She is the sixth person I've gone to for help in 12 years and the first to help me get a long carried monkey off my back. Since I was 18 I've felt so guilty for doing something awful and she's the first person who really helped me understand it wasn't all my fault. I guess only with the aid of age and hindsight can we sometimes see that some things ( Read more... )

Who knows what it holds. Everyday I feel like my future is changing, the future I want is in jeopardy. It's beginning to feel like every time I get close to finding happiness it slips from my grasp. I didn't think so, but maybe I want too much. I need too much. I cry from loneliness when we're apart, sometimes even when you're just sleeping. I want ( Read more... )

How is it possible to sleep and rest all the time and still feel this tired? To take days off work to try to get on top of it, and not feel any better for it. Whatever this is, Chronic Fatigue, or otherwise, is unexplainable to others. I wanted to try to explain, to describe how I feel. My brain - it feels like every thought takes effort., like I ( Read more... )

Some days i feel like I'm living in a fog and with such an important job to do everyday I'm scared I'm going to fuck up. Several times lately I've had episodes that i jokingly call "blonde moments", which we all have, right? But my blonde moment can endanger sometimes life or at least severely impact their health status. Today i couldn't give a man ( Read more... )

Can't sleep... Again. I spent all day packing boxes and cleaning the kitchen and i still can't sleep. My body feels tired, my brain won't shut down. It's driving me nuts! Everyone i close my eyes off it goes on another thinking tangent ( Read more... )

Having just taken a Stilnox I'm not sure how long I've got before my brain stops making sense, but I thought I'd invest my pre-bed time to some journalling. Already my antibiotics are creating nausea and my head feels like it's beginning to swim from the sleeping tablet. It's a strange feeling, you feel sort of dizzy but like your eyes cant keep up ( Read more... )

Why does it have to be this way? Why must I feel like this? I thought these dark days were over... but this week has been a doozy! :( I got sick Sunday with tonsilitis again for the first time in months and it just feels like my health has been a downward spiral since. Two days off and I thought I'd be back to myself. My throat's ok, still sore, ( Read more... )

Isn't it amazing how much can happen in a year? This time last year i was awaiting Rs arrival, waiting for my life to change. Waiting and hoping for love and a future. And in 2012 it seems indeed i have found that, but i never got to meet dear R ( Read more... )

Today I was disappointed to realise that my version on the future is different to reality. In my mind I have been holding on to the fantasy that everything will go swimmingly, smoothly and MY life will begin again in the next few months. Sadly, it was pointed out to me that this isn't likely to happen any time soon. That MAYBE what I want will be ( Read more... )

My adaptation of some beautiful lyrics (from Songwriters: FOSTER, DAVID / MARX, RICHARD / LUBBOCK, JEREMY ( Read more... )