Disproportionate Disappointment

[lupinebear]

It came as a surprise to me to discover that the people closest to me, who cared the most about me, perpetually feared disappointing me. If something that I was looking forward to didn't happen, regardless of reason, I would become extremely disappointed and sad. So much so that it would also sadden my loved ones, especially whomever had to bear

Comments

[branwyn]

Interestingly, you're now the second friend in a week to have told me of their success with this technique; this same concept came up in my therapy sessions a few months ago and seemed plausible as an explanation for my own depression-fueled bursts of anger. I, however, have not yet had any success in figuring out the original source of the pent-up emotions... and so, as yet, have not found any relief.

The idea of just "feeling" those emotions as a way of letting them go has also surfaced a few times recently, often related. One of my therapy assignments is to do just that - just "be with the anger" when it happens... but it seems to not be enough? Or I'm not "doing it right" - which seems impossible, really, and yet here I am. :C

Hearing of your success gives me hope, though - so thanks for sharing, and best of luck!

B.

[lupinebear]

"Just feel it" didn't sound plausible to me, either. The idea only had any merit with me because I've now heard it from five different mental specialists, one of whom has been working with me since 2010.

My problem is that I sometimes can't tell if I've "felt it through" or just buried it again. The latter is such an ingrained habit that I just do it automatically, so both effects can seem the same to me. Even now, I'm only assuming that I'm handling this correctly because each new disappointment results in smaller and smaller floods of emotions.

One problem with emotions is that, just because you've satisfied one of them does not mean that a new one *won't* be generated to take its place. I'm dealing with some ongoing disappointments now, and every time I think of them, the thoughts create new emotions, all of which I have to then let myself feel. So it's good that I'm no longer letting them build up, but I still have to deal with the trigger thoughts, which I think is going to require a lot more work...

[branwyn]

Hmm, that's something I hadn't considered... that "feeling it" and "repressing it some more" could be indistinguishable to me, because I'm so used to doing one instead of the other.

For me, the assignment was to "be with" my anger. And my confusion has been: how is "being with my anger" different than "being angry"? Because if they are the same - which they seem to be as far as I can tell - then I've done a lot of "being angry" already, and it hasn't helped. But maybe what I think of as "being angry" is actually more like "repressing my anger"... and what I need to do is "ACTUALLY be angry"?

Worth a try, anyways...

Thanks for the tips, and I wish you continued success!

B.

[lupinebear]

Right. Assuming that you're someplace where you can safely be angry (at the office would be a bad choice, for example...), just let yourself feel it, as strong as it wants to be. When you let emotions flow, they actually fade on their own pretty quickly