& you can cry all you want to, I don't care how much
You'll invest yourself in me, we're not working out
We're not working out (we're not working out)
& you can't touch my brother and you can't keep my friends
and we're not working out, we're not working out

It seems everytime things start to look up & I'm happy I suddenly become very depressed because I'm not used to things being good & they could go back to being miserable & horrible again in an instant. I fear happiness almost as much I fear being unhappy the rest of my life. If that makes any fuckin sense at all. I doubt it does. I'm probably the ( Read more... )

BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!BADIDEA!

I've seen alot of fucked up things happen lately. Alot of people change. Basically I've seen alot of cruelty, selfishness and obvious immaturity. It kind of makes me sick. I just drink and smoke pot and try not to think about it but I can't be high and drunk all the time so eventually I stop and look at the situatuions at hand and realize how mad ( Read more... )

I struggle with this intense feeling of loneliness, a feeling of worthlessness. No one needs me. As corny and untrue as it may sound...I have so much love to give. I could be so good for someone if they would just let me. If they could see past the insecurities, past the fucked up past they would see me for what I really am. Someone who just needs ( Read more... )

I have such a headache. I'm annoyed, confused, unsure. I wish I wasn't so insecure. I wish I didn't verbalize all the insecurities I have. I wish I could pretend I was completely happy. Actually I just wish I was actually happy. I keep getting mixed signals. Life is fuckin confusing. Life is painful after awhile you become numb, I mean I don't cry ( Read more... )

I fear commitment...

I'm nervous. Excited and nervous. I'm going to do something drastic soon. It might not seem drastic to anyone else but me but I've been single for 7 months. I thought for awhile I was single because there was never going to be anyone worth investing that much time in again. but after a week of thinking. I mean really thinking. I have come to the ( Read more... )

I don't control my own life. I'm too afraid to take the lead. I ruin things on purpose for fear that there may be progress and change. I'm afraid to live. Afraid to die. I'm unsatisfied and unfulfilled. I probably always will be. When I should be taking a leap, I just sit down and shut up. I don't make waves. Waves sweep you away. I'm not looking ( Read more... )

I've been trying to get myself back on my feet. Trying to improve what I hate about my life. Today I got my car for $200 Brian came through :) it's decent for the price and it runs what more could I ask for? I'm going to try to apply for a loan 2morrow. A small personal loan of say $500 I don't know if they'll approve me I have no credit or ( Read more... )