(Untitled)

Feb 21, 2005 02:16

a poem...( Read more... )

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filmcanister February 21 2005, 19:18:44 UTC
i really really REALLY like this.

for the part where you are discussing your mother, you have it split very clearly into two different parts. you are not such (a) because (b), and they have their respective stanzas. consider making all of the a stanza's parallel structure and all of the b stanzas their own. however, when you get to the part where you begin to talk about yourself, jazz it up a little, because you are not your mother, you shouldnt follow her poetic structure.

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maorian_queen February 22 2005, 05:00:53 UTC
thank you, thank you, thank you. i was happy...this one flowed more easily than the others have been lately.

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