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The irony of Love Songs.
I used to listen to angry love songs because I knew I was not alone, that this tearing I feel wasn't unique. But the irony of it all is that the singers of those songs will never understand what it's like to have that emotion ripping at your soul and never having a way to express it, to vent it to the world.
You think I don't want to scream to the ( Read more... ) -
Aggression
Have felt some insane aggressive urges lately. Fist clenching, white knuckle, angry desires to hit someone. I really want to just unload on someone. Is it splitting up w/ Colleen? Is it the working out? I don't know. I still think about her everyday. She drives me crazy. My fairytale brain can't stop thinking this is only temporary. I need ( Read more... ) -
Weekly Fitness Report
Sunday 9/4/2011:
Weight: 225 at wake up.
BMI: 28.8
BF%: 19.9
Overall Goals:
Weight: ~205lbs
BMI: 26.3
BF%: ~14%
Goal for next week:
Lose 2 lbs fat, and ~.5% BF.
Counting calories seems to be working. Getting to my 205lbs might be tough, I tend to bulk up easily. I think tracking will help me keep focused. We will see! -
Match.com
I signed up for Match a while ago, but didn't feel like paying, so I kind of let it go. Recently I updated everything, since Colleen and I split. I gather that this break to discover herself and get her shit in order, similar to Katie's, doesn't mean that she's going out to explore "other options," but I don't think I can be held to that. I know ( Read more... ) -
Math suxx.
Hate taking an online mathclass, except that the online tools are very useful and do help me solve, but I feel generally unprepared for what i'm doing just from reading the text. If i go to a lecture style class, I feel that I'd get more understanding from the prof, but when I got home, if I didn't understand I'd be lacking the resources to work ( Read more... ) -
About last night.
Fuel for the fire. I feel like somedays I can use all this negativity around Colleen to drive me to be better. Like I have something the prove I guess, but I don't have to prove anything to anyone. I know that I will be everything I want to be and will have everything I want and deserve. I'm still sad that this chapter is over, she was the best ( Read more... ) -
RAWWWR!
Started counting calories yesterday, about 2100~ for the day. Right about where I need to be to lose weight. With my activity level, I burn over 3000 a day. So far today had 650 for breakfast, seems like that's the right amount per meal to give me the energy I need w/o overfilling ( Read more... ) -
You'll sit alone forever...
If you wait for the right time, what are you hoping for?... I love how my Droid loves to find the right songs at the worst times. That one song that just tears your heart out has to come on as you drive home alone. Your thoughts drift back to the moments that eat you up. Staring at her face, beautiful and flawless, asleep with a gentle smile on ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Last night was the hardest night for me in recent history. A week ago, Katie broke up with me. She said she rushed into a new relationship too quickly after getting her divorce and that she felt she never gave herself the time she needed to be alone and to establish herself before letting someone else into her heart. I was understanding and ( Read more... ) -
Life Goes On.
... no not the show w/ Corky ( Read more... )