"I'm young enough to look at, and far to old to see/ All the scars are on the inside..."

[magicpandadance]

I think i need to deal with something i've been ignoring. i've been taking a lot of aspects about living in pain for granted, and it's messing with how i interact with others and myself. i was talking to a friend, and he said "yes. that's because you've been tortured for the last five years. you live your days in what i can only imagine is agony. i

Comments

[moof]

If you were to replace "pain" with "ADD", it sounds pretty similar to how I'm feeling.

For what it's worth, I think you are a kind, nice, compassionate, and good person.

[magicpandadance]

You know what? I'm sick and fucking tired of people comparing thier (fill in blank here) to what i'm going through. fuck your petty me-too "empathizing". it means nothing. you live your own life, and have your own problems. and you know what? i understand them no better than you understand mine. and maybe your ADD is not only destroying your life, but your sense of self and sense of self-worth. who knows, maybe it's changing you so badly it terrifies you and you want to kill yourself quick before you have to watch the end of this story but none of your friends will let you. maybe you wake up in the morning filled with dread. maybe it drives you to your knees crying and screaming with tension and pressure and PAIN WHY WON'T IT FUCKING STOP it never stops maybe it makes you nauseus the rotting in your flesh maybe you wake up in the middle of the night with pain like a sword through your cheast cause your sternum's fucking BENDING and lay there trying to breathe and crying cause you're so fucking helpless and your body's betraying you

[moof]

Don't get in a goddamn self-righteous snit. You are a unique and special snowflake, just like everyone else. I don't claim to have some special magical goddamn understanding of what's inside your head or your own personal hell, nor am I preaching at you how life is Wonderful and Good and all that crap like some elder looking down his nose. Those things that suck - suicidal thoughts, alienation, utter aloneness - ain't exclusive to me, you, or anybody else. _I_ sometimes forget that, which is why I said it - to me probably more than you.

If I wanted to fucking talk down to you I'd have said "I've been depressed longer than you've been alive, nyah nyah nyah."

[cuddlycthulhu]

How about we stop the conversation now since it's going no where good?

-Ren

umm

[weirdguy]

Yeah so Like Hi.

okay okay so its been a while, or more like a couple of years and hey we weren't exactly bosum buddies then anywyas, but I just wanted to say hi.

oh and umm, well... no I don't really have any good advice, or any for that matter so I offer, wel umm again nothing really tha could hlp I think.

well here have a hug *HUG* gently of course:)

Hope you fell better
Sam

[zapevaj]

For what it's worth (wait, this will be different than the last "for what it's worth" here), I don't think you ever take any of this out on me.

Spirituality?

[lemurling]

I'm sure that you have tried many things to deal with the pain, so please forgive me if this is worthless to you. I hope you know I would never intentionally insult or patronize you

Re: Spirituality?

[magicpandadance]

You know, i've never actually put thought into why i'm being put through so much pain. But a long time ago i tried to figure out were all the anger and violence and sadism in my head came from. This was long before high school, and at the time my problems in life were limited to being a social misfit. And yet.. the tourture and mutilation and perversion that i saw myself perpetrating against my classmates in my head