With a situation like this , it must be very difficult to separate the upset and anger he caused from the desire to think logically and compassionately. I can completely understand the wish to not be exposed to that type of pain and betrayal again and your concern that this could happen again is well founded. I think before any final decision can be made, you do need to have some kind of face to face with him. You need to have the conversation where he has the chance to say sorry for how he behaved and you have the chance to tell him how hurtful it was. What you do from then depends heavily on that conversation. I know that I, personally, would continue to avoid him as I find it so very difficult to be forgiving and compassionate. That's not you though. Giving him a chance is not giving the power back to him to hurt you again it is giving you the opportunity to move forward from this, which ever the path you choose
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First off: Once burned, twice shy. If you proceed, proceed with caution.
Secondly, yes, he should talk to you directly. It may be up to you to contact him first so she isn't in the middle of it. Decide what you want from the contact. Go from there.
I'm sorry I missed this the first time. I'm a bad LJer. But I do have a couple thoughts that may or may not be helpful to you.
I am a good man with a loving and forgiving nature. I want to be forgiving but at the same time I do not want to expose myself to that kind of pain again.
It's understandable that you (or anyone) would wish to avoid exposure to such pain, but while that is a reasonable concern, it's still fear. I humbly suggest that allowing yourself to be motivated by fear may be worse than what you fear.
Secondly, am I justified in thinking [that he should make the first move]?
Assume you are justified. Is your motivation justice, or pride? I'm not asking rhetorically, FYI, I am not making an assumption either way. If your motivation is justice, then I think you should consider whether justice best serves your interests.
Lastly, if I do want him to contact me directly, do I tell my wife to pass that message along? I hate putting people in the middle of my drama but how else will he know what I expect?I think you
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I think before any final decision can be made, you do need to have some kind of face to face with him. You need to have the conversation where he has the chance to say sorry for how he behaved and you have the chance to tell him how hurtful it was. What you do from then depends heavily on that conversation.
I know that I, personally, would continue to avoid him as I find it so very difficult to be forgiving and compassionate. That's not you though. Giving him a chance is not giving the power back to him to hurt you again it is giving you the opportunity to move forward from this, which ever the path you choose ( ... )
Reply
First off: Once burned, twice shy. If you proceed, proceed with caution.
Secondly, yes, he should talk to you directly. It may be up to you to contact him first so she isn't in the middle of it. Decide what you want from the contact. Go from there.
Lastly, see above.
Reply
I am a good man with a loving and forgiving nature. I want to be forgiving but at the same time I do not want to expose myself to that kind of pain again.
It's understandable that you (or anyone) would wish to avoid exposure to such pain, but while that is a reasonable concern, it's still fear. I humbly suggest that allowing yourself to be motivated by fear may be worse than what you fear.
Secondly, am I justified in thinking [that he should make the first move]?
Assume you are justified. Is your motivation justice, or pride? I'm not asking rhetorically, FYI, I am not making an assumption either way. If your motivation is justice, then I think you should consider whether justice best serves your interests.
Lastly, if I do want him to contact me directly, do I tell my wife to pass that message along? I hate putting people in the middle of my drama but how else will he know what I expect?I think you ( ... )
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