to my top-choice college after spending the better part of last year obsessing over it. The worst part? I had a nightmare last night about getting the letter, and as soon as I woke up I knew it was real -- I just denied it until my mother called me this evening. This has happened before, the nightmare becoming reality. I bawled my eyes out for two ( Read more... )

 I'm a different person, now.

social anxiety; major depressive disorder . . . no, that does not belong here. I refuse to be a part of those claims, at least statistically.

There was a major falling out with my two best friends in this city, there was the blow of being rejected from two colleges which I had previously considered safety schools. I was ( Read more... )

 I want to become a ballerina.
And then, I want to choreograph.

Why the fuck did this take me so long? I have never wanted anything more. My whole life

"I can wait as an insect can wait. I am somebody who is waiting. All my life. This is very important. To wait and to know how to wait, and not be bored with waiting. You are annoyed, maybe, to have to ( Read more... )

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give me your eyes; i need sunshine. your blood, your bones, your voice, your ghost.

the cotton voile dress hanging on the wall next to my bed seems to be moving by itself, reflecting the same strange gravity that everything takes on during a migraine or grave illness. shadows make love on the ceiling, the snow on my window forms a perfect orb.
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 I finally finished my application for Iowa . . . I still have to write a statement of intent for Purchase but at least now I've done one so it shouldn't be too hard. Unfortunately, I just peeked at my calendar for online school over this next month and nearly had a heart attack. SO MUCH WORK. Apex y u no like me . . . it's not as if I'm going to ( Read more... )

Because I make my best decisions lying awake in bed when I'm supposed to be sleeping, I am currently following through with a frantic realization that I NEED to apply to Purchase College, given how much I loved it there and given that since other places receiving my application don't even offer a Dance Major, to ignore their fantastic Creative ( Read more... )

"I hate reading things along the lines of, 'well they didn't help me' or 'why didn't you save me?' You save yourself or you remain unsaved; You cannot place blame on anyone else in this world for your choices. No, you did not choose the eating disorder, but recovery (or lack of thereof) is a choice. Do not blame anyone for your lack of willingness ( Read more... )

 The New Year is a little more dangerous. It seems that everything is at stake. I finished all my college applications weeks before my brothers; have been scheduling interviews, compiling a book list for my research paper, watching something grow inside my head: motivation where there used to be none. Classes start tomorrow and I ache to put in ( Read more... )

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