For the prompt here: http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/5405.html?thread=22469149#t22469149
anonymous
January 1 2013, 21:18:49 UTC
So some years pre-ME Saren has just finished up some mission when a frantic call comes in from Sparatus- the Counselor/Primarch's grandniece/nephew is being held by Insert Bad People Here. Saren isn't exactly the kind of person you want in a hostage situation granted, but he's on the right planet and they don't have the time to call someone else. So Saren goes in, deals with the situation, kills the bad guys.... and is stuck with a small child for x amount of time on his small ship until he can turn them over to their family. And Saren is not terribly fond of children. Hilarity ensues. Also Anon would love you forever if Nihlus is there (was helping Saren on the initial mission and shacking up with him afterwards) and is pissing himself with laughter over this whole thing and doing everything in his power to make it worse.
Note to OP: I haven't brought Nihlus into the story yet, but he's coming! Don't worry. :)
Unsuited, 6/?
anonymous
January 14 2013, 08:39:24 UTC
Saren was used to getting his way. His intimidating exterior took care of most of the work, his reputation bringing up the rear, and if those two together didn't work, he was not above more forceful methods.
The past few days, however, had come as something of a shock. His patience had never been so sorely tested, nor had he ever encountered so many in so short a time who seemed to have their heads so far up their colons (or cloacas) that they couldn't understand he was not to be trifled with.
The salarian before him seemed to have the sense to look worried, at least.
Saren set his knuckles on the counter and leaned forward, his voice worryingly soft.
"I said. I. Want. The Happy Krogan combo. For Big Kids. No pickles. With the toy." he hissed, every word promising death. "This does not have to go badly for you, salarian. Simply fill the order accurately, and you and I can go our separate ways
( ... )
Apologies to all! Work and school had me rather busy this past week, so this is quite a bit later than I intended it to be. Thank you much for reading!
Oh my god A!A, I was laughing so hard I had to shut the door. I was laughing so hard I had to stop reading when Nihlus first showed up and just sit there cackling into my hands because I was simply unable to can at that point because it was just so, fucking, perfect.
Saren gritting out a kid's meal order like all he really wanted to do was pop the cashier's head off with his biotics? His utter bafflement at Nihlus' child-handling skills and grudging affection for the guy? Beautiful. Nihlus making horrible comments (it took me a few seconds on the 'out here, in front of everyone?' bit and then I had to sit there laughing and kicking my feet into the air again because oh my god Nihlus you little shit I love you) and being a total sweetheart to the kid? Perfect. Little Alara being a mix of adorable little brat protectively clutching her Blasto, making Saren crazy and telling Mister Nihlus he's pretty? dhfkjhdskfsdfhdskfhsd
( ... )
Re: A!A here!
anonymous
January 14 2013, 22:34:00 UTC
No no no - thank YOU for writing!! I LOVE this :-D
Laughed out loud, startling innocent bystanders, and not gonna explain ;-)
The fact that Nihlus has... other things on his mind is promising in sooooo many ways. Whether they get down to it, or it's a disaster with that little blue monster on board, both will be tremendous fun, or who knows what else kind of scenario you had in mind, I'm sure to love it given the story so far :-)
Re: Unsuited, 7/?
anonymous
January 14 2013, 17:02:37 UTC
"I said. I. Want. The Happy Krogan combo. For Big Kids. No pickles. With the toy." he hissed, every word promising death. "This does not have to go badly for you, salarian. Simply fill the order accurately, and you and I can go our separate ways."
I'm dying, a!a. This is the greatest line of dialogue ever written for that grumpy old bastard. And Nihlus is perfect, especially his "Out here? In public? In front of all these people?" Omfg, my sides hurt from laughing so hard.
Re: Unsuited, 7/?
anonymous
January 15 2013, 18:45:30 UTC
Passerby!anon agrees! Of course, there are some fast food restaurants where one HAS to resort to threats to get one's order to come out correctly. My SO would go into one place renowned for this and say, "I'd like $4.50 worth of food please." One time it was the manager on the till. Manager was not amused - especially when the staff got SO's order wrong -- twice!
So Saren goes in, deals with the situation, kills the bad guys.... and is stuck with a small child for x amount of time on his small ship until he can turn them over to their family. And Saren is not terribly fond of children. Hilarity ensues.
Also Anon would love you forever if Nihlus is there (was helping Saren on the initial mission and shacking up with him afterwards) and is pissing himself with laughter over this whole thing and doing everything in his power to make it worse.
Note to OP: I haven't brought Nihlus into the story yet, but he's coming! Don't worry. :)
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The past few days, however, had come as something of a shock. His patience had never been so sorely tested, nor had he ever encountered so many in so short a time who seemed to have their heads so far up their colons (or cloacas) that they couldn't understand he was not to be trifled with.
The salarian before him seemed to have the sense to look worried, at least.
Saren set his knuckles on the counter and leaned forward, his voice worryingly soft.
"I said. I. Want. The Happy Krogan combo. For Big Kids. No pickles. With the toy." he hissed, every word promising death. "This does not have to go badly for you, salarian. Simply fill the order accurately, and you and I can go our separate ways ( ... )
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Oh my god A!A, I was laughing so hard I had to shut the door. I was laughing so hard I had to stop reading when Nihlus first showed up and just sit there cackling into my hands because I was simply unable to can at that point because it was just so, fucking, perfect.
Saren gritting out a kid's meal order like all he really wanted to do was pop the cashier's head off with his biotics? His utter bafflement at Nihlus' child-handling skills and grudging affection for the guy? Beautiful. Nihlus making horrible comments (it took me a few seconds on the 'out here, in front of everyone?' bit and then I had to sit there laughing and kicking my feet into the air again because oh my god Nihlus you little shit I love you) and being a total sweetheart to the kid? Perfect. Little Alara being a mix of adorable little brat protectively clutching her Blasto, making Saren crazy and telling Mister Nihlus he's pretty? dhfkjhdskfsdfhdskfhsd ( ... )
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I LOVE this :-D
Laughed out loud, startling innocent bystanders, and not gonna explain ;-)
The fact that Nihlus has... other things on his mind is promising in sooooo many ways. Whether they get down to it, or it's a disaster with that little blue monster on board, both will be tremendous fun, or who knows what else kind of scenario you had in mind, I'm sure to love it given the story so far :-)
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I'm dying, a!a. This is the greatest line of dialogue ever written for that grumpy old bastard. And Nihlus is perfect, especially his "Out here? In public? In front of all these people?" Omfg, my sides hurt from laughing so hard.
I love this so much, a!a. :)
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Awesome fill, a!a!
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*camps*
Marshmallow anyone?
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I am continuing this, worry not :) Just busy with school and trying to find the time to write more than just a couple of paragraphs to share with you.
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