Fic: How To Win Friends And Infuriate People (Torchwood Jack/Ianto PG Time Verse)
Title: How To Win Friends And Infuriate People
Author: magikalrhiannon
Fandom: Torchwood AU
Verse: Time Verse
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG
Spoilers: All up to Season 2 Ep 11 Adrift
Summary: The Doctor and his companions arrive in the TARDIS to pick up Jack and Ianto.
Word Count: 6685
Disclaimer: All rights belong to BBC and Russell T Davies. I'm just finger-painting in someone else's masterpiece. No infringement intended.
Notes: For kajmere, cuz she owns me. You will need to read Adrift In Time for this to make any sense.
Follows Trace This Life Back
Ianto was standing in the middle of Jack's bedroom with his hands on his hips and glaring at his lover as he surveyed the disarray of the room they were in.
“Jack. C'mon. You've had two whole weeks to do this! He's coming today!”
Jack had the decency to look sheepish. “I know, I just... I had marking to do! It's exam time, and just because I don't work here now doesn't mean I didn't have responsibilities!”
“I wish you'd been so diligent about your paperwork two hundred years ago,” Ianto muttered as he yanked open a draw and tipped it onto the bed. “Right! Time to be ruthless. What isn't necessary is going in the trash.”
“Sir, yes sir!” Jack mockingly saluted, which earned him a glare. Ianto started to hold up items and Jack directed as to what was being kept and what was being thrown out. The keep pile was surprisingly small. When Ianto pulled out the black sports bag, Jack ran over and was about the yank it out of his hands when Ianto glared at him. “But...”
“The contents of this bag originally belonged to me, did they not?” Ianto asked, standing up straight. Jack sighed and waved him off. “Thank you.” He rummaged through the back and pulled everything out. “Diaries, keep... beret,” he glanced up at Jack, “keep...” Jack grinned and rocked on his heels. “A...ripped suit?” He held it up and then looked at Jack. “I'm pretty sure this was hanging in my closet when I was taken. Explain?”
Jack rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, well, you see. That was Captain Fuckface's fault.” Ianto's eyes blazed. “Now, Ianto, it's not what you're thinking!”
“You don't know what I'm thinking, Jack,” Ianto said evenly.
“Well I know it can't possibly be good.”
“That's a given.”
Jack sighed. “Yeah. Well, look. John was just trying to help me 'move on' in his own stupid, stubborn way. Thankfully, the suit was the only casualty. I rescued the rest of the contents of the bag before the barbecue began.”
Ianto threw the ruined suit into the rubbish pile. “Is he still alive?” he asked mildly.
Jack thought for a moment. “Uh, probably. I think. I don't know, I haven't heard from him in about 150 years.”
“Why did you not kill him when he tried to barbecue my belongings?” Ianto asked when he pulled out a slashed and bloody tie. “Oh for fuck's sake! This was my favourite.”
Jack looked guilty. “I know! I'm sorry!”
Ianto sighed. “It's okay.” He balled up the tie and threw it over to the rubbish pile. He pulled out a book. “Oh. I didn't know you had this!” he gushed as he looked at From Russia, With Love.
Jack walked around the bed to hug Ianto from behind. “I finally read it.”
Ianto looked back at him. “Really?”
“Yeah.” Jack nodded and kissed his cheek. “I can see why you love it so much.”
“It's his best work,” he sighed, and gazed at it lovingly before adding it to the keep pile. He pulled out the two DVDs Jack kept and chuckled, then tossed them onto the keep pile. The next item he pulled out was the well used dildo. “Jack?” he looked back over his shoulder at his lover.
“What?”
“Really?”
“It's a replica of you.” Jack smiled, “One of the best purchases I ever made off the internet was that create your own cock kit.”
“Do you really need it now I'm back?”
“Two words, my sweet Ianto... double penetration.”
Ianto shivered, and then silently added it to the keep pile. Jack laughed. “You could be helping you know.”
“I'm not taking anything that isn't in this room,” Jack reminded him, having indicated all he brought all that he wanted from his desk into the room and added it to the keep pile already.
“Fine.” He tipped the bag upside down. There was another photo, Rhiannon and the kids, which Ianto snatched up and nearly lost his legs from under him.
“I got you,” Jack said, holding him up. “It's okay.”
“You took this?” Ianto asked, dragging his fingers over the glass of the frame. “You took this and kept it and it's still the way it was?”
“Yeah.” Ianto turned in his arms. “Rhi and I... we kinda bonded over you that year before I left Earth, you know? She'd call me, ask if we'd found anything, and we'd talk about you. She'd tell me stories about your childhood, you growing up.” Ianto blushed. “She loves you very much, you know? She missed you, Ianto. She missed talking to you. She missed having you in her life.”
Ianto sighed. “I... when Dad died, I just... I got the hell out of there. I didn't look back. I was seventeen. Mam was gone already, Rhi was married with two babies... she didn't need a teenage brother to look after as well. I finished high school, and that was it. Took off for London. At first I was on the streets. Picked pockets, break and enters. Petty theft. I got done for shoplifting once. Scared me straight. Had to get Rhi to bail me out. So, I got an entry level job to Torchwood London. I worked from the ground up. You know the rest.”
“That doesn't explain why you stopped going to see your sister,” Jack reminded him.
Ianto looked down at Jack's chest. “I... I don't know. I... I changed I guess. I. When I went to London, I left my life in Cardiff behind. Rhiannon was part of that. I didn't know what to do with the kids. They scare me, quite frankly. And I know it hurt her, but... I just... she was a constant reminder of what I was leaving behind. Of Dad. Of Cardiff. Painful memories. I didn't want to be reminded.” He shook his head. “I'm a terrible brother.”
“No, you're not. You should have heard the speech she gave at your memorial.”
Ianto's head flew up. “You had a memorial? Oh god, please tell me you're joking.”
“No joke. It was small. Rhiannon, Johnny and the kids, Owen, Tosh, Gwen, and a few people I didn't know. Three or four others I think. That was all.”
“No church?” Ianto asked urgently. Jack shook his head. “Outside?”
“Park where we met.”
“Weevil hunt?” Ianto clarified.
“Same one.”
Ianto smiled. “Rhiannon didn't know, huh?”
Jack chuckled. “I never told her.”
“She would have had kittens,” Ianto added. “There's no plaque or anything, right?”
“Uh. I,” Jack sighed. “I kinda told everyone that you were my partner, in every sense of the word, that I was in love with you. Then I promised Rhiannon I wouldn't stop looking for you as long as I lived and then left the memorial, grabbed the bag that was in the back of the SUV, had an argument with Gwen and left Earth?” He gave a half laugh. “So I don't know. They could have planted a tree or built a shrine in your honour. I got no idea. Sorry.”
“Wait, you had an argument with Gwen at my memorial?” Ianto asked, frowning.
“Uh. She wasn't impressed that I was leaving to search for you. Annnnd she kind of um, told me that she wanted me,” Jack admitted.
“That isn't news, Jack. Everyone knew that.” Ianto wasn't surprised. “Though to say it at my memorial of all places, has she no decency?”
“Well, after reading your diaries, I understand that now. And I told her flat out that I wanted you. And I wouldn't rest until I found you.”
“Yes, I'm sure that got the message across, after what? Two years of us dating and then the year of mourning and her display at my memorial?” Ianto muttered under his breath.
“Well no, but it didn't matter, since I left anyway.” Jack kissed him. “You can stop being jealous now, she's dead, Yan.”
Ianto swatted his shoulder. “I'm not jealous. I'm appalled at her behaviour, albeit 200 years too late.” He looked at the clock on the nightstand. “What time do you think this Doctor of yours will be arriving?” he asked, pulling out of Jack's embrace and going back to the sports bag.
“Oh, whenever he drops in.”
“Charming.”
Jack grinned. “He tends to be. That's why people love him.”
“Yes, well. We'll see about that. Right, what's in here?” Ianto asked, opening a box that was in the sports bag. He found his favourite pair of cufflinks that Jack had given him for his birthday. “These are definitely coming.” He closed the box and added it to the keep pile. He also added the other box without looking inside. “Right. I think we can pack all of this. It should all fit into the sports bag, my duffle and my backpack.”
“Great. You start on -”
“Uh. Actually, on second thoughts, I'll pack it all. You just... stand there and look pretty.” Ianto went about quickly organising everything into neat piles and folding clothes.
“I did manage to survive 200 years without you, you know,” Jack said dryly.
“May I point out my ruined favourite suit as exhibit A, your honour?” Ianto asked, packing the diaries carefully into the sports bag.
“That was not my fault.”
“Yes, Han Solo. Next you'll be calling me Chewbacca.” Ianto stopped packing and looked at Jack and pointed, “And if you even thinking about mentioning the hair on my chest you can forget about that double penetration you mentioned earlier.”
“The thought never crossed my mind, sweetheart.”
“And you can cut that endearment shit out too,” Ianto demanded.
Jack sighed. “Ianto.”
“What?”
“I know you're nervous about meeting the Doc, but can I at least keep my head, please?”
Ianto looked over at Jack, and saw the sad look on his face. “Sorry. I'm just...”
“Worried?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
Ianto threw the dildo he was holding into the sports bag and made sure everything else that was going in there was there too before zipping it closed. Ianto sat down on the bed. Jack sat down beside him.
“The Doctor means a lot to you.”
“Yes.”
“You love him,” Ianto said softly, looking at his hands.
“Yeah, I do.”
“There was a time when I was sure you were in love with him,” Ianto admitted.
Jack frowned. “That's not in your diaries.”
Ianto looked up. “No, I ripped that page out after you read one of them in 2008. Measuring tape never lies, remember? Just as a precaution, I assure you.” Ianto bit his lip. “I can't compete with a Timelord, Jack.”
Jack reached out and cupped Ianto's cheeks. “Baby. You don't ever compete with anyone for me! Everyone else competes with you! Ianto. You are my entire universe. You disappeared and my existence crumbled. The Doc couldn't compete with you. No one can. You're stuck with me for eternity, Yan.”
“Promise?” he whispered.
Jack kissed him. “Promise.” Jack kissed him again. “Oh Ianto. I don't understand why are you so insecure...”
“You're all I have Jack. You're all I know. And before I was taken, you didn't do labels, you didn't do commitment, you didn't do relationships. You couldn't even tell me you love me. So please, forgive me for a little insecurity while I adjust to being together again.”
“You can have all the time in the world, as long as you let me cling to you,” Jack promised.
“Afraid I'll disappear?” Ianto asked. Jack nodded. “Agreed.” He kissed Jack, then stood up. “Okay. Packing.” Ianto quickly finished it off while Jack boxed up everything that was to be thrown out. Just as they both finished, the familiar echoing sound of the TARDIS landing was heard from the lounge room. Jack looked out the window.
“Hey, Ianto! Looks like our ride is here.”
Ianto came over and looked out the window at the 50s styled blue police box that shimmered into view.
“That's it?” he asked. “That's the TARDIS?”
“Time And Relative Dimension In Space. That's her. Isn't she beautiful?”
“I suppose. If you like wooden boxes.”
Jack laughed. “You'll love her. More importantly, she's going to love you.”
“You talk about it like it's a person.”
Jack smiled down at the blue box as the door opened. “She is. Oh she doesn't talk, not in English or anything, but she's a sentient being. She's kind of part of me, I guess, being that the heart of her is the time vortex, which is inside me too.”
Ianto's gaze on Jack softened with understanding. “I see. You're connected in a way.”
“I guess.”
They watched as a tall, lithe red headed woman in a mini skirt, t-shirt and cardigan; a taller lanky blonde haired man wearing jeans, long sleeved t-shirt and short sleeved t-shirt over the top; and a skinny brown haired man whose height was in between them wearing a pair of brown corduroy pants, a brown paisley print button up shirt with red and blue pattern, a red bowtie and a brown tweed jacket step out of the TARDIS.
Ianto wrinkled his nose. “Oh my god.”
“What?” Jack asked.
“Did he get dressed in the dark?”
Jack laughed. “Yeah, he has a unique fashion sense. His last regeneration wore a brown or blue suit, trench coat and converse sneakers.”
Ianto sighed. “That would be preferable to... that,” he waved at the threesome walking towards them.
“Fashion snob.” Jack nudged his lover. “How do you not consider yourself gay?”
“For one thing, at the risk of increasing your already abnormally large ego, you're the only man I've ever been sexually attracted to. Secondly, homosexuality is not synonymous for great fashion sense however much Paris Fashion Week would like you to believe otherwise. Case in point, Sir Elton John.”
“Let's just grab our bags and go, shall we, Michael Kors?”
“Oh, so you did watch 'Project Runway'? You liar!” Ianto huffed as he went back into the bedroom to grab the backpack and the duffle back. Jack took it from him and slung the sports bag over his shoulder.
“Breathe.” He said with a smile. “He's not going to bite.” Ianto sighed and nodded. “C'mon.”
He and Ianto made their way out of the apartment, down the elevator to the ground floor, and were walking out of the building's front doors when the Doctor and his companions reached him.
“Hey Doc!” Jack called out happily, waving to the three arrivals walking towards them.
“Hello there Jack!” the Doctor greeted him. Jack dropped the duffle the was carrying to catch the alien in a firm embrace, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek. “Lovely to see you again. My, you are looking much better than when I dropped you off. Much, much better,” he commented as Jack let him go. He looked over at Ianto. “And you must be Mr Jones!” He stuck out his hand. Ianto hesitated, looked at Jack who nodded and then accepted the gesture. The Doctor shook it vigorously. “It's an absolute pleasure to finally meet you in person!”
“Yes, well. Thank you.” Ianto became flustered. “Uh, nice bowtie.”
The Doctor beamed and turned to his female companion as he threw an arm around Ianto and said, “See! I told you bowties are cool!”
Jack laughed and patted his friend on the shoulder. “I think Ianto prefers actual ties, Doc.”
“Yes. I do, but it depends on the type of suit, Jack,” Ianto added. “For example, a tuxedo would look absolutely ridiculous with a tie. A bowtie, however, would be appropriate.”
“Exactly right! Oh I do like you,” the Doctor smiled, as he squeezed Ianto's shoulders. “Right then. First, introductions! Jack, you've already met Miss Pond. This is her insufferable but lovable husband Rory Williams. Oh wait, you've met him too!”
“Yeah, I have. Nice to see you both again,” Jack smiled as Amy waved with an excited grin. Rory just gave a half hearted smile and a nod.
“And this young man, this is the missing Ianto Jones! Ianto, these are my travelling companions, Ms Amy Pond, and -”
“Her husband Rory Williams. Yes, I heard. Lovely to meet you both.”
Amy pounced on Ianto, linking her arm through his as she turned back in the direction towards the TARDIS. “Hello! I've heard that you're the man to talk to about coffee?”
Ianto's eyes widened. “Uh. I've been known to brew a good cup. Why?”
“None of us can get the coffee machine on the TARDIS to work. We were rather hoping that you wouldn't mind giving it a go?” she asked with pleading eyes.
Ianto looked at Jack who nearly keeled over with longing. “Well, assuming there are some instructions on how to use the machine...”
“Oh there are none,” the Doctor said gaily as they walked towards the TARDIS.
“No instructions?”
“Nope! It's part of the TARDIS you see. She only lets it work when she wants it to.”
“I see,” Ianto sighed. “Well then. I'll do my best.”
Jack put his arm around Ianto's shoulders. “That's all we can ask, Ianto." Jack gave him a reassuring squeeze as they followed their new travelling companions back towards the square blue police box.
"She's missed you I think, Jack," the Doctor said as he unlocked the door and pushed it open. "Come on, come on, everybody inside! Places to go, people to see and all that!" the eccentric alien said as he waved his arm urging everybody inside.
Amy squealed with delight and danced her way inside, grabbing Rory's hand and pulling him in, excited for yet another adventure. Jack moved his arm from around Ianto's shoulders. Ianto looked down when he felt the warmth of Jack's hand curling around his, his fingers meshing between his own.
"Ready?" Jack asked with a wide, happy smile.
"As I'll ever be," Ianto replied and took a deep breath as Jack led the way through the door. Ianto looked around at the much larger room, golden light, red and green hues hinted with browns and earth tones throughout. There was a large circular computerised console in the centre, and a staircase at one end the lead up to a steel balcony that hung magically in the air along the edge of the walls of the TARDIS and ended at a door. "Well. Okay then."
"Hmpf," the Doctor closed the door behind them as he walked in. "Most people comment on how it's bigger on the inside," he complained, clearly disgruntled.
Ianto smirked. "Yes, well, I did work for Torchwood, Doctor. It's hardly the most fantastic thing I've ever seen."
"Oh really?" the Doctor asked, moving to his console and patting it lovingly. "And just what would that be, then hmm?"
Ianto looked at his lover and smiled. "Jack." Jack grinned and pulled Ianto to him, kissing him deeply.
"Love you."
"Me too, sir," Ianto whispered.
"Oh my god, they're so adorable! Rory! Look!" She smacked him in the stomach hard. "How come you never tell me I'm the most fantastic thing you've ever seen?"
"Oof. I dunno? Has Ianto seen the edge of the universe? Or the women of Venus? They were hot..." Rory asked dreamily, shrugging his shoulders. Amy huffed, swatting her husband again before folding her arms over her chest, as the Doctor covered his smirk that broke out, trying hard to suppress the giggle that threatened to escape.
Jack laughed. "Yeah, Venus is a great planet, but they got nothin' on my Ianto," he said, pressing a kiss to Ianto's nose. "So this is the TARDIS. Come say hello," Jack introduced, bringing Ianto over to the console and rubbing a hand reverently over the padded edge of the octagon centrepiece. The Timelord's spaceship shuddered and groaned in appreciation. Jack laughed.
Ianto rose one eyebrow. "You would have the ship wrapped around your little finger, wouldn't you?" he accused with a put upon sigh. He tentatively rubbed the console with his hand. "Hello TARDIS."
The TARDIS shuddered and groaned again, shaking in place so hard everyone had to hold on.
"She loves you! I knew she would!" Jack laughed. "C'mon, I want to see if she's changed my room from the last time I was on board!" Jack tugged on Ianto's hand towards the stairs.
"You have five minutes, Jack, then I need you two down here to help fly her!" the Doctor ordered, a knowing look on his face.
"Aw, you're no fun, Doc!" Jack pouted, taking the stairs two at a time.
"Jack!" Ianto admonished. "Behave, we have company!"
"Company, shmumpany, it's just the Doc!"
"And Ms Pond and Mr Williams," Ianto protested, as he was pulled along behind Jack.
Jack threw open the door that the end of the balcony and proceeded to the third door on the left. "Ah. Here it is. Home away from home." He put his hand on the door. "Whaddaya say, girl?" The door slid open. Jack grinned. "Yeah. I'm happy to see you too."
"Oh for the love of... do I have to compete against a fucking time machine now?" Ianto huffed, following Jack into the room and pulling off the backpack. Jack was chuckling. "What?"
"Just you. Being all jealous over me. I like it."
"I don't."
"You never showed this back then, this jealousy, all this... this... desire to own me, possess me," Jack said, dropping the bags carefully on the floor next to the double bed in the centre of the room. It was decorated like Jack's den at the hub - sparse, military inspired, and steeped in the 1940s. Ianto thought it suited Jack down to the ground.
"I didn't want to overstep any boundaries, known or unknown," Ianto admitted quietly.
Jack drew him into his arms. "I didn't realise how much I hurt you by doing that. I'm sorry."
"You didn't!"
Jack smiled. "I did. You don't have to lie to spare my feelings, Yan. I'm a big boy. I can take it."
Ianto huffed again. "We never talked about it, Jack. I... I wasn't great at expressing my feelings. I didn't want to push you for more than you were willing to give for fear of losing you altogether."
"So you settled for scrap."
"No, I was happy to have any piece of your heart you gave," Ianto corrected.
Jack kissed him softly. "You have all of it." He sighed when he heard the Doctor calling out to them. “Guess we better show ourselves downstairs before he makes the ol' girl turn on us!”
“There's plenty of time to fool around later, Jack.”
Ianto and Jack made their way back down to the main room of the TARDIS, to find the Doctor dancing around the console setting co-ordinates, and giving Amy and Rory their orders for the the flight.
“Jack, Mr Jones! Good! Just in time! Mr Jones, if you would man that handle over there, and when I tell you, pull it all the way down, I would appreciate it. Jack, I need you to man the Detribrulator.”
“On it, Doc,” Jack said, moving over to stand next to Ianto. “Better hold on, baby,” he suggested as Ianto stood in front of the console.
“Oh dear god,” Ianto groaned, and grabbed the console just as the Doctor started tapping buttons on what looked like a large laptop but with different buttons and the TARDIS lurched into space. “Okay. Still not so much a fan of space travel,” Ianto muttered under his breath as the ship rocked and rolled before smoothing out.
“This is space and time travel, you get used to it,” Jack said, offering Ianto a smile, his eyes glittering with excitement. Ianto just looked a little green.
“She could do with some safety harnesses if she's always this unstable,” he muttered. When the ship groaned, he gently rubbed one hand on the console, “No offence meant, TARDIS.” She seemed to accept his apology by straightening upright and slowing down a little.
“Oi what's going on? Are you sweet talking my girl then? I'll have you know I've been flying her for nearly 900 years and - oh Amy, push your button now please would you?” Amy pushed the big green button in front of her. “Excellent!” The Doctor forgot all about his tirade and peered at the computer. “Right, Rory, your turn.... now.” Rory pulled on a lever. “Fantastic! Thank you! Oh this is so much easier with so many companions. Reminds me of when the Daleks were going to take down Earth nearly oh 190 years ago!”
“I'm sorry, what?” Jack asked, straightening up. Ianto stood to attention too, completely focused.
“Oh,” the Doctor frowned. “Yes, that's right. Different reality to yours. Sorry, Jack. Alternate Universe. Different Jack. My apologies. Anyway, this was before I regenerated. The Daleks had stolen 27 planets and moved them. My companion at the time, the delightful Donna... she really was something special that Donna. She downloaded my brain into hers. Can you imagine it? A human with a Timelord's brain? Doctor Donna. Quite frightening actually, now that I think about it.” The Doctor seemed to stop and get lost in his memories.
“Uh, Doc?” Jack prompted him.
“Hmmm?” the Doctor asked, blinking.
“Donna?”
“What about her?”
“You were telling us a story?” Jack grinned, and shared a smile with Ianto, who rolled his eyes.
“Oh. Yes. No. It doesn't matter. Anyway, Jack, your turn if you would please? Thank you.” The Doctor went back to looking at the computer and tapping at the keys. “And now Mr Jones, if you would please pull the handle?” Ianto did so. “Thank you!” The TARDIS hovered somewhere in space. “Right then! Tests!”
Ianto's eyes widened. “Do I have to be naked for these... tests?” he asked, starting to freak out.
“Hmmm? Naked? Well, only if you're an exhibitionist. I'm sure Jack and Ms Pond would appreciate the view, but Mr Williams would probably prefer it if you kept your clothes on. He's easily embarrassed by the nude male form so it seems from past experience,” the Doctor smirked as he walked over and ushered Ianto into an area of the main room of the TARDIS where they had some space around them.
"Oi! I am not! I just don't think it's proper, what with a lady being present 'n' all," Rory protested.
"What lady?" Jack grinned, ducking Amy's well timed swat.
"Watch it, you!" she warned with a cheeky grin.
“I'd prefer to remain clothed, thank you!” Ianto grumbled, hugging his Time Agency Academy issued jacket tighter around his body as if to shield himself from view.
“Not to worry, Mr Jones. These tests won't hurt a bit!” He pulled out his a large weird looking wand and aimed it at Ianto.
Jack launched himself in front of the wand's beam. "Hey ho whoa, Doc, what are you doing?"
The Doctor looked down at his hand. "Oh! Sorry! Wrong pocket! Whoops!" He put the wand away and pulled out his sonic screwdriver from a different pocket as Jack turned to a shaking Ianto.
"I changed my mind! Fuck his sodding tests!" Ianto hissed, trying to get passed Jack, who was now holding him in place by the arms. "Jack! Let me go!"
"C'mon, Yan, he didn't mean it!"
"Didn't mean it! That daft sod would have bloody well... I don't actually know what that thing would have done, but it can't have been good if you flung yourself in front of me like that!" Ianto reasoned hotly, flushing with embarrassment at being the centre of attention and scrutiny.
"I don't know what that was but he's going to use the sonic screwdriver." Jack grinned, "I used to think it was pretty lame, but it's turned out to come in pretty handy actually. Can open almost anything."
"Including people?" Ianto asked horrified.
"No!" Jack was quick to reassure. "No, I promise it's safe. I'm a little protective of you right now, you think I'd let him use just anything on you? I don't know what anything is going to do to you, and until I do..."
Ianto breathed easier. "Okay."
"Okay?" Ianto nodded. "We can do the scans now?" Jack asked.
"Yep."
Jack smiled. He moved. "All yours, Doc." Before the Doctor started though, Jack put a hand on his arm and said, "Damage him, and you'll regenerate early, understand?"
The Doctor smiled. "Oh Jack. He'll be fine! Trust me, I'm the Doctor!"
"Yeah," Jack drawled. He stepped back and folded his arms over his chest, his gaze turning steely as he watched proceedings.
Ianto watched Jack as the Doctor aimed the sonic screwdriver at him, starting at his head and slowly working over his body. The blue laser light covered Ianto's body, reading his biorhythms, DNA profile, and general health. Once the scan his the ground, the Doctor looked down at the screwdriver and frowned, then smacked it once.
“Problem, Doctor?” Ianto asked trying to mask his fear from his voice.
“No, no,” the Doctor said, scratching his head. “It's just not sending the information to the computer.”
Ianto tilted his head. “May I?”he asked, holding out his hand.
“This is a very sensitive piece of scientific equip-” the Doctor started, but Ianto just looked at him. “Oh alright,” he huffed. “But don't break it. It takes me a couple of hours to make a knew one.”
Ianto gave a small half-hearted smile, and took the offered screwdriver in his hand. He looked it over twice, then opened the side compartment.
“Ah, would you have a normal screwdriver, Doctor?” Ianto asked. The Doctor patted himself down, before running around the room and looking under the console. He opened doors and cupboards and finally found one with an excited shout of exuberance. He handed it to Ianto. “Thank you.” Ianto used it to screw something in that was out of place and closed the compartment that was open and handed it back. “You might wish to scan again. I doubt it took the first time,” Ianto said confidently, as he handed the normal screwdriver over to Jack.
The Doctor looked his sonic screwdriver over. Then he rescanned Ianto. This time the scans were going through to the computer.
“How did you do that?” the Doctor asked, incredulously.
“There was dirt on one of the datacard modules. You should take better care of your belongings,” Ianto said calmly as the blue laser encased him once more.
“Well. Yes. I suppose I should. Thank you.”
“You're welcome, Doctor,” Ianto replied softly.
The Doctor finished scanning him. “Now Jack, if you wouldn't mind?” he asked, waving the wand in the air. Jack frowned and then realised he wanted to scan him to compare.
“Oh, yeah, sure!” he said, and walked over to stand next to Ianto.
The Doctor scanned Jack, who looked over at Ianto and smiled reassuringly. The Doctor watched the blue hue encase Jack, humming and murmuring as it did. When it was done, he moved quickly over to the computer and looked at the results. “Hmmm yes, yes, yes... well... oh yes...”
“Doc?” Jack asked, opening his arms in invitation for Ianto who walked into them. Jack wrapped his arms around him. Ianto buried his head into Jack's neck, sinking into his embrace. He didn't know if he wanted to know the results or not.
“Jack, have you still got Mr Jones' original DNA profile in your vortex manipulator?” the Doctor asked. Jack nodded and flipped open the leather strap on his wrist around Ianto's back and pressed buttons. “Thank you.” The Doctor continued to look at the screen. He scratched his head, then played with his bowtie. Finally he turned to face everyone.
“Well, Doc?” Jack asked, rubbing Ianto's back up and down.
“Ianto Jones is apparently a healthy 27 years old. He has different DNA to his original, like we suspected, which confirms our hypothesis that he was in fact cloned on Havaasana. More than likely there will be a thousand Ianto look alikes running around on Havaasana and the outer planets. No doubt with his good looks and his I must say quite impressive memory skills, he would be garnering quite the price for his, dare I use the term 'offspring'.” The Doctor smirked.
“Will I die?” Ianto asked softly, looking out from under Jack's chin.
“Ah, yes. The million dollar question. The answer to that is... no. I hypothesize that you will be exactly like Jack, and every time you die, return to life just as you were. Never aging, never changing. Turns out, the only way to end a human's life after a Havaasana cryogenic transformation is to be returned to cryostasis and then smashed to smithereens. Something to do with the cryogenics process I'd imagine - an x factor if you will. I assume that's what they would do if they catch you escaping from their cryogenics facility. Which, by the way you never did answer how you got out of there,” the Doctor reminded him.
Ianto offered a small smile. “No. I didn't.”
“You won't share with the class?” Amy asked, looking on hopefully.
“Maybe another time,” Ianto said softly.
“You okay, Yan?” Jack asked, rubbing a hand up and down his back? Ianto looked at his lover. “I mean... you now have the same curse I do.”
Ianto smiled. “It's not a curse when I have you to share it with.”
Jack cupped his cheeks with his hands and drew him in for a passionate kiss. Ianto's hands curled into Jack's clothes, creasing them as they bunched in his grasp, their heads moving in rhythm as their tongues tangled in a seductive and ritualistic dance, losing themselves into each other. Jack started to move his hands down Ianto's body towards his hips, intent on pulling his hips against his own.
“Ahem,” the Doctor cleared his throat, his hand in his hair, mussing it up nervously. Amy and Rory were edging towards each other.
Ianto blushed as they pulled apart. He hurried to straighten his clothes. Meanwhile, Jack just grinned proudly. Ianto elbowed Jack in the stomach.
“What?”
Ianto shook his head with a smirk. “Now then. Where is this coffee machine?” Ianto asked. The Doctor lit up and showed Ianto over to a small alcove on the far side of the TARDIS.
“Here it is! Ah... good luck,” the Doctor said, patting Ianto on the shoulder.
Ianto smiled at the Doctor and waved him away before turning back to look at the coffee machine in front of him. It looked awfully familiar. In fact, it looked nearly identical to the one at the Torchwood Three office.
“Oh, you are beautiful, aren't you?” Ianto said softly, reaching out to run a finger lightly along the chrome edge of the coffee machine. The walls shimmered, and a door opened, revealing a bag of freshly ground columbian coffee beans. Ianto pulled them out. “Thank you, TARDIS.” He breathed in the aroma. “Oh, ah, you wouldn't have any cinnamon by any chance, would you?” he asked quietly, looking around to make sure no one was watching. A cannister popped out of the same cupboard as the ground coffee. “And a scoop if you would be so kind. One tablespoon should do the trick I think!” The appeared for him. “Lovely.” He mixed the cinnamon into the beans and then went about making a pot of coffee. The machine whirred to life, and Ianto pulled out enough cups for everyone. Within minutes the wafting aroma had filled the air of the TARDIS.
Ianto was aware of Jack the second his body pressed against Ianto's. Arms wound around his waist. “You got the TARDIS to make your special blend?” he asked.
“You doubted me?” Ianto asked, pouring the coffee into mugs.
Jack sniffed the air and whimpered. He'd been waiting 200 years for this. “Never.”
“Liar,” Ianto grinned as he handed Jack a mug - blue and white striped, for old times sake. Jack kissed him before he took a sip. “Good?”
“If I wasn't already going to spend eternity with you, I'd be begging to.”
Ianto smirked. “Beg anyway.” He picked up two more mugs and handed them out to Amy and Rory who had followed Jack over.
“Coffee? Oh my god you got it to work?!” Amy squealed, as she accepted the mug. “It's a good thing I'm already married or you'd be looking at competition, Harkness.”
Jack laughed. “You think you can tempt Ianto away from me?” Jack asked, raising an eyebrow.
Amy offered a leer. “I can try.”
Jack snorted and returned to his coffee, savouring his first cup of Ianto-made-coffee in two centuries. It was worth the wait.
“Doctor,” Ianto offered a mug to the Timelord.
“Thank you, Mr Jones.” He took a sip. “Oh yes. My, my, you are every bit as wonderful as Jack said you are, aren't you?”
“Um. You're welcome.” Ianto picked up his own mug and took a sip. Ah, yes. Just the way I like it, he thought, and reached out to give the TARDIS a pat. “Thank you, TARDIS.” The ship quivered in response.
“Doc, I think I might take Ianto up to rest if we're just going to float through space for a while?” Jack asked, indicating towards the stairs.
“Yes... yes... good idea. I'll call you if we need you.” Jack nodded his thanks and took Ianto's hand to lead him upstairs. They were at the top of the stairs when the Doctor called out, “Oh and Jack? There's a surprise for Mr Jones in the the closet in your room. You could say a 'welcome aboard' gift from us all.”
Ianto and Jack looked at each other, and then continued to Jack's room. Ianto put their coffees on the nightstand and Jack opened the closet door. When Ianto turned around, he gasped when he saw what was inside. An array of 3 piece suits from the 21st century, just like he wore before he was taken. Ianto reached out to touch them. They were all good quality, wool blend. The colours of the shirts were bold; blue, red, white, black, green and pink. Matching ties made of silk. Even socks and dress boots like he wore when he was at Torchwood.
Ianto's eyes misted over.
Jack hugged him from behind. “He really does like you, you know.” Ianto nodded. “I'm not just saying that.”
Ianto rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. “Okay, so maybe he's not so bad. For a Timelord.”
Jack laughed, and squeezed Ianto to him. “For a Timelord.”
Next story in the Time Verse: Tumbling Through The Vortex
Author: magikalrhiannon
Fandom: Torchwood AU
Verse: Time Verse
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG
Spoilers: All up to Season 2 Ep 11 Adrift
Summary: The Doctor and his companions arrive in the TARDIS to pick up Jack and Ianto.
Word Count: 6685
Disclaimer: All rights belong to BBC and Russell T Davies. I'm just finger-painting in someone else's masterpiece. No infringement intended.
Notes: For kajmere, cuz she owns me. You will need to read Adrift In Time for this to make any sense.
Follows Trace This Life Back
Ianto was standing in the middle of Jack's bedroom with his hands on his hips and glaring at his lover as he surveyed the disarray of the room they were in.
“Jack. C'mon. You've had two whole weeks to do this! He's coming today!”
Jack had the decency to look sheepish. “I know, I just... I had marking to do! It's exam time, and just because I don't work here now doesn't mean I didn't have responsibilities!”
“I wish you'd been so diligent about your paperwork two hundred years ago,” Ianto muttered as he yanked open a draw and tipped it onto the bed. “Right! Time to be ruthless. What isn't necessary is going in the trash.”
“Sir, yes sir!” Jack mockingly saluted, which earned him a glare. Ianto started to hold up items and Jack directed as to what was being kept and what was being thrown out. The keep pile was surprisingly small. When Ianto pulled out the black sports bag, Jack ran over and was about the yank it out of his hands when Ianto glared at him. “But...”
“The contents of this bag originally belonged to me, did they not?” Ianto asked, standing up straight. Jack sighed and waved him off. “Thank you.” He rummaged through the back and pulled everything out. “Diaries, keep... beret,” he glanced up at Jack, “keep...” Jack grinned and rocked on his heels. “A...ripped suit?” He held it up and then looked at Jack. “I'm pretty sure this was hanging in my closet when I was taken. Explain?”
Jack rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, well, you see. That was Captain Fuckface's fault.” Ianto's eyes blazed. “Now, Ianto, it's not what you're thinking!”
“You don't know what I'm thinking, Jack,” Ianto said evenly.
“Well I know it can't possibly be good.”
“That's a given.”
Jack sighed. “Yeah. Well, look. John was just trying to help me 'move on' in his own stupid, stubborn way. Thankfully, the suit was the only casualty. I rescued the rest of the contents of the bag before the barbecue began.”
Ianto threw the ruined suit into the rubbish pile. “Is he still alive?” he asked mildly.
Jack thought for a moment. “Uh, probably. I think. I don't know, I haven't heard from him in about 150 years.”
“Why did you not kill him when he tried to barbecue my belongings?” Ianto asked when he pulled out a slashed and bloody tie. “Oh for fuck's sake! This was my favourite.”
Jack looked guilty. “I know! I'm sorry!”
Ianto sighed. “It's okay.” He balled up the tie and threw it over to the rubbish pile. He pulled out a book. “Oh. I didn't know you had this!” he gushed as he looked at From Russia, With Love.
Jack walked around the bed to hug Ianto from behind. “I finally read it.”
Ianto looked back at him. “Really?”
“Yeah.” Jack nodded and kissed his cheek. “I can see why you love it so much.”
“It's his best work,” he sighed, and gazed at it lovingly before adding it to the keep pile. He pulled out the two DVDs Jack kept and chuckled, then tossed them onto the keep pile. The next item he pulled out was the well used dildo. “Jack?” he looked back over his shoulder at his lover.
“What?”
“Really?”
“It's a replica of you.” Jack smiled, “One of the best purchases I ever made off the internet was that create your own cock kit.”
“Do you really need it now I'm back?”
“Two words, my sweet Ianto... double penetration.”
Ianto shivered, and then silently added it to the keep pile. Jack laughed. “You could be helping you know.”
“I'm not taking anything that isn't in this room,” Jack reminded him, having indicated all he brought all that he wanted from his desk into the room and added it to the keep pile already.
“Fine.” He tipped the bag upside down. There was another photo, Rhiannon and the kids, which Ianto snatched up and nearly lost his legs from under him.
“I got you,” Jack said, holding him up. “It's okay.”
“You took this?” Ianto asked, dragging his fingers over the glass of the frame. “You took this and kept it and it's still the way it was?”
“Yeah.” Ianto turned in his arms. “Rhi and I... we kinda bonded over you that year before I left Earth, you know? She'd call me, ask if we'd found anything, and we'd talk about you. She'd tell me stories about your childhood, you growing up.” Ianto blushed. “She loves you very much, you know? She missed you, Ianto. She missed talking to you. She missed having you in her life.”
Ianto sighed. “I... when Dad died, I just... I got the hell out of there. I didn't look back. I was seventeen. Mam was gone already, Rhi was married with two babies... she didn't need a teenage brother to look after as well. I finished high school, and that was it. Took off for London. At first I was on the streets. Picked pockets, break and enters. Petty theft. I got done for shoplifting once. Scared me straight. Had to get Rhi to bail me out. So, I got an entry level job to Torchwood London. I worked from the ground up. You know the rest.”
“That doesn't explain why you stopped going to see your sister,” Jack reminded him.
Ianto looked down at Jack's chest. “I... I don't know. I... I changed I guess. I. When I went to London, I left my life in Cardiff behind. Rhiannon was part of that. I didn't know what to do with the kids. They scare me, quite frankly. And I know it hurt her, but... I just... she was a constant reminder of what I was leaving behind. Of Dad. Of Cardiff. Painful memories. I didn't want to be reminded.” He shook his head. “I'm a terrible brother.”
“No, you're not. You should have heard the speech she gave at your memorial.”
Ianto's head flew up. “You had a memorial? Oh god, please tell me you're joking.”
“No joke. It was small. Rhiannon, Johnny and the kids, Owen, Tosh, Gwen, and a few people I didn't know. Three or four others I think. That was all.”
“No church?” Ianto asked urgently. Jack shook his head. “Outside?”
“Park where we met.”
“Weevil hunt?” Ianto clarified.
“Same one.”
Ianto smiled. “Rhiannon didn't know, huh?”
Jack chuckled. “I never told her.”
“She would have had kittens,” Ianto added. “There's no plaque or anything, right?”
“Uh. I,” Jack sighed. “I kinda told everyone that you were my partner, in every sense of the word, that I was in love with you. Then I promised Rhiannon I wouldn't stop looking for you as long as I lived and then left the memorial, grabbed the bag that was in the back of the SUV, had an argument with Gwen and left Earth?” He gave a half laugh. “So I don't know. They could have planted a tree or built a shrine in your honour. I got no idea. Sorry.”
“Wait, you had an argument with Gwen at my memorial?” Ianto asked, frowning.
“Uh. She wasn't impressed that I was leaving to search for you. Annnnd she kind of um, told me that she wanted me,” Jack admitted.
“That isn't news, Jack. Everyone knew that.” Ianto wasn't surprised. “Though to say it at my memorial of all places, has she no decency?”
“Well, after reading your diaries, I understand that now. And I told her flat out that I wanted you. And I wouldn't rest until I found you.”
“Yes, I'm sure that got the message across, after what? Two years of us dating and then the year of mourning and her display at my memorial?” Ianto muttered under his breath.
“Well no, but it didn't matter, since I left anyway.” Jack kissed him. “You can stop being jealous now, she's dead, Yan.”
Ianto swatted his shoulder. “I'm not jealous. I'm appalled at her behaviour, albeit 200 years too late.” He looked at the clock on the nightstand. “What time do you think this Doctor of yours will be arriving?” he asked, pulling out of Jack's embrace and going back to the sports bag.
“Oh, whenever he drops in.”
“Charming.”
Jack grinned. “He tends to be. That's why people love him.”
“Yes, well. We'll see about that. Right, what's in here?” Ianto asked, opening a box that was in the sports bag. He found his favourite pair of cufflinks that Jack had given him for his birthday. “These are definitely coming.” He closed the box and added it to the keep pile. He also added the other box without looking inside. “Right. I think we can pack all of this. It should all fit into the sports bag, my duffle and my backpack.”
“Great. You start on -”
“Uh. Actually, on second thoughts, I'll pack it all. You just... stand there and look pretty.” Ianto went about quickly organising everything into neat piles and folding clothes.
“I did manage to survive 200 years without you, you know,” Jack said dryly.
“May I point out my ruined favourite suit as exhibit A, your honour?” Ianto asked, packing the diaries carefully into the sports bag.
“That was not my fault.”
“Yes, Han Solo. Next you'll be calling me Chewbacca.” Ianto stopped packing and looked at Jack and pointed, “And if you even thinking about mentioning the hair on my chest you can forget about that double penetration you mentioned earlier.”
“The thought never crossed my mind, sweetheart.”
“And you can cut that endearment shit out too,” Ianto demanded.
Jack sighed. “Ianto.”
“What?”
“I know you're nervous about meeting the Doc, but can I at least keep my head, please?”
Ianto looked over at Jack, and saw the sad look on his face. “Sorry. I'm just...”
“Worried?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
Ianto threw the dildo he was holding into the sports bag and made sure everything else that was going in there was there too before zipping it closed. Ianto sat down on the bed. Jack sat down beside him.
“The Doctor means a lot to you.”
“Yes.”
“You love him,” Ianto said softly, looking at his hands.
“Yeah, I do.”
“There was a time when I was sure you were in love with him,” Ianto admitted.
Jack frowned. “That's not in your diaries.”
Ianto looked up. “No, I ripped that page out after you read one of them in 2008. Measuring tape never lies, remember? Just as a precaution, I assure you.” Ianto bit his lip. “I can't compete with a Timelord, Jack.”
Jack reached out and cupped Ianto's cheeks. “Baby. You don't ever compete with anyone for me! Everyone else competes with you! Ianto. You are my entire universe. You disappeared and my existence crumbled. The Doc couldn't compete with you. No one can. You're stuck with me for eternity, Yan.”
“Promise?” he whispered.
Jack kissed him. “Promise.” Jack kissed him again. “Oh Ianto. I don't understand why are you so insecure...”
“You're all I have Jack. You're all I know. And before I was taken, you didn't do labels, you didn't do commitment, you didn't do relationships. You couldn't even tell me you love me. So please, forgive me for a little insecurity while I adjust to being together again.”
“You can have all the time in the world, as long as you let me cling to you,” Jack promised.
“Afraid I'll disappear?” Ianto asked. Jack nodded. “Agreed.” He kissed Jack, then stood up. “Okay. Packing.” Ianto quickly finished it off while Jack boxed up everything that was to be thrown out. Just as they both finished, the familiar echoing sound of the TARDIS landing was heard from the lounge room. Jack looked out the window.
“Hey, Ianto! Looks like our ride is here.”
Ianto came over and looked out the window at the 50s styled blue police box that shimmered into view.
“That's it?” he asked. “That's the TARDIS?”
“Time And Relative Dimension In Space. That's her. Isn't she beautiful?”
“I suppose. If you like wooden boxes.”
Jack laughed. “You'll love her. More importantly, she's going to love you.”
“You talk about it like it's a person.”
Jack smiled down at the blue box as the door opened. “She is. Oh she doesn't talk, not in English or anything, but she's a sentient being. She's kind of part of me, I guess, being that the heart of her is the time vortex, which is inside me too.”
Ianto's gaze on Jack softened with understanding. “I see. You're connected in a way.”
“I guess.”
They watched as a tall, lithe red headed woman in a mini skirt, t-shirt and cardigan; a taller lanky blonde haired man wearing jeans, long sleeved t-shirt and short sleeved t-shirt over the top; and a skinny brown haired man whose height was in between them wearing a pair of brown corduroy pants, a brown paisley print button up shirt with red and blue pattern, a red bowtie and a brown tweed jacket step out of the TARDIS.
Ianto wrinkled his nose. “Oh my god.”
“What?” Jack asked.
“Did he get dressed in the dark?”
Jack laughed. “Yeah, he has a unique fashion sense. His last regeneration wore a brown or blue suit, trench coat and converse sneakers.”
Ianto sighed. “That would be preferable to... that,” he waved at the threesome walking towards them.
“Fashion snob.” Jack nudged his lover. “How do you not consider yourself gay?”
“For one thing, at the risk of increasing your already abnormally large ego, you're the only man I've ever been sexually attracted to. Secondly, homosexuality is not synonymous for great fashion sense however much Paris Fashion Week would like you to believe otherwise. Case in point, Sir Elton John.”
“Let's just grab our bags and go, shall we, Michael Kors?”
“Oh, so you did watch 'Project Runway'? You liar!” Ianto huffed as he went back into the bedroom to grab the backpack and the duffle back. Jack took it from him and slung the sports bag over his shoulder.
“Breathe.” He said with a smile. “He's not going to bite.” Ianto sighed and nodded. “C'mon.”
He and Ianto made their way out of the apartment, down the elevator to the ground floor, and were walking out of the building's front doors when the Doctor and his companions reached him.
“Hey Doc!” Jack called out happily, waving to the three arrivals walking towards them.
“Hello there Jack!” the Doctor greeted him. Jack dropped the duffle the was carrying to catch the alien in a firm embrace, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek. “Lovely to see you again. My, you are looking much better than when I dropped you off. Much, much better,” he commented as Jack let him go. He looked over at Ianto. “And you must be Mr Jones!” He stuck out his hand. Ianto hesitated, looked at Jack who nodded and then accepted the gesture. The Doctor shook it vigorously. “It's an absolute pleasure to finally meet you in person!”
“Yes, well. Thank you.” Ianto became flustered. “Uh, nice bowtie.”
The Doctor beamed and turned to his female companion as he threw an arm around Ianto and said, “See! I told you bowties are cool!”
Jack laughed and patted his friend on the shoulder. “I think Ianto prefers actual ties, Doc.”
“Yes. I do, but it depends on the type of suit, Jack,” Ianto added. “For example, a tuxedo would look absolutely ridiculous with a tie. A bowtie, however, would be appropriate.”
“Exactly right! Oh I do like you,” the Doctor smiled, as he squeezed Ianto's shoulders. “Right then. First, introductions! Jack, you've already met Miss Pond. This is her insufferable but lovable husband Rory Williams. Oh wait, you've met him too!”
“Yeah, I have. Nice to see you both again,” Jack smiled as Amy waved with an excited grin. Rory just gave a half hearted smile and a nod.
“And this young man, this is the missing Ianto Jones! Ianto, these are my travelling companions, Ms Amy Pond, and -”
“Her husband Rory Williams. Yes, I heard. Lovely to meet you both.”
Amy pounced on Ianto, linking her arm through his as she turned back in the direction towards the TARDIS. “Hello! I've heard that you're the man to talk to about coffee?”
Ianto's eyes widened. “Uh. I've been known to brew a good cup. Why?”
“None of us can get the coffee machine on the TARDIS to work. We were rather hoping that you wouldn't mind giving it a go?” she asked with pleading eyes.
Ianto looked at Jack who nearly keeled over with longing. “Well, assuming there are some instructions on how to use the machine...”
“Oh there are none,” the Doctor said gaily as they walked towards the TARDIS.
“No instructions?”
“Nope! It's part of the TARDIS you see. She only lets it work when she wants it to.”
“I see,” Ianto sighed. “Well then. I'll do my best.”
Jack put his arm around Ianto's shoulders. “That's all we can ask, Ianto." Jack gave him a reassuring squeeze as they followed their new travelling companions back towards the square blue police box.
"She's missed you I think, Jack," the Doctor said as he unlocked the door and pushed it open. "Come on, come on, everybody inside! Places to go, people to see and all that!" the eccentric alien said as he waved his arm urging everybody inside.
Amy squealed with delight and danced her way inside, grabbing Rory's hand and pulling him in, excited for yet another adventure. Jack moved his arm from around Ianto's shoulders. Ianto looked down when he felt the warmth of Jack's hand curling around his, his fingers meshing between his own.
"Ready?" Jack asked with a wide, happy smile.
"As I'll ever be," Ianto replied and took a deep breath as Jack led the way through the door. Ianto looked around at the much larger room, golden light, red and green hues hinted with browns and earth tones throughout. There was a large circular computerised console in the centre, and a staircase at one end the lead up to a steel balcony that hung magically in the air along the edge of the walls of the TARDIS and ended at a door. "Well. Okay then."
"Hmpf," the Doctor closed the door behind them as he walked in. "Most people comment on how it's bigger on the inside," he complained, clearly disgruntled.
Ianto smirked. "Yes, well, I did work for Torchwood, Doctor. It's hardly the most fantastic thing I've ever seen."
"Oh really?" the Doctor asked, moving to his console and patting it lovingly. "And just what would that be, then hmm?"
Ianto looked at his lover and smiled. "Jack." Jack grinned and pulled Ianto to him, kissing him deeply.
"Love you."
"Me too, sir," Ianto whispered.
"Oh my god, they're so adorable! Rory! Look!" She smacked him in the stomach hard. "How come you never tell me I'm the most fantastic thing you've ever seen?"
"Oof. I dunno? Has Ianto seen the edge of the universe? Or the women of Venus? They were hot..." Rory asked dreamily, shrugging his shoulders. Amy huffed, swatting her husband again before folding her arms over her chest, as the Doctor covered his smirk that broke out, trying hard to suppress the giggle that threatened to escape.
Jack laughed. "Yeah, Venus is a great planet, but they got nothin' on my Ianto," he said, pressing a kiss to Ianto's nose. "So this is the TARDIS. Come say hello," Jack introduced, bringing Ianto over to the console and rubbing a hand reverently over the padded edge of the octagon centrepiece. The Timelord's spaceship shuddered and groaned in appreciation. Jack laughed.
Ianto rose one eyebrow. "You would have the ship wrapped around your little finger, wouldn't you?" he accused with a put upon sigh. He tentatively rubbed the console with his hand. "Hello TARDIS."
The TARDIS shuddered and groaned again, shaking in place so hard everyone had to hold on.
"She loves you! I knew she would!" Jack laughed. "C'mon, I want to see if she's changed my room from the last time I was on board!" Jack tugged on Ianto's hand towards the stairs.
"You have five minutes, Jack, then I need you two down here to help fly her!" the Doctor ordered, a knowing look on his face.
"Aw, you're no fun, Doc!" Jack pouted, taking the stairs two at a time.
"Jack!" Ianto admonished. "Behave, we have company!"
"Company, shmumpany, it's just the Doc!"
"And Ms Pond and Mr Williams," Ianto protested, as he was pulled along behind Jack.
Jack threw open the door that the end of the balcony and proceeded to the third door on the left. "Ah. Here it is. Home away from home." He put his hand on the door. "Whaddaya say, girl?" The door slid open. Jack grinned. "Yeah. I'm happy to see you too."
"Oh for the love of... do I have to compete against a fucking time machine now?" Ianto huffed, following Jack into the room and pulling off the backpack. Jack was chuckling. "What?"
"Just you. Being all jealous over me. I like it."
"I don't."
"You never showed this back then, this jealousy, all this... this... desire to own me, possess me," Jack said, dropping the bags carefully on the floor next to the double bed in the centre of the room. It was decorated like Jack's den at the hub - sparse, military inspired, and steeped in the 1940s. Ianto thought it suited Jack down to the ground.
"I didn't want to overstep any boundaries, known or unknown," Ianto admitted quietly.
Jack drew him into his arms. "I didn't realise how much I hurt you by doing that. I'm sorry."
"You didn't!"
Jack smiled. "I did. You don't have to lie to spare my feelings, Yan. I'm a big boy. I can take it."
Ianto huffed again. "We never talked about it, Jack. I... I wasn't great at expressing my feelings. I didn't want to push you for more than you were willing to give for fear of losing you altogether."
"So you settled for scrap."
"No, I was happy to have any piece of your heart you gave," Ianto corrected.
Jack kissed him softly. "You have all of it." He sighed when he heard the Doctor calling out to them. “Guess we better show ourselves downstairs before he makes the ol' girl turn on us!”
“There's plenty of time to fool around later, Jack.”
Ianto and Jack made their way back down to the main room of the TARDIS, to find the Doctor dancing around the console setting co-ordinates, and giving Amy and Rory their orders for the the flight.
“Jack, Mr Jones! Good! Just in time! Mr Jones, if you would man that handle over there, and when I tell you, pull it all the way down, I would appreciate it. Jack, I need you to man the Detribrulator.”
“On it, Doc,” Jack said, moving over to stand next to Ianto. “Better hold on, baby,” he suggested as Ianto stood in front of the console.
“Oh dear god,” Ianto groaned, and grabbed the console just as the Doctor started tapping buttons on what looked like a large laptop but with different buttons and the TARDIS lurched into space. “Okay. Still not so much a fan of space travel,” Ianto muttered under his breath as the ship rocked and rolled before smoothing out.
“This is space and time travel, you get used to it,” Jack said, offering Ianto a smile, his eyes glittering with excitement. Ianto just looked a little green.
“She could do with some safety harnesses if she's always this unstable,” he muttered. When the ship groaned, he gently rubbed one hand on the console, “No offence meant, TARDIS.” She seemed to accept his apology by straightening upright and slowing down a little.
“Oi what's going on? Are you sweet talking my girl then? I'll have you know I've been flying her for nearly 900 years and - oh Amy, push your button now please would you?” Amy pushed the big green button in front of her. “Excellent!” The Doctor forgot all about his tirade and peered at the computer. “Right, Rory, your turn.... now.” Rory pulled on a lever. “Fantastic! Thank you! Oh this is so much easier with so many companions. Reminds me of when the Daleks were going to take down Earth nearly oh 190 years ago!”
“I'm sorry, what?” Jack asked, straightening up. Ianto stood to attention too, completely focused.
“Oh,” the Doctor frowned. “Yes, that's right. Different reality to yours. Sorry, Jack. Alternate Universe. Different Jack. My apologies. Anyway, this was before I regenerated. The Daleks had stolen 27 planets and moved them. My companion at the time, the delightful Donna... she really was something special that Donna. She downloaded my brain into hers. Can you imagine it? A human with a Timelord's brain? Doctor Donna. Quite frightening actually, now that I think about it.” The Doctor seemed to stop and get lost in his memories.
“Uh, Doc?” Jack prompted him.
“Hmmm?” the Doctor asked, blinking.
“Donna?”
“What about her?”
“You were telling us a story?” Jack grinned, and shared a smile with Ianto, who rolled his eyes.
“Oh. Yes. No. It doesn't matter. Anyway, Jack, your turn if you would please? Thank you.” The Doctor went back to looking at the computer and tapping at the keys. “And now Mr Jones, if you would please pull the handle?” Ianto did so. “Thank you!” The TARDIS hovered somewhere in space. “Right then! Tests!”
Ianto's eyes widened. “Do I have to be naked for these... tests?” he asked, starting to freak out.
“Hmmm? Naked? Well, only if you're an exhibitionist. I'm sure Jack and Ms Pond would appreciate the view, but Mr Williams would probably prefer it if you kept your clothes on. He's easily embarrassed by the nude male form so it seems from past experience,” the Doctor smirked as he walked over and ushered Ianto into an area of the main room of the TARDIS where they had some space around them.
"Oi! I am not! I just don't think it's proper, what with a lady being present 'n' all," Rory protested.
"What lady?" Jack grinned, ducking Amy's well timed swat.
"Watch it, you!" she warned with a cheeky grin.
“I'd prefer to remain clothed, thank you!” Ianto grumbled, hugging his Time Agency Academy issued jacket tighter around his body as if to shield himself from view.
“Not to worry, Mr Jones. These tests won't hurt a bit!” He pulled out his a large weird looking wand and aimed it at Ianto.
Jack launched himself in front of the wand's beam. "Hey ho whoa, Doc, what are you doing?"
The Doctor looked down at his hand. "Oh! Sorry! Wrong pocket! Whoops!" He put the wand away and pulled out his sonic screwdriver from a different pocket as Jack turned to a shaking Ianto.
"I changed my mind! Fuck his sodding tests!" Ianto hissed, trying to get passed Jack, who was now holding him in place by the arms. "Jack! Let me go!"
"C'mon, Yan, he didn't mean it!"
"Didn't mean it! That daft sod would have bloody well... I don't actually know what that thing would have done, but it can't have been good if you flung yourself in front of me like that!" Ianto reasoned hotly, flushing with embarrassment at being the centre of attention and scrutiny.
"I don't know what that was but he's going to use the sonic screwdriver." Jack grinned, "I used to think it was pretty lame, but it's turned out to come in pretty handy actually. Can open almost anything."
"Including people?" Ianto asked horrified.
"No!" Jack was quick to reassure. "No, I promise it's safe. I'm a little protective of you right now, you think I'd let him use just anything on you? I don't know what anything is going to do to you, and until I do..."
Ianto breathed easier. "Okay."
"Okay?" Ianto nodded. "We can do the scans now?" Jack asked.
"Yep."
Jack smiled. He moved. "All yours, Doc." Before the Doctor started though, Jack put a hand on his arm and said, "Damage him, and you'll regenerate early, understand?"
The Doctor smiled. "Oh Jack. He'll be fine! Trust me, I'm the Doctor!"
"Yeah," Jack drawled. He stepped back and folded his arms over his chest, his gaze turning steely as he watched proceedings.
Ianto watched Jack as the Doctor aimed the sonic screwdriver at him, starting at his head and slowly working over his body. The blue laser light covered Ianto's body, reading his biorhythms, DNA profile, and general health. Once the scan his the ground, the Doctor looked down at the screwdriver and frowned, then smacked it once.
“Problem, Doctor?” Ianto asked trying to mask his fear from his voice.
“No, no,” the Doctor said, scratching his head. “It's just not sending the information to the computer.”
Ianto tilted his head. “May I?”he asked, holding out his hand.
“This is a very sensitive piece of scientific equip-” the Doctor started, but Ianto just looked at him. “Oh alright,” he huffed. “But don't break it. It takes me a couple of hours to make a knew one.”
Ianto gave a small half-hearted smile, and took the offered screwdriver in his hand. He looked it over twice, then opened the side compartment.
“Ah, would you have a normal screwdriver, Doctor?” Ianto asked. The Doctor patted himself down, before running around the room and looking under the console. He opened doors and cupboards and finally found one with an excited shout of exuberance. He handed it to Ianto. “Thank you.” Ianto used it to screw something in that was out of place and closed the compartment that was open and handed it back. “You might wish to scan again. I doubt it took the first time,” Ianto said confidently, as he handed the normal screwdriver over to Jack.
The Doctor looked his sonic screwdriver over. Then he rescanned Ianto. This time the scans were going through to the computer.
“How did you do that?” the Doctor asked, incredulously.
“There was dirt on one of the datacard modules. You should take better care of your belongings,” Ianto said calmly as the blue laser encased him once more.
“Well. Yes. I suppose I should. Thank you.”
“You're welcome, Doctor,” Ianto replied softly.
The Doctor finished scanning him. “Now Jack, if you wouldn't mind?” he asked, waving the wand in the air. Jack frowned and then realised he wanted to scan him to compare.
“Oh, yeah, sure!” he said, and walked over to stand next to Ianto.
The Doctor scanned Jack, who looked over at Ianto and smiled reassuringly. The Doctor watched the blue hue encase Jack, humming and murmuring as it did. When it was done, he moved quickly over to the computer and looked at the results. “Hmmm yes, yes, yes... well... oh yes...”
“Doc?” Jack asked, opening his arms in invitation for Ianto who walked into them. Jack wrapped his arms around him. Ianto buried his head into Jack's neck, sinking into his embrace. He didn't know if he wanted to know the results or not.
“Jack, have you still got Mr Jones' original DNA profile in your vortex manipulator?” the Doctor asked. Jack nodded and flipped open the leather strap on his wrist around Ianto's back and pressed buttons. “Thank you.” The Doctor continued to look at the screen. He scratched his head, then played with his bowtie. Finally he turned to face everyone.
“Well, Doc?” Jack asked, rubbing Ianto's back up and down.
“Ianto Jones is apparently a healthy 27 years old. He has different DNA to his original, like we suspected, which confirms our hypothesis that he was in fact cloned on Havaasana. More than likely there will be a thousand Ianto look alikes running around on Havaasana and the outer planets. No doubt with his good looks and his I must say quite impressive memory skills, he would be garnering quite the price for his, dare I use the term 'offspring'.” The Doctor smirked.
“Will I die?” Ianto asked softly, looking out from under Jack's chin.
“Ah, yes. The million dollar question. The answer to that is... no. I hypothesize that you will be exactly like Jack, and every time you die, return to life just as you were. Never aging, never changing. Turns out, the only way to end a human's life after a Havaasana cryogenic transformation is to be returned to cryostasis and then smashed to smithereens. Something to do with the cryogenics process I'd imagine - an x factor if you will. I assume that's what they would do if they catch you escaping from their cryogenics facility. Which, by the way you never did answer how you got out of there,” the Doctor reminded him.
Ianto offered a small smile. “No. I didn't.”
“You won't share with the class?” Amy asked, looking on hopefully.
“Maybe another time,” Ianto said softly.
“You okay, Yan?” Jack asked, rubbing a hand up and down his back? Ianto looked at his lover. “I mean... you now have the same curse I do.”
Ianto smiled. “It's not a curse when I have you to share it with.”
Jack cupped his cheeks with his hands and drew him in for a passionate kiss. Ianto's hands curled into Jack's clothes, creasing them as they bunched in his grasp, their heads moving in rhythm as their tongues tangled in a seductive and ritualistic dance, losing themselves into each other. Jack started to move his hands down Ianto's body towards his hips, intent on pulling his hips against his own.
“Ahem,” the Doctor cleared his throat, his hand in his hair, mussing it up nervously. Amy and Rory were edging towards each other.
Ianto blushed as they pulled apart. He hurried to straighten his clothes. Meanwhile, Jack just grinned proudly. Ianto elbowed Jack in the stomach.
“What?”
Ianto shook his head with a smirk. “Now then. Where is this coffee machine?” Ianto asked. The Doctor lit up and showed Ianto over to a small alcove on the far side of the TARDIS.
“Here it is! Ah... good luck,” the Doctor said, patting Ianto on the shoulder.
Ianto smiled at the Doctor and waved him away before turning back to look at the coffee machine in front of him. It looked awfully familiar. In fact, it looked nearly identical to the one at the Torchwood Three office.
“Oh, you are beautiful, aren't you?” Ianto said softly, reaching out to run a finger lightly along the chrome edge of the coffee machine. The walls shimmered, and a door opened, revealing a bag of freshly ground columbian coffee beans. Ianto pulled them out. “Thank you, TARDIS.” He breathed in the aroma. “Oh, ah, you wouldn't have any cinnamon by any chance, would you?” he asked quietly, looking around to make sure no one was watching. A cannister popped out of the same cupboard as the ground coffee. “And a scoop if you would be so kind. One tablespoon should do the trick I think!” The appeared for him. “Lovely.” He mixed the cinnamon into the beans and then went about making a pot of coffee. The machine whirred to life, and Ianto pulled out enough cups for everyone. Within minutes the wafting aroma had filled the air of the TARDIS.
Ianto was aware of Jack the second his body pressed against Ianto's. Arms wound around his waist. “You got the TARDIS to make your special blend?” he asked.
“You doubted me?” Ianto asked, pouring the coffee into mugs.
Jack sniffed the air and whimpered. He'd been waiting 200 years for this. “Never.”
“Liar,” Ianto grinned as he handed Jack a mug - blue and white striped, for old times sake. Jack kissed him before he took a sip. “Good?”
“If I wasn't already going to spend eternity with you, I'd be begging to.”
Ianto smirked. “Beg anyway.” He picked up two more mugs and handed them out to Amy and Rory who had followed Jack over.
“Coffee? Oh my god you got it to work?!” Amy squealed, as she accepted the mug. “It's a good thing I'm already married or you'd be looking at competition, Harkness.”
Jack laughed. “You think you can tempt Ianto away from me?” Jack asked, raising an eyebrow.
Amy offered a leer. “I can try.”
Jack snorted and returned to his coffee, savouring his first cup of Ianto-made-coffee in two centuries. It was worth the wait.
“Doctor,” Ianto offered a mug to the Timelord.
“Thank you, Mr Jones.” He took a sip. “Oh yes. My, my, you are every bit as wonderful as Jack said you are, aren't you?”
“Um. You're welcome.” Ianto picked up his own mug and took a sip. Ah, yes. Just the way I like it, he thought, and reached out to give the TARDIS a pat. “Thank you, TARDIS.” The ship quivered in response.
“Doc, I think I might take Ianto up to rest if we're just going to float through space for a while?” Jack asked, indicating towards the stairs.
“Yes... yes... good idea. I'll call you if we need you.” Jack nodded his thanks and took Ianto's hand to lead him upstairs. They were at the top of the stairs when the Doctor called out, “Oh and Jack? There's a surprise for Mr Jones in the the closet in your room. You could say a 'welcome aboard' gift from us all.”
Ianto and Jack looked at each other, and then continued to Jack's room. Ianto put their coffees on the nightstand and Jack opened the closet door. When Ianto turned around, he gasped when he saw what was inside. An array of 3 piece suits from the 21st century, just like he wore before he was taken. Ianto reached out to touch them. They were all good quality, wool blend. The colours of the shirts were bold; blue, red, white, black, green and pink. Matching ties made of silk. Even socks and dress boots like he wore when he was at Torchwood.
Ianto's eyes misted over.
Jack hugged him from behind. “He really does like you, you know.” Ianto nodded. “I'm not just saying that.”
Ianto rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. “Okay, so maybe he's not so bad. For a Timelord.”
Jack laughed, and squeezed Ianto to him. “For a Timelord.”
Next story in the Time Verse: Tumbling Through The Vortex