My heart hurts right now...I'm not trying to be emo. Have you ever had a moment when you figure out what's missing in your life? I'm so alone...not just me but every single human being is alone. You never know who you can trust. You never know who's going to save you...really the only person you can truely rely on is yourself. I believe in rare ( Read more... )

Lately people have been telling me I'm not gay I just haven't found the right guy or I need a man to change my mind about who I am. That pisses me off beyond belief. I don't choose to feel how I feel. It's not a curable disease. I find nothing wrong with it. I am who I am and no one is going to change that. I'm sick of being condemmed, sick of ( Read more... )

I purposely do self distructive things to try to prove something to myself. I drink more than I should to see if I can withstand it. I try to get attention I don't really want to make myself feel more attractive but in the end it only makes me feel like a slut. I smoke weed even though I have panic attacks that sometimes last for hours and make me ( Read more... )

I have to sleep but first I have a million things to get off my chest and not enough time to do it in. I feel like everything is crashing down again. I'm not happy I haven't been in awhile. People I considered my best friends are people I don't even know anymore. I talk to people I don't like more than I talk to people who claim to be my "best ( Read more... )

So...I don't really need anything to happen to write an update. I actually have nothing to talk about. I worked all day like a zombie. The day went by fast and honestly I don't remember anything. I think someone yelled at me or something bad happened but I don't even know. That could have been another day. I'm living life like it's all one big ( Read more... )

I haven't slept yet. I've been out smoking and drinking all fuckin night. I've decided I enjoy partying again. I enjoy not thinking about how lonely and bored I am. I like getting smashed with the few friends I have and forgetting how much life sucks and how ultimately pointless everything is. I had alot of fun tonight, more fun than I've had in ( Read more... )

I'm never going to find what I want around here. I keep saying that but I allow time to pass. I don't save my money. I don't get my license I just put everything off. It was ok when I was 15, 16, 17 but it's getting ridiculous. I'm going to be 20 in march. I want to get my license, finish school, move to florida but none of that is going to happen ( Read more... )

I'm happy about my growing DVD collection. This weeks additions are Down with love, Say it isn't so, Saving Silverman, Creepshow, Girl Fight, Girl Interupted, The Mothman Prophecies, Godsend and The 40 year old virgin. I don't know why I'm online so much I have movies to watch. Later fuckers <3

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My new years resolution this year is to be myself. I mean fully truely without any comprimises. I'm not so sure these days who I am but it's fucking with my head. I don't know. I'm struggling with an issue that's plagued me for quite sometime. I sometimes wonder, I'm sometimes almost certain that I am the furthest from heterosexual I can be. I am ( Read more... )