my life is falling apart.

today was a good day.
it reminded me of summer & good times.
I didn't realize how much I missed them.

I decided that I want you to be happy with whatever you do,
& wherever you are, I'll be thinking of you.
I'm sorry, I'm an asshole, I said things I don't mean.

it's taking everything I have in me not to cry.
this is all just too much, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

fuck this dude.
Christmas break is supposed to be good.
mine fucking sucks. I haven't got to sleep in ONCE, nor will I get to.
I haven't done shit except family bullshit & work.

AMC owns my life.
everyday, until midnight or later.
I need a better paying shitty job.
one that I can wear jeans, and my gauges...
and dye my hair how I like it, not this boring ( Read more... )

epiphany of the day:
I really am a terrible person.

haven't come to terms with the news I just found out;
today it's raining outside, to match this empty feeling that I'm left with, tonight.
you will be missed, you were always here to get through times like this.
and I know if you were here, you'd be laughing at me,
you would say, "you're not alone as you think".

:/ <3 RIP

epiphany of the day:
I've been caught up in this dillusion that it's always someone's fault that I'm having a rough time.
but it's not the world against me, it's my own inner turmoil.
I mentally kicking my own ass, tearing myself apart.
it's making me and everyone around me, miserable at best.

letting go; it sounds so simple.
but, letting go of anything is so not my best thing.
I'm not even sure I know how to do it.
how do you let go?
how do you let yourself fall, and trust that someone will catch you?
that they'll catch you and not let you hurt them, or yourself?

stupid, stupid, stupid.

epiphany of the day:
I'm a master at screwing up my own ( Read more... )

I used to think I knew what was right and what was wrong, 
and who the good guys were and who the bad guys were. 
then the world got very gray, and I didn't know anything for a long time.

there are days, hell weeks, when I still don't know anything.
I've been pushed so far outside what I thought was right and wrong, 
that somedays I don't know my way ( Read more... )