Writitng--In need of critique

[manicmellou]

I want to say a lot with this, but I don't know I need some help. I would appreciate input. it ends funny and kinda starts funny to, I had it in mty head but it just didn't come out right

Comments

very good

[tdslacker]

it's good. really. i think the way it is it's fine. Sometimes when you don't need to really add things to make it better. Less is usually more. Just keep writing, you're good. Get something published & you'll get a COOKIE! YEAH!

Seriously, good luck & may life go superbly. Keep writing though.
~TDS, the King of BLIZING

[psocecil]

I like it, I think it's sweet =D She sounds really cute.

[naughty_ookami]

That is quite interesting...I like the poetic sense to it all. It sure shows another side of creativity and all.

-saya