Things Will Be Better in the Morning
Father and son talks are always good for the soul... and so, apparently, is spying on your children. Not a happy ending.
Digimon - R - English - General/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5724 - Updated: 07-21-01 - Published: 07-02-01
Author's Notes: Ok, I don't know what the hell this was when I wrote it. I still don't know what the hell it is. It's completely stupid and pointless, a total pwp. So if anyone wants to flame me for this piece of shit, feel free!! I welcome all flames with open arms! Of course, I welcome compliments too, although I doubt I'll get any of those.
Things Will Be Better In The Morning
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
(even the title is crappy.. . . . )
"Tadaima!" I called out as I shut the door behind me. It's no little relief to get away from the hectic nature of the staion.
"Okaeri," Matt replied from the kitchen. "Dinner's almost ready."
I walked through the living room and stopped at the kithen doorway, studying my son as he cooked dinner.
Just then Matt turned from the stove and looked at me. He didn't say anything, just stared at me with those blue eyes.
He seemed to be trying to decide whether to say something or not. Whatever it was, it had to be important, because I could see the seriousness of it reflected in his eyes.
Even though I usually didn't talk with him about his emotions, today I decided to risk it.
"Something on your mind, Matt?"
He didn't respond, just continued staring at me before shaking his head and turning back to the stove.
I shrugged. I guess he would tell me when he felt he was ready.
In a few moments we were sitting at the table eating.
I watched Matt while he ate, hoping to figure out what was weighing on his mind.
I noticed he didn't eat much, mostly just pushed his food around.
I finished eating and pushed my own plate to the side and looked expectantly at him.
Sensing my gaze, he looked up. I was surprised at the depth of emotions I saw in his eyes. It was rare that I saw him so ungaurded, so expressive.
After a few seconds, he looked back down and took another bite of his food.
I stood up and grabbed my plate, heading towards the sink.
I was just about to leave the kitchen and go into my room when he finally spoke.
"Dad, what do you think of gay or bisexual people?"
The nature of the question caught me off guard. I turned back towards him and glanced at him with half raised eyes.
Sighing, I walked over to him and sat down again.
"Why do you ask?" I say, searching for answers hidden within his face.
I don't really expect an answer from him, so I'm not surprised when he shrugs my question off.
"Well?" he prompts.
I am silent for a few moments, thinking. At last I answer him.
"I suppose I've never really thought about it before. It doesn't bother me, I guess. If they wanna like people of the same sex then they're certainly welcome to. I'm not stopping them."
Absently I wondered what this was leading to.
"Oh." he replied. Then a few moments later, "How do you feel about gay/bi people having sex?"
I raised an eyebrow but didn't reply.
"Dad?"
I purposely ignored his question.
"Matt, where is this conversation leading?" I asked him, wanting to know.
"Nowhere," he replied. "I just wanted to know."
I glanced over at him. His face was completely impassive now, including his eyes. I couldn't figure out what he was thinking, so I gave up and asked him to repeat the question.
"I said, how do you feel about gay/bi people having sex?"
"The same way I feel about gay or bisexual people in general. It doesn't really matter to me."
He shrugged, and without another word, got up and left the room.
I stared in surprise at the spot where he had been sitting a moment before, then got up as well and went to my own room.
Settling onto my bed, I picked up the day's paper and tried to read it.
However, it was impossible. For one thing, the strangeness of the earlier conversation was weighing on my mind, and to make matters stranger, it sounded like Matt was in the other room crying.
I had't heard him cry since he was a little boy, and considering he was fifteen now, it was kinda strange.
Putting the paper on the bed side table, I got up and went to Matt's room then just stood outside debating whether to go in or not.
Finally I decided on the former choice and pushed open the door.
Matt was lying face down on his bed, not moving, small muffled sobs coming from him.
I went and sat down beside him on the bed.
"Matt, what's wrong?" I asked him, concerned.
He stopped sobbing and sat up.
"Dad, can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, go ahead."
He took a shaky breath and then let it out it slowly.
"Have..... Have you ever questioned your sexuality before?" he asked me.
Oh great. My son thinks that he's gay. Or bisexual. Not that it bothers me, but I've never been particularly sure what to say on this subject.
It was my turn for the deep breath.
"Sometimes," I admit. "Every once in a while I'll find myself checking out men instead of women. But that's perfectly natural Matt. Many people have checked out someone of the same sex at least once in a lifetime. If you're worried because you feel like you like some guy, you shouldn't be. It'll probably go away soon."
"It's worse than just liking some guy dad." he said hesitantly.
"How so worse?" I asked, not sure I wanted to know.
"Worse so that I ..... I had sex with this guy that I like." he told me miserably.
I knew I hadn't wanted to know.
I decided to take the calm approach.
"When did this happen?"
"A- A week ago."
"Mind telling me who it is, or would that make you feel too uncomfortable?"
"Tai."
I blanched. "Tai? Do you mean your best friend Tai Kamiya?"
Matt nodded. "Neither of us planned it. It just happened totally unexpectedly. And now he doesn't come to school, he doesn't answer his door when I go over there, and every time I call he either hangs up or doesn't call back."
"Maybe he doesnt know what to say to you now and needs time to think before he talks to you." I suggested, still trying desperately to remain calm. What I really wanted to do was yell and scream, and ask him why he had been so stupid. But getting mad at him would not help his situation.
"So? I don't really know what to say to him either but I'm still willing to talk to him."
"Matt ..... who was ... who was the dominant one?"
He blushed. "I was."
God, how could he have been so stupid? I wanted to scream more now than ever. What has Matt gotten himself into?
Matt must have recognized my silence for what it was.
"You're mad at me, aren't you dad?"
"Yes I'm mad at you!" I snapped, immediately sorry. "Matt, how could you have done that? What brought it on? I don't understand."
"I guess I can tell you everything that happened that day, if you want."
"Please do," I said.
"Well, we were at his house after school. No one was home except for us. We'd been talking about something, I don't remember what, when he changed the subject and asked if I had ever liked any guys. Well of course I had, I liked him. So I told him yeah, occasionally and he seemed relieved, and we started talking about that subject. Then he asked me if I'd ever liked a guy enough to want to kiss him, and that's when it happened. I said yes, I had, in a low voice, and then leaned over and kissed him. Then I couldn't stop myself, and if he wanted me to stop, he never showed it. He was participating as just as much as I was, so I figured it was okay with him. Then after it was over-"
he paused, and I had to encourage him to go on.
"Well, after it was over, we both got dressed and then he told me I should go home. He wouldn't look at me, wouldn't talk about it. He just told me to go home, that his parents would be home soon. I haven't talked to him or seen him since."
"Call him." I told him.
"Now?" he asked, surprised.
"Yes. Call him now and tell him you wanna talk to him. Demand to talk to him. Tell him to talk now or never."
I stood and pulled my cell phone out of my jacket, tossing it to Matt.
"Here. Use my phone."
Hesitantly, he picked up the phone and flipped it open, then looked at me, unsure.
I nodded. "Go on."
He nodded back, then dialed Tai's number.
After a few minutes he said, "Can I talk to Tai?"
He looked at me. "His mom answered. She's getting h- what? He doesn't? But I have to talk to him. Tell him that I won't hang up, and if he doesn't talk to me now he'll never hear from me again."
He paused, and a few moments later he said, "Tai, I need to talk to you. Can you come over to my house right away? What? Please, Tai? I really need to talk to you. ... I know that, and I'm really sorry. But I need to talk to you. ... huh? Ok, thanks. See you then."
He hung up and looked at me again.
"He coming?" I asked.
"Yeah, he's coming."
"Well, I guess I better make myself scarce." Getting up, I headed back to my own room and got into a position to where I'd be able to hear their conversation.
"Hey Tai. I'm really glad you came."
"Its not like I really had a choice."
"Yeah, well...."
"Can we just get this over with?"
Man, if this was the Tai that Matt loved, he sure had changed. I hope my son knows what he's getting himself into.
"Tai, please... don't make this harder for us."
"Why did you do it Matt? Why?"
"What, you're blaming this all on me?" Matt's voice sounded incredulous. "If I can remember correctly, you were just as eager for it as I was. I don't recall you trying to stop me."
I heard a sigh.
"So you're right. I didn't try to stop you. But what makes you think I wanted it?"
"Tai, don't do this to me. You're at just as much fault as I am. If you really wanted to, you could have stopped me. But you didn't. You wanted it just as much as I did."
"So I maybe I did want it! Or at least I thought I did. Now I'm not so sure. You're right Matt. We're both at fault. How could we have been so stupid?"
"I don't know. How could I have been so stupid? I was the one that started it."
"Yeah, but like you said, I didn't stop it."
"So what do we do now?"
another sigh.
"Can we clear something up Matt? Why did you do it in the first place?"
"Oh come on Tai! Think! What we were talking about before it happened?"
"We were-"
"That's right. Don't you remember me saying I liked one guy enough that I'd be willing to kiss him?"
"Yeah, but what does that have to do with me?"
"Tai, can you really be that stupid? YOU are the one! You're the guy that I like! Why do you think I had sex with you? You're the first person I've ever did it with, and I don't do it with just anyone."
So he finally said it.
Then I heard him crying.
"Oh God, Matt... I never realized... I thought it wasn't supposed to happen, that it was an accident.."
"It was an accident. I never meant for it to happen. But Tai, tell me, are you glad it happened?"
Short silence. Then, "no, I don't think I'm entirely glad I had sex with you. It revealed things about the both of us I didn't want to know, at least not now. Besides, I...."
"You what?"
"I- I'm sorry, Matt, but I don't love you like you love me. Sure I like you and all, but its just another natural crush that'll go away soon. There's only one person in the world that I love, and it's not you. I'm sorry Matt."
Then I heard Matt's door open, and a few minutes later our front door slammed shut.
I sat back heavily on my bed, wondering how long I'd have to think everything over before Matt came into my room crying. I judged fifteen minutes at most.
It turned about to be twenty minutes. Oh well. At least I had been close.
"So how'd it go?" I asked Matt as he came into room. He wasn't crying, which surprised me somewhat, but maybe the reality hadn't really hit him yet.
"I know you were listening dad. You know very well how it went," he told me. His voice sounded completely drained of emotion and energy, and that worried me some.
"Yeah, I was listening," I said quietly. "I'm sorry Matt."
He sighed. "It's allright. I didn't really expect him to love me just because I had sex with him. Besides, it's for the best anyways. We are both guys after all, and best friends at that. At least, we used to be." He frowned. "Now I'm not so sure. I was so stupid..."
"It's in the past Matt," I said gently. "It's best to just let it go now."
"Yeah, just let it go..." he said, somewhat wistfully.
But judging from the look on his face, I knew he wouldn't be able to let it go anytime soon.
Sighing again, he stood and walked out of the room.
I stared after him as he left, worried. However, I put all thoughts of my son and Tai from my mind. At least, for the night. Then I lay down and tried to get some sleep.
Things would be better in the morning. They always were.
©2001 butterflie June 29, 2001 Friday 12:57 am
So, how many people here agree with me what a fucked up, totally pointless story this is? I don't understand how or why I wrote it all, or what the hell the point of it was. I guess it's just another one of those matt/dad thingies that I'm so obsessed w/. God, I love Mr. Ishida! He's so cool! Anyways, maybe I'll redo this piece of shit from Matt's p.o.v. one day. It might actually turn out half decent, if still pointless. Well, read and review please! Thanks! (Or maybe I should say read and flame....)
side two
Digimon - R - English - General/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5724 - Updated: 07-21-01 - Published: 07-02-01
Author's Notes: Ok, I don't know what the hell this was when I wrote it. I still don't know what the hell it is. It's completely stupid and pointless, a total pwp. So if anyone wants to flame me for this piece of shit, feel free!! I welcome all flames with open arms! Of course, I welcome compliments too, although I doubt I'll get any of those.
Things Will Be Better In The Morning
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
(even the title is crappy.. . . . )
"Tadaima!" I called out as I shut the door behind me. It's no little relief to get away from the hectic nature of the staion.
"Okaeri," Matt replied from the kitchen. "Dinner's almost ready."
I walked through the living room and stopped at the kithen doorway, studying my son as he cooked dinner.
Just then Matt turned from the stove and looked at me. He didn't say anything, just stared at me with those blue eyes.
He seemed to be trying to decide whether to say something or not. Whatever it was, it had to be important, because I could see the seriousness of it reflected in his eyes.
Even though I usually didn't talk with him about his emotions, today I decided to risk it.
"Something on your mind, Matt?"
He didn't respond, just continued staring at me before shaking his head and turning back to the stove.
I shrugged. I guess he would tell me when he felt he was ready.
In a few moments we were sitting at the table eating.
I watched Matt while he ate, hoping to figure out what was weighing on his mind.
I noticed he didn't eat much, mostly just pushed his food around.
I finished eating and pushed my own plate to the side and looked expectantly at him.
Sensing my gaze, he looked up. I was surprised at the depth of emotions I saw in his eyes. It was rare that I saw him so ungaurded, so expressive.
After a few seconds, he looked back down and took another bite of his food.
I stood up and grabbed my plate, heading towards the sink.
I was just about to leave the kitchen and go into my room when he finally spoke.
"Dad, what do you think of gay or bisexual people?"
The nature of the question caught me off guard. I turned back towards him and glanced at him with half raised eyes.
Sighing, I walked over to him and sat down again.
"Why do you ask?" I say, searching for answers hidden within his face.
I don't really expect an answer from him, so I'm not surprised when he shrugs my question off.
"Well?" he prompts.
I am silent for a few moments, thinking. At last I answer him.
"I suppose I've never really thought about it before. It doesn't bother me, I guess. If they wanna like people of the same sex then they're certainly welcome to. I'm not stopping them."
Absently I wondered what this was leading to.
"Oh." he replied. Then a few moments later, "How do you feel about gay/bi people having sex?"
I raised an eyebrow but didn't reply.
"Dad?"
I purposely ignored his question.
"Matt, where is this conversation leading?" I asked him, wanting to know.
"Nowhere," he replied. "I just wanted to know."
I glanced over at him. His face was completely impassive now, including his eyes. I couldn't figure out what he was thinking, so I gave up and asked him to repeat the question.
"I said, how do you feel about gay/bi people having sex?"
"The same way I feel about gay or bisexual people in general. It doesn't really matter to me."
He shrugged, and without another word, got up and left the room.
I stared in surprise at the spot where he had been sitting a moment before, then got up as well and went to my own room.
Settling onto my bed, I picked up the day's paper and tried to read it.
However, it was impossible. For one thing, the strangeness of the earlier conversation was weighing on my mind, and to make matters stranger, it sounded like Matt was in the other room crying.
I had't heard him cry since he was a little boy, and considering he was fifteen now, it was kinda strange.
Putting the paper on the bed side table, I got up and went to Matt's room then just stood outside debating whether to go in or not.
Finally I decided on the former choice and pushed open the door.
Matt was lying face down on his bed, not moving, small muffled sobs coming from him.
I went and sat down beside him on the bed.
"Matt, what's wrong?" I asked him, concerned.
He stopped sobbing and sat up.
"Dad, can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, go ahead."
He took a shaky breath and then let it out it slowly.
"Have..... Have you ever questioned your sexuality before?" he asked me.
Oh great. My son thinks that he's gay. Or bisexual. Not that it bothers me, but I've never been particularly sure what to say on this subject.
It was my turn for the deep breath.
"Sometimes," I admit. "Every once in a while I'll find myself checking out men instead of women. But that's perfectly natural Matt. Many people have checked out someone of the same sex at least once in a lifetime. If you're worried because you feel like you like some guy, you shouldn't be. It'll probably go away soon."
"It's worse than just liking some guy dad." he said hesitantly.
"How so worse?" I asked, not sure I wanted to know.
"Worse so that I ..... I had sex with this guy that I like." he told me miserably.
I knew I hadn't wanted to know.
I decided to take the calm approach.
"When did this happen?"
"A- A week ago."
"Mind telling me who it is, or would that make you feel too uncomfortable?"
"Tai."
I blanched. "Tai? Do you mean your best friend Tai Kamiya?"
Matt nodded. "Neither of us planned it. It just happened totally unexpectedly. And now he doesn't come to school, he doesn't answer his door when I go over there, and every time I call he either hangs up or doesn't call back."
"Maybe he doesnt know what to say to you now and needs time to think before he talks to you." I suggested, still trying desperately to remain calm. What I really wanted to do was yell and scream, and ask him why he had been so stupid. But getting mad at him would not help his situation.
"So? I don't really know what to say to him either but I'm still willing to talk to him."
"Matt ..... who was ... who was the dominant one?"
He blushed. "I was."
God, how could he have been so stupid? I wanted to scream more now than ever. What has Matt gotten himself into?
Matt must have recognized my silence for what it was.
"You're mad at me, aren't you dad?"
"Yes I'm mad at you!" I snapped, immediately sorry. "Matt, how could you have done that? What brought it on? I don't understand."
"I guess I can tell you everything that happened that day, if you want."
"Please do," I said.
"Well, we were at his house after school. No one was home except for us. We'd been talking about something, I don't remember what, when he changed the subject and asked if I had ever liked any guys. Well of course I had, I liked him. So I told him yeah, occasionally and he seemed relieved, and we started talking about that subject. Then he asked me if I'd ever liked a guy enough to want to kiss him, and that's when it happened. I said yes, I had, in a low voice, and then leaned over and kissed him. Then I couldn't stop myself, and if he wanted me to stop, he never showed it. He was participating as just as much as I was, so I figured it was okay with him. Then after it was over-"
he paused, and I had to encourage him to go on.
"Well, after it was over, we both got dressed and then he told me I should go home. He wouldn't look at me, wouldn't talk about it. He just told me to go home, that his parents would be home soon. I haven't talked to him or seen him since."
"Call him." I told him.
"Now?" he asked, surprised.
"Yes. Call him now and tell him you wanna talk to him. Demand to talk to him. Tell him to talk now or never."
I stood and pulled my cell phone out of my jacket, tossing it to Matt.
"Here. Use my phone."
Hesitantly, he picked up the phone and flipped it open, then looked at me, unsure.
I nodded. "Go on."
He nodded back, then dialed Tai's number.
After a few minutes he said, "Can I talk to Tai?"
He looked at me. "His mom answered. She's getting h- what? He doesn't? But I have to talk to him. Tell him that I won't hang up, and if he doesn't talk to me now he'll never hear from me again."
He paused, and a few moments later he said, "Tai, I need to talk to you. Can you come over to my house right away? What? Please, Tai? I really need to talk to you. ... I know that, and I'm really sorry. But I need to talk to you. ... huh? Ok, thanks. See you then."
He hung up and looked at me again.
"He coming?" I asked.
"Yeah, he's coming."
"Well, I guess I better make myself scarce." Getting up, I headed back to my own room and got into a position to where I'd be able to hear their conversation.
"Hey Tai. I'm really glad you came."
"Its not like I really had a choice."
"Yeah, well...."
"Can we just get this over with?"
Man, if this was the Tai that Matt loved, he sure had changed. I hope my son knows what he's getting himself into.
"Tai, please... don't make this harder for us."
"Why did you do it Matt? Why?"
"What, you're blaming this all on me?" Matt's voice sounded incredulous. "If I can remember correctly, you were just as eager for it as I was. I don't recall you trying to stop me."
I heard a sigh.
"So you're right. I didn't try to stop you. But what makes you think I wanted it?"
"Tai, don't do this to me. You're at just as much fault as I am. If you really wanted to, you could have stopped me. But you didn't. You wanted it just as much as I did."
"So I maybe I did want it! Or at least I thought I did. Now I'm not so sure. You're right Matt. We're both at fault. How could we have been so stupid?"
"I don't know. How could I have been so stupid? I was the one that started it."
"Yeah, but like you said, I didn't stop it."
"So what do we do now?"
another sigh.
"Can we clear something up Matt? Why did you do it in the first place?"
"Oh come on Tai! Think! What we were talking about before it happened?"
"We were-"
"That's right. Don't you remember me saying I liked one guy enough that I'd be willing to kiss him?"
"Yeah, but what does that have to do with me?"
"Tai, can you really be that stupid? YOU are the one! You're the guy that I like! Why do you think I had sex with you? You're the first person I've ever did it with, and I don't do it with just anyone."
So he finally said it.
Then I heard him crying.
"Oh God, Matt... I never realized... I thought it wasn't supposed to happen, that it was an accident.."
"It was an accident. I never meant for it to happen. But Tai, tell me, are you glad it happened?"
Short silence. Then, "no, I don't think I'm entirely glad I had sex with you. It revealed things about the both of us I didn't want to know, at least not now. Besides, I...."
"You what?"
"I- I'm sorry, Matt, but I don't love you like you love me. Sure I like you and all, but its just another natural crush that'll go away soon. There's only one person in the world that I love, and it's not you. I'm sorry Matt."
Then I heard Matt's door open, and a few minutes later our front door slammed shut.
I sat back heavily on my bed, wondering how long I'd have to think everything over before Matt came into my room crying. I judged fifteen minutes at most.
It turned about to be twenty minutes. Oh well. At least I had been close.
"So how'd it go?" I asked Matt as he came into room. He wasn't crying, which surprised me somewhat, but maybe the reality hadn't really hit him yet.
"I know you were listening dad. You know very well how it went," he told me. His voice sounded completely drained of emotion and energy, and that worried me some.
"Yeah, I was listening," I said quietly. "I'm sorry Matt."
He sighed. "It's allright. I didn't really expect him to love me just because I had sex with him. Besides, it's for the best anyways. We are both guys after all, and best friends at that. At least, we used to be." He frowned. "Now I'm not so sure. I was so stupid..."
"It's in the past Matt," I said gently. "It's best to just let it go now."
"Yeah, just let it go..." he said, somewhat wistfully.
But judging from the look on his face, I knew he wouldn't be able to let it go anytime soon.
Sighing again, he stood and walked out of the room.
I stared after him as he left, worried. However, I put all thoughts of my son and Tai from my mind. At least, for the night. Then I lay down and tried to get some sleep.
Things would be better in the morning. They always were.
©2001 butterflie June 29, 2001 Friday 12:57 am
So, how many people here agree with me what a fucked up, totally pointless story this is? I don't understand how or why I wrote it all, or what the hell the point of it was. I guess it's just another one of those matt/dad thingies that I'm so obsessed w/. God, I love Mr. Ishida! He's so cool! Anyways, maybe I'll redo this piece of shit from Matt's p.o.v. one day. It might actually turn out half decent, if still pointless. Well, read and review please! Thanks! (Or maybe I should say read and flame....)
side two