Over the last 3 years of silence i have lost myself. I have lost all i held dear, i have lost my hope, my pride, and my drive to do better then what i have right now. I am finding myself on this hazy afternoon lost and confused is so many ways i can't name them all. I love the man im with, but can i handle his dislike and seeming fear of serious ( Read more... )

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so here it is guys..college starts and maiacatherine ends....
so here is the way of the future... conflicted_inc
or
http://confliction-inc.livejournal.com/

see you all on the otherside
;)

my dad is dead ( Read more... )

these words are not real
i cant utter then or write them or accept them
im in this limbo
this weird other universe where nothng is real
and its only me
people call and say their sorry and try to listen
but its just the to familiar electrical sound over the phone line
and it does nothing
but hollows out my soul
and bleeds out my heart of all feeling

words cant even describe the pain i feel ( Read more... )

so my life feels like it has pretty much no purpose. I spend my time trying to occupy it the best i can, trying to give things meaning- but it isnt working well. I wish for one second that i could regain all that lust for life i had at one point. Here i am 18, and feeling jaded as all hell. Watching reruns on TV, trying hard to make some sense of ( Read more... )

its been three days and all i have been doing is crying, literally. I'll not cry for maybe 20 minutes or less and then i'll just start crying and i cry and cry and cry till there arent tears anymore to cry- then i drink some water and i cry some more. Why cant this be evenly dispersed, why am i the one crying all the time? Everytime he says he'll ( Read more... )

today he called me in the late evening ( Read more... )

Gar left for nashville 10 minutes ago and im getting those feelings of loss and abandonment.
but im fighting them hard
i know i'll have a nice summer it just will have some pretty big lonesome spots in it.