Fic: Carnival Of Sins Chapter 4 (Torchwood Jack/Ianto Time Verse Ianto Big Bang)
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Chapter 4
Jack was silent when he opened the door of the SUV and swung himself into the driver's seat. He didn't look at Ianto as he navigated the vehicle onto the street and headed back towards Cardiff.
“Jack?” Ianto asked softly, his hands in his lap.
“Not while I'm driving. I don't want to crash the car.”
Ianto turned to look at him. “You've never had a problem yelling at me or anyone else while driving a million miles an hour before?”
Jack looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “I've never been in a position where there's a chance I'd cry either, so can we drop it until we get to where we're going?”
Ianto swallowed hard. “Of course.” He looked out the window and breathed deeply. “I wonder how the Identity Changer got stuck behind the mirrors.”
“Ianto.”
He closed his eyes. “Sorry.” He bit his lip to stop himself from talking. What happened to him being the strong, silent type? Oh, that's right, he got lost for a couple of hundreds of years!
Ianto shook his head at himself. Jack was going to be mad. He had a right to be, after all. He didn't follow instructions, he left Gwen on her own, that alone left Gwen in danger ignoring the risk to his own life. To top it off, when she did find him, changed and disfigured, instead of waiting for Jack to find him that way, to find a way out and to trust in the team, he shot himself - hoping against hope that he would be exactly like the Doctor said and be like Jack. That when he resurrected, he would be in his original DNA state. Relying on himself, and himself alone.
Except this is where his theory went wrong, and really, if he'd waited for the team, for Jack, they could have used his wrist strap to test his DNA to see if it had changed it again, which it had and he would have found out the whole suicide idea was a messy waste of time! Instead, he went ahead with his plan without consulting anyone, because of course they would have stopped him, and caused everyone a lot of trauma for no bloody good reason.
Well... they did find out that he will come back, just like the Doctor had said he would.
Jack had a right to be pissed off. Ianto had completely let the team down, he'd let Gwen down, and he had failed in his role as a leader on a mission. He was disappointed in himself, for putting his own agenda ahead of the safety of the team. It was stupid, selfish and it could have gotten people killed. He knew the consequences of acts like that.
Ianto was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't realise they were stopped until Jack's door slammed shut, causing him to start. He looked around and found they were at Bute Park. Ianto got out and followed Jack along the footpath that led to Cardiff Castle.
“Jack, where are we going?” Ianto asked as he fell into step with his lover.
“I have no idea.” Jack stopped walking.
Ianto stopped a few steps ahead and turned back to face him. “Why didn't we go home? We can yell and scream at each other there, and no one would hear us.” The disused firehouse they'd purchased not far from the Millennium Centre where their Hub opposite and underground, was rather soundproof. While it was still undergoing some renovations, it was proving to be exactly what they needed. A home, and a second makeshift base.
Jack put his hands on his hips. “Because if we went home, I'd fall into bed with you. I'd make love you to over and over again just because I'm so fucking thankful you're alive.” Jack's eyes watered and rimmed red as he shook his head. “And I can't let myself do that, Ianto.”
Ianto looked around. “So we're in public rather than the Hub because...?”
“Would you rather the rest of the team hear every word of this?” Jack asked plainly.
Ianto looked at the ground and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Not particularly, no.” He breathed in deeply and let it out slowly. “So. Let's have it then.”
“What the fuck was that?” Jack asked, pointing in the direction behind Ianto with one hand. “I... I don't even know where to begin! Ianto! I...” Tears started to slide down Jack's checks as he shook his head. He brought his hands up to wipe them away. Ianto stepped forward but stopped when Jack stepped back.
Ianto's heart broke, his anguish clear on his face. “What can I say, Jack? I'm human. I'm fallible. I'm not perfect. I made a mistake. I'm sorry.”
“What if you didn't come back?” Jack asked, pulling his hands away. “Huh? What then? Where the fuck would that leave me? What if-”
Ianto stepped forward and grabbed Jack, pulling him against him. “But I did come back! I'm here, Jack! That was the point!”
“You were gone!” Jack cried out. “You were gone, and I was alone. I was alone and there was so much blood.” He pushed Ianto back. “How could you leave me?”
“What? I didn't!” Ianto's eyes welled with tears. “Jack, I swear I didn't!”
“You promised, Ianto. You promised me forever, and you left me!”
“Jack, no!” Ianto shook his head. “It wasn't like that! I swear! Please! Listen to me!”
“Tell me how it was then, Ianto! Tell me how it was. How you couldn't wait for me to get there, how you couldn't wait until Gwen's back was turned to blow your own brains out? Huh? Tell me!” he screamed.
“Jack!” Ianto was crying. “Please, Jack, I'm sorry! I know I hurt you. I did the wrong thing, and I'm sorry! I just didn't want you to see me like that! I-I th-thought, m-maybe, if... if I died and came back, like the Doctor said I would, then m-maybe I would come back I looking like I should, like I do now. I thought if I could fix that problem b-before you saw it, then you wouldn't go crazy!” Ianto wiped at his face. “I didn't tell Gwen because I knew she would try to talk me out of it or take the gun off me-”
“Like she damn well should have!” Jack roared.
“Yes, well-”
“No! You should have told me this is what you were thinking of doing!” Jack told him.
“How? My ear piece had fallen out. We didn't have any contact at that time and I didn't want you worrying about me!” Ianto retorted.
“I always worry about you, Ianto! I love you!”
“I love you too Jack! You think I don't want to protect you just as much as you want to protect me?” Ianto asked pleadingly. “You think it's easy being in my position? Always having to prove myself, over and over again? Watching you go out of your way to put yourself in harms way because you don't want to test the Doctor's theory for fear of him being wrong? Hell, Owen and Martha offered to do some tests on some sample cells and you won't even discuss it because you didn't want to hear if it was bad news. You watch me on the CCTV cameras every time we're apart. I have a chip that's surgically graphed to my skull so you know where I am at all times. C'mon, Jack, I'm not the only one with some issues here!”
“So you're saying it was my fault that you shot yourself?” Jack asked incredulously.
“No! Jack, no, of course not!” Ianto shook his head. “I take full responsibility. I was completely out of line. I left Gwen behind. I got injured because I didn't secure the area correctly. But Jack, I was the commanding officer on the mission. I didn't have to tell anyone of my plan.” Ianto knew that was the wrong thing to say as soon as he said it.
“Oh. Right. Okay.” Jack turned and started to walk away.
“Jack, wait!” Ianto walked after him. “I didn't mean it like that!”
“You really don't want to follow me right now, Ianto.”
“Jack, please!”
Jack stopped and turned around. “You really don't want to come any closer right now or so help me I won't be responsible for what I do next.”
Ianto stopped walking towards him. “What... what happens now?” he asked carefully.
“I need some time,” Jack said, schooling his features.
Ianto felt his heart snap in two. Wiping his face, his nodded. “Yep. Okay. You have all the time you need.”
Jack turned and walked away, leaving Ianto starting after him. When Ianto could no longer see him, he turned and walked back the other way. He walked all the way back to the Hub. It only took him half an hour, but he was exhausted by the time he arrived.
The team were all waiting for them, anxious to make sure that they were okay, and when only Ianto walked through the cog door, Owen slapped the file he was pretending to work on down and sighed.
“You didn't kiss and make up then,” Owen stated blatantly as he tossed his pen down on the desk and stood up.
“No, but thank you for your concern. If you've finished your report on today's events and there's nothing on the rift predictor, you can go snark somewhere else for the night.” Ianto wasn't in the mood for Owen's attitude. He wasn't in the mood for anything.
Donna put her hand on his shoulder. “Are you sure you're alright? You don't look it.”
He wanted to tell her that of course he wasn't alright! His life was falling apart, his dreams slipping through his fingers, all because of one stupid mistake.
Instead he gave her a smile and said, “Of course. Go on, go home, all of you.”
Only Gwen remained behind after everyone filed out, all of the women insisting on hugging Ianto goodnight as they left. She leaned on the edge of her desk, her fingers gripping it so hard her knuckles turned white.
“You alright?” Ianto asked softly, leaning against Tosh's desk. Gwen nodded, her black hair hanging down into her face. “Are you lying?” She nodded again, and her shoulders started to shake. Ianto pushed off the desk and moved over to stand in front of her. Gwen surged into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. “Oh Gwen. What's this all about?”
She shook her head in his neck and breathed deeply, trying to compose herself. “I'm so sorry!” She said into his neck.
“For what?” he asked, completely lost for words.
“I should have kept up with you.” She pulled back. “If I'd been faster...”
Ianto offered her a small smile and shook his head. “No, Gwen. It would have hit me whether you were with me or not. It could have hit you too, and it would have taken Jack and Mickey longer to find us and the Identity Changer. I'm the one who's sorry.”
She frowned and shook her head. “I... I don't... for what?”
“I must have given you a terrible fright today, making you find me like that. Brain matter splattered all over the ground and blood everywhere is not the most charming scene at the best of times, but when it's your own colleague...” Ianto shrugged and looked away. “Well, let's just say that you were right. I'm not perfect, and I don't always exercise the best judgement in every situation, as today showed.”
Gwen hugged him. “No one is perfect, love. Not me, not you, none of the team. None of us. Not even Jack 'Bloody' Harkness.”
Ianto pulled back and let her go. “Yes. Well. Some of us are held to a higher standard. You should go home and see Rhys, eh?”
She smiled and nodded. “You be alright here on your own? You sure you don't want me to wait with you until Jack gets back?”
He looked around. “Home away from home. 'Course I will. Go on. Before Rhys forgets what you look like.”
Gwen leaned up and pressed a kiss to Ianto's cheek. “For what it's worth, I... I'm glad you revived.”
Ianto watched as she pulled away and gathered her belongings before running down to the cog door and exiting to the blaring alarms. Ianto sighed. He was unsure whether he should believe in Gwen's 180 degree turn around, but at that moment, he didn't much care either. Shaking his head, he looked up when he heard the familiar squark overhead.
“Hello old girl,” he said aloud. “Guess I should feed you and the inmates, hadn't I?”
Shrugging out of his bloody jacket, and that was going in the incinerator, he hung it up on the coat rack in the office he shared with Jack. He stopped and stared at the two desks. Tears pricked his eyes, the sting causing him to rub at them. He turned to head into the kitchen to get the meat for Myfanwy and stopped when he saw Jack standing in the doorway behind him.
“Sir.” Ianto straightened up, and without thinking immediately stood at attention - without the salute. “I didn't hear you come in.”
“I came in through the garage,” Jack said evenly.
Ianto nodded once. “Right.” He wasn't sure what to do now, or what to say. The tension was so thick he could have cut it with a knife. “Okay. Well. The others have completed their reports and left them on your desk for your perusal. I was just going to feed Myfanwy and Janet, and head down to the archives to do my own report before going home. I assumed you were going to be out later before staying here for the night. If you'd prefer, I could do my report from home and email it in, or you can go home and I'll stay here. Whatever you want to do. I can get a hotel room or go and stay with Rhiannon or Tosh or Donna or-”
“Ianto.” Jack held up one hand. Ianto blushed and stopped talking. “Just... go do your report and go home. I'll take care of Myfanwy and the weevils.”
“But you hate-” He stopped talking at Jack's look. “Yes, Sir.”
Jack started to shrug out of his coat, turning his back to Ianto. Without thinking, Ianto moved forward and helped him out of it. Jack turned around and stared at him. Ianto slowly, hesitantly, offered the coat out to Jack.
“Sorry,” Ianto apologised softly, hope in his eyes. “Instinct.”
“Shame your instinct to rely on me to help you isn't as powerful as your instinct to assist me with taking off my damn coat,” Jack replied coldly.
Ianto's face fell before it went blank, all emotion carefully concealed and locked away. He threw the coat at Jack before walking out of the office without a word.
“Ianto!” he called out but Ianto didn't even look back. Jack sighed and hung the coat on the coat rack next to him then turned and watched his lover walk down the stairs into the bowels of the Hub, his arms crossed over his chest.
He knew he shouldn't have said it. It was cruel. Ianto had said he was sorry, that it was a misguided attempt at protecting him from being hurt and potentially harming others. He had explained himself, albeit not that articulately, but then again, when they were both upset neither of them were all that great with words, and even gave Jack a few extra things to think about that he probably hadn't meant to.
Sometimes he'd give anything to be able to read Ianto's mind.
He sat down at his desk and looked at the reports, then tossed them back down, unread. He tapped a few keys on his computer and brought up the internal CCTV channels, flipping through until he found Ianto, in the archives working on the report on the computer that was down there. His fingers flew across the keyboard, not even stopping for mistakes, because Jack knew there wouldn't be any. Ianto didn't usually make typos, even when he was angry. He could tell he was angry because of the line across his forehead, and his mouth in a straight line.
Jack sat there and watched him for an hour. When he heard his email notification beep at him, he jolted out of his trance and saw that Ianto was standing up and turning off the computer. Jack shut off the CCTV channel and started to read the reports from earlier that day. Ianto walked into the doorway of their office, didn't even look at Jack as he picked up his jacket from the coat rack and walked back out again. Jack looked up and saw him go into the kitchen and pull out Myfanwy's and the weevils' food.
Dammit. He was supposed to feed the dinosaur and the weevils. He stood up and headed into the kitchen.
“Leave it, I'll do it,” Jack said as Ianto hacked into the meat with a cleaver harshly.
“It's fine, Sir. Part of my job description. I have to go down to the incinerator anyway. May as well feed them while I'm at it.” Ianto slammed the cleaver hard through the raw meat again, the noise resonating through the Hub.
“Ianto-”
“Sir, please.” Ianto moved his head to talk over his shoulder without looking at Jack. “Let me do my job, so I can leave you alone as you asked.”
Jack didn't say any more until Ianto finished cutting up the meat and moved it into the tray. When Ianto turned to leave the kitchen, he stopped him with a hand around his bicep.
“I'm sorry for what I said before. About the coat.”
Ianto looked up at him. “Sorry you said it, or sorry you meant it?” Ianto asked quietly, then looked away. “Good night, Sir. I'll work remotely tomorrow, if it's all the same to you. I'm sure you'd rather not see my face at all.” Without another word, Ianto moved away from Jack's grip and headed up to where Myfanwy's nest was.
Jack stared after him, gobsmacked. He hadn't called him 'Jack' once. Gone was the warmth, the emotion. Instead, all that was there was an empty robot. The last time Jack had seen this side of Ianto was when Lisa had died... at the hands of Jack. How the hell had everything fallen apart so quickly?
Was this something they couldn't come back from?
Jack returned to his office once Ianto had left, and turned the CCTV footage back on. He searched the Hub and tracked his every move. Once Ianto was finished feeding Myfanwy and the weevils, he threw his suit jacket into the incinerator before heading to the garage. Jack was sure he would drive home, but he just walked out the garage door. Jack watched him walk all the way back to their home, let himself inside and lean back against the door as he shut it before falling to the floor and sobbing.
Jack's eyes welled with tears that spilled down his cheeks. He'd done that. He'd made his lover feel like that. He'd broken him in two, with his own anger and frustration, his own sense of betrayal and misguided lack of trust. He knew Ianto would never do anything with the intension of hurting him. How many times had Ianto taken the brunt of, well, anything, to save Jack taking it? Millions. Of course, he'd been right. Jack had been too terrified of the Doctor being wrong, and honestly, when was the last time that had ever happened? He still treated Ianto like he was pre-Havaasana Ianto and not post-Havaasana Ianto. It must have been awfully insulting at times, but not once had he ever complained. Really, it was just a matter of time before something like this happened. Every time Ianto tried to bring up the topic with him about testing his immortality, Jack had shut him down.
“Holy fuck, it really was my fault,” Jack muttered, wiping his tears. He picked up his phone and dialled Ianto's number. He saw Ianto pull the phone out of his pocket and look at it, stare at it. “C'mon Baby, please. Please, pick up.” Ianto just stared at it. It went to message bank. Jack hung up and dialled again. “C'mon! Pick up!” he said through gritted teeth.
It went to message bank again. He saw Ianto talking into the phone. He frowned. This time he dialled again and when it went to message bank he listened to the message.
Hello. You've called Ianto Jones. I'm not available. Leave a message after the tone and I'll get back to you. Jack, I made a promise to you, to... well, she who must not be argued with. We'll talk tomorrow. Please, stop.
He sounded so broken.
Jack knew the only 'she' he could be talking about was the TARDIS. If the situation wasn't so serious, he would have smiled.
The tone sounded. Jack took a deep breath. “Don't work remotely tomorrow. Come to the Hub.” He paused, unsure if he should say more or not. “Tomorrow. We'll talk tomorrow.” He hung up and sighed.
He should have said that he loves him, that he promised forever and they were together for the long haul, no matter what... but he could wait and say all of that tomorrow face to face. He didn't want to do it over the phone and they needed to have the time apart, to get their heads straight.
He watched as Ianto listened to his phone message, his head thumping against the door of their home as he looked up at the ceiling. Ianto snapped his phone shut and hung his head again, then struggled to his feet. Making his way to the kitchen, Jack thought he might make himself a coffee, but no. He went to the cabinet he knew Ianto kept the whiskey in and poured himself a tumbler full, then returned the bottle to the cupboard. Picking up his glass, he took it with him to the master bedroom, drinking mouthfuls at a time.
Ianto stripped out of his suit, what was left of it at any rate, and tossed it in the bin, then took his whiskey glass with him to the bathroom and started the shower. He left the half empty glass on the counter as he got into the steaming hot shower. When he emerged, 15 minutes later, he looked just as depressed and haggard as when he went in. He efficiently dried himself and wrapped the towel around his waist, swiping the glass from the counter as he walked past and flipped off the light to the bathroom as he left the room and entered the master bedroom. He placed the glass on the nightstand before discarding the towel, tossing it on the bed and pulled on some pyjama pants and a t-shirt, never comfortable to sleep naked unless Jack was there - this Jack knew - and looked at the bed once more. He stared at it. Ianto leaned down to pick up the glass, turned and left the room.
Jack leaned back in his chair. That night was going to be harder on Ianto than on him. They hadn't slept apart since Daelynea. He still woke up in the middle of the night, thinking he was on Havaasana, flailing in the darkness.
His eyes remained on Ianto on his monitor, drinking his whiskey. Ianto's phone rang again, because he answered it. It must have been one of the girls, Martha, Tosh or Donna, because he looked to be trying to reassure them that he was fine and to get off the phone quickly. He had a certain facial expression, Jack knew it well. He hung up the phone. He then looked towards the front door, annoyed. Someone was there. Ianto liked to lick his wounds in private, as it were. He downed the rest of his whiskey and made his way to the door, leaving the glass on the kitchen counter as he passed it.
Jack watched in silent surprise as Gwen was at the door. She didn't attempt to go inside, she just handed Ianto a pizza box, and reached up to hug him hard. Ianto seemed to sink into her embrace, and buried his head in her hair. Jack didn't like it. He didn't like it when Gwen rubbed her hand up and down his back either. Ianto pulled back and Gwen framed his face with both her hands, obviously telling him something important. Ianto nodded. She stepped back and walked away. Ianto watched her leave, then stepped inside and shut the door. He went to the kitchen and shoved the pizza into the fridge, and slammed the door shut.
Ianto looked in the direction the front door again and cursed before hanging his head. He returned to the front door and opened it. Donna pushed her way inside, carrying a bag of food and a bottle of wine. Ianto shut the door behind her and followed her into the kitchen. Once Donna had dumped the bag of food, it looked to be Chinese, on the counter, along with her handbag, she pulled Ianto into a hug.
Ianto pulled out of Donna's embrace and once again headed to the door. There must have been another knock that Jack couldn't hear. Opening it, Ianto found both Martha and Tosh smiling back at him sadly before engulfing him in a group hug. Releasing him, he stepped out of the way and let them in. Closing the door, he leaned against it for a moment, resting his head against the wood panel. Jack couldn't help but smile as he wiped at the tears that stung his eyes. The women of Torchwood rallied around his lover in his hour of need, as they should. Jack secretly thought of them as “Ianto's Angels”, similar to the old television show - not that he'd ever tell them that. Oh he had no doubt the ladies would get a kick out of it, especially Donna. Ianto on the other hand, would happily kick his arse.
Ianto then straightened up and pulled out his phone, his fingers typing a text message. Jack's phone beeped. He picked it up and looked at it. Ianto's name appeared. He clicked on it.
Sir. If you wanted space, stop watching me. It's creepy. Read the reports, go stand on a roof and then get some sleep. Don't do anything stupid. See you tomorrow. I.
Dammit. He'd been busted. Well. He knew Ianto would have set up some sort of alarm to trigger on the home monitor system. Ianto also knew him well. He knew there was no way that Jack wouldn't be watching him if they were separated, no matter how angry he was.
Jack hit reply.
Just wanted to make sure you were okay.
He waited and was rewarded with a return beep.
I'm not okay. Thanks for the concern. Please, don't message back and stop watching the CCTV.
Ignoring Ianto's request, Jack typed a message back that he loved him, that he wanted to come home and wrap him up in his arms, and make sure that he was okay. He told him he was wrong for being angry, and he wanted to make love to him all night long... but he couldn't bring himself to press send. Because he was angry. He was angry at Ianto as the head of Torchwood, but more than that, he was angry as his lover. Jack couldn't separate them, and he needed to.
Ianto was right, he needed to step back and let go. If he couldn't go a few hours without watching Ianto's every move, what hope did they have of continuing any kind of relationship? Eventually he would suffocate Ianto to the point of resentment, and he didn't want that. He never wanted that. Doing as Ianto asked, he turned off the CCTV from his monitor, and sighed. He tried to focus on the reports, but all it did was make him relive the events of the day, and that was something he would give almost anything to forget. Giving up after reading the same line over and over for fifteen minutes, he tossed the papers back down on his desk, got up and grabbed his coat. He headed for the roof. Ianto knew him so well. He was good on roofs.
Meanwhile, back at the Harkness-Jones abode, Ianto was pushing the chinese food that Donna had bought around on his plate.
“Are you sure you want to stay here tonight?” Martha asked, her hand on Ianto's arm.
Ianto looked up from his plate. “It's not like we've broken up,” he said softly. “He'll come back when he's ready. I know he will.”
“Of course he will,” Donna said immediately, nodding, “right girls?”
“Right!” Tosh agreed.
“Of course!” Martha said, squeezing Ianto's arm.
“He's just being a right knob,” Donna rested her head on the palm of her hand.
“No, he has a right to be upset. I did the wrong thing.”
“For the right reasons,” Martha added. “Jack will see that eventually. He can be a stubborn prat when he wants to be but he's also the most forgiving person I know.”
Ianto nodded, and stared at his plate. “Gwen came by earlier.” There was a collective clatter as cutlery hit plates around the table.
“What?” all three ladies said at the same time.
“Well? What'd she want?” Tosh asked, narrowing her eyes.
“Probably to comfort Jack in his hour of need, no doubt,” Donna snorted and picked up her wine.
“Actually she gave me a box of pizza. She wanted to make sure I ate something and said not to worry about Jack, that he'd come to his senses by tomorrow. Then she hugged me and said that she was really happy that I came back. Jack was happier when I was around, and if Jack was happy then that's all that mattered.” There was stunned silence around the table. Ianto looked up and three mouths were hanging open. “What? She is capable of being human you know.”
“Well, yes, but... I don't think any of us ever thought she'd get over Jack,” Tosh explained.
Ianto sighed. “I don't know that she is,” he admitted quietly, pushing his plate away. “But she's admitted to me that Jack doesn't want her, and he never will. I guess that's progress.”
Donna stood up and looked around the table. “You're not going to eat any more of that, are you?” It was more of a statement than a question. Ianto shook his head. She gathered the plates and carried them into the kitchen. When she came out, she put her hands on her hips. “Right. You need sleep. I'm going to take a stab in the dark and guess that you're not going to sleep in the bedroom, yeah?” Ianto shook his head again. “Right. Got a spare bed?”
“There's a king bed in the spare room for when Johnny and Rhiannon come down with the kids. We just haven't got the kids' beds ready yet. They're still in boxes and pieces,” Ianto explained.
Tosh smiled. “God bless Ikea.”
Ianto gave her a small smile. “Drives Jack insane trying to put it all together. Hours of entertainment.”
She rubbed her hands together. “I'll hack the private CCTV footage.”
Martha stood up. “Right, you, go brush your teeth. I can smell that whiskey from here. Do what you have to do, and meet us back here.”
“Martha-” Ianto protested but she was having none of it.
“Go, Mr Jones! Or I'll be forced to do the one thing you don't want me to do.”
Ianto barked out a laugh. “I don't think Jack's accepting calls right now. He's probably on a roof, contemplating whether he can jump off and not cause too much splatter.”
Martha crossed her arms over her chest. “I meant call your sister and get her to drive down here.”
Ianto paled. “You wouldn't.”
Martha's eyes narrowed. “Try me.”
Ianto stood up. “I'm not scared of you, Martha Jones.”
“Sure you are,” she said with a smile, and shoved him towards the bathroom. As he started walking towards it, she called out, “And it's Doctor Jones!” Ianto turned back and gave her the finger, causing her to laugh.
Donna shook her head. “Sometimes I forget that he has the heart of a 27 year old inside that 200 year old body of his.”
Martha gave Donna a smile and said, “Yes. I think Jack forgets that too. He's so young, compared to Jack. He might know combat inside out, but he still makes mistakes. He's still human. It's so easy to forget that.”
Tosh shook her head. “I think Ianto wants us to forget that.” Donna and Martha looked at her. “You weren't here. Before, I mean. Before he was taken. Ianto was different. We all were, but Ianto... he was completely different. He was shy. No, not shy. He... blended into the background. He didn't want us to notice him. Jack did, of course, but Jack would notice anyone with a great arse and gorgeous good looks. He never really went out of his way to make friends with anyone, not at first. Well, we found out why, but still... even after Lisa... No one really tried. I was always too focused on my work. Stupid really, because he'd always been nice to me. Gwen treated him like crap, jealous of his relationship with Jack. Owen never believed that their relationship even was a relationship. To be honest, none of us really knew how deep their feelings were until Ianto was taken by the rift, and we witnessed the fallout with Jack. He became a shell. I can only imagine how hard it was for Ianto, stuck in a different world, lost somewhere in the universe, not knowing where you where in time or space and everything you've ever known is gone. He never talks about it. But it changed him. Before he'd make jokes, laugh. When you caught him alone, out of the Hub, he was a kid, a young kid. Now... now he's a solider.”
“War changes people, Tosh.”
Tosh gasped as she turned around. “Ianto! I... I'm so sorry. I never-”
He held up his hand. “It's fine. I'm not angry. You're right, I am different. I'm sorry I'm not the Ianto you remember.”
Tosh got up and flew over to him, flinging herself onto him. “You are the Ianto I remember,” she said into his neck. Ianto wrapped his arms around her. “You've just seen more death and destruction than you had before, that's all. It changes people, makes them...”
“Harder?” he offered.
“Grown up.”
Ianto pressed a kiss to her hair. “Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill?”
Donna looked at Martha. “Did he just crack a joke?”
“Technically, he quoted a movie, but it was, I believe, an attempt at humour,” Martha grinned. She looked at Donna. “You want first go at the bathroom?”
“Don't mind if I do. Thanks,” Donna said, and grabbed her bag before heading to the main bathroom.
“Uh, what's going on?” Ianto asked, as he let Tosh go.
“A good, old fashioned slumber party,” Martha answered. “It's what girls do when one of their own is in need.”
Ianto frowned. “Martha, I'm not a woman. Last time I checked, not even five minutes ago, I had a penis and a distinct lack of breasts.”
Martha waved him off. “Details. You're one of us. We're your girls, and when you hurt, we hurt.”
Tosh nodded. “That's right. Until Jack comes to his senses, we're here to make sure you're okay.”
“I don't need to be babysat,” Ianto protested. Martha pulled out her phone. Ianto's eyes widened. “On the other hand, company isn't always unwelcome.” Anything was better than Rhiannon finding out and coming down to Cardiff to start yelling at them both. “This slumber party wouldn't happen to have pillow fights and nudity would it?” Martha and Tosh looked at each other and then crossed their arms and looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Just checking. Jack would be pissed if he missed out on that part of the fun.”
“I said slumber party not porn film,” Martha rolled her eyes.
“There's a difference?” Ianto asked, raising his eyebrows. Tosh smacked him. “Hey! What happened to 'Ianto never makes jokes anymore'?”
“That was an Owen grade joke and you know it,” Tosh said with a playful slap. Ianto shrugged.
When Donna came out of the bathroom, Tosh went in and got changed, then Martha had her turn. Ianto went and locked up, before making a stop at in the office. He logged in and turned on the CCTV, flipping through the channels. Jack was no where to be seen. He had to be on a roof somewhere, brooding. It was what he did best. As long as he wasn't in a bar, picking up some slut, then Ianto really had no cause for complaint about what he did, really. Still, he'd rather he be at home.
Sighing, he checked the rift predictor. Clear for the night. He turned it onto overnight monitoring and shut the lights off. He glanced back at the wall of computers.
“I love you Jack,” he whispered. “Please come home.” Looking away, he closed the door.
“You okay?” Donna asked, coming up behind him.
He shook his head. “I miss him. I'm not used to him not being here.” He laughed sadly at himself. “I sound pathetic. I used to hate people like me. Needy people.”
“You're not needy, you're just in love,” Donna said, wrapping an arm around his waist.
“Yes, I am. But is love enough?” he asked as he put his arm around her shoulders.
Donna put her head against his shoulder. “I hope so, darlin'. For all our sakes.”
Ianto hummed his agreement and ushered her towards the spare bedroom.
Chapter 5
Chapter 4
Jack was silent when he opened the door of the SUV and swung himself into the driver's seat. He didn't look at Ianto as he navigated the vehicle onto the street and headed back towards Cardiff.
“Jack?” Ianto asked softly, his hands in his lap.
“Not while I'm driving. I don't want to crash the car.”
Ianto turned to look at him. “You've never had a problem yelling at me or anyone else while driving a million miles an hour before?”
Jack looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “I've never been in a position where there's a chance I'd cry either, so can we drop it until we get to where we're going?”
Ianto swallowed hard. “Of course.” He looked out the window and breathed deeply. “I wonder how the Identity Changer got stuck behind the mirrors.”
“Ianto.”
He closed his eyes. “Sorry.” He bit his lip to stop himself from talking. What happened to him being the strong, silent type? Oh, that's right, he got lost for a couple of hundreds of years!
Ianto shook his head at himself. Jack was going to be mad. He had a right to be, after all. He didn't follow instructions, he left Gwen on her own, that alone left Gwen in danger ignoring the risk to his own life. To top it off, when she did find him, changed and disfigured, instead of waiting for Jack to find him that way, to find a way out and to trust in the team, he shot himself - hoping against hope that he would be exactly like the Doctor said and be like Jack. That when he resurrected, he would be in his original DNA state. Relying on himself, and himself alone.
Except this is where his theory went wrong, and really, if he'd waited for the team, for Jack, they could have used his wrist strap to test his DNA to see if it had changed it again, which it had and he would have found out the whole suicide idea was a messy waste of time! Instead, he went ahead with his plan without consulting anyone, because of course they would have stopped him, and caused everyone a lot of trauma for no bloody good reason.
Well... they did find out that he will come back, just like the Doctor had said he would.
Jack had a right to be pissed off. Ianto had completely let the team down, he'd let Gwen down, and he had failed in his role as a leader on a mission. He was disappointed in himself, for putting his own agenda ahead of the safety of the team. It was stupid, selfish and it could have gotten people killed. He knew the consequences of acts like that.
Ianto was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't realise they were stopped until Jack's door slammed shut, causing him to start. He looked around and found they were at Bute Park. Ianto got out and followed Jack along the footpath that led to Cardiff Castle.
“Jack, where are we going?” Ianto asked as he fell into step with his lover.
“I have no idea.” Jack stopped walking.
Ianto stopped a few steps ahead and turned back to face him. “Why didn't we go home? We can yell and scream at each other there, and no one would hear us.” The disused firehouse they'd purchased not far from the Millennium Centre where their Hub opposite and underground, was rather soundproof. While it was still undergoing some renovations, it was proving to be exactly what they needed. A home, and a second makeshift base.
Jack put his hands on his hips. “Because if we went home, I'd fall into bed with you. I'd make love you to over and over again just because I'm so fucking thankful you're alive.” Jack's eyes watered and rimmed red as he shook his head. “And I can't let myself do that, Ianto.”
Ianto looked around. “So we're in public rather than the Hub because...?”
“Would you rather the rest of the team hear every word of this?” Jack asked plainly.
Ianto looked at the ground and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Not particularly, no.” He breathed in deeply and let it out slowly. “So. Let's have it then.”
“What the fuck was that?” Jack asked, pointing in the direction behind Ianto with one hand. “I... I don't even know where to begin! Ianto! I...” Tears started to slide down Jack's checks as he shook his head. He brought his hands up to wipe them away. Ianto stepped forward but stopped when Jack stepped back.
Ianto's heart broke, his anguish clear on his face. “What can I say, Jack? I'm human. I'm fallible. I'm not perfect. I made a mistake. I'm sorry.”
“What if you didn't come back?” Jack asked, pulling his hands away. “Huh? What then? Where the fuck would that leave me? What if-”
Ianto stepped forward and grabbed Jack, pulling him against him. “But I did come back! I'm here, Jack! That was the point!”
“You were gone!” Jack cried out. “You were gone, and I was alone. I was alone and there was so much blood.” He pushed Ianto back. “How could you leave me?”
“What? I didn't!” Ianto's eyes welled with tears. “Jack, I swear I didn't!”
“You promised, Ianto. You promised me forever, and you left me!”
“Jack, no!” Ianto shook his head. “It wasn't like that! I swear! Please! Listen to me!”
“Tell me how it was then, Ianto! Tell me how it was. How you couldn't wait for me to get there, how you couldn't wait until Gwen's back was turned to blow your own brains out? Huh? Tell me!” he screamed.
“Jack!” Ianto was crying. “Please, Jack, I'm sorry! I know I hurt you. I did the wrong thing, and I'm sorry! I just didn't want you to see me like that! I-I th-thought, m-maybe, if... if I died and came back, like the Doctor said I would, then m-maybe I would come back I looking like I should, like I do now. I thought if I could fix that problem b-before you saw it, then you wouldn't go crazy!” Ianto wiped at his face. “I didn't tell Gwen because I knew she would try to talk me out of it or take the gun off me-”
“Like she damn well should have!” Jack roared.
“Yes, well-”
“No! You should have told me this is what you were thinking of doing!” Jack told him.
“How? My ear piece had fallen out. We didn't have any contact at that time and I didn't want you worrying about me!” Ianto retorted.
“I always worry about you, Ianto! I love you!”
“I love you too Jack! You think I don't want to protect you just as much as you want to protect me?” Ianto asked pleadingly. “You think it's easy being in my position? Always having to prove myself, over and over again? Watching you go out of your way to put yourself in harms way because you don't want to test the Doctor's theory for fear of him being wrong? Hell, Owen and Martha offered to do some tests on some sample cells and you won't even discuss it because you didn't want to hear if it was bad news. You watch me on the CCTV cameras every time we're apart. I have a chip that's surgically graphed to my skull so you know where I am at all times. C'mon, Jack, I'm not the only one with some issues here!”
“So you're saying it was my fault that you shot yourself?” Jack asked incredulously.
“No! Jack, no, of course not!” Ianto shook his head. “I take full responsibility. I was completely out of line. I left Gwen behind. I got injured because I didn't secure the area correctly. But Jack, I was the commanding officer on the mission. I didn't have to tell anyone of my plan.” Ianto knew that was the wrong thing to say as soon as he said it.
“Oh. Right. Okay.” Jack turned and started to walk away.
“Jack, wait!” Ianto walked after him. “I didn't mean it like that!”
“You really don't want to follow me right now, Ianto.”
“Jack, please!”
Jack stopped and turned around. “You really don't want to come any closer right now or so help me I won't be responsible for what I do next.”
Ianto stopped walking towards him. “What... what happens now?” he asked carefully.
“I need some time,” Jack said, schooling his features.
Ianto felt his heart snap in two. Wiping his face, his nodded. “Yep. Okay. You have all the time you need.”
Jack turned and walked away, leaving Ianto starting after him. When Ianto could no longer see him, he turned and walked back the other way. He walked all the way back to the Hub. It only took him half an hour, but he was exhausted by the time he arrived.
The team were all waiting for them, anxious to make sure that they were okay, and when only Ianto walked through the cog door, Owen slapped the file he was pretending to work on down and sighed.
“You didn't kiss and make up then,” Owen stated blatantly as he tossed his pen down on the desk and stood up.
“No, but thank you for your concern. If you've finished your report on today's events and there's nothing on the rift predictor, you can go snark somewhere else for the night.” Ianto wasn't in the mood for Owen's attitude. He wasn't in the mood for anything.
Donna put her hand on his shoulder. “Are you sure you're alright? You don't look it.”
He wanted to tell her that of course he wasn't alright! His life was falling apart, his dreams slipping through his fingers, all because of one stupid mistake.
Instead he gave her a smile and said, “Of course. Go on, go home, all of you.”
Only Gwen remained behind after everyone filed out, all of the women insisting on hugging Ianto goodnight as they left. She leaned on the edge of her desk, her fingers gripping it so hard her knuckles turned white.
“You alright?” Ianto asked softly, leaning against Tosh's desk. Gwen nodded, her black hair hanging down into her face. “Are you lying?” She nodded again, and her shoulders started to shake. Ianto pushed off the desk and moved over to stand in front of her. Gwen surged into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. “Oh Gwen. What's this all about?”
She shook her head in his neck and breathed deeply, trying to compose herself. “I'm so sorry!” She said into his neck.
“For what?” he asked, completely lost for words.
“I should have kept up with you.” She pulled back. “If I'd been faster...”
Ianto offered her a small smile and shook his head. “No, Gwen. It would have hit me whether you were with me or not. It could have hit you too, and it would have taken Jack and Mickey longer to find us and the Identity Changer. I'm the one who's sorry.”
She frowned and shook her head. “I... I don't... for what?”
“I must have given you a terrible fright today, making you find me like that. Brain matter splattered all over the ground and blood everywhere is not the most charming scene at the best of times, but when it's your own colleague...” Ianto shrugged and looked away. “Well, let's just say that you were right. I'm not perfect, and I don't always exercise the best judgement in every situation, as today showed.”
Gwen hugged him. “No one is perfect, love. Not me, not you, none of the team. None of us. Not even Jack 'Bloody' Harkness.”
Ianto pulled back and let her go. “Yes. Well. Some of us are held to a higher standard. You should go home and see Rhys, eh?”
She smiled and nodded. “You be alright here on your own? You sure you don't want me to wait with you until Jack gets back?”
He looked around. “Home away from home. 'Course I will. Go on. Before Rhys forgets what you look like.”
Gwen leaned up and pressed a kiss to Ianto's cheek. “For what it's worth, I... I'm glad you revived.”
Ianto watched as she pulled away and gathered her belongings before running down to the cog door and exiting to the blaring alarms. Ianto sighed. He was unsure whether he should believe in Gwen's 180 degree turn around, but at that moment, he didn't much care either. Shaking his head, he looked up when he heard the familiar squark overhead.
“Hello old girl,” he said aloud. “Guess I should feed you and the inmates, hadn't I?”
Shrugging out of his bloody jacket, and that was going in the incinerator, he hung it up on the coat rack in the office he shared with Jack. He stopped and stared at the two desks. Tears pricked his eyes, the sting causing him to rub at them. He turned to head into the kitchen to get the meat for Myfanwy and stopped when he saw Jack standing in the doorway behind him.
“Sir.” Ianto straightened up, and without thinking immediately stood at attention - without the salute. “I didn't hear you come in.”
“I came in through the garage,” Jack said evenly.
Ianto nodded once. “Right.” He wasn't sure what to do now, or what to say. The tension was so thick he could have cut it with a knife. “Okay. Well. The others have completed their reports and left them on your desk for your perusal. I was just going to feed Myfanwy and Janet, and head down to the archives to do my own report before going home. I assumed you were going to be out later before staying here for the night. If you'd prefer, I could do my report from home and email it in, or you can go home and I'll stay here. Whatever you want to do. I can get a hotel room or go and stay with Rhiannon or Tosh or Donna or-”
“Ianto.” Jack held up one hand. Ianto blushed and stopped talking. “Just... go do your report and go home. I'll take care of Myfanwy and the weevils.”
“But you hate-” He stopped talking at Jack's look. “Yes, Sir.”
Jack started to shrug out of his coat, turning his back to Ianto. Without thinking, Ianto moved forward and helped him out of it. Jack turned around and stared at him. Ianto slowly, hesitantly, offered the coat out to Jack.
“Sorry,” Ianto apologised softly, hope in his eyes. “Instinct.”
“Shame your instinct to rely on me to help you isn't as powerful as your instinct to assist me with taking off my damn coat,” Jack replied coldly.
Ianto's face fell before it went blank, all emotion carefully concealed and locked away. He threw the coat at Jack before walking out of the office without a word.
“Ianto!” he called out but Ianto didn't even look back. Jack sighed and hung the coat on the coat rack next to him then turned and watched his lover walk down the stairs into the bowels of the Hub, his arms crossed over his chest.
He knew he shouldn't have said it. It was cruel. Ianto had said he was sorry, that it was a misguided attempt at protecting him from being hurt and potentially harming others. He had explained himself, albeit not that articulately, but then again, when they were both upset neither of them were all that great with words, and even gave Jack a few extra things to think about that he probably hadn't meant to.
Sometimes he'd give anything to be able to read Ianto's mind.
He sat down at his desk and looked at the reports, then tossed them back down, unread. He tapped a few keys on his computer and brought up the internal CCTV channels, flipping through until he found Ianto, in the archives working on the report on the computer that was down there. His fingers flew across the keyboard, not even stopping for mistakes, because Jack knew there wouldn't be any. Ianto didn't usually make typos, even when he was angry. He could tell he was angry because of the line across his forehead, and his mouth in a straight line.
Jack sat there and watched him for an hour. When he heard his email notification beep at him, he jolted out of his trance and saw that Ianto was standing up and turning off the computer. Jack shut off the CCTV channel and started to read the reports from earlier that day. Ianto walked into the doorway of their office, didn't even look at Jack as he picked up his jacket from the coat rack and walked back out again. Jack looked up and saw him go into the kitchen and pull out Myfanwy's and the weevils' food.
Dammit. He was supposed to feed the dinosaur and the weevils. He stood up and headed into the kitchen.
“Leave it, I'll do it,” Jack said as Ianto hacked into the meat with a cleaver harshly.
“It's fine, Sir. Part of my job description. I have to go down to the incinerator anyway. May as well feed them while I'm at it.” Ianto slammed the cleaver hard through the raw meat again, the noise resonating through the Hub.
“Ianto-”
“Sir, please.” Ianto moved his head to talk over his shoulder without looking at Jack. “Let me do my job, so I can leave you alone as you asked.”
Jack didn't say any more until Ianto finished cutting up the meat and moved it into the tray. When Ianto turned to leave the kitchen, he stopped him with a hand around his bicep.
“I'm sorry for what I said before. About the coat.”
Ianto looked up at him. “Sorry you said it, or sorry you meant it?” Ianto asked quietly, then looked away. “Good night, Sir. I'll work remotely tomorrow, if it's all the same to you. I'm sure you'd rather not see my face at all.” Without another word, Ianto moved away from Jack's grip and headed up to where Myfanwy's nest was.
Jack stared after him, gobsmacked. He hadn't called him 'Jack' once. Gone was the warmth, the emotion. Instead, all that was there was an empty robot. The last time Jack had seen this side of Ianto was when Lisa had died... at the hands of Jack. How the hell had everything fallen apart so quickly?
Was this something they couldn't come back from?
Jack returned to his office once Ianto had left, and turned the CCTV footage back on. He searched the Hub and tracked his every move. Once Ianto was finished feeding Myfanwy and the weevils, he threw his suit jacket into the incinerator before heading to the garage. Jack was sure he would drive home, but he just walked out the garage door. Jack watched him walk all the way back to their home, let himself inside and lean back against the door as he shut it before falling to the floor and sobbing.
Jack's eyes welled with tears that spilled down his cheeks. He'd done that. He'd made his lover feel like that. He'd broken him in two, with his own anger and frustration, his own sense of betrayal and misguided lack of trust. He knew Ianto would never do anything with the intension of hurting him. How many times had Ianto taken the brunt of, well, anything, to save Jack taking it? Millions. Of course, he'd been right. Jack had been too terrified of the Doctor being wrong, and honestly, when was the last time that had ever happened? He still treated Ianto like he was pre-Havaasana Ianto and not post-Havaasana Ianto. It must have been awfully insulting at times, but not once had he ever complained. Really, it was just a matter of time before something like this happened. Every time Ianto tried to bring up the topic with him about testing his immortality, Jack had shut him down.
“Holy fuck, it really was my fault,” Jack muttered, wiping his tears. He picked up his phone and dialled Ianto's number. He saw Ianto pull the phone out of his pocket and look at it, stare at it. “C'mon Baby, please. Please, pick up.” Ianto just stared at it. It went to message bank. Jack hung up and dialled again. “C'mon! Pick up!” he said through gritted teeth.
It went to message bank again. He saw Ianto talking into the phone. He frowned. This time he dialled again and when it went to message bank he listened to the message.
Hello. You've called Ianto Jones. I'm not available. Leave a message after the tone and I'll get back to you. Jack, I made a promise to you, to... well, she who must not be argued with. We'll talk tomorrow. Please, stop.
He sounded so broken.
Jack knew the only 'she' he could be talking about was the TARDIS. If the situation wasn't so serious, he would have smiled.
The tone sounded. Jack took a deep breath. “Don't work remotely tomorrow. Come to the Hub.” He paused, unsure if he should say more or not. “Tomorrow. We'll talk tomorrow.” He hung up and sighed.
He should have said that he loves him, that he promised forever and they were together for the long haul, no matter what... but he could wait and say all of that tomorrow face to face. He didn't want to do it over the phone and they needed to have the time apart, to get their heads straight.
He watched as Ianto listened to his phone message, his head thumping against the door of their home as he looked up at the ceiling. Ianto snapped his phone shut and hung his head again, then struggled to his feet. Making his way to the kitchen, Jack thought he might make himself a coffee, but no. He went to the cabinet he knew Ianto kept the whiskey in and poured himself a tumbler full, then returned the bottle to the cupboard. Picking up his glass, he took it with him to the master bedroom, drinking mouthfuls at a time.
Ianto stripped out of his suit, what was left of it at any rate, and tossed it in the bin, then took his whiskey glass with him to the bathroom and started the shower. He left the half empty glass on the counter as he got into the steaming hot shower. When he emerged, 15 minutes later, he looked just as depressed and haggard as when he went in. He efficiently dried himself and wrapped the towel around his waist, swiping the glass from the counter as he walked past and flipped off the light to the bathroom as he left the room and entered the master bedroom. He placed the glass on the nightstand before discarding the towel, tossing it on the bed and pulled on some pyjama pants and a t-shirt, never comfortable to sleep naked unless Jack was there - this Jack knew - and looked at the bed once more. He stared at it. Ianto leaned down to pick up the glass, turned and left the room.
Jack leaned back in his chair. That night was going to be harder on Ianto than on him. They hadn't slept apart since Daelynea. He still woke up in the middle of the night, thinking he was on Havaasana, flailing in the darkness.
His eyes remained on Ianto on his monitor, drinking his whiskey. Ianto's phone rang again, because he answered it. It must have been one of the girls, Martha, Tosh or Donna, because he looked to be trying to reassure them that he was fine and to get off the phone quickly. He had a certain facial expression, Jack knew it well. He hung up the phone. He then looked towards the front door, annoyed. Someone was there. Ianto liked to lick his wounds in private, as it were. He downed the rest of his whiskey and made his way to the door, leaving the glass on the kitchen counter as he passed it.
Jack watched in silent surprise as Gwen was at the door. She didn't attempt to go inside, she just handed Ianto a pizza box, and reached up to hug him hard. Ianto seemed to sink into her embrace, and buried his head in her hair. Jack didn't like it. He didn't like it when Gwen rubbed her hand up and down his back either. Ianto pulled back and Gwen framed his face with both her hands, obviously telling him something important. Ianto nodded. She stepped back and walked away. Ianto watched her leave, then stepped inside and shut the door. He went to the kitchen and shoved the pizza into the fridge, and slammed the door shut.
Ianto looked in the direction the front door again and cursed before hanging his head. He returned to the front door and opened it. Donna pushed her way inside, carrying a bag of food and a bottle of wine. Ianto shut the door behind her and followed her into the kitchen. Once Donna had dumped the bag of food, it looked to be Chinese, on the counter, along with her handbag, she pulled Ianto into a hug.
Ianto pulled out of Donna's embrace and once again headed to the door. There must have been another knock that Jack couldn't hear. Opening it, Ianto found both Martha and Tosh smiling back at him sadly before engulfing him in a group hug. Releasing him, he stepped out of the way and let them in. Closing the door, he leaned against it for a moment, resting his head against the wood panel. Jack couldn't help but smile as he wiped at the tears that stung his eyes. The women of Torchwood rallied around his lover in his hour of need, as they should. Jack secretly thought of them as “Ianto's Angels”, similar to the old television show - not that he'd ever tell them that. Oh he had no doubt the ladies would get a kick out of it, especially Donna. Ianto on the other hand, would happily kick his arse.
Ianto then straightened up and pulled out his phone, his fingers typing a text message. Jack's phone beeped. He picked it up and looked at it. Ianto's name appeared. He clicked on it.
Sir. If you wanted space, stop watching me. It's creepy. Read the reports, go stand on a roof and then get some sleep. Don't do anything stupid. See you tomorrow. I.
Dammit. He'd been busted. Well. He knew Ianto would have set up some sort of alarm to trigger on the home monitor system. Ianto also knew him well. He knew there was no way that Jack wouldn't be watching him if they were separated, no matter how angry he was.
Jack hit reply.
Just wanted to make sure you were okay.
He waited and was rewarded with a return beep.
I'm not okay. Thanks for the concern. Please, don't message back and stop watching the CCTV.
Ignoring Ianto's request, Jack typed a message back that he loved him, that he wanted to come home and wrap him up in his arms, and make sure that he was okay. He told him he was wrong for being angry, and he wanted to make love to him all night long... but he couldn't bring himself to press send. Because he was angry. He was angry at Ianto as the head of Torchwood, but more than that, he was angry as his lover. Jack couldn't separate them, and he needed to.
Ianto was right, he needed to step back and let go. If he couldn't go a few hours without watching Ianto's every move, what hope did they have of continuing any kind of relationship? Eventually he would suffocate Ianto to the point of resentment, and he didn't want that. He never wanted that. Doing as Ianto asked, he turned off the CCTV from his monitor, and sighed. He tried to focus on the reports, but all it did was make him relive the events of the day, and that was something he would give almost anything to forget. Giving up after reading the same line over and over for fifteen minutes, he tossed the papers back down on his desk, got up and grabbed his coat. He headed for the roof. Ianto knew him so well. He was good on roofs.
Meanwhile, back at the Harkness-Jones abode, Ianto was pushing the chinese food that Donna had bought around on his plate.
“Are you sure you want to stay here tonight?” Martha asked, her hand on Ianto's arm.
Ianto looked up from his plate. “It's not like we've broken up,” he said softly. “He'll come back when he's ready. I know he will.”
“Of course he will,” Donna said immediately, nodding, “right girls?”
“Right!” Tosh agreed.
“Of course!” Martha said, squeezing Ianto's arm.
“He's just being a right knob,” Donna rested her head on the palm of her hand.
“No, he has a right to be upset. I did the wrong thing.”
“For the right reasons,” Martha added. “Jack will see that eventually. He can be a stubborn prat when he wants to be but he's also the most forgiving person I know.”
Ianto nodded, and stared at his plate. “Gwen came by earlier.” There was a collective clatter as cutlery hit plates around the table.
“What?” all three ladies said at the same time.
“Well? What'd she want?” Tosh asked, narrowing her eyes.
“Probably to comfort Jack in his hour of need, no doubt,” Donna snorted and picked up her wine.
“Actually she gave me a box of pizza. She wanted to make sure I ate something and said not to worry about Jack, that he'd come to his senses by tomorrow. Then she hugged me and said that she was really happy that I came back. Jack was happier when I was around, and if Jack was happy then that's all that mattered.” There was stunned silence around the table. Ianto looked up and three mouths were hanging open. “What? She is capable of being human you know.”
“Well, yes, but... I don't think any of us ever thought she'd get over Jack,” Tosh explained.
Ianto sighed. “I don't know that she is,” he admitted quietly, pushing his plate away. “But she's admitted to me that Jack doesn't want her, and he never will. I guess that's progress.”
Donna stood up and looked around the table. “You're not going to eat any more of that, are you?” It was more of a statement than a question. Ianto shook his head. She gathered the plates and carried them into the kitchen. When she came out, she put her hands on her hips. “Right. You need sleep. I'm going to take a stab in the dark and guess that you're not going to sleep in the bedroom, yeah?” Ianto shook his head again. “Right. Got a spare bed?”
“There's a king bed in the spare room for when Johnny and Rhiannon come down with the kids. We just haven't got the kids' beds ready yet. They're still in boxes and pieces,” Ianto explained.
Tosh smiled. “God bless Ikea.”
Ianto gave her a small smile. “Drives Jack insane trying to put it all together. Hours of entertainment.”
She rubbed her hands together. “I'll hack the private CCTV footage.”
Martha stood up. “Right, you, go brush your teeth. I can smell that whiskey from here. Do what you have to do, and meet us back here.”
“Martha-” Ianto protested but she was having none of it.
“Go, Mr Jones! Or I'll be forced to do the one thing you don't want me to do.”
Ianto barked out a laugh. “I don't think Jack's accepting calls right now. He's probably on a roof, contemplating whether he can jump off and not cause too much splatter.”
Martha crossed her arms over her chest. “I meant call your sister and get her to drive down here.”
Ianto paled. “You wouldn't.”
Martha's eyes narrowed. “Try me.”
Ianto stood up. “I'm not scared of you, Martha Jones.”
“Sure you are,” she said with a smile, and shoved him towards the bathroom. As he started walking towards it, she called out, “And it's Doctor Jones!” Ianto turned back and gave her the finger, causing her to laugh.
Donna shook her head. “Sometimes I forget that he has the heart of a 27 year old inside that 200 year old body of his.”
Martha gave Donna a smile and said, “Yes. I think Jack forgets that too. He's so young, compared to Jack. He might know combat inside out, but he still makes mistakes. He's still human. It's so easy to forget that.”
Tosh shook her head. “I think Ianto wants us to forget that.” Donna and Martha looked at her. “You weren't here. Before, I mean. Before he was taken. Ianto was different. We all were, but Ianto... he was completely different. He was shy. No, not shy. He... blended into the background. He didn't want us to notice him. Jack did, of course, but Jack would notice anyone with a great arse and gorgeous good looks. He never really went out of his way to make friends with anyone, not at first. Well, we found out why, but still... even after Lisa... No one really tried. I was always too focused on my work. Stupid really, because he'd always been nice to me. Gwen treated him like crap, jealous of his relationship with Jack. Owen never believed that their relationship even was a relationship. To be honest, none of us really knew how deep their feelings were until Ianto was taken by the rift, and we witnessed the fallout with Jack. He became a shell. I can only imagine how hard it was for Ianto, stuck in a different world, lost somewhere in the universe, not knowing where you where in time or space and everything you've ever known is gone. He never talks about it. But it changed him. Before he'd make jokes, laugh. When you caught him alone, out of the Hub, he was a kid, a young kid. Now... now he's a solider.”
“War changes people, Tosh.”
Tosh gasped as she turned around. “Ianto! I... I'm so sorry. I never-”
He held up his hand. “It's fine. I'm not angry. You're right, I am different. I'm sorry I'm not the Ianto you remember.”
Tosh got up and flew over to him, flinging herself onto him. “You are the Ianto I remember,” she said into his neck. Ianto wrapped his arms around her. “You've just seen more death and destruction than you had before, that's all. It changes people, makes them...”
“Harder?” he offered.
“Grown up.”
Ianto pressed a kiss to her hair. “Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill?”
Donna looked at Martha. “Did he just crack a joke?”
“Technically, he quoted a movie, but it was, I believe, an attempt at humour,” Martha grinned. She looked at Donna. “You want first go at the bathroom?”
“Don't mind if I do. Thanks,” Donna said, and grabbed her bag before heading to the main bathroom.
“Uh, what's going on?” Ianto asked, as he let Tosh go.
“A good, old fashioned slumber party,” Martha answered. “It's what girls do when one of their own is in need.”
Ianto frowned. “Martha, I'm not a woman. Last time I checked, not even five minutes ago, I had a penis and a distinct lack of breasts.”
Martha waved him off. “Details. You're one of us. We're your girls, and when you hurt, we hurt.”
Tosh nodded. “That's right. Until Jack comes to his senses, we're here to make sure you're okay.”
“I don't need to be babysat,” Ianto protested. Martha pulled out her phone. Ianto's eyes widened. “On the other hand, company isn't always unwelcome.” Anything was better than Rhiannon finding out and coming down to Cardiff to start yelling at them both. “This slumber party wouldn't happen to have pillow fights and nudity would it?” Martha and Tosh looked at each other and then crossed their arms and looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Just checking. Jack would be pissed if he missed out on that part of the fun.”
“I said slumber party not porn film,” Martha rolled her eyes.
“There's a difference?” Ianto asked, raising his eyebrows. Tosh smacked him. “Hey! What happened to 'Ianto never makes jokes anymore'?”
“That was an Owen grade joke and you know it,” Tosh said with a playful slap. Ianto shrugged.
When Donna came out of the bathroom, Tosh went in and got changed, then Martha had her turn. Ianto went and locked up, before making a stop at in the office. He logged in and turned on the CCTV, flipping through the channels. Jack was no where to be seen. He had to be on a roof somewhere, brooding. It was what he did best. As long as he wasn't in a bar, picking up some slut, then Ianto really had no cause for complaint about what he did, really. Still, he'd rather he be at home.
Sighing, he checked the rift predictor. Clear for the night. He turned it onto overnight monitoring and shut the lights off. He glanced back at the wall of computers.
“I love you Jack,” he whispered. “Please come home.” Looking away, he closed the door.
“You okay?” Donna asked, coming up behind him.
He shook his head. “I miss him. I'm not used to him not being here.” He laughed sadly at himself. “I sound pathetic. I used to hate people like me. Needy people.”
“You're not needy, you're just in love,” Donna said, wrapping an arm around his waist.
“Yes, I am. But is love enough?” he asked as he put his arm around her shoulders.
Donna put her head against his shoulder. “I hope so, darlin'. For all our sakes.”
Ianto hummed his agreement and ushered her towards the spare bedroom.
Chapter 5