Advice about ongoing unpaid overtime and work stress

[mariole]

Hi, my friends! I'm up writing at 3:30 in the morning because I have a tension ball in my stomach and can't sleep. A wonderful situation at work turned on its head. Any advice regarding my mistakes and situation is very welcome. And listen, feel free to tell me what a jerk I've been, because I am not blameless in this mess I've made for myself. I'm

Comments

[cookiefleck]

First of all, you didn't do anything "wrong." Okay, so you lost your cool, after provocation. Big la de dah. I wish I had a nickel for everyone who has done that, including me. Obviously not the correct way to handle problems in the workplace, but not the huge thing they are making it out to be and certainly not worthy of major career repercussions. It only becomes a "big deal" because you spouted off to someone with more influence, and who is of a vindictive nature, perhaps inclined to fan the flames

[cookiefleck]

Looking over some of the other advice here... I want to add that it's not generally a good strategy for an employee to act or think in adversarial or defensive or protective mode. Rarely will an employee come out ahead in any way using that approach (unless there is a very strong discrimination case or worker's comp case in the offing). Being "liked" rather than being "right" is the key to successfully diffusing any negative perception. In general, it's best to let the bad stuff go entirely and recede in everyone's memory. (Suck it up if necessary and) address any perceived/voiced performance issues with maturity, and stealthily work to change perceptions (reference my pm).

[mariole]

I have been following your advice-- ALL of your advice-- very closely for the last two days. I believe it's serving me well

[cookiefleck]

I've been glad to offer my two cents, but all credit goes to you and your attitude (e.g., your ability to assess objectively and regroup as necessary, etc.). I don't think you necessarily need to bring anything up to the big boss in the immediate future unless you think something was left hanging. Your positive teamworky approach going forward will say volumes by example. I'm pulling for you to dazzle next week.

[hawkmoth]

You've gotten some good advice here already, so I'll just add in that you were put in an awful situation by evil people who know how to get what they want at the cost of others. There's always someone like that in the workplace, who gets away with just about anything, while a person like you, who's worth ten of them, ends up taking the fall for their failings.

Looking for a new job while trying to maintain in this one is probably the way to go.

And let me also say, I just happened to have spent the last couple of days rereading your epic saga, and it gave such pleasure to do so, and made me so very glad that I found it and was able to make your acquaintance!

Hang in there!

[mariole]

It's such a pleasure to know that people still find and read my fiction. Writing is a peak experience for me. Thank you so much for reminding me of that, in this rather icky time. It brings back such fun memories.

> There's always someone like that in the workplace, who gets away with just about anything, while a person like you, who's worth ten of them, ends up taking the fall for their failings.

It's amazing, isn't it? There are cruel, insecure people everywhere. This particular pair got to me. I need to deal with it super positively, and just keep soldiering on until everyone gets some distance from it. I think this is the kind of situation where it's wise to wait and see how it falls out. If it really looks as if this is a dead end for me, career-wise, I've got a terrific network here and will probably be able to land something suitable within 6 months.

Thanks again for your kind words. It's balm, my friend.

[addie71]

Oh, Mariole, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. You're human, you made a mistake and sadly, you are paying a much bigger price for it than you deserve. Those women aren't going to change and I doubt the director will.

I agree that you should document everything that happened as soon as possible - you never know when you might wish you had. I would also start looking for another job because I think the bitches are going to be gunning for you in earnest from now on and the stress could prove to be too much.

this country is going to the dogs Sad, but so very true. Even companies that can afford to compensate their employees well are jumping on the 'poor economy' bandwagon to reduce wages and benefits. Then they hold it over the employees' heads that they can easily be replaced. It's so fucked up

[mariole]

Oh, Addie, how horrible about your husband. That's exactly the kind of abuse that companies are pulling these days. In my case, I believe it was my "entirely average" review that will form the basis of them not giving me a raise. I shouldn't prejudge, but I strongly suspect that's what's going on here. It makes me want to spit nails, but what can one do, except try to make the best of a bad situation and not become exhausted or bitter in the mean time

[fantasy_fan]

I'm so sorry it happened, but I don't think you're all to blame. You reached your breaking point; the confrontation was unfortunate but it happened and you have to assess where to go from here

[fantasy_fan]

What would happen if you just did the minimum required for your job requirements? If they have proved they're not going to compensate you for maximum effort, what happens if you let all that go? If you take all your vacation (scheduled appropriately per their policies), work your hours but stop volunteering for extra, do the overtime when it's absolutely required but pass on responsibilities that aren't really yours, let the poor presentation stand and let the people who screwed it up take the blame, and basically stop being the "team player" who ends up the "team patsy"? This starts with a conversation with your boss about your exact job responsibilities, and a note from your doctor about the physical effects workplace stress is having on you. Your colleague ought to do the same, for his own good. Hiding it isn't helping anyone. This also gives your boss (indirect) notice of your plan to look out for yourself if nobody there is going to support your efforts. The days are gone where you gave loyalty to your company because you knew

[singeaddams]

Ditto all of Fantasy Fan's great advice. Document everything! Be on the look out for something better.

But the point I want to make is, standing up when the bitch stood up was an act of self-defense even if she is a small squirt. She's howling about your unprofessionalism and 'feeling threatened' as a misdirection from her own terrible behavior. Stop beating yourself up about it. You're a human being, not a cold, corporate machine.

Whatever you decide, whatever happens, you'll be fine!

[mariole]

You're quite right. I see now that this isn't the end of the world. It just felt that way!

Thanks for your kind words. It really helps. :)

[baranduin]

What cookiefleck said.

I'm so sorry you're in this wretched, toxic situation. But I'd say listen to cookie, she knows whereof she speaks. *huge hugs*

[mariole]

Yes, cookiefleck is one smart cookie. :)

Thanks for the kind words.