Glances [MaruDa]
Title: Glances
Author: iP
Pairing: MaruDa
Genre: Angst
Rating: G. The most harmless of them all.
Flame: Dur.
Summary: He does not look at me.
A.N.: Maru POV.
*****
He does not look at me.
The way I’ve assumed it, he does not.
He stares blankly into space; lips tightly closed, fingers entwined, and with a bitter resolute at the corner of his mouth. Shadowed, unmoving.
Lingering.
I sat still, watching him sigh deeply every now and then. He turned around to face his friends with a cheerful countenance. And they saw him that way.
He laughed, because he needed to, not because he wanted to. Tried to cloud his emotions.
But I still do. Still do notice.
Perhaps, you were deluded, he retorted once. You could never interpret things clearly anyway. You were just here for making jokes. As a toy. A recreation. My useful companion. A tool.
But I knew he didn’t mean it.
So, I asked him once more, holding his wrist gingerly.
My heart shuddered with what I was welcomed with: dusty, flickering shadows; a storm, colliding pain and confusion; and irrevocable regret, twisted coils engulfing him to darkness. And silence.
I tried to speak once again, but my voice failed me.
I was holding in my hands the frailest creature that I have ever seen.
He winced at my grasp, but then spoke, “No.” And he looked away.
I slowly let go of his hand agonizingly. He gave me a cold stare and walked away.
After that incident, he didn’t look at me again.
Never.
*****
At the corner of his eyes, he might’ve seen me staring at him. Contemplating what was going on. Perhaps he’d seen me countless times with his swift, sly glances. He could’ve noticed me look worriedly at him.
Perhaps.
Randomly I find him unfocused. He knows this for a fact, I can tell. He’d mumble something unintelligible when he’s with them. Then he’d look away and sigh dismally.
But me. He’d step away if I came near.
He thinks that I knew what was going on.
Actually, I didn’t. I haven’t got a single clue as to what was going on. Except for the fact that I’m the only one who noticed him this way.
I haven’t asked any of my friends about his gloomy composure. I was afraid.
Afraid for him.
I do believe that he trusted me not to tell anyone about it. Even without words.
But with glances.
*****
I dared another move, tried another way to talk to him; pour his feelings out, show those bittersweet emotions. I walked near him while the others were away.
He stiffened as I drew near; apparently, he caught me doing so. And thus, he tried to walk away.
He tried to.
I wasn’t going to keep up with it. With his ignorance and avoidances.
I wasn’t tired.
I wasn’t pissed.
I wasn’t angry.
I was lonely. Lonely because he was still like this. Lonely because I couldn’t do anything.
“No…” he pleaded silently with his glance. Quick as the wind, he looked away.
I became lonelier… because,
Everytime I see him, it hurts.
Everytime he looks away, all I can feel is pain.
And everytime he walks away, my world turns to gray.
Filled with confusion and sadness, I held his hand. Warmth met warmth, confusion met bitter.
I asked, but his glances reply my questions with another. He sighed sadly, and finally told me not to worry.
He said everything’s fine now.
My expression would’ve been doubtful for he gently squeezed my hand in order to assure me. I was dumbfounded.
I hugged him, and told him I was always there for him.
He slowly nodded, saying ‘thank you’ over and over again.
After that, he let go and smiled at me.
Then he walked away.
Left me standing there.
Alone.
*****
OWARI. Hokay who said it was owari? roflrofl:P
Tatsuya's reply.
Author: iP
Pairing: MaruDa
Genre: Angst
Rating: G. The most harmless of them all.
Flame: Dur.
Summary: He does not look at me.
A.N.: Maru POV.
*****
He does not look at me.
The way I’ve assumed it, he does not.
He stares blankly into space; lips tightly closed, fingers entwined, and with a bitter resolute at the corner of his mouth. Shadowed, unmoving.
Lingering.
I sat still, watching him sigh deeply every now and then. He turned around to face his friends with a cheerful countenance. And they saw him that way.
He laughed, because he needed to, not because he wanted to. Tried to cloud his emotions.
But I still do. Still do notice.
Perhaps, you were deluded, he retorted once. You could never interpret things clearly anyway. You were just here for making jokes. As a toy. A recreation. My useful companion. A tool.
But I knew he didn’t mean it.
So, I asked him once more, holding his wrist gingerly.
My heart shuddered with what I was welcomed with: dusty, flickering shadows; a storm, colliding pain and confusion; and irrevocable regret, twisted coils engulfing him to darkness. And silence.
I tried to speak once again, but my voice failed me.
I was holding in my hands the frailest creature that I have ever seen.
He winced at my grasp, but then spoke, “No.” And he looked away.
I slowly let go of his hand agonizingly. He gave me a cold stare and walked away.
After that incident, he didn’t look at me again.
Never.
*****
At the corner of his eyes, he might’ve seen me staring at him. Contemplating what was going on. Perhaps he’d seen me countless times with his swift, sly glances. He could’ve noticed me look worriedly at him.
Perhaps.
Randomly I find him unfocused. He knows this for a fact, I can tell. He’d mumble something unintelligible when he’s with them. Then he’d look away and sigh dismally.
But me. He’d step away if I came near.
He thinks that I knew what was going on.
Actually, I didn’t. I haven’t got a single clue as to what was going on. Except for the fact that I’m the only one who noticed him this way.
I haven’t asked any of my friends about his gloomy composure. I was afraid.
Afraid for him.
I do believe that he trusted me not to tell anyone about it. Even without words.
But with glances.
*****
I dared another move, tried another way to talk to him; pour his feelings out, show those bittersweet emotions. I walked near him while the others were away.
He stiffened as I drew near; apparently, he caught me doing so. And thus, he tried to walk away.
He tried to.
I wasn’t going to keep up with it. With his ignorance and avoidances.
I wasn’t tired.
I wasn’t pissed.
I wasn’t angry.
I was lonely. Lonely because he was still like this. Lonely because I couldn’t do anything.
“No…” he pleaded silently with his glance. Quick as the wind, he looked away.
I became lonelier… because,
Everytime I see him, it hurts.
Everytime he looks away, all I can feel is pain.
And everytime he walks away, my world turns to gray.
Filled with confusion and sadness, I held his hand. Warmth met warmth, confusion met bitter.
I asked, but his glances reply my questions with another. He sighed sadly, and finally told me not to worry.
He said everything’s fine now.
My expression would’ve been doubtful for he gently squeezed my hand in order to assure me. I was dumbfounded.
I hugged him, and told him I was always there for him.
He slowly nodded, saying ‘thank you’ over and over again.
After that, he let go and smiled at me.
Then he walked away.
Left me standing there.
Alone.
*****
OWARI. Hokay who said it was owari? roflrofl:P
Tatsuya's reply.