derailment of thought

[luvpumpkin]

lamictal brought my moods to pretty normal - well, normal for me... kind of like a bipolar II going into cyclothymia...  shrink put me on prozac when lamictal made me flat and when dysthymia crept in a bit... kept having her up the prozac.... felt elevated (though slightly), felt more social, less hungry....  she switched my adderall to ritalin at

Comments

[i_amjackscolon]

Reading this reminds me of myself.
At least, the drinking/sex part.

I don't really dissociate during sex, but I feel an almost pathological need for it sometimes. It feels like I have this black hole in the center of my chest, and that if I don't drink/use drugs/have sex/b&p to get rid of, I'll be sucked in and disappear.

Being in love, around friends, being held is what helps too, but those are much harder to get sometimes.

Do you ever feel like that?

[luvpumpkin]

always HOWEVER i am not sure what real love is... i believe it exists and i assume i am capable of experiencing it but for me, the hole in my chest is so gaping that nothing fills it quite enough. i believe that there should be more self love in that hole... enough to help contribute to its filling... probably more and more as time goes on... but even when i don't feel an active disdain for myself, i assume that is the problem.... i just don't know what real love is.... i am not sure if that just made sense lol

[i_amjackscolon]

No, it made complete sense. I think that a combination of self-love and love of others and from others (friends, family and significant others, pets too) will help fill it.
That's my hope anyway.

Do you think that's a part of having BPD? I've thought I might have it for a while now.

It's so amazing that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

<3

[luvpumpkin]

i think it is a part of BPD - at least it is for me..... ever read "Sometimes I Act Crazy"? it's a good book about figuring out BPD in yourself.... <3