Why I'm not as excited for Dragon*Con this year (warning: very long)
Yes, I'm making this a public entry. Yes, I'm letting it be cross-posted to you-know-where even though that means many blood relatives including my mother can see it. I really, truly, do not care who reads this, just hope that those who do will hear me out (and know that reposting this in any form with a comment saying anything along the lines of "oh look, she's still throwing a tantrum in her LJ" (or just using the offending comment without reposting is not "hearing me out"). There are two sides to every story, and the other side in this situation is much too loud if you know what I mean. Also, for the sake of "evidence" I'm unlocking an old entry- something I'd actually hoped I'd never have to do. Before I go any further, I want everyone to know that any friends of mine I mention are not just apple polishers- they actually don't agree with me all the time and they tend to be (sometimes brutally) honest with me on things. All opinions said friends contributed are their own and have nothing to do with being friends with me.
All that said...
It actually started last year. I was hoping what I posted/you saw there was the end of it, once and for all. This year, the tradition would continue and be drama-free.
Wrong. The very person who caused all the drama last year just stepped right in and posted something that very much reads like "since nobody else offered (never mind that it is far too early to be thinking about Dragon*Con), not even that one bossy, exclusionist **** who hosted in previous years, I'm hosting this year- no ifs, ands, or buts- and look, I'm much nicer and much more fit to host than she was!"
Now, some things I really want to make perfectly clear here:
I. Don't. Care. That. I. Wasn't. The. First. To. Post. Or. The. One. To. Start. The. Thread. (I do wish I didn't have to go into Captain Kirk/Movie!Snape mode there, but sometimes it's the only way to get a point across.) Heck, I wouldn't have minded if, say, one of the cosplayers I said I was sad to have to miss this year or someone I'd never met had offered a gathering or two or three (though I may have suggested or offered additional gatherings if, say, they only offered one on Sunday and advised against the Marriott Atrium)- as long as they were polite about it. My issue was the timing of the post and the attitude it conveyed. Shadow and another friend who's not even going to D*C are with me on that (and remember what I said about any friends I mention here).
So I let my feelings be known. I was met with no real reason to not believe my assessment of that first post. My responses to those:
http://www.cosplay.com/showpost.php?p=4010536&postcount=47
http://www.cosplay.com/showpost.php?p=4010718&postcount=48
Yes, I found her "yay people" post to be very arrogant and- let me say it- stupid. Yes, I think a "dead people" sub-grouping is in poor taste. Yes, Shadow and the aforementioned other friend agree with me on both counts. Oh yeah, this is what prompted the tempted to do so just to spite me this year bit:
http://www.cosplay.com/showpost.php?p=3991813&postcount=33
http://www.cosplay.com/showpost.php?p=3992183&postcount=38
Meanwhile, the main offender still didn't apologize for holding last year's Sunday gathering up for an hour (15 to 20 minutes is one thing, and honestly 20 is pushing it, but half an hour to a full hour or more pretty much defeats the purpose of a scheduled gathering- it's like that in most real-life situations such as school and work, too). I know her group was allegedly having shoe/costume issues- the one of them who was there told me and Shadow several times, I didn't have to be told yet again in the thread. Excuses and apologies are not the same thing, and I'm not even the one she and her group most owes an apology to- that would be the Fat Lady and Wanted Poster cosplayers, who were getting uncomfortable just waiting around (if either of you guys are reading this, I apologize myself- for bothering to wait for them). She also hasn't given a reason why she can't just do a private photoshoot herself instead of insisting I do so after I've told her it's not feasible for me. Not to mention she has given me little reason to not suspect that she just wants my Ron and my Remus (and maybe Shadow's Tonks) for certain group shots she may have had in mind. Why do I say that? Somehow I get the feeling that the fact "Weasley wedding" and "dead people" were mentioned as possible groupings and last year she wore her turquoise wig the day she knew I planned to wear Remus (I having said so in the thread) were far from coincidences. Also, aside from trying to maintain her "perfect host" image in the face of someone who didn't fall for it, I get the feeling that she was counting on me wearing Ron and Remus again this year (plus my random third costume, as per again what had been a tradition for me since 2007), and that's the only reason she and that one friend of hers made sure to say I was still welcome when it was clear that I didn't want to come to their gatherings at all.
That one friend. Oh that one friend. See, that person was a mutual friend of both me and the main offender. I hate to do this publicly, but well... First, there was the claim that she didn't care for the next-gen characters- followed by how she wanted her "baby" (obviously, to me, because the aforementioned main offender was cosplaying said "baby"). That's just one reason why I say if this is someone she only met once, isn't "that great friends with", is "hardly part of [her] inner circle", etc., why does she act like I kicked her puppy when I don't go along with this "not great friend' of hers? Also, at the time I wrote this we were still "friends" on That Other Site thus I could see the "not so great friendship" not being as "not so great" as it seemed (like a post about their lively Skype sessions). What really kills me is that one time when we met up in person, before I posted into that thread, she not only reassured me of the "not great" friendship but also said she wouldn't take anybody's side- the main offender's or mine. Clearly that is not the case, and had she taken my side I would have reminded her that she said she was going to stay out of it and hold her to that.
Speaking of staying out of it, Shadow for the most part did. In fact, I even said I'd rather she stay out unless they brought her into it. This one post by her? I didn't put her up to it- she made that post entirely of her own volition. Yes, not so nice words were used, but one of those had been used by one of the other offending posters earlier (and was directed at me, no less) and, well, in case you haven't met her and/or couldn't tell by her contributions last year, Shadow's not like me (I'll just leave it at that). Meanwhile, I have a couple serious questions of my own for that bunch but, well...
...honestly, at this point, I could post that I'd heard there's a serial killer out there that seems to be specifically targeting "Harry Potter" cosplayers- and this was an actual news story, not a spoiler for an upcoming episode of "Criminal Minds" or whatever- thus they may want to reconsider having any photoshoots at all and everyone else should leave the Hogwarts robes at home. (Disclaimer: I would only do that if I did indeed hear such a thing and had links to the news articles and such in question to back it up, not just say it to stir up drama.) And they'd still accuse me of throwing a tantrum. This whole mess has all but completely put Shadow off of HP cosplay forever, and my interest in doing so at an all time low (which is really saying something). However, for the record at one point early on we were actually considering going to the gatherings anyway so long as there wasn't a time conflict with something else and they weren't in the Marriott Atrium. That was before we remembered being held up for an hour and the pre-con drama from last year and thought better of it.
I do believe I am perfectly within my rights to not want to be in any group shots with certain characters. Isn't it just as rude to not take "no" for an answer when one refuses such groups/poses? If those causes of drama now claim that this wasn't their intention, unfortunately I have no reason to believe them, and I've already presented the evidence against them. I guess I should also mention this: the way I see it, I offered these gatherings out of the goodness of my heart (if I managed to get certain groups, poses, etc. out of it, great, if not, oh well I was happy to work with who I got and what they were comfortable doing). They just want certain groups and certain pics (only reason I can come up with as to why they can't just do private photoshoots themselves). And quite frankly, at this point I wouldn't blame anyone for not coming to a gathering hosted by them or me.
In any case, I tried to focus my attention elsewhere- namely co-hosting a crime drama/police procedural cosplay gathering/photoshoot with Shadow (she decided to call it the "Geeks of Prime Time Crime" photoshoot). In fact, I even decided that the post-shoot dinner I was going to offer for one of the HP gatherings I would offer to the crime drama cosplayers instead. However, that thread's lack of responses from anyone but Shadow and myself (until my recent cross-post to the D*C LJ community, where we finally got somebody who was interested in the gathering at least) led me to fear there was a connection between that lack of activity and the trainwreck on the other thread. It was the stress from said trainwreck (in addition to the tiredness I cited) that caused my harshness in that thread, which I've since apologized for. Incidentally, my and Shadow's RPing there is fine not because we're doing it, but because everything we say there, in character or otherwise, is relevant to planning the gathering- i.e. Abby and Garcia aren't just having a conversation to keep the thread on top.
Oh yeah, I'm perfectly fine with someone else hosting the Disney gatherings (even though as of right now I'm still bringing a Disney costume myself) and someone else doing the master list this year- at least both of those started at a reasonable time and didn't emphasize what I did "wrong" and how they would do it "better". And I wouldn't have cared if someone else hosted a crime dramas or '80s gathering this year, it's just that as of June no one else had offered these (and yes, note that I'm just now offering '80s photoshoots because no one else had).
This should be my last word on this; I've fully said my piece and shouldn't have to apologize or defend myself any more. Hopefully next year the drama llamas will have moved on, and the other gatherings I mentioned will go well.
ETA: here's an update- I had hoped it would be a positive one.
All that said...
It actually started last year. I was hoping what I posted/you saw there was the end of it, once and for all. This year, the tradition would continue and be drama-free.
Wrong. The very person who caused all the drama last year just stepped right in and posted something that very much reads like "since nobody else offered (never mind that it is far too early to be thinking about Dragon*Con), not even that one bossy, exclusionist **** who hosted in previous years, I'm hosting this year- no ifs, ands, or buts- and look, I'm much nicer and much more fit to host than she was!"
Now, some things I really want to make perfectly clear here:
I. Don't. Care. That. I. Wasn't. The. First. To. Post. Or. The. One. To. Start. The. Thread. (I do wish I didn't have to go into Captain Kirk/Movie!Snape mode there, but sometimes it's the only way to get a point across.) Heck, I wouldn't have minded if, say, one of the cosplayers I said I was sad to have to miss this year or someone I'd never met had offered a gathering or two or three (though I may have suggested or offered additional gatherings if, say, they only offered one on Sunday and advised against the Marriott Atrium)- as long as they were polite about it. My issue was the timing of the post and the attitude it conveyed. Shadow and another friend who's not even going to D*C are with me on that (and remember what I said about any friends I mention here).
So I let my feelings be known. I was met with no real reason to not believe my assessment of that first post. My responses to those:
http://www.cosplay.com/showpost.php?p=4010536&postcount=47
http://www.cosplay.com/showpost.php?p=4010718&postcount=48
Yes, I found her "yay people" post to be very arrogant and- let me say it- stupid. Yes, I think a "dead people" sub-grouping is in poor taste. Yes, Shadow and the aforementioned other friend agree with me on both counts. Oh yeah, this is what prompted the tempted to do so just to spite me this year bit:
http://www.cosplay.com/showpost.php?p=3991813&postcount=33
http://www.cosplay.com/showpost.php?p=3992183&postcount=38
Meanwhile, the main offender still didn't apologize for holding last year's Sunday gathering up for an hour (15 to 20 minutes is one thing, and honestly 20 is pushing it, but half an hour to a full hour or more pretty much defeats the purpose of a scheduled gathering- it's like that in most real-life situations such as school and work, too). I know her group was allegedly having shoe/costume issues- the one of them who was there told me and Shadow several times, I didn't have to be told yet again in the thread. Excuses and apologies are not the same thing, and I'm not even the one she and her group most owes an apology to- that would be the Fat Lady and Wanted Poster cosplayers, who were getting uncomfortable just waiting around (if either of you guys are reading this, I apologize myself- for bothering to wait for them). She also hasn't given a reason why she can't just do a private photoshoot herself instead of insisting I do so after I've told her it's not feasible for me. Not to mention she has given me little reason to not suspect that she just wants my Ron and my Remus (and maybe Shadow's Tonks) for certain group shots she may have had in mind. Why do I say that? Somehow I get the feeling that the fact "Weasley wedding" and "dead people" were mentioned as possible groupings and last year she wore her turquoise wig the day she knew I planned to wear Remus (I having said so in the thread) were far from coincidences. Also, aside from trying to maintain her "perfect host" image in the face of someone who didn't fall for it, I get the feeling that she was counting on me wearing Ron and Remus again this year (plus my random third costume, as per again what had been a tradition for me since 2007), and that's the only reason she and that one friend of hers made sure to say I was still welcome when it was clear that I didn't want to come to their gatherings at all.
That one friend. Oh that one friend. See, that person was a mutual friend of both me and the main offender. I hate to do this publicly, but well... First, there was the claim that she didn't care for the next-gen characters- followed by how she wanted her "baby" (obviously, to me, because the aforementioned main offender was cosplaying said "baby"). That's just one reason why I say if this is someone she only met once, isn't "that great friends with", is "hardly part of [her] inner circle", etc., why does she act like I kicked her puppy when I don't go along with this "not great friend' of hers? Also, at the time I wrote this we were still "friends" on That Other Site thus I could see the "not so great friendship" not being as "not so great" as it seemed (like a post about their lively Skype sessions). What really kills me is that one time when we met up in person, before I posted into that thread, she not only reassured me of the "not great" friendship but also said she wouldn't take anybody's side- the main offender's or mine. Clearly that is not the case, and had she taken my side I would have reminded her that she said she was going to stay out of it and hold her to that.
Speaking of staying out of it, Shadow for the most part did. In fact, I even said I'd rather she stay out unless they brought her into it. This one post by her? I didn't put her up to it- she made that post entirely of her own volition. Yes, not so nice words were used, but one of those had been used by one of the other offending posters earlier (and was directed at me, no less) and, well, in case you haven't met her and/or couldn't tell by her contributions last year, Shadow's not like me (I'll just leave it at that). Meanwhile, I have a couple serious questions of my own for that bunch but, well...
...honestly, at this point, I could post that I'd heard there's a serial killer out there that seems to be specifically targeting "Harry Potter" cosplayers- and this was an actual news story, not a spoiler for an upcoming episode of "Criminal Minds" or whatever- thus they may want to reconsider having any photoshoots at all and everyone else should leave the Hogwarts robes at home. (Disclaimer: I would only do that if I did indeed hear such a thing and had links to the news articles and such in question to back it up, not just say it to stir up drama.) And they'd still accuse me of throwing a tantrum. This whole mess has all but completely put Shadow off of HP cosplay forever, and my interest in doing so at an all time low (which is really saying something). However, for the record at one point early on we were actually considering going to the gatherings anyway so long as there wasn't a time conflict with something else and they weren't in the Marriott Atrium. That was before we remembered being held up for an hour and the pre-con drama from last year and thought better of it.
I do believe I am perfectly within my rights to not want to be in any group shots with certain characters. Isn't it just as rude to not take "no" for an answer when one refuses such groups/poses? If those causes of drama now claim that this wasn't their intention, unfortunately I have no reason to believe them, and I've already presented the evidence against them. I guess I should also mention this: the way I see it, I offered these gatherings out of the goodness of my heart (if I managed to get certain groups, poses, etc. out of it, great, if not, oh well I was happy to work with who I got and what they were comfortable doing). They just want certain groups and certain pics (only reason I can come up with as to why they can't just do private photoshoots themselves). And quite frankly, at this point I wouldn't blame anyone for not coming to a gathering hosted by them or me.
In any case, I tried to focus my attention elsewhere- namely co-hosting a crime drama/police procedural cosplay gathering/photoshoot with Shadow (she decided to call it the "Geeks of Prime Time Crime" photoshoot). In fact, I even decided that the post-shoot dinner I was going to offer for one of the HP gatherings I would offer to the crime drama cosplayers instead. However, that thread's lack of responses from anyone but Shadow and myself (until my recent cross-post to the D*C LJ community, where we finally got somebody who was interested in the gathering at least) led me to fear there was a connection between that lack of activity and the trainwreck on the other thread. It was the stress from said trainwreck (in addition to the tiredness I cited) that caused my harshness in that thread, which I've since apologized for. Incidentally, my and Shadow's RPing there is fine not because we're doing it, but because everything we say there, in character or otherwise, is relevant to planning the gathering- i.e. Abby and Garcia aren't just having a conversation to keep the thread on top.
Oh yeah, I'm perfectly fine with someone else hosting the Disney gatherings (even though as of right now I'm still bringing a Disney costume myself) and someone else doing the master list this year- at least both of those started at a reasonable time and didn't emphasize what I did "wrong" and how they would do it "better". And I wouldn't have cared if someone else hosted a crime dramas or '80s gathering this year, it's just that as of June no one else had offered these (and yes, note that I'm just now offering '80s photoshoots because no one else had).
This should be my last word on this; I've fully said my piece and shouldn't have to apologize or defend myself any more. Hopefully next year the drama llamas will have moved on, and the other gatherings I mentioned will go well.
ETA: here's an update- I had hoped it would be a positive one.