Do you ever just feel like no matter what you do you will be a failure, or let someone down, or make everything worse?

I'm having a day where I feel like everyone hates me, I'm worthless, and I break everything I touch.

I don't like today.

My father was diagnosed with colon cancer this morning.  We don't know anything beyond that yet.  Should have the biopsy results and surgery date here in the next couple of days.  I will let you know as I do.

I am very, very fragile right now but I'm trying so hard to stay together, and strong- and I don't know if I can.

I'm so scared.

Between a fight Jason and I had last night and my addiction class this morning it occurred to me that I've been doing a lot of deflection and avoidance that has been directly feeding in to my depression and how bad things have been for the last couple of months.  And I hate those catharsis moments, we so rarely do anything with them ( Read more... )

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I got my first tattoo tonight.

Photos forthcoming.

A lot of the reason I stopped blogging was the divorce- I didn't know how things were going to go, and it seemed easiest to keep everything off the internet.  That's over now, and I am really wanting to start writing about things again, but there seems to be a whole new level of privacy.  I don't know if my boyfriend wants me talking about him on ( Read more... )

I'm divorced.

Today feels like an odd day for that.

So my friend Bill put together this list of kind of life lessons, or maybe you'd call them common sense points; except we forget them in the moment.

At any rate, I love reading this list.  I think it's useful, it's good to be reminded that all of this has happened before and all of it will happen again.  We aren't always special unique butterflies ( Read more... )

When I went to pick up Jack today this little girl in his class looked up at me and said in this kind of breathless voice " You are so beautiful!"  with three year old pronunciation and all.

It kind of made my day

It's my first New Year's living in KC