Once again, I opened the door to the rest of the castle to discover that its stone floor was broken in places by hot, flowing lava ( Read more... )

A long, wonderful bridge extended out in front of me as I left my citadel, and I almost had convinced myself that it would be a leisurely stroll to the castle here, where I would slay whatever thing held the Princess with fire. I could not see what was under the bridge, but I was willing to bet it was water similar to that which I had just left in ( Read more... )

I was unable to sleep much last night, for I dreaded heading into that dark tunnel again, with its endless, orange elevators. I was afraid of what new arrangement the horrors I have familiarized myself with would take ( Read more... )

Early this morning, the drooling fool of a mushroom woke me to serve me breakfast and return my laundered clothing. While I was happy to be wearing a clean outfit again and eating food besides the wretched bread in each citadel, I must confess to being slightly irate at having been roused from my slumber, in which I was dreaming of Princess ( Read more... )

Have you ever been close to tragedy or known someone who has? There is a look in their eyes, something that tells you they are lost and confused, a look that cries out for help to the four corners of the world… or… Mushroom Kingdom… or whatever ( Read more... )

The stale-tasting bread in these citadels simply isn’t enough for me, and there is barely enough to constitute a meal. Where is the tomato sauce, the garlic? I am not sure this substance even constitutes bread; it hardly bears the right to call itself a carbohydrate, and is more like some kind of tofu matter. Are the carnivorous mushrooms, ( Read more... )

It was strange to wake up inside this tiny, brick building, an archaic structure that looks like some giant mockery of a child’s sandcastle. The food within was some sort of harsh, dry bread, trail rations of a kind, and water. I miss the pasta Luigi would make, but perhaps it’s for the best. Maybe I’ll actually lose weight. There was even a ( Read more... )

Today I found my girlfriend in bed with another man, and to make matters worse, that man was my brother. And that was only where my troubles began ( Read more... )