Was in a staff briefing yesterday, and they were talking about a student. The projection said *[Student] feels like staff do not like her at school and she can't do anything right*, and this is actually just an accurate description of me

I can't stand the way I am, I just want to feel like any other person

Yesterday: I'm just drinking with my 90 yr old dad as it is. He can't remember when he last drank beer. Having said that, he asked me "Are you still in the army?" earlier, I think he's confusing me for his dead younger brother so he can't remember much of anything

Today: Asks me where my sister is, I ask him who that is, he says Doris

When I think everyone hates me, I also forget that other people don't necessarily see that they hate me. I forget that this stems from me, not them

Accept help, and offer help

So this morning I saw a post on facebook from a friend, quite standard stuff. "Love my new eye shadow palette 🥰, accompanied by a picture. This made me sad because I realised that I don't love any part of myself, I wouldn't know how to begin. I wept silently in bed. It throws up questions, like ( Read more... )

I hate my life, and either want to change everything about it or die. I feel like everyone else exists in a parallel existence to myself where they're proper people who have proper lives, and i exist only as if by accident. I dont understand why I'm still here

2 days ago:
I'm so sad, everything feels like a I'm waste of time. I've wasted my life, I'm an accident that interferes with other people's real lives. I shouldn't be here and should leave. Tearful at work.

Today:
I don't understand why I'm still here, I should've died years ago. It feels like a mistake that I'm still around

This afternoon my dad asks me where the two children are who were here before. I ask him what children, he says the two coloured ones. I ask him "the coloured ones? Which colour -" he says "black", I say "black or brown" he says "brown" I say "brown as opposed to black". I ask him what the children were doing here, he said "for your sexual purposes ( Read more... )

Every day I wake up and just start hating myself, how do I stop?