so now i talked to him. and im scared shitless for him. i love himso much but i dont think he'll be okay. i did this so i couldget out there and experience new things and be able to go where i want without worrying about him. but i still am. at least im not doing so as much as i was i suppose. i dunno. i need tuffened up or something. im so mousy ( Read more... )

im going to do it now. i have to. i cant believe its this hard. i keep thinking im not sure and i dont want to do it. but i know i need to. i just dont know how to protray my emotions enuff for him to know i love him and ill be back for him one day in the way future. that no one will replace him, and i just need some time away and so does he. i ( Read more... )

you ever get those realizations that are this flaming beauty of a epiphony that you absolutely love once you stumble onto them? were you ever unable to fully grasp that realization you got til months later? yeh? well....im experiencing a moment the same as that. im taking my time with it all. i cant even count how many times i lectured my friends ( Read more... )

venting. one of the stipulations of reading a journal is you cant tell if the person is really concerned or venting. im usually optimistic and whatnot so im always venting. just bitching about the lil things that are bothering me so i can get it off my chest before it festers. although the fuzzy issue does really get to me. but...der..its natural. ( Read more... )

the spirals spin tight. curling around and into its self. pitch black with an irredescent purple light. spinning clockwise approaching faster and brighter towards me. a cryptic clock. the moon over my emerald sands. a gritty sea of hidden meanings give way and sink me slowly in their warm embrace. whispering in tongues to my spirit old messages ( Read more... )

what kind of existence is dreaming? so few hours spend outside of a cubicle or car, why send them dreaming? the trees sway in reverse while little black creatures crawl out from the recesses of existence only to slip back through a crack again. hectic nights and sour sunny mornings coat like flim over your eyes and the world is brown and dingy ( Read more... )

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i realized ive stopped thinking about philosophy politics and religion alot this year. i use to rant about all of it off the hook a few months ago. i feel ive come to this point where i understand it all and find bitching about it or thinking it over pointless. its like that with alot of stuff. its pretty un nerving actually. it doesnt feel natural ( Read more... )

xmas was tight. i ran to my moms house then fuzzys and my gmoms and came home. it was a good day. there was alot of sadness other places where i visited but not in my home. alot of people passed away or are sick. my mum mum is retiring next week. she's upset about it but i think it'd be good for her. she still has fluid in her knee where she had ( Read more... )

steve irwin was awesome. i watched a few of his videos and i never really appreciated how it was to know someone so caring and avid about his causes. to more or less look up to his passion.i never came in contact with him myself but i still loved laughing at his accent and how energetic he was, but he really was a great man ( Read more... )