Waiting (rewrite), Book 2, Chapter 12
After living through hell for months, Yamato is finally free from Ken and ready to move on with his life. But are things ever really that simple? Sequel to Untold Secrets. References to rape/sexual abuse and suicide. Some violence/swearing.
[Digimon] M, drama/hurt/comfort, 6003 (96854) words, published 04-10-15
UPDATE This chapter is the final version
previous chapter
Waiting
by: butterflie
chapter twelve, blurring
Book Two
in the evening, after I spent the whole day a crying mess,
I wished for nothing but to be stronger
I was searching for
the courage I would need to achieve that goal
even if a cruel fate has been carved in stone,
poised to reveal itself before me someday...
as long as I have a moment, this moment, where I can breathe,
I can hold on to the feeling that none of it really matters
- Kenshi Yonezu, peace sign.
“Yamato. Yamato, wake up.”
I groaned, and shrugged off Dad’s gentle shaking. “I’m up,” I mumbled, still half asleep. “What’s wrong?”
“You need to get up and get ready for school. You’re going to be late if you don’t get up now.”
I let out another groan, this time one of exasperation. “Can’t I please stay home today?” I asked, trying to keep the whine out of my voice.
“No.”’ Dad’s voice was firm. “I let you have yesterday and Monday, but you’ve missed enough school already to keep doing this. You need to go today.”
I sighed and tried to ignore the twinge of anxiety in my chest at the thought of going to school, and facing Kenji and maybe Kento. Kenji would just be awkward. Kento, though... I was terrified at the thought of what he might do for revenge. If Kenji had taken the time to warn Taichi about it, there was no question of if he came after us. At the same time, Dad did have a point. I couldn’t keep avoiding school forever. “Fine, fine, I’ll go...” I grumbled unhappily.
“Thank you.” Dad nodded, satisfied, and left the room to let me get dressed in peace.
Fifteen minutes later, I felt I was ready enough and walked into the kitchen to say bye to Dad. “I’m leaving now,” I announced.
Dad looked me over, but tactfully chose not to remark on my rumpled clothes and barely brushed hair. Before, I would have cringed at the thought of going out looking less than perfect, but over the past few months I’d come to learn some things really didn’t matter all that much. And I’m sure Dad was just happy enough to have me going to school to make a big deal out of my appearance.
“Alright. And I know you usually hang out with Taichi here after school, but don’t forget you promised Takeru some quality time today, for a belated birthday celebration.”
“Right. I know, Dad.” I’d actually completely forgotten he’d called the other night asking for it. So much stuff kept happening, I felt too consumed by my worry about Taichi and Kento and Kenji... “I’ll see you tonight.”
He waved me on, and I headed off for school. When I got there, the first thing I did was look around for Kenji or Kento, but I didn’t see either of them. I hadn’t been entirely sure if they would show today, as I didn’t know when Sento would be released from the hospital. I supposed I would know for sure in third period, at least for Kenji. But so far it seemed I had a reprieve.
My relief was short-lived though, for after homeroom, I passed Tetsuya in the hallway outside my second period class. He didn’t say anything to me, didn’t do anything to me other than just direct a glare of intense hatred in my direction, but that was more than enough to make my heart start pounding and my knees go weak.
When I got to third period, Kenji wasn’t there, but the others were. I didn’t tell Taichi about Tetsuya’s glare. I didn’t want to worry him.
* * *
“So how are things between you and Daisuke going?”
Takeru shrugged at me, a small grin gracing his mouth. “We’re fine. We go out a lot. Sometimes it’s not all that different from when we were just friends.” He grinned again, a little bit bigger this time. “Sometimes it is.”
I laughed a bit. “Have you told Natsuko about it yet?”
He looked away from me, down at his half-empty bowl of noodles. “I’m not ready.”
“Takeru, hey. Look at me,” I said gently. I waited until he was looking up at me again before continuing. “There’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t be ashamed of it. I told you before, there’s no rush, okay? I wasn’t judging you for it, I was just curious. Alright?”
He nodded, giving me a smile. “Okay.”
We ate in silence for a few minutes, with Takeru finishing much faster than me. “Can I ask you about something?” he asked hesitatingly once his bowl was empty.
I looked down at my own bowl, still a third full, and knew I wouldn’t be finishing it. I pushed it away. “Go ahead,” I replied calmly, though I was already dreading his question. Whatever it was, I probably wouldn’t like it.
“Well, it’s just... I heard from Hikari that you stayed round Taichi’s over the weekend, and somehow Miyako set you-”
“Not here,” I said, cutting him off. I sighed, and wondered why I hadn’t asked Taichi to keep Hikari quiet. I knew her tendency to tell Takeru everything, not that I could entirely fault her for it. They were best friends, after all. “Let’s go outside.”
He nodded, and we quickly paid up and set out towards the park near my apartment. When we got there we just wandered aimlessly around the paths for a bit. I knew Takeru was waiting for me to speak up, but I really didn’t want to talk about it with him. I hated for my little brother to see how I weak I was. I didn’t want to destroy that little bit of hero-worship that I knew he had left.
“So Hikari said she managed to trigger you into a panic attack,” he eventually said, when it was clear I wasn’t going to talk.
I resisted the urge to rub my forehead, annoyed I had to have this conversation a second time. Just the thought of it was giving me a headache already. “Come on.” I motioned for him to follow me, and went to my usual tree. Once we had settled down under it, I looked directly at him. “I didn’t tell you for the same reason I didn’t tell Dad. I didn’t think it was important. I have flashbacks about Ken all the time, and a lot of them have turned into panic attacks. The one Miyako triggered wasn’t any different.”
“But it is important,” he protested. “You’re my brother, I want to know when something is hurting you. I didn’t even know you had them often. I thought you only had the one at your apartment a few weeks ago.”
I shook my head. “No. And given the things that Miyako was saying to me, it’s really not surprising I got triggered.”
“What do you mean? What things?”
“What, Hikari didn’t tell you that part?” I asked sarcastically, but quickly regretted it. “Sorry, never mind that. I’m sure you’ve heard all the rumours about Ken and me circulating around school?”
He scoffed. “Sure, who hasn’t, but I’m not stupid enough to believe them. Whatever Ken did to you, I know it wasn’t by your choice.”
I swallowed hard for a moment, loving my brother all the more for his unwavering belief in me. “Right. Well I guess Miyako is that stupid.”
“She believed them?” he asked in disbelief.
I lifted a shoulder half-heartedly before letting it drop again. “I guess. She certainly kept asking me about it, saying how she couldn’t believe Ken would do something like that... I mean, in a way, I suppose I can understand that much at least, I wouldn’t have believed it of him before either. But the way she confronted me was wrong, and obviously it upset me greatly.”
Are you sure you didn’t make it up because of a fight or something? I shuddered, recalling her words. They still stung now, thinking of them. They still reminded me of Ken mocking the idea of me telling anyone. It still hurt to think that Ken had become someone so different from the friend he’d been before, that he could become someone that cruel and indifferent to my pain.
“Yamato?”
“Huh?” I jerked my head up, realising then that I’d let myself become lost in memories again, and was pretty close to crying. I took a few deep breaths, trying to steady myself. “Sorry.” I forcefully shoved the memories away. Now was not the time; I didn’t want Takeru to see me cry. “Sometimes I just still can’t really believe all the things Ken did to me...”
“What did Ken do to you, exactly?” he asked quietly. “I mean, I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but I don’t really know anything beyond that Mom said he raped you, and it wasn’t just once.”
I bit my lip, and started pulling at tufts of grass, letting the blades slide through my fingers. “It was bad, Takeru,” I said softly, and cursed my voice for wobbling just a little. “I don’t want to tell you a lot of it. I don’t want to think about most of it.”
“It’s okay,” he reassured me. “You don’t have to.”
“The scars you saw in the hospital. That was the first and only time I threatened to Ken that I was going to tell someone what he was doing. He made it clear to me that he didn’t consider that an option. At the time I didn’t see any other way out. He broke my wrist when he found out what I’d tried to do.” I paused, everything coming to the front of my mind so clear as I talked about it again. All the fear I’d felt then still felt so real.
“Yamato.” Takeru looked sick at what he was hearing, but he had asked. And I couldn’t stop now that I’d started.
“A couple of weeks later, I came out of the bathroom from a shower and found him laying on my bed like he owned it. It made me so mad, I didn’t even think, I just told him to get out. For that he chased me down the hallway before catching up to me in the kitchen and stabbing me.” I closed my eyes briefly, that spark of terror of knowing he would kill me if he caught me rushing over me again.
“I’m sorry.” My brother honestly looked as if he regretted asking.
I shrugged. “It happened. I don’t really know why. Ken decided he wanted me, and so he took what he wanted. I can’t change it. I can only move on from it. But just understand that it was bad, and he also did a lot of horrible things to me sexually, things I can’t bring myself to talk about, but are likely to set me off into a panic attack right now if I get reminded too much of them. Not telling you isn’t a slight against you, okay? There’s just too many to tell you about every single one.”
He nodded, a couple of tears slipping down his cheeks. “I understand. I’m sorry for asking.”
“Takeru, no. Don’t cry,” I said, dismayed. “I didn’t tell you to make you cry. And I wasn’t mad at you for asking. I just wanted you to have an understanding of how bad things were, and why I didn’t tell you specifically about this weekend. Please don’t cry,” I begged.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “It just hurts me knowing you had to suffer all of that. You didn’t deserve it.”
“That’s life,” I said wryly. “Bad things happen to good people. Isn’t that always how it goes?”
“I miss the Digital World. Even when bad things happened to us, we always came out on top in the end. I wish our world could be the same way.”
“Isn’t it, though? I mean, I’m here and alive and well as I can be, and Ken was locked up.”
“Yeah, but Mom said he escaped.”
“They’ll catch him again,” I said, with a confidence I didn’t really feel. “Come on.” I stood up, reaching out a hand to him. “It’s getting late. We should get you home before Natsuko starts to call around looking for you again.”
He gripped my hand and got to his feet so we could start heading towards his apartment. “Why do you always have to call her Natsuko?” He griped. “She’s your mom too, you know.”
“Because that’s her name,” I said, hoping he’d just drop it. Sure, she may have been my mom, but that didn’t really make her my mom. She didn’t really care about me, and she certainly didn’t act like a mom to me.
Unfortunately, he didn’t drop it. “Kids don’t typically call their parents by their first names. You don’t call Dad by his name,” he pointed out. “I know you don’t get along with her great, but you could still call her Mom.”
“She’s not my mom!” I snarled, upset that he wouldn’t just drop it. “She hasn’t been my mom since the day you were born!”
His eyes widened; he stopped walking and just looked at me. "I never asked to be her favourite," he said in a small voice that trembled when he spoke. "I never did anything to be..."
I stopped walking too, internally yelling at myself for being such an asshole. “Takeru, I’m sorry. I didn’t really mean it like that...” I trailed off helplessly, knowing that anything I said would be inadequate right now as long as my words were still ringing in his ears.
“Sure you did,” he told me, voice still shaking slightly. “And I suppose I deserved it; after all, I had to ask.”
I bit down on my lip and didn't say anything else, and the rest of the walk home was spent in uncomfortable silence.
* * *
“I’m home,” I said as I walked in the door, the fatigue I felt evident in my voice.
“Welcome home,” Dad greeted me, surprising me. He usually wasn’t home this early. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Takeru and I went out to eat. It was just kind of a long day.”
“Want to talk about it?”
I shook my head, heading into the kitchen for a glass of water, my throat feeling a bit dry after the talking I’d done earlier. “Not really.”
“You sure?” Dad asked, following me to kitchen and stopping in the doorway. “You seem down.”
“Dad,” I said, warning in my voice as I set my now empty glass on the counter with a bit more force than I meant. “Nothing really bad happened, I promise,” I said, making my voice gentler. “No panic attacks or anything. Just tough conversation. I don’t want to talk right now. I’m really tired and just want to lay down.”
Dad was quiet for a moment, but then gave me a small smile. “No pushing. Okay. Go lay down. I’ll be here if you change your mind.”
I gave him a grateful smile. “Thanks.” I quickly moved my glass to the sink, and headed down the hall to my room. I dropped my bookbag by my desk, only taking the time to dig my cell phone out of it, then stretched myself across my bed and dialled Taichi.
“Taichi, can you do me a favour?” I asked once he’d picked up.
“Hello to you too,” he returned cheerfully.
I rolled my eyes. “Hi, Taichi. Can you pretty please do me a favour?”
“Sure, anything for the lovely Yamato,” he said sincerely.
I groaned. “You’re impossible...”
“That’s why you love me,” he said, still cheerful.
I sighed. “Look, can you see if Hikari will talk to Takeru for me? I sort of accidentally insulted him without really meaning to...”
“So why don’t you talk to him?” he asked me. It was a reasonable question, I had to admit. I still wish he hadn’t asked.
“I don’t think he really wants to talk to me right now. I, uh, well, he got annoyed that I kept calling Natsuko by her name, and I sort of implied that she quit being my mom when he came into the picture...”
“Ouch,” he said. “I can see why he wouldn’t want to talk to you. Can’t really blame him, poor kid.”
“Yeah,” I said, wincing. “I really didn’t mean it, we were just talking some about Ken beforehand and I was kind of on edge, and him pushing me about Natsuko made me snap a bit. I tried to tell him I was sorry, but he wasn’t really having it.”
I heard him sigh. “So you want Hikari to see how mad he is?”
“Please, Taichi? It doesn’t have to be right now, just whenever she sees him at school tomorrow. It’d really help me out.”
“Alright. I’ll ask her. And hey, I gotta go. I’ll see you in school tomorrow?”
“Thanks, you’re the greatest,” I said relieved. “And yes, I’ll be there. Walk with me in the morning?”
“Sure thing. Bye, Yamato.”
“Bye.” I hung up, and set my phone on my night stand before I rolled over on my back and stared up at the ceiling. I was trying to not think about having to go to school tomorrow, so of course that was occupying my every thought.
I was dreading school, as usual, but now it was worse. For one, Ny had implied Kenji would be back at school tomorrow, though how he knew that I had no clue. Ny didn’t really have any reason to know what was going on. But Kenji being back meant two things. One, I’d have to face him, which wasn’t really that bad, but I was still a bit embarrassed at how I’d bolted on him in the hospital before. And two, Kenji being back meant Kento was also likely to be back, and maybe Sento if he was well enough.
And there was the fact that Tetsuya had glared at me this morning...
Something was up. Kento’s gang was definitely going to do something soon. I just didn’t know what, or when, or exactly who to. And I really didn’t know if telling anybody would do anything. I mean, Dad sort of knew now-he knew they were the ones to put me in the hospital, and that they might retaliate for what Taichi did, but I didn't know if he grasped how serious it really was. He had gone and talked to my school yesterday, but they'd told him there wasn't much they could do unless something happened. After all, what could they do? I didn’t have specifics, or proof. How could I expect anybody to protect me from an unknown attack?
I curled up on my side and began to cry softly, wishing everything could go away and go back to normal, to the way it was before. I hated that this was my life now. Nothing felt right. I just wanted to be normal again.
* * *
The morning at school was difficult. Classes themselves weren’t so bad, but in-between... I spent most of the morning in a blur of fear, just waiting for Kento to accost Taichi or me and try to start something. I found I couldn’t really pay close attention in my classes, and I got reprimanded more than a few times by my teachers. Taichi and Kenji at least understood my distraction, and didn’t really pester me about it, but I could tell Ny and Ratz were confused about what was up with me.
However, by the time lunch rolled around, nothing had happened, and I began to relax slightly. Really, the more I thought about it, the more likely it seemed that they wouldn’t actually try anything during school. It was usually before or after, because there was less chance of a fight getting broken up by teachers.
Once the bell rang signalling the end of fifth period, I absently gathered up my books and headed out to the hallway, telling Taichi to go on ahead to the lunch room and I’d be there in a minute. Taichi nodded to let me know he’d heard, and I went to drop off some books at my locker. I was just shutting it, getting ready to go join Taichi, when a hand slammed against the door, trapping me, and suddenly Kento’s body was pressed up against me, uncomfortably close.
I froze, tendrils of panic creeping upon me fast. Kento was too close. All I could think about was what happened the last time he’d been this close, how badly he and the others had beat me, laughing the whole time. Sento’s knife. The gleam of the blade as it drew closer to me. Ken’s knife, twisting in my shoulder... I shuddered, desperately wanting Kento to go away before I lost it and just started bawling right there in the hallway. I wanted Taichi. Why had I let him go on ahead without me?
Kento leaned his face right into mine, and I involuntarily let out a little whimper, starting to tremble slightly. My heart was pounding so loudly that probably everybody in the hallway could hear it, even though everyone else was studiously pretending they weren’t seeing us.
“You are seriously going to regret siccing your boy on us, Ishida,” he murmured in my ear. “Had you just left it alone, we would have been even, but no, you just had to get the last punch in.” He glared at me, his dark eyes eerily empty for all the hatred he was supposedly feeling. It scared me more than any emotion could have. “Trust me, we’ll make you pay.”
He left me with that final parting shot, and I sagged back against my locker, struggling to gain control of my rapidly escalating breaths. I couldn’t seem to stop shaking, and everything around me was starting to feel distant again.
Recognising that I was once again in the midst of a panic attack, and not wanting everyone at school to witness it, I took off as fast as I could for the old gym, wanting to hide out under the bleachers, avoiding everyone until I could get myself under control. However, I managed to stumble upon Ratsuii and Genjitsu once I got there. I was dimly aware of the fact that they’d been making out, and that they seemed annoyed and embarrassed to be interrupted, but it didn’t take them long to realise that something was wrong.
“Yamato? What’s wrong?”
“Panic attack,” I gasped, sinking to the floor and wrapping my arms around myself.
“Do you want Gen to go get Taichi for you?”
I shook my head. I didn’t want him worrying over me yet again. And more, I didn’t want to tell him what caused it. “He’ll be wondering where I am though.”
“Okay. Gen, go find Taichi and let him know Yamato’s okay,” Ratsuii commanded. “Don’t tell him where Yamato’s at though.”
“Right.” Genjitsu nodded and then took off.
“Cafeteria.” I said.
“He’s in the cafeteria!” Ratsuii yelled after his boyfriend. He looked back at me. “Don’t talk. Just focus on breathing. Even, steady breaths. Copy me if you need to.”
I nodded, and did just that, slowly getting my breathing back under control, the fear gradually subsiding some now that Kento wasn’t right in front of me. The fear of his threat didn’t fade, though.
“Better now?” Ratz asked eventually, when I was more or less breathing normally. The shaking had finally stopped too.
“Yeah.” I said quietly. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I used to get panic attacks sometimes when I was younger. I know how much they suck.”
“Yeah,” I repeated. I waited, expecting him to ask what had happened, but he didn’t, for which I was thankful. We sat quietly together, Genjitsu rejoining us again at some point, with Ratsuii talking softly about random things to keep me calm, until the lunch bell ended and we had to head off to our separate classes.
“Thank you,” I told him quietly as we parted.
He just smiled. “Don’t mention it.”
* * *
That afternoon the band once again gathered in band room 3, under our usual pretense of practising. Our excuse was that since Kenji was back, we ought to get some in, even though he’d only been absent for a few days.
“So Kenji, I didn’t really get a chance to ask you in third or seventh period earlier. Where’ve you been the last few days?”
Kenji glanced around at all of us, then let out a sigh. “Well, both Ny and Yamato already know, so I might as well let you in on it, Ratz.”
Ratsuii looked around at us, confused. “What is it? Something bad?”
“More so for Yamato than for you, but yeah. Ny’s already known for years, for unrelated reasons, but I never told anyone else before. Kento and Sento are my older brothers.”
Ratsuii was silent for a moment, probably processing the news. “Wow,” he said at last. “You must have had a hell of childhood.”
Kenji winced. “I try to forget most of it. I could probably write a best-selling book on what it’s like to grow up with twin sociopaths...”
“I bet,” Ratsuii said grimly. “But what does this have to do with you being gone for three days?”
Kenji looked over at me. “Honestly, most of it’s your story,” he told me, before redirecting his attention back to Ratz. “But the short of it is that Taichi wound up beating up Sento and putting him in the hospital, so I’ve been staying with my mom there the past few days, just to support her.”
“Damn.” Ratsuii understandably looked shocked; he didn’t really seem to know what to say.
“Just to be clear, I didn’t stay because I cared anything for Sento, or what happened to him. I loathe my brothers, and wish they didn’t exist. My mom, however, can’t help but love them despite knowing how horrible they are, and I didn’t want to leave her alone in the hospital to worry.”
Ratsuii nodded, looking thoughtful. “I think I can understand that. I’m assuming you told Yamato recently then?”
I winced, while Kenji grimaced. “Something like that.”
Ratz glanced between us. “You know, Nyusumi and I can hang out for a bit elsewhere if you guys need to talk.”
Kenji glanced at me, and I nodded-we hadn't really had the chance to yet. “I think so. Thanks, guys.”
“No problem.” He and Ny hopped up and quickly went out, shutting the door behind them.
Kenji and I sat there in awkward silence for a minute or two after they’d gone, me pretending to play my guitar and him just plucking at a loose thread on his shirt, until I couldn’t stand it anymore and blurted out a quick apology. “‘m’sorry.”
He glanced up, quickly, and then went back to his shirt. It was weird not having him make jokes and try to lighten the situation for once. “What for?”
I sighed. “For the way I acted at the hospital. That whole night was just one big shock, I really wasn’t thinking clearly. So I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright,” he said, waving his hand as if to dismiss the whole thing. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I can understand your reaction, you’ve certainly got better reasons to be wary and upset than most people, especially since I wouldn’t really talk to you once you realized...”
I gave him a rueful look. “You know what they did to me for revenge on Taichi hitting them the first time, don’t you? It’s the second time you’ve said something about it.”
He gave me an apologetic look in return. “Sorry. Taichi told me when I went to see him. He said they beat you badly enough to put you in the hospital, and that Sento pulled his knife on you. He also said if it hadn’t been for two girls who found you, you probably would have died. So I get it’s a shock to find out one of your best friends is related to them and never said anything. I should have, and I’m sorry for that.”
“On the other hand, I can admit to understanding why you might have been reluctant to tell me...”
He actually laughed at that. “Yeah. It’s not really something I’m proud of.” He quickly turned serious again though. “There is something else I wanted to tell you though. While I was at the hospital, I overheard Kento. Sento was unconscious, but he was ranting to him about how they’d have to ‘take care of’ you and Taichi once and for all. I got the impression that Kento believes you sicced Taichi on him as payback for their beating of you.”
“I didn’t though!” I protested. “I mean, yes, I told him Sunday night what they did, but I didn’t ask him to go after them for me! In fact I tried to get him to promise he wouldn’t do anything stupid like that!” I closed my eyes in frustration, feeling a headache forming. “If they had just left us alone that first time none of this would even be a problem... We didn’t ask for any of this.”
“You know that and I know that, but stuff like that doesn’t matter to Kento,” he explained. “They never would have left you alone that first time. They couldn’t. It’s not in their nature. People like you and me get pleasure from making music and making others happy. People like my brothers get pleasure from hurting others and making them miserable. They don’t care about other people. The only thing in this world that Kento cares about is Sento, and even that doesn’t actually involve feelings.”
He stopped for a moment, and gave me a grim look. “I know it sounds strange, but Kento’s only concern with Sento is in how useful Sento can be to him. Right now, even though Sento is lying in the hospital unconscious, Kento knows he’ll recover, so he’ll still be useful, and because of that he also won’t ever allow anything to interfere with Sento again, at least not if he can help it. At this point, the biggest threat to that, in his mind, is you and Taichi. I’m sure Taichi told about the chat he and I had, but this is important enough that it bears repeating. You and Taichi both need to be very careful, Yamato. Not caring about anything makes Kento not only ruthless, but very reckless as well. He thinks he’s above the law, and does whatever he wants.”
I stared at him. His words definitely gave me a chill, but I didn’t really know how to respond to them. I was saved from having to figure it out, however, as Ny and Ratz picked that moment to knock on the door and poke their heads in. “You guys done talking yet?”
I really wasn’t sure we were, but nevertheless I said, “Yeah, we’re good.” Kenji, after a moment’s hesitation, agreed.
“Great! Let’s get some real practice in then. We need to start on some new songs soon.”
“Right.” I nodded, and resolved to put it out of my head for the time being as I began tuning my guitar for real that time.
* * *
Friday was a day of fear. Much like Thursday, it passed by in a blur. I was constantly on edge waiting for Kento or even Tetsuya or Ayashi to come up to me and threaten me some more, or try something. I hadn’t told Taichi what Kento had already said to me. I really didn’t know why. I needed to, he certainly deserved to know as he was in this mess just as much as I was, but I stupidly just didn’t want him to worry.
I’d also heard from Kenji that Sento was likely to be released from the hospital over the weekend, and okay to go back to school Monday. That had me wanting to huddle up under the covers in my bed and never leave my room again. I felt endlessly worn out from being constantly stressed and on edge waiting for something to happen, knowing it was going to, but not knowing when. And now that Sento was out, the chances of something happening went up greatly.
Kenji and Nyusumi also both seem to be worried about the whole Kento and Sento mess, which put me even more on edge than I otherwise might have been. Kenji, at least, I could understand, but I couldn’t understand why Ny was acting as distracted and distressed as he was. I’m sure he was worried about us getting hurt, but I wouldn’t have thought it would have affected him as much as he seemed to be. I just didn’t get it. Ratsuii wasn’t acting the way the other two were, although all of our negative energy did seem to be getting him down a bit. He hadn’t been as laid back as usual in classes and practice, snapping at us over things that normally wouldn’t phase him. It was a bit disconcerting, as Ratsuii rarely ever lost his temper and I hadn’t even been sure he knew how to snap.
The only upside to Friday was that I’d managed to patch things up with Takeru. Hikari had pulled through for me and talked to him. He had been pretty upset, but she convinced him to talk to me, so after school he sought me out and let me apologise again. He couldn’t get me to promise I’d stop calling her Natsuko, but I did promise to never say anything like what I’d said before again. Not that I’d had any intentions of that as it was. I’d really never meant to hurt my brother that way. He and Taichi were the best things in my life, I didn’t want to ever lose either of them.
“Hey.” Taichi moved to set his game controller aside, and poked me in the side. “What are thinking about? You’ve been quiet for a while now.”
“Oh. Sorry.” I had initially been watching him play video games, as a way to take my mind off things, but had apparently once again drifted and got lost in my thoughts. “Just a lot of things, really,” I admitted. “Sento being released, for one...”
Taichi turned off the game, and focused his attention fully on me. “I’m worried about it too.” He sighed, and leaned his head against my shoulder. “I wish I had never beat him up, then we wouldn’t be here now. I was just so mad, thinking about how he’d hurt you so much when you hadn’t even done anything to him. And because of that we’re basically stuck now waiting for the axe to fall, or wondering if it even will.” Frustration laced his voice.
I shifted uncomfortably. I really needed to tell him about Kento, but he was already getting agitated, and I didn’t want to make him more riled up. “Well, Kenji seems to think it definitely will,” I said. “He talked to me about it a couple of days ago. I think he was trying to clarify some more the things he told you. He was going on about how Kento’s only interest in Sento is in how useful he finds Sento to him, and that since he still deems him useful, he wants to make sure Sento stays useful and that we don’t ‘interfere’ with that, or something, that he sees us as the biggest threat to Sento. So Kenji’s pretty sure they’ll come after us at some point.”
Taichi gave another sigh, deeper this time. “This sucks.”
“I know.” I pulled him closer to me, and wrapped my arms around him in a hug, wanting to feel him against me. “But like you said, we’re pretty much stuck waiting for something to happen. I don’t know what else we could do.”
“I don’t want to think about it anymore, at least not right now. I want to just sit here next to you, and just play games or watch or a movie or do anything but think about it. I just want something to feel normal for one night.”
I smiled, and tightened my grip on him, well familiar with the feeling. “Okay,” I said softly. “I think we could do that.”
end chapter twelve. (10 april 2015 0939AM)
soundtrack for chapter twelve:
glee - glad you came, glee - jolene, glee - run the world, glee - raise your glass, glee - marry you, glee - sing, glee - loser like me, glee - light up the world, glee - damn it janet, glee - time warp, imagine dragons - I bet my life
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