Things Will Be Better in the Morning, Yamato POV
Father and son talks are always good for the soul... and so, apparently, is spying on your children. Not a happy ending.
Digimon - R - English - General/Romance - Review: 13 - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5724 - Updated: 07-21-01 - Published: 07-02-01
side one
Disclaimer:Digimon isn't mine.
Author's Notes: Wow, I actually wrote the Yamato p.o.v. part! It sucks too! But me being the nice and sweet person that I am, I added the lemon scene between Yamato and Taichi for all the hentai's out there (including me, of course.) I mean, I gotta have a lemon in my stories! Otherwise, it just wouldn't be right. Well, read and flame! =^.^=
Things Will Be Better In The Morning, Yamato p.o.v.
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
"Aw damn! That's the third time I've crashed! Yamato, how come you never crash when you flip?" Tai asked, turning towards me.
I shrugged my shoulders modestly. "I'm a natural born talent."
Tai smirked at me, "Natural born loser, you mean."
"Hey! I resent that!" I cried in mock insult. "It's not my fault I was born that way!"
Tai laughed.
Then suddenly his expression turned serious and he put down the N64 controller in his hands.
"Matt, can I ask you something?"
"You just did."
"Don't be a smartass, Ishida."
I smiled a little. "Sure, ask away."
"Well, I know this is gonna sound kinda strange......"
"Anything coming from you is strange, Tai."
"Yeah well...... Yamato, have you ever liked a guy?"
I stopped smiling and took the time to study my friend's face before I thought about replying.
I saw no hint of a joke in Taichi's face, nothing reflected in his eyes that would let me believe he was teasing me. Everything was telling me Tai was dead serious.
Which led me to the next point. Had he found out? I never thought I had done anything to give it away, but now he asks me this question out of the blue, so......
"Yamato?"
I take a deep breath, "Yes," I say at last. "I have. At least, occasionally."
I take another look at his face after I answer him and am shocked to find somewhat of a relief on his face.
"You have? Are you........ are you gay?"
I smile some. "Nope. Bisexual."
"Oh. What's it like? To be bisexual, I mean."
"A pain in the ass!" I laughed at the confused look he gave me. "No, it's not really a pain in the ass. Just... strange, I guess. Sometimes I wonder whether I should go after guys or just stick to the girls like a normal person."
Now Tai laughed too. "Wouldn't it be easier to go after the opposite sex instead of the same?"
I shrugged. "I suppose, if there were any girls worth going after."
"Yamato! You mean to tell me you find none of the girls in school cute?!"
"Yes, that's what I mean to tell you. Got a problem with it?"
He shook his head. "No."
We grew silent for a few moments, staring at the TV screen, where the words San Fransisco Rush kept flashing at us, daring one of us to push start and begin playing the game again.
Then Tai spoke again. "You ever liked anyone I know?"
"Yeah, but I won't say who."
"Enough to want to kiss them?"
Oh God, this is starting to become torture. I don't think I can contain myself.
"Yes," I replied huskily, as I leaned over and gently captured Tai's lips. Kissing him was the pure, unyielding heaven I imagined it to be. He offered no resistance at all, not even when I nudged his lips open and slid my tongue inside, exploring the inner recesses of his mouth.
Finally we broke apart, both faces flushed in the need for oxygen and the passion of the moment.
"Oh God, Matt...." Tai moaned as my hands began to roam over his body, impatiently exploring, learning the feel of Tai's body. I felt so helpless to stop myself, to reign in my passion and eagerness.
I could practically feel Tai melting under my gentle caress. Little involuntary groans of pleasure were working their way out of my beloved's body, and I smiled and continued my assualt on my most willing victim.
Clumsily, I pulled his shirt up over his head, and almost laughed when I realized Tai was trying to pull my own shirt off. Reaching over, I pulled his hands away from my shirt, then lifted it up over my head. If I let Tai pull it off now, I'd most likely get tangled up in it, and all the fun would be gone while I tried to untangle myself.
Now that we were both shirtless, I felt free to resume where I left off. Taking one hardened nipple in my hand, I experimentally begin to rub the stiff little nub between my fingers, laughing as Tai's body jerked in response. I had no doubt that Taichi had nearly cum just then.
Lowering my head, I begin to lick and tease my way up and down Tai's chest, smiling evilly while he did all he could to control his shuddering body.
Then, unable to wait any longer, I fumbled eagerly with the snap on his jeans, trying in vain to get it undone.
Taking pity on me, Tai reached down and undid themself.
Smiling a soft thanks, I pulled them down over his hips, past his legs, until finally I was yanking them off his feet and disconcertedly tossing them aside. Then I quickly worked to remove my own black jeans.
It wasn't long before we both lay nude on the bed in his room, panting in eager anticipation of what was to come.
I tried to be gentle, and to take my time, prepare him for the intense pain we were both about to feel, but my lust got the better of me, and after a few butterfly kisses pressed along his spine, my hardness was penetrating his innermost walls, stretching to him fullest.
Tai let out a deep, gutteral moan as I entered him, breathing hard as he slowly adjusted to the pain.
We lay still for a moment, me on top of him, both of us panting like sick dogs, before I began to thrust into him, quickening my pace as I learned the feel of Tai.
After a few moments, I reached a hand around and took a firm hold of his stiff cock, and began to pump him in time to my own thrusts.
He came almost immediately, semen spurting all over my hand and the clean sheets on his bed.
Not one to be left behind, I soon let myself go, releasing my seed deep into Tai's unresisting body.
Wearily, I exited him and collapsed beside Taichi on the bed, panting heavily
We lay like that for a few moments, then silently and almost simultaniously stood and started to dress.
As I was pulling my shirt over my head, I heard Tai mumble something to me.
I looked over at him and smiled. "What did you say, Tai?" I didn't feel comfortable calling him koi just yet.
"I said, you should probably leave now," he muttered, intently studying the messy sheets on his bed. "My parents will be home soon, as will Kari."
I nodded, all cheerfulness draining my body as I realized Tai was most likely upset about this. He wouldn't even look me in the eye.
Without another word, I finished dressing, then left his apartment, not even bothering to say goodbye.
I didn't start crying until I was out of his building and a good ways down the street. However, I manged to calm myself before I reached my own apartment.
I didn't need Dad questioning me about what was wrong.
~one week later~
"Tadaima!" I heard Dad call as he shut the door behind.
"Okaeri. Dinner's almost ready," I responded.
I heard him stop in the doorway to the kitchen and practically felt his gaze.
Turning, I looked at him for a few minutes, trying to imagine what he would say if he knew that Tai and I had sex last week. I almost told him right then and there, but decided against it. Even though I knew I wanted to tell him, because I would explode if I didn't tell SOMEBODY, now was not the time.
I guess Dad could read my emotions, because he asked me if anything was wrong.
I shook my head, then faced the stove again and continued to cook supper.
In a few moments it was done, and I carried our plates over to the table.
I eat didn't much supper, instead I worried over what I would say to Dad.
About the time I had given up on eating, I felt Dad studying me again and looked up at him.
He stared at me for a couple of seconds, then carried his plate over to the sink why I took a final bite of food before blurting out the question that had been on my mind all evening.
"Dad, what do you think of gay or bisexual people?"
Under the table, my hands were clenched together in tight fists, in nervous anticipation of his answer.
He glanced over at me, eyebrows half raised, before sighing and walking over to the table.
"Why do ask?"
I purposely ignore his question.
"Well?" I say, after a few moments of no response.
He thinks for a bit longer, then says, " I suppose I've never really thought about it before. It doesn't bother me, I guess. If they wanna like people of the same sex then they're certainly welcome to. I'm not stopping them."
"Oh."
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
"How do you feel about gay/bi people having sex?"
He raised an eyebrow but remained silent. I could almost see the sparks of curiousity hidden within his eyes.
"Dad?"
"Matt, where is this conversation leading?" he asked me guardedly.
I pretend to be nonchalant about the whole thing, uncaring, like it doesn't really matter what he thinks.
"Nowhere, I just wanted to know."
He watched me for awhile, then requested to hear the question again. I repeated it for him.
"The same way I feel about gay people in general. It doesn't really matter to me."
I shrugged, then left the room, not even bothering to take care of my plate.
I headed directly to room, laid face down on my bed, and cried.
I was so scared of telling Dad. I didn't even really know why I wanted to tell him. I just felt like I should, as if he deserved to know or something.
A little bit later I heard Dad open the door to my room and come and sit down next to me on the bed.
"Matt, what's wrong?" he asked.
He sounded worried about me, so I calmed myself for his sake, then sat up.
"Dad, can I ask you something?"
He nodded. "Yeah, go ahead."
I take a shaky breath. I can't believe I'm finally fixing to tell him. I've thought about this and worried over it all week, and I'm finally gonna tell him.
"Have..... Have you ever questioned your sexuality before?"
"Sometimes," he admits. "Every once in a while I'll find myself checking out men instead of women. But that's perfectly natural Matt. Many people have checked out someone of the same sex at least once in a lifetime. If you're worried because you feel like you like some guy, you shouldn't be. It'll probably go away soon."
I almost laughed out loud. He couldn't be more wrong.
Hesitantly I said," It's worse than just liking some guy dad."
"How so worse?" he asked me, looking as if he didn't particulary care to know. However, he asked, so I was gonna tell him.
Miserably I muttered, "Worse so that I ..... I had sex with this guy that I like."
Amazingly he remained calm, although I could see him wrestling with himself in order to do so.
"When did this happen?"
"A- A week ago." I stuttered, scared now. Since he was keeping up a facade, I had no idea what he was really feeling.
"Mind telling me who it is, or would that make you feel too uncomfortable?"
I hesitated for only the tiniest fraction of a nanosecond before replying, "Tai." Hell, I had already told him I'd had sex, so why not go the whole way and give him name and details, too?
He started, in surprise I would assume. "Tai? Do you mean your best friend Tai Yagami?"
No, I meant that alien named Tai Yagami that came to Tokyo just long enough for me to f**k him senseless. Who the hell did he think I meant?
But I didn't say all that. Instead, I merely nodded and told him, "Neither of us planned it. It just happened totally unexpectedly. And now he doesn't come to school, he doesn't answer his door when I go over there, and every time I call he either hangs up or doesn't call back."
Which was true enough, I suppose. The one time he dared to answer his door, he ended up slamming it in my face the second he saw it was me.
"Maybe he doesnt know what to say to you now and needs time to think before he talks to you."
"So? I don't really know what to say to him either but I'm still willing to talk to him."
Although if he doesn't talk to me soon, I may have to consider him as a lost cause.
"Matt ..... who was ... who was the dominant one?"
Whoa, where the hell did THAT question come from?!
Yet I blushed and said, "I was."
After he remained silent for some time, I tentatively spoke up.
"You're mad at me, aren't you dad?"
"Yes I'm mad at you!" he exclaimed angrily, then softened. "Matt, how could you have done that? What brought it on? I don't understand."
I sighed, knowing I'd have to tell him, but unsure if I should.
"I guess I can tell you everything that happened that day, if you want."
"Please do," he said.
I nodded, then reluctantly began to speak,
"Well, we were at his house after school. No one was home except for us. We'd been talking about something, I don't remember what, when he changed the subject and asked if I had ever liked any guys. Well of course I had, I liked him. So I told him yeah, occasionally and he seemed relieved, and we started talking about that subject. Then he asked me if I'd ever liked a guy enough to want to kiss him, and that's when it happened. I said yes, I had, in a low voice, and then leaned over and kissed him. Then I couldn't stop myself, and if he wanted me to stop, he never showed it. He was participating as just as much as I was, so I figured it was okay with him. Then after it was over-"
here I paused, and Dad told me to keep going. There was an unreadable look on his face I'd just as soonnot identify.
"Well, after it was over, we both got dressed and then he told me I should go home. He wouldn't look at me, wouldn't talk about it. He just told me to go home, that his parents would be home soon. I haven't talked to him or seen him since."
I grew silent, and waited for him to say something. When he did, it was NOT what I expected.
"Call him."
"Now?" I asked him, shocked.
"Yes. Call him now and tell him you wanna talk to him. Demand to talk to him. Tell him to talk now or never," he told me, standing and pulling his cell phone out of his jacket before tossing it to me. "Here. Use my phone."
Unsure, I flipped it open, then looked at him.
He nodded. "Go on."
I nodded back at him before dialing Tai's number.
A few minutes later, his mom answered. "Hello?"
"Can I talk to Tai?"
"Sure, let me go get him."
I nodded into the phone even though she couldn't see me, then looked over at dad.
"She's getting h-"
"I'm sorry Yamato, but he told me he doesn't want to talk to you right now."
"What? He doesn't? But I have to talk to him. Tell him that I won't hang up, and if he doesn't talk to me now he'll never hear from me again."
"Allright, hold on another minute."
Soon Tai's voice came on the line, "What do you want Matt?"
"Tai, I need to talk to you. Can you come over to my house right away?"
"I don't want to," he told me flatly. His voice sounded completely drained of emotion.
"What? Please, Tai? I really need to talk you. ...."
"Why should I talk to you? It's mostly your fault we're in this position anyway."
I sighed. "I know that, and I'm really sorry. But I need to talk to you. ...."
"Allright, I'll come," he mumbled.
"Huh?"
"I said I'll come," he muttered into the phone reluctantly. "I'll be over in a few minutes."
"Ok, thanks. See you then."
I terminated the call and looked over at dad again.
"He coming?"
"Yeah, he's coming."
"Well, I guess I better make myself scarce."
Then he got up and left the room.
Tai arrived within the hour, and I let him in and led him to room after he turned down my offer of something to eat or drink.
"Hey Tai. I'm really glad you came," I said when we were settled down on my bed.
"It's not like I really had a choice," Tai told me dryly.
"Yeah, well...."
"Can we just get this over with?"
I bit down on my lip, trying my damnest not to let my emotions get the best of me.
"Tai, please... don't make this harder for us." I begged him.
This is already hard enough for me. Please don't make it any harder.
"Why did you do it Matt?" he questioned me sadly. "Why?"
"What, you're blaming this all on me?" I said, completely increduluous. "If I can remember correctly, you were just as eager for it as I was. I don't recall you trying to stop me."
Tai sighed, and in the moment I caught a glimpse of all the emotion he had been feeling within the past week reflected in his eyes. Hurt, betrayal, sorrow. But mostly confusion.
"So you're right. I didn't try to stop you. But what makes you think I wanted it?"
"Tai, don't do this to me." I reprimended him. "You're at just as much fault as I am. If you really wanted to, you could have stopped me."
Couldn't he? It's not like I was being all that forceful or raping him or anything. He had wanted me then. Hadn't he?
"But you didn't. You wanted it just as much as I did." I continued.
"So I maybe I did want it!" he exclaimed. "Or at least I thought I did. Now I'm not so sure. You're right Matt. We're both at fault. How could we have been so stupid?"
"I don't know. How could I have been so stupid? I was the one that started it."
Actually, to be techinal, he really was the one that started it. After all, he's the one that originally began the conversation by asking if I ever liked any guys.
"Yeah, but like you said, I didn't stop it."
"So what do we do now?" I put in.
Tai sighed again, as did I.
"Can we clear something up Matt? Why did you do it in the first place?"
"Oh come on Tai! Think! What we were talking about before it happened?"
He wasn't really that dense, was he?
"We were-" he began, but I hastily cut him off.
"That's right. Don't you remember me saying I liked one guy enough that I'd be willing to kiss him?"
"Yeah, but what does that have to do with me?"
Idiot! Idiot! He's such an idiot!
"Tai, can you really be that stupid? YOU are the one! You're the guy that I like! Why do you think I had sex with you? You're the first person I've ever did it with, and I don't do it with just anyone." I yelled at him, right before I began crying.
It was finally out. That horrible little secret I had been carrying around inside me, all bottled up, wondering when it would be allowed to come out, the secret that I was currently in love with my best friend, it was out.
"Oh God, Matt... I never realized... I thought it wasn't supposed to happen, that it was an accident.."
"It was an accident. I never meant for it to happen. But Tai, tell me, are you glad it happened?"
A short silence ensued. Then he said, "No, I don't think I'm entirely glad I had sex with you. It revealed things about the both of us I didn't want to know, at least not now. Besides, I...."
"You what?" I demanded anxiously.
"I- I'm sorry, Matt, but I don't love you like you love me. Sure I like you and all, but its just another natural crush that'll go away soon. There's only one person in the world that I love, and it's not you. I'm sorry Matt."
He stood almost regretfully, it seemed, and left me to cry alone in my room on my bed.
Twenty minutes later found me in dad's room.
"So how'd it go?" dad asked me as I walked in his room and sat down on his bed. I wasn't crying now, and I think that surprised him some. I know he was listening to our conversation earlier, so he would know that I had been crying before. Besides, my face was still all red and wet.
"I know you were listening dad," I informed him wearily. "You know very well how it went."
"Yeah, I was listening," he replied softly. "I'm sorry Matt."
I sighed. "It's allright. I didn't really expect him to love me just because I had sex with him."
Which was the truth. I didn't. I was kinda hoping he had already loved me anyways.
"Besides, it's for the best anyways. We are both guys after all, and best friends at that. At least, we used to be." I paused and frowned. "Now I'm not so sure. I was so stupid..."
"It's in the past Matt. It's best to just let it go now," dad told me as gently as he could.
Still I was not comforted.
Wistfully I said, "Yeah, just let it go."
As if I could really do that.
I sighed once more, then stood and walked out of the room.
I knew I wouldn't be able to let it go anytime soon.
The best thing to do was get some sleep.
As dad always said, 'things will be better in the morning. They always are.'
©2001 butterflie June 30, 2001 Saturday 1:09 am
Author's Notes: Woo-hoo! That sucked just as bad as Ishida's p.o.v. Don't you all agree with me, minna? Anyways, feel free to flame this as well. I will welcome them. But if you flame any of my other stories, I will be rather upset. I happen to like those stories. Especially Untold Secrets. That story rules! Well, I must go and try to finish some of the other thirty odd stories I have started. Remember, read and flame and I'll see you at the next posted story or chapter! Love ya all! Enjoy all my stories! (Except maybe this one!.....)
Digimon - R - English - General/Romance - Review: 13 - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5724 - Updated: 07-21-01 - Published: 07-02-01
side one
Disclaimer:Digimon isn't mine.
Author's Notes: Wow, I actually wrote the Yamato p.o.v. part! It sucks too! But me being the nice and sweet person that I am, I added the lemon scene between Yamato and Taichi for all the hentai's out there (including me, of course.) I mean, I gotta have a lemon in my stories! Otherwise, it just wouldn't be right. Well, read and flame! =^.^=
Things Will Be Better In The Morning, Yamato p.o.v.
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
"Aw damn! That's the third time I've crashed! Yamato, how come you never crash when you flip?" Tai asked, turning towards me.
I shrugged my shoulders modestly. "I'm a natural born talent."
Tai smirked at me, "Natural born loser, you mean."
"Hey! I resent that!" I cried in mock insult. "It's not my fault I was born that way!"
Tai laughed.
Then suddenly his expression turned serious and he put down the N64 controller in his hands.
"Matt, can I ask you something?"
"You just did."
"Don't be a smartass, Ishida."
I smiled a little. "Sure, ask away."
"Well, I know this is gonna sound kinda strange......"
"Anything coming from you is strange, Tai."
"Yeah well...... Yamato, have you ever liked a guy?"
I stopped smiling and took the time to study my friend's face before I thought about replying.
I saw no hint of a joke in Taichi's face, nothing reflected in his eyes that would let me believe he was teasing me. Everything was telling me Tai was dead serious.
Which led me to the next point. Had he found out? I never thought I had done anything to give it away, but now he asks me this question out of the blue, so......
"Yamato?"
I take a deep breath, "Yes," I say at last. "I have. At least, occasionally."
I take another look at his face after I answer him and am shocked to find somewhat of a relief on his face.
"You have? Are you........ are you gay?"
I smile some. "Nope. Bisexual."
"Oh. What's it like? To be bisexual, I mean."
"A pain in the ass!" I laughed at the confused look he gave me. "No, it's not really a pain in the ass. Just... strange, I guess. Sometimes I wonder whether I should go after guys or just stick to the girls like a normal person."
Now Tai laughed too. "Wouldn't it be easier to go after the opposite sex instead of the same?"
I shrugged. "I suppose, if there were any girls worth going after."
"Yamato! You mean to tell me you find none of the girls in school cute?!"
"Yes, that's what I mean to tell you. Got a problem with it?"
He shook his head. "No."
We grew silent for a few moments, staring at the TV screen, where the words San Fransisco Rush kept flashing at us, daring one of us to push start and begin playing the game again.
Then Tai spoke again. "You ever liked anyone I know?"
"Yeah, but I won't say who."
"Enough to want to kiss them?"
Oh God, this is starting to become torture. I don't think I can contain myself.
"Yes," I replied huskily, as I leaned over and gently captured Tai's lips. Kissing him was the pure, unyielding heaven I imagined it to be. He offered no resistance at all, not even when I nudged his lips open and slid my tongue inside, exploring the inner recesses of his mouth.
Finally we broke apart, both faces flushed in the need for oxygen and the passion of the moment.
"Oh God, Matt...." Tai moaned as my hands began to roam over his body, impatiently exploring, learning the feel of Tai's body. I felt so helpless to stop myself, to reign in my passion and eagerness.
I could practically feel Tai melting under my gentle caress. Little involuntary groans of pleasure were working their way out of my beloved's body, and I smiled and continued my assualt on my most willing victim.
Clumsily, I pulled his shirt up over his head, and almost laughed when I realized Tai was trying to pull my own shirt off. Reaching over, I pulled his hands away from my shirt, then lifted it up over my head. If I let Tai pull it off now, I'd most likely get tangled up in it, and all the fun would be gone while I tried to untangle myself.
Now that we were both shirtless, I felt free to resume where I left off. Taking one hardened nipple in my hand, I experimentally begin to rub the stiff little nub between my fingers, laughing as Tai's body jerked in response. I had no doubt that Taichi had nearly cum just then.
Lowering my head, I begin to lick and tease my way up and down Tai's chest, smiling evilly while he did all he could to control his shuddering body.
Then, unable to wait any longer, I fumbled eagerly with the snap on his jeans, trying in vain to get it undone.
Taking pity on me, Tai reached down and undid themself.
Smiling a soft thanks, I pulled them down over his hips, past his legs, until finally I was yanking them off his feet and disconcertedly tossing them aside. Then I quickly worked to remove my own black jeans.
It wasn't long before we both lay nude on the bed in his room, panting in eager anticipation of what was to come.
I tried to be gentle, and to take my time, prepare him for the intense pain we were both about to feel, but my lust got the better of me, and after a few butterfly kisses pressed along his spine, my hardness was penetrating his innermost walls, stretching to him fullest.
Tai let out a deep, gutteral moan as I entered him, breathing hard as he slowly adjusted to the pain.
We lay still for a moment, me on top of him, both of us panting like sick dogs, before I began to thrust into him, quickening my pace as I learned the feel of Tai.
After a few moments, I reached a hand around and took a firm hold of his stiff cock, and began to pump him in time to my own thrusts.
He came almost immediately, semen spurting all over my hand and the clean sheets on his bed.
Not one to be left behind, I soon let myself go, releasing my seed deep into Tai's unresisting body.
Wearily, I exited him and collapsed beside Taichi on the bed, panting heavily
We lay like that for a few moments, then silently and almost simultaniously stood and started to dress.
As I was pulling my shirt over my head, I heard Tai mumble something to me.
I looked over at him and smiled. "What did you say, Tai?" I didn't feel comfortable calling him koi just yet.
"I said, you should probably leave now," he muttered, intently studying the messy sheets on his bed. "My parents will be home soon, as will Kari."
I nodded, all cheerfulness draining my body as I realized Tai was most likely upset about this. He wouldn't even look me in the eye.
Without another word, I finished dressing, then left his apartment, not even bothering to say goodbye.
I didn't start crying until I was out of his building and a good ways down the street. However, I manged to calm myself before I reached my own apartment.
I didn't need Dad questioning me about what was wrong.
~one week later~
"Tadaima!" I heard Dad call as he shut the door behind.
"Okaeri. Dinner's almost ready," I responded.
I heard him stop in the doorway to the kitchen and practically felt his gaze.
Turning, I looked at him for a few minutes, trying to imagine what he would say if he knew that Tai and I had sex last week. I almost told him right then and there, but decided against it. Even though I knew I wanted to tell him, because I would explode if I didn't tell SOMEBODY, now was not the time.
I guess Dad could read my emotions, because he asked me if anything was wrong.
I shook my head, then faced the stove again and continued to cook supper.
In a few moments it was done, and I carried our plates over to the table.
I eat didn't much supper, instead I worried over what I would say to Dad.
About the time I had given up on eating, I felt Dad studying me again and looked up at him.
He stared at me for a couple of seconds, then carried his plate over to the sink why I took a final bite of food before blurting out the question that had been on my mind all evening.
"Dad, what do you think of gay or bisexual people?"
Under the table, my hands were clenched together in tight fists, in nervous anticipation of his answer.
He glanced over at me, eyebrows half raised, before sighing and walking over to the table.
"Why do ask?"
I purposely ignore his question.
"Well?" I say, after a few moments of no response.
He thinks for a bit longer, then says, " I suppose I've never really thought about it before. It doesn't bother me, I guess. If they wanna like people of the same sex then they're certainly welcome to. I'm not stopping them."
"Oh."
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
"How do you feel about gay/bi people having sex?"
He raised an eyebrow but remained silent. I could almost see the sparks of curiousity hidden within his eyes.
"Dad?"
"Matt, where is this conversation leading?" he asked me guardedly.
I pretend to be nonchalant about the whole thing, uncaring, like it doesn't really matter what he thinks.
"Nowhere, I just wanted to know."
He watched me for awhile, then requested to hear the question again. I repeated it for him.
"The same way I feel about gay people in general. It doesn't really matter to me."
I shrugged, then left the room, not even bothering to take care of my plate.
I headed directly to room, laid face down on my bed, and cried.
I was so scared of telling Dad. I didn't even really know why I wanted to tell him. I just felt like I should, as if he deserved to know or something.
A little bit later I heard Dad open the door to my room and come and sit down next to me on the bed.
"Matt, what's wrong?" he asked.
He sounded worried about me, so I calmed myself for his sake, then sat up.
"Dad, can I ask you something?"
He nodded. "Yeah, go ahead."
I take a shaky breath. I can't believe I'm finally fixing to tell him. I've thought about this and worried over it all week, and I'm finally gonna tell him.
"Have..... Have you ever questioned your sexuality before?"
"Sometimes," he admits. "Every once in a while I'll find myself checking out men instead of women. But that's perfectly natural Matt. Many people have checked out someone of the same sex at least once in a lifetime. If you're worried because you feel like you like some guy, you shouldn't be. It'll probably go away soon."
I almost laughed out loud. He couldn't be more wrong.
Hesitantly I said," It's worse than just liking some guy dad."
"How so worse?" he asked me, looking as if he didn't particulary care to know. However, he asked, so I was gonna tell him.
Miserably I muttered, "Worse so that I ..... I had sex with this guy that I like."
Amazingly he remained calm, although I could see him wrestling with himself in order to do so.
"When did this happen?"
"A- A week ago." I stuttered, scared now. Since he was keeping up a facade, I had no idea what he was really feeling.
"Mind telling me who it is, or would that make you feel too uncomfortable?"
I hesitated for only the tiniest fraction of a nanosecond before replying, "Tai." Hell, I had already told him I'd had sex, so why not go the whole way and give him name and details, too?
He started, in surprise I would assume. "Tai? Do you mean your best friend Tai Yagami?"
No, I meant that alien named Tai Yagami that came to Tokyo just long enough for me to f**k him senseless. Who the hell did he think I meant?
But I didn't say all that. Instead, I merely nodded and told him, "Neither of us planned it. It just happened totally unexpectedly. And now he doesn't come to school, he doesn't answer his door when I go over there, and every time I call he either hangs up or doesn't call back."
Which was true enough, I suppose. The one time he dared to answer his door, he ended up slamming it in my face the second he saw it was me.
"Maybe he doesnt know what to say to you now and needs time to think before he talks to you."
"So? I don't really know what to say to him either but I'm still willing to talk to him."
Although if he doesn't talk to me soon, I may have to consider him as a lost cause.
"Matt ..... who was ... who was the dominant one?"
Whoa, where the hell did THAT question come from?!
Yet I blushed and said, "I was."
After he remained silent for some time, I tentatively spoke up.
"You're mad at me, aren't you dad?"
"Yes I'm mad at you!" he exclaimed angrily, then softened. "Matt, how could you have done that? What brought it on? I don't understand."
I sighed, knowing I'd have to tell him, but unsure if I should.
"I guess I can tell you everything that happened that day, if you want."
"Please do," he said.
I nodded, then reluctantly began to speak,
"Well, we were at his house after school. No one was home except for us. We'd been talking about something, I don't remember what, when he changed the subject and asked if I had ever liked any guys. Well of course I had, I liked him. So I told him yeah, occasionally and he seemed relieved, and we started talking about that subject. Then he asked me if I'd ever liked a guy enough to want to kiss him, and that's when it happened. I said yes, I had, in a low voice, and then leaned over and kissed him. Then I couldn't stop myself, and if he wanted me to stop, he never showed it. He was participating as just as much as I was, so I figured it was okay with him. Then after it was over-"
here I paused, and Dad told me to keep going. There was an unreadable look on his face I'd just as soonnot identify.
"Well, after it was over, we both got dressed and then he told me I should go home. He wouldn't look at me, wouldn't talk about it. He just told me to go home, that his parents would be home soon. I haven't talked to him or seen him since."
I grew silent, and waited for him to say something. When he did, it was NOT what I expected.
"Call him."
"Now?" I asked him, shocked.
"Yes. Call him now and tell him you wanna talk to him. Demand to talk to him. Tell him to talk now or never," he told me, standing and pulling his cell phone out of his jacket before tossing it to me. "Here. Use my phone."
Unsure, I flipped it open, then looked at him.
He nodded. "Go on."
I nodded back at him before dialing Tai's number.
A few minutes later, his mom answered. "Hello?"
"Can I talk to Tai?"
"Sure, let me go get him."
I nodded into the phone even though she couldn't see me, then looked over at dad.
"She's getting h-"
"I'm sorry Yamato, but he told me he doesn't want to talk to you right now."
"What? He doesn't? But I have to talk to him. Tell him that I won't hang up, and if he doesn't talk to me now he'll never hear from me again."
"Allright, hold on another minute."
Soon Tai's voice came on the line, "What do you want Matt?"
"Tai, I need to talk to you. Can you come over to my house right away?"
"I don't want to," he told me flatly. His voice sounded completely drained of emotion.
"What? Please, Tai? I really need to talk you. ...."
"Why should I talk to you? It's mostly your fault we're in this position anyway."
I sighed. "I know that, and I'm really sorry. But I need to talk to you. ...."
"Allright, I'll come," he mumbled.
"Huh?"
"I said I'll come," he muttered into the phone reluctantly. "I'll be over in a few minutes."
"Ok, thanks. See you then."
I terminated the call and looked over at dad again.
"He coming?"
"Yeah, he's coming."
"Well, I guess I better make myself scarce."
Then he got up and left the room.
Tai arrived within the hour, and I let him in and led him to room after he turned down my offer of something to eat or drink.
"Hey Tai. I'm really glad you came," I said when we were settled down on my bed.
"It's not like I really had a choice," Tai told me dryly.
"Yeah, well...."
"Can we just get this over with?"
I bit down on my lip, trying my damnest not to let my emotions get the best of me.
"Tai, please... don't make this harder for us." I begged him.
This is already hard enough for me. Please don't make it any harder.
"Why did you do it Matt?" he questioned me sadly. "Why?"
"What, you're blaming this all on me?" I said, completely increduluous. "If I can remember correctly, you were just as eager for it as I was. I don't recall you trying to stop me."
Tai sighed, and in the moment I caught a glimpse of all the emotion he had been feeling within the past week reflected in his eyes. Hurt, betrayal, sorrow. But mostly confusion.
"So you're right. I didn't try to stop you. But what makes you think I wanted it?"
"Tai, don't do this to me." I reprimended him. "You're at just as much fault as I am. If you really wanted to, you could have stopped me."
Couldn't he? It's not like I was being all that forceful or raping him or anything. He had wanted me then. Hadn't he?
"But you didn't. You wanted it just as much as I did." I continued.
"So I maybe I did want it!" he exclaimed. "Or at least I thought I did. Now I'm not so sure. You're right Matt. We're both at fault. How could we have been so stupid?"
"I don't know. How could I have been so stupid? I was the one that started it."
Actually, to be techinal, he really was the one that started it. After all, he's the one that originally began the conversation by asking if I ever liked any guys.
"Yeah, but like you said, I didn't stop it."
"So what do we do now?" I put in.
Tai sighed again, as did I.
"Can we clear something up Matt? Why did you do it in the first place?"
"Oh come on Tai! Think! What we were talking about before it happened?"
He wasn't really that dense, was he?
"We were-" he began, but I hastily cut him off.
"That's right. Don't you remember me saying I liked one guy enough that I'd be willing to kiss him?"
"Yeah, but what does that have to do with me?"
Idiot! Idiot! He's such an idiot!
"Tai, can you really be that stupid? YOU are the one! You're the guy that I like! Why do you think I had sex with you? You're the first person I've ever did it with, and I don't do it with just anyone." I yelled at him, right before I began crying.
It was finally out. That horrible little secret I had been carrying around inside me, all bottled up, wondering when it would be allowed to come out, the secret that I was currently in love with my best friend, it was out.
"Oh God, Matt... I never realized... I thought it wasn't supposed to happen, that it was an accident.."
"It was an accident. I never meant for it to happen. But Tai, tell me, are you glad it happened?"
A short silence ensued. Then he said, "No, I don't think I'm entirely glad I had sex with you. It revealed things about the both of us I didn't want to know, at least not now. Besides, I...."
"You what?" I demanded anxiously.
"I- I'm sorry, Matt, but I don't love you like you love me. Sure I like you and all, but its just another natural crush that'll go away soon. There's only one person in the world that I love, and it's not you. I'm sorry Matt."
He stood almost regretfully, it seemed, and left me to cry alone in my room on my bed.
Twenty minutes later found me in dad's room.
"So how'd it go?" dad asked me as I walked in his room and sat down on his bed. I wasn't crying now, and I think that surprised him some. I know he was listening to our conversation earlier, so he would know that I had been crying before. Besides, my face was still all red and wet.
"I know you were listening dad," I informed him wearily. "You know very well how it went."
"Yeah, I was listening," he replied softly. "I'm sorry Matt."
I sighed. "It's allright. I didn't really expect him to love me just because I had sex with him."
Which was the truth. I didn't. I was kinda hoping he had already loved me anyways.
"Besides, it's for the best anyways. We are both guys after all, and best friends at that. At least, we used to be." I paused and frowned. "Now I'm not so sure. I was so stupid..."
"It's in the past Matt. It's best to just let it go now," dad told me as gently as he could.
Still I was not comforted.
Wistfully I said, "Yeah, just let it go."
As if I could really do that.
I sighed once more, then stood and walked out of the room.
I knew I wouldn't be able to let it go anytime soon.
The best thing to do was get some sleep.
As dad always said, 'things will be better in the morning. They always are.'
©2001 butterflie June 30, 2001 Saturday 1:09 am
Author's Notes: Woo-hoo! That sucked just as bad as Ishida's p.o.v. Don't you all agree with me, minna? Anyways, feel free to flame this as well. I will welcome them. But if you flame any of my other stories, I will be rather upset. I happen to like those stories. Especially Untold Secrets. That story rules! Well, I must go and try to finish some of the other thirty odd stories I have started. Remember, read and flame and I'll see you at the next posted story or chapter! Love ya all! Enjoy all my stories! (Except maybe this one!.....)