I'm lost, insecure, victimized and malcontent-as usual.

Last night I had a dream that my mom and I visited a home up on a hill in a glowing green meadow filled with sunshine, looking down on a small town (rio rico?) It was in Arizona and it was just what a wanted, with horse property. So I said to my mom, maybe I don't have to go far away I can live here ( Read more... )

I have trust issues. Let's get that one out in the open. It has become extremely prevalent in the past couple of months, and today I prayed for God to help me to learn to trust the people I should trust. I soon got lost in thought and before I knew it I started thinking about a recent issue with nick and normally I would be quite upset and demand ( Read more... )

I leave for flagstaff on thursday nick and I drive up together with my parents following we'll all be up there for the night then nick goes back with my parents hehe. I hope that goes well-I'm sure it will-I just want them to realize how great he is. I am super excited but it's surreal-I've never strayed from the Tucson area-more importantly-I've ( Read more... )

I might be moving to flagstaff early if I can lease out my place earlier-ahhh that would be so cool I could start meeting people-and get a job at a cool store and hang out with caroline...but shhh don't tell nick. I don't want to bring it up until its at least semi-finalized I know he wont be very happy about it. I feel like I'd just be spinning my ( Read more... )

Oh you look so sad staring out that window ( Read more... )

So the epic cleaning is almost over-I'm trying not to get pissed at the fact that half my Tupperware and dishes are missing and my house smells like rotting garbage because my roommate leaves rotting food EVERYWHERE, the couch the counter if I'm lucky. Her room is infested with ants and a few got into my room and left because theres no rotting ( Read more... )

-when I had a sad easter he came over and hid eggs in my living room and demanded that I play the hot cold game with him ( Read more... )

I love the rain-I love the lighting and the smell...or..at least the way it smells outside the city. I made a purchase today that may be my saving grace-it's a book. We will find out-I am going to organize and clean today, then hopefully buy some healthy food. I'm ready to try a little harder instead of moping-hopefully this is an inspiration not a ( Read more... )

I dwell like it will magically go away if I look into it more or think about it more or worry about it more. I am looking for solutions in all the wrong places. I can't get over it. I can't