Ok, so I just found out that my cousin Aslyn passed away tueday night. I called my mom to see if she wanted me to come homw and I'm being eaten at because she told me no. I just feel everything so much more than I ever used to. She was only 11 and had been so sick her whole life. They never even expected her to live this long, but you just don' ( Read more... )

And I'm off... tomorrow actually, since it is officially past midnight. I can't friggen wait. My only problem is that people keep trying to "warn" me about those smelly europeans and their "strange ways". Give me a fucking break! I'm a goddamn anthropologist! If there is any profession that teaches it's followers to be more accepting I'd like ( Read more... )

Ok, I'm past the bah humbug shit this year. I finally feel like I appreciate my family. I didn't get angry at the screaming little children feeding my dog food that I know will make her sick all day tomorrow and have the shits for the next three days, I didn't get frusterated by the whiring/whizzing/squealing toys that my brothers and sisters-in- ( Read more... )

I'm feeling utterly frusterated! I am having these anxiety attacks on a regular basis. I know exactly what is causing them, but there is nothing I can do about it. I am worrying so much about this "thing" that I have no damn control over and I don't know how much longer I can deal with being out of control. I'd like to say that the ball is in ( Read more... )

Sometimes I think that I am the flighty emotional girl that I would hate if I met. I worry about this. I worry that people get that impression. I feel like I am judged only on my words when there is so much more going on inside my head. I feel like others think that my emotions are flat and whimsical. I can only argue that they are not. What ( Read more... )

There's way too much to even put it all into words. I wish it all weren't so damn comfusing sometimes. There's so much going on with school and then all the rest. Time's at such a premium at the moment. There's school, which is always crazy, but there are other things which are important for me to pursue at the moment. It just all feels so ( Read more... )

I had this idea that writing about all the shit I went through would be helpful and possibly elighten others to the pain of what I went through. The piece that I wrote, however, turned more into a catalogue of the day I left school. I am finding it as if I'm reliving it all with every word I write. I keep remembering more about those days. ( Read more... )

It feels so good to have these feelings again, but can I help but be scared? It's nice that I have the time to care for someone, but there is a risk in leaving myself open to these feelings. I am, at heart, an optomist. This is where the problem is. I remember Dr. Stannish pondering why Hope was included in Pandora's box. Is hope a curse for ( Read more... )

I'm not exactly sure what my deal is today. It feels like everything is off-keel. I don't understand it. I think it may have to do with a guy, which is odd for me. I haven't allowed myself to feel anything deeply about anyone since Josh and I had our fall-out. This is where it gets weird. I didn't even really think that I felt anything ( Read more... )

I went home this weekend to go to the doctor and saw just about the saddest thing I've ever seen. I was waiting to get my MRI and I saw this grandmother and her two grandchildren in the waiting room. The mother came out a few minutes later with the other granddaughter, who I later found out was called Jenny Bug. She was this beautiful little ( Read more... )