I'm 26 and my health is failing. Things aren't looking so good, I'm scared yet afraid to talk about it. I have to stay strong because I don't want Andrew to freak out.

ever feel strangulated? like this isnt what it's supposed to feel like.

they lied, it was supposed to be different.

the suicidal idealizations have come back full force. why am i so miserable i have everything yet I have nothing?

Fuck. I just want to sleep.

you see your life.

and it isnt anything you ever thought it would be.

hollywood love? it's all settling.

I live. Out of school and hoping to get a job at a company close by.../sigh I hate HR departments being slow. Quality control analyst position...pays very, very well and with a degree in Biotech/Chem I should be making the big bucks, lol.

Anyway, new boy. He's amazing. He's a nerd. And I love it.

I really think I'm in love.

I had this long entry written. I erased it. I never really write any more. What's the point? Let's get to the heart of this ( Read more... )

if they only knew.

ahahahaha ic ant believe i did it.
and hes absolutely amazing. and gorgeous. and it was wonderful falling asleep in his arms.

i amaze myself.

nothing in the past means anything to me.
it's all just names and blurred faces.
i enjoy not giving a shit.

i'm going to fall hard and fast and love every second of it.

im done with this journal.
i need to make sure my life is completely wiped of it all.
but i cant keep it deleted.