I come to you with a terrible crime against my fandom...and a lot of bottled up rage.

[tealdear]

"You're super fast, and strong," he said, "and your skin is so pale it's almost white, like a dead persons. Your eyes change colour and you don't like going out in the sun."

"So what do you think I am?" I said, whispering my words just loud enough for him to hear, "say it….. out loud."

"….Vampire," he said, his voice strong and untrembling.

"

Comments

[sunshinefire]

Twilight and Death Note? Is it even possible to like both without seeing the fail of Twilight? I just don't understand ._.
Love the spork though! Totally made my day<3

[tealdear]

Thank you! I love posting to this community.

I can only assume that she hasn't actually read Death Note, and just likes pretty people. I also assume Adult Swim is on way past her bedtime, and that she simply doesn't realize that Twilight is the worst take on vampires ever, that even Vlad Tepesh actually impaling people on pikes is preferable to the fail of Twilight. At least Vlad got sh*t done.

I watched some clips of Twilight on youtube. Bella Swan's epic fail line delivery makes me cringe.

[sunshinefire]

Ah, I remember when I was 13 and only watched anime for the guys and loved Twilight~Most of the movies are pretty fail, especally Eclpise. It was dragged out for so loooong without anything happening for the first hour and a half.
Anyway >.>
Vlad will always be the best vamp ever<3

[tealdear]

>Vlad will always be the best vamp ever<3

I concur. He's evil. He's damn fine (when played by Gary Oldman), he's royalty, and he's batsh*t insane. Plus, you have to love the way he says Wallachia.

'Valakia.'

[shy_nerthuserce]

I know it's trivial, but I can't get past "werepire", which I want to pronounce "werepeer" rather than "werepire", and which is really too silly for words...though "vamwolf" would be worse... :¬( Thank you for ploughing through this so that the world could be warned - hope you've recovered! ;¬)

[tealdear]

Thanks, doctors say I should be fine.

What really bugged me was that she kept misspelling her own stupid invention. Half the time she spells it 'were-pier,' which I guess is some kind of a pier...?

If not, every time I look at it I see 'werepie,' which to me is just werewolf poop, like a cowpie.

[lian_hua]

This is un-freaking-believable! Twilight/Death Note crossover, seriously?

Shapeshifters and vampires are two different species altogether. You can't cross them just like you can't create a rhinogiraffe.

The spork is top notch quality as usual, loved it. <3

[tealdear]

Thanks very much!

Here's the thing: just because two things exist, the question 'what would it look like if they had a baby' is NOT a legitimate one.

You can't mix werewolves and vampires, and I'm not even saying this because of the long-standing feud between Lycans and vampires, because we all know that's largely politically motivated. I'm talking about the fact that one is a creature of nature--connection with a primal nature, with life, energy, etc--and one is the living dead--almost complete and total removal from nature. Their completely antithetical to the idea of werewolf.

Frankly, I rhinoraff would have been less offensive than this.

[aniquick]

There are ways to legitimately do a half-vampire half-werewolf. It's been done in professional fiction plenty of times (but it still tends to be silly).

Half-creatures of any sort score pretty high on the Mary Sue tests, as well as tending to be ridiculously super-powered even though, logically, they should have plenty of downsides like mules do.

[tealdear]

Yes, I actually a while back read a really interesting piece at Dark Lords of the Sith where they talked about the difficulty of writing characters who were half dark Jedi and half native sith because they would likely have all sorts of biological problems, including inert reproductive systems and genetic deformities. It was interesting.

Nice to see you again, Aniquick!

[luna_kishibara]

I am admittedly not a huge fan of either vampires or werewolves, but how exactly would a half-'n-half even work? Does she sparkle by day and tear people to shreds by night? (Oh, wait, the Twilight werewolves are actually just shapeshifters, right? I've never read the books, so I don't really know...)

What irritates me most is the part where Matt's last thoughts are about Sparkle Wolfie. Matt's death in the anime was just so dramatic and so cool and really took me by surprised when I first watched it.

Well, no, I take that back. My least favorite part is the entire scene the author ripped off from the Twilight books, just plugging in Sparkle Wolfie for Edward and Matt for Bella (GUH?!!!).

This line made everything okay, though:
Light: Okay, apart from the a predictable backstory composed from wads of toilet paper and the stuff that the cast of Jersey Shore leaves in the drain of the bathroom sink, you have to laugh at the sheer, concentrated essence of pre-pubescent angst.

HAAA! You are my hero. ♥

[tealdear]

Thank You! :3

You know that the drain of the bathroom sink has to have the most disgusting bio-mass in the known universe. The CDC is doing tests on it right now and its potential for mass weaponization.

The most irritating thing, as with most Sues, is that all her special powers contributed nothing to death note, didn't fit with the universe, and simply made things bizarre and confusing. Matt was just a character, momentarily displaced from his own universe, to provide a love interest for Sparkle Wolfie, probably because she liked his goggles or something.

[chaotic_legion]

'Werepier' makes me think that the sue transforms into a dock at the full moon. At least Matt will have a place to keep the boat he doesn't have. C:

Lovely sporking as per usual. <3

[tealdear]

Thanks so much!

There were so many strategic spelling errors, like trap stamp, and were-pier. I never understand why the grammar is so bad in these things. How much effort does it take to hit f7?

He'll tie his boat up at the were-pier by night, then sail far away during the day.