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if only i were more interested in AFL.. am i even Australian..

i just made banana and honey muffins and ate alot of mixture and now i hate the sight of them cos my tummy is already full... why oh why..

i keep feeling like i am one step behind and no matter what i do or how hard i try i can never keep up. i am drowning in the feelings of distrust and hate that i know i can trust even what i cannot see ever working out but somehow keep trying to solve things on my own..  all of a sudden i feel like i know a million people and no one knows who i am ( Read more... )

agh..
sometimes, like today i am so full of fury inside at things that i cannot put my finger on that i want to scream out loud. I am home with my family and trying to sit very still and quiet because i feel as though i might explode and i fear the outcome..
Father please soften me and remove my heart of stone..

I think i will just go to bed

so today i went to pick adam up from uni after work and as i pulled in to a spot near the library the hail began... and there i sat in my car watching as golfball chunks of ice flung in to my windscreen and car. the noise was so scary. i could feel my heart beating through my chest as i was more scared of anything than i have been in a long time. ( Read more... )

i am afriad of being tired forever.. i have started the week sleep deprived and it makes me feel sick to think that it is so long till another sleep..
in other news though life is so ridiculously busy and full it is a good thing that i no longer sleep so i can fit in the 8 million things i have to do in the hours i am not at work..

also i am learnng ( Read more... )

i keep having dreams and nightmares that blend my dreams into reality and i cannot tell what is real when i wake up with my heart pounding.. feeling like i never slept at all..

in other news on saturday night adam took me to manly on the ferry for dinner for my birthday and it was lovely and my face was so numb from the wind and i felt like for a ( Read more... )

ordinary ( Read more... )

 conviction of realising so abruptly that my hearts desire does not match my outward words and i am once again driven to my God in prayer in sadness of my sin and joy at my salvation.. how quickly i am deceived by the world and so subtly does that become what i long for and store up.. agh..
lord.. "let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my ( Read more... )