Infinite Depths [MaruDa]
Title: Infinite Depths
Author: iP
Pairing: MaruDa
Genre: Angst (again >.>;)
Rating: G.
Flame: Dun.
Summary: I am... confused.
A.N.: Tatsuya’s POV. Sort of an answer to Maru's POV, 'Glances'. Inspired by Keane’s ‘Bedshaped’. Sort of a songfic, but not quite. Whatever. XP
*****
He has been staring at me for a long, long time. Ever since I avoided everyone-placed a barrier onto myself, he noticed this feelings of confusion and indefinite bitterness.
The music’s playing a haunting but equally enchanting tune to my ears; when will it stop? I don’t want to hear anything anymore; the more I listen, the more I get hurt.
Those questioning eyes have triggered the most infinite depths of my heart.
My heart palpitates nervously as you ask me with your sincere gaze.
The soul inside me shatters to a thousand pieces as you uncover the mask I’m using to hide myself.
Stop it, will you?
I have worked very hard--very hard to maintain this kind of composure. No one knows my true self; and no one will. This is the principle I live in.
I have to live in.
Don’t scrutinize me with that kind of look, it makes me afraid.
I’m afraid.
Afraid…
…of you.
*****
What do I know?
That sickening, pitying look you give makes me shudder.
Your eyes always seem to see through my head, staring at my actions and emotions.
I hate it.
My will fades to dust if you go farther, probing into the innermost of my desires.
My innermost desire.
You appear unfazed as you say ’What do I know?’, not discerning my hidden but mixed emotions.
Mixed…emotions.
But.
Why?
*****
Many a time you’ve thought about it, didn’t you? The way your cool, unconcerned façade changes into a contemplative one. I have noticed; no doubt about it.
Everyone has ignored my feeling of sadness, of being alone. They know me as the one who laughs at the simplest of jokes, the smallest of smiles, and at the tiniest appreciation and praise.
Then, how could you know?
Could it be that they are too dense to perceive me?
Have I been too visible, too gullible to be noticed by you?
Is it that you have been the one closest to me, that you could see though me like glass?
I am lost in the twisted coils of fear and isolation.
Could you help me?
Would you accept me?
How would I know?
*****
The orchestra’s playing it a little too loud, I think I’d become deaf.
Honestly.
You should stop giving me those thoughtful looks. The grip round my neck is becoming tighter and tighter, I can’t breathe.
Especially that it’s… you.
You.
I close my eyes and think of what will happen if I make a move, or if I don’t. Anyway, with our current situation, I am quite happy. Happy enough to live for another day.
…just to see you.
You stubbornly and openly refuse. I bear with the pain in my chest and nod warily, hoping the vertigo will pass away in time. It’s better to than to be rejected.
I hate you.
I hate you for making me feel this way.
I am still lost in this dense forest, only carrying my memoirs of you.
And with this,
I fall apart.
**OWARI**
Note: I totally adore Keane because they don't have guitarists but they are PWNSOME. ♥
Author: iP
Pairing: MaruDa
Genre: Angst (again >.>;)
Rating: G.
Flame: Dun.
Summary: I am... confused.
A.N.: Tatsuya’s POV. Sort of an answer to Maru's POV, 'Glances'. Inspired by Keane’s ‘Bedshaped’. Sort of a songfic, but not quite. Whatever. XP
*****
He has been staring at me for a long, long time. Ever since I avoided everyone-placed a barrier onto myself, he noticed this feelings of confusion and indefinite bitterness.
The music’s playing a haunting but equally enchanting tune to my ears; when will it stop? I don’t want to hear anything anymore; the more I listen, the more I get hurt.
Those questioning eyes have triggered the most infinite depths of my heart.
My heart palpitates nervously as you ask me with your sincere gaze.
The soul inside me shatters to a thousand pieces as you uncover the mask I’m using to hide myself.
Stop it, will you?
I have worked very hard--very hard to maintain this kind of composure. No one knows my true self; and no one will. This is the principle I live in.
I have to live in.
Don’t scrutinize me with that kind of look, it makes me afraid.
I’m afraid.
Afraid…
…of you.
*****
What do I know?
That sickening, pitying look you give makes me shudder.
Your eyes always seem to see through my head, staring at my actions and emotions.
I hate it.
My will fades to dust if you go farther, probing into the innermost of my desires.
My innermost desire.
You appear unfazed as you say ’What do I know?’, not discerning my hidden but mixed emotions.
Mixed…emotions.
But.
Why?
*****
Many a time you’ve thought about it, didn’t you? The way your cool, unconcerned façade changes into a contemplative one. I have noticed; no doubt about it.
Everyone has ignored my feeling of sadness, of being alone. They know me as the one who laughs at the simplest of jokes, the smallest of smiles, and at the tiniest appreciation and praise.
Then, how could you know?
Could it be that they are too dense to perceive me?
Have I been too visible, too gullible to be noticed by you?
Is it that you have been the one closest to me, that you could see though me like glass?
I am lost in the twisted coils of fear and isolation.
Could you help me?
Would you accept me?
How would I know?
*****
The orchestra’s playing it a little too loud, I think I’d become deaf.
Honestly.
You should stop giving me those thoughtful looks. The grip round my neck is becoming tighter and tighter, I can’t breathe.
Especially that it’s… you.
You.
I close my eyes and think of what will happen if I make a move, or if I don’t. Anyway, with our current situation, I am quite happy. Happy enough to live for another day.
…just to see you.
You stubbornly and openly refuse. I bear with the pain in my chest and nod warily, hoping the vertigo will pass away in time. It’s better to than to be rejected.
I hate you.
I hate you for making me feel this way.
I am still lost in this dense forest, only carrying my memoirs of you.
And with this,
I fall apart.
**OWARI**
Note: I totally adore Keane because they don't have guitarists but they are PWNSOME. ♥