One time I said "I don't know how to stop loving you" and for a minute I was hopeful, I thought that might be the spell. It wasn't, of course.

But now I do. I do know how to stop loving. And life stretches out in front of me, infinity.

My dog died. I wrote a lot about it elsewhere but I think now the words have dried up. I loved her. I wish she still existed somewhere. Who knows - maybe she does ( Read more... )

This weekend we drove the seven hours from Atlanta to the triangle to see if it's somewhere we want to live. It isn't. Friday night we walked around Raleigh as the sun set. It smelled like urine, the windows were broken. One block we liked, red cobblestone, but it quickly gave way. Saturday we spent the morning in Durham, a whole day's planned ( Read more... )

How do I explain it? This: getting a call from my wife (who left for an overnight appointment) to look outside the door, seeing my favorite chocolate cake, a magazine, a sprig of lavendar, and a note - "I'd never let zombies eat your face off, never." (We spent the day watching zombie movies ( Read more... )

I got married. Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

I still think North Carolina is one of the most beautiful places.

There's this ball of rage just growing in me, pulsing ominously every now and then, that kind of sick sinking feeling, impotence. I feel it in the flushing of my cheeks, breath catching in my throat, and just this bile rising, rising, a flood of hatred and angry words, that desperate flailing. It's just the injustice, I guess, the same feeling of ( Read more... )

Ugh I've felt so fucking nostalgic lately. I keep waiting for the day when life feels that way again.

It's only February, but it feels like spring here. It's been in the sixties for the past week, and when I wake up in the morning I take the dogs out in my pajamas, barefoot, and smile at the sun. The dandelions are turning into yellow blossoms, and there are patches of little purple flowers - violets? Every saturday the park is crowded with young ( Read more... )

My life has changed quite a bit in one year. Last January I was moping around my mother's house, completely miserable. I hated school, I hated my life, I was lonely and trying to date people I didn't like. Then I dropped out, took a job far away, made some money, met the most wonderful person, and life continued to improve from there. We took trips ( Read more... )