wanted it to, badly. Apparently, Kai did as well, for he was slowly raising his head a bit more, while Akira leaned in at the same pace, both seemingly aiming for each other's lips; when the house bell rang.
They stayed put, still enthralled in each other, but looking as if wondering what they should do next, or perhaps hoping that such a disturbance could be overlooked and they could get back at what they were about to do. But the bell rang again, and again, and fucking again.
Thus, after they had synchronously looked away from each other with the expression of a kid whom woke up on Christmas day to find not a single present under his tree, Akira quickly withdraw his hands, while Kai swiftly cleaned his remaining tears. Then, viciously turning towards the outside-view monitor, the blond was somewhat not surprised to find that the fucking "random human being interferer" was none other than Aoi. He could have killed his own best friend with his own hands he was presently that angry. Nonetheless, he pressed the "speak" button allowing the brunette to say whatever he had to say on the other side.
“Yo … Reita? … yo man, open up ...” requested Aoi sounding quite crestfallen.
“I'll go use the bathroom” instantly announced the brunette, knocking off his shoes, and rushing towards the room at the end of the corridor. Akira dejectedly nodded in response, and while he waited for Aoi to arrive, he felt his cellphone vibrate. Apathetically, he flipped it open, and read the text.
From: Ruki
To:
I don't know what you had in mind to do with Kai, since I know sure as hell that whatever scholarship thingy, you have turned it in last week, but THAT look … oh I know that look too fucking well. Anyways, as I was saying, I am still at school with Uru, but I saw Aoi storming out of whatever shitty-band practice, so you might soon be interrupted ...that was just FYI (Hope I didn't interrupt you as well, which I probably did, but better than having Aoi storming in, while you know … Though considering that I sent this just now, he might have reached your place already … oops) BUT who knew you had it in you~!! Loverboy~ won't blame you though Kai is kinda cute, but Uruha is much better. C ya tomorrow with details~
Dumbly staring at Ruki's text, Akira stayed put in the middle of his genkan as Aoi stormed into his apartment.
“Dude. Today fucking sucked.” hurriedly expressed the brunette, as he furiously got rid of his shoes, and walked past a mechanically slow nodding Akira, whom was still staring at the text, while Aoi walked himself straight toward the blond's room.
Do with Kai? THAT look? Loverboy? Kinda cute? As he read those parts of the text over and over, completely jumping anything regarding Aoi or Ruki, Akira could feel his heart beat harder and harder, as well as his cheeks get hotter and hotter. Lover ...boy. Is that … what this was?
Was he … in love with Kai?
“Reita~ … I need you~ come console me!!” childishly whined Aoi, making the blond automatically began to walk towards his own room, and quickly glimpse at the bathroom door once he past by it. Bathroom into which Kai currently was, and that mere thought had been sufficient to make his heart beat a few beats harder.
Fuck … shit … wow … damn.
He was in love.
@---,---'------☆~♥~☆------'---,---@
What the fuck had just happened?
Or actually, what hadn't just happened. Still setting at the feet of Akira's bathroom door, Yutaka was trying really hard to stop his heart beat from racing, his head from spinning, and his ears from whistling. Just a few minutes ago, at the other side of the corridor, in this very apartment, him and Akira Suziki were about to kiss, right? Their lips were most definitely going to land on each other and it all would have been of Akira's initiative, right? OhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGod … now way!
Gingerly placing both his hands over the same spots were Akira's had just held his face, the brunette closed his eyes and could perfectly picture their magical moment again. He could still feel the warmth of Akira's hands on him, his breath, his scent, it was all so much, so inebriating, in fact, Yutaka was utterly surprised at the fact that he hadn't fainted. God, his heart won't stop beating, and his body couldn't even move he was still trembling so much.
Though he had pictured a moment like this, so many freaking time, never in a million years he'd thought it would actually happen, at least not so vividly and so out of the blue. Infinite were the things he thought he would have have to do before he could get anything even close to a kiss. A kiss. Holy shit. The brunette had thought he might have ended up having to get the blond perhaps drunk, or have himself dressed as a woman, and so many other quite degrading and desperate measures.
Fucking Aoi.
Yutaka swore to all gods that he would have got up this bathroom floor, and rushed to reduce him into a pulp, if only he had the strength to get to his own feet. Nonetheless, he eventually needed to get out of that bathroom, thus, he needed to calm down already. Taking a few deep and slow breathes, the brunette managed to get to his feet, just to then drop himself on the door, feeling as exhausted as if he had ran a marathon. God he wanted to squeal.
Then, as he tried his best to clear his sight from the constant repeat of his missed-kiss scene, Yutaka walked towards the sink, and stood tall looking at his reflection in the mirror. He looked like a strawberry, his eyes were a bit puffy, and what was with that hair?! He looked a hot mess. Was Akira really about to kiss him looking like this? Ew, ew, ew, ew!. There was nothing even close to watchable in his present reflection, not to talk about kissable, yet, the elder had seemed so captivated, and Yutaka still couldn't believe it. How was he supposed to believe that that Akira was not interested in his sister, that he was looking forward to spending time with him, basically the he possibly-seemed-to-maybe-perhaps l- … li- … li~- … like him?
There must have been a mistake somewhere, this just couldn't be. Not like he could presently find many other interpretations to a kiss, but the brunette wouldn't all himself to think much about it at all. Though it was presently impossible not too, he just had too, because about to get his hopes high again, just to then precipitates, again, given as to how this time he might have not survived the impact.
Resignedly sighing, Yutaka newly touching his cheeks while still dazing at his face in the mirror; which was still burning so bad. He was in bathroom though, all he had to do was splash some water over it, but there really was no fucking way he was going to wash off a face that had just been touched by the person he loved. Fuck that. Yes, he had just decided to not deceive himself, but no, he wasn't going to speed the "sobering" process.
What to do next? Yutaka was still too shaken to revert into being a functional member of society, and that was going to be bothersome, especially with a face looking like this, which would have made it impossible to dismiss anything, particularly with a worrywart like Aoi. Thus, still refusing to wash off his face, the younger concluded that the it was best to leave.
It was perhaps the worst plan of action he could have taken given as how the blond had pointed out not liking his
"bailing" out on him, but he just couldn't stay, and he needed to relive this some more, undisturbed, before whichever reality of tomorrow came knocking at his door.
Thus, carefully opening the bathroom door, he silently tip-toed out "Yey Japanese house for not allowing shoes inside" he mentally chanted knowing just how noisy his leather shoes were. Once he reached Akira's room, his heartbeat resumed drumming, but he manged to ignore it, as he peeped in and noticed that Reita and Aoi were both seated at his computer. Finally some shitting luck! Not thinking twice, the brunette tip-toed past the room, and got himself to the genkan where he war his shoes, quickly opened the door, and left with the door banging behind himself. So much for secrecy.
As he walked in the direction of the station, he tried really hard to stop missing his way, but his head was still too much of a mess, and … shit … he had forgotten his school back at Akira's place. Oh well, it would have to stay there because he wasn't about to go back there. Thus, he walked on, trying his best to focus on his current "getting home mission", when his phone vibrated.
From: Akira Suzuki
To: Me
You forgot your school bag.
Forlornly staring at Akira's message, the brunette was nearly hit by a cyclist, as he shakily began to reply it, remembering his not replying to texts being another of the causes that had the blond so riled up. And it wasn't like he didn't replied to people on purpose, he just didn’t do it instantly, and he sometimes got too tied up with things, and would eventually forget about them.
From: Me
To: Akira Suzuki
I know
Was his reply. So dumbly concise, but what really though, what else should he have said to such and observation, since he wasn't going to write the normal oh! Okay give me a sec, I'm coming back. As he kept walking, and wondering what else should he have added to the already sent text, to make it sound not so crude, another text arrived.
From: Akira Suzuki
To: Me
Didn't think you were going to reply. Glad you did though (^_^” ) and call me paranoid or whatever, at this point I'm really not going to care, but I suddenly have this very irrational fear, that tomorrow I am going to go to school and Aoi will come tell me that you went to Zimbabwe. All I am saying is that I want you tell me that you will be at school tomorrow (plus I suppose we need to talk). Swear that you will come to school.
Why was this text suddenly making him so happy, why did he feel like crying all over again; why was Akira trying to give him so much hope? What person wouldn't have loved to hear such words, to know that there was someone somewhere that wanted him around, and when this person just so happened to be that one person he'd so willingly give his heart and all to, how was he supposed to not want to believe in it.
From: Me
To: Akira Suzuki
I promise I am not going anywhere. If you want, we can meet before school opens. 7 AM by the gate?
Boldly replied the brunette. There wasn't too much time for things once their academic daily routine had started, so he thought that meeting early, no matter how hard to actually get out of bed would have been, was the best; not like he was going to sleep a whole lot this night anyways.
From: Akira Suzuki
To: Me
Alright, 7AM it is, and I swear, if you don't show up, I'll hunt you down! (-_^ )
Finally getting into the station, Yutaka composedly stood at his platform, waiting for his train to arrive, while dazedly staring at the winking smiley from Akira's last text message. If it were to truly be, that somehow Akira really did like him, it this dream-world scenario were to finally become his reality, would it have been okay for him to be happy for himself, even knowing very well that such an outcome was certain to provoke his parents rage, or that his sister would be incredibly hurt? Was it okay to be as selfish as to really want this, in spite of all of that? Was it alright for once for him not be the only one stuck loving?
Was it alright for once to be the one being loved?
CHAPTER 5 - Lovers' World
AN: UH?! SHE UPDATED SO SOON?!?!? LOL !
The thing is that I am foreseeing a very busy set of weeks coming up, so I am trying to write as fast as I can, and give you all the much I can before, it gets hectic again~ So who knows, if I'll be able to give you chapter 5 soon as well not sure .... Poor our Akira, he really had quite the eventful hour there, didn't he? (though it must have felt like an entire afternoon had past to him). It's hard though, it really is hard, to deal with your own emotions, realizing and admitting to your own mentions as well. Particularly love, which in RARE occasions makes you the strongest of human beings, but in MOST occasions, it weakens you beyond belief. Kai on the other hand, is perfectly aware of his emotions, and now that there is a CHANCE for his greatest wish to come true, there are consequences, which almost make him want to not make said wish come true.
A lot is about to happen to this boys of ours, it's gonna be bum-py ride! but as you can tell from the title, the next chapter, should be a quite enjoyable ride And sorry if it is moving so slowly, but after Lovers' World things will pick up~ m(_ _ )m .
Much Love -LnK♥(~_^ )/-