Naught is Perfect, an Extranet Advice Column
anonymous
May 11 2013, 02:21:23 UTC
Relationship problems? Lovesick? Have an unrequited love or marital issues?
Write in to our fabulous column and have the wonderful Ms. Perfect and Ms. Naught respond with only the most helpful and insightful advice, provided by their own experience!
Posting is open to all Fornax and Kink Meme members and their affiliated sites.
I don't even know why I'm writing this. Bailey suggested it, and he's my boss, so I guess I should do it. Don't wanna end up in prison, or anything. Whatever. Anyway, there's this girl. She's kind of annoying, but as not as annoying as everyone else, I guess. And she's pretty, you know, for a human girl.
Thing is, she's seeing some other guy. Danner something. Not that I care or anything, but I guess...I'm kind of used to seeing her around. Don't want her to think I'm clingy, or I like her, or anything like that, though.
From the sound of it, I am inclined to say you care about this girl, whether you acknowledge it or not.
However, from the mention of prison and your detachment from your feelings of love and attraction, I'm guessing there are deeper issues at work than can be written about here.
I think your first step should be to admit that you care about this girl in a completely platonic, utterly non-sexual way, and that you enjoy being in her company.
That admission will make it much easier for you to communicate your feelings (of a platonic nature) to her. If you are worried about her leaving, unfriending you on Spacebook, or spending all of her time with her boyfriend, it is vital that you let her know how good of a friend-that-you-are-not-attracted-to-in-any-way-sexually she is to you. Otherwise, she'll have no idea.
It also helps if you can find a common activity that will allow you to spend time together, like saving the galaxy. Or knitting.
First Time Concerns -- Part 2
anonymous
May 11 2013, 05:38:11 UTC
Dear Ms. Perfect,
Awhile back, I contacted you and Ms. Naught about a personal problem with my boyfriend. I wasn't sure if I was ready to sleep with him just yet. Well, I did. And we've been together a lot since then.
Things were going pretty well, up until yesterday. I went to the doctor's to get myself checked out. I've been feeling a little nauseated lately, mostly in the morning. I can't believe I didn't put things together, until then.
I'm sitting by my omnitool right now, waiting to hear back about the results. I'm not sure if I'm pregnant or not, but if I am...what do I do? I mean, I'm nineteen. I'm in school. I'm not ready for kids. How do I tell my family? Or Danner? I'm pretty sure my guardian angel would have an aneurysm if she found out. What do I do?
Re: First Time Concerns -- Part 2
anonymous
May 11 2013, 20:56:15 UTC
Dear Lawson 2.0,
I sympathize with your plight, and can only imagine what you are going through right now. However, there are at least 17 different forms of pregnancy prevention, and even MS. NAUGHT advised that you observe 'safe sex' protocols.
But that's not important, now. Now, if you are pregnant, it is important that you not try to handle this on your own. Even if they don't approve, I'm sure your family loves you more than anything, and will continue to support and love you in this difficult time.
Similarly with Danner. Indeed, if he drops you like a hot potato or mysteriously disappears now, he probably wasn't good enough for you anyway.
It's not like he can hide from your 'guardian angel' forever, anyway.
Re: First Time Concerns -- Part 2
anonymous
May 11 2013, 21:00:33 UTC
2.0-
I don't know what your secret is, but I kind of want to know. Perfect went ballistic, and I had to tie her to the bed and fuck her stupid until she calmed down and went to sleep.
But yeah, what she said. Tell your family. They may not understand right away, but in the end, you're the only you they have.
Don't let Danny-boy skip town, either. If he breaks up with you, sic that sex-starved 'guardian' on her.
Re: First Time Concerns -- Part 2
anonymous
May 11 2013, 21:39:39 UTC
Ms. Naught,
I just got the results, and it turns out I am not pregnant. However, some of the issues I was having...err...below, are the result of an infection. One that can be cured, but one that I certainly didn't bring to the table. I mean, I was a virgin when I met Danner. He wasn't...and you only get this sort of thing through sexual contact...
...
That son of a bitch.
...
And now, I've tried calling him three times, and he won't pick up. I even asked his roommate, but he says that Danner hasn't been around all afternoon. He started talking to some girl in a black and white catsuit, and heels, then took off. Figures. Son of a bitch.
Well, if he does show up, he won't be leaving with his penis. I'm not overreacting, am I?
Re: Blood Gulch problems
anonymous
May 11 2013, 21:05:58 UTC
Blue-
Doesn't sound too fucking bad. My last two jobs were a suicide mission nobody was supposed to return from after I blew up the prison ship I was on, and a job teaching kids how to tear apart abominations.
The suicide mission? Sponsored by the company that abducted me and performed illegal modifications on me, while isolating me from any human contact.
And don't even get me started on the fucking toilet chef.
Did Not Want this Promotion for a Reason
anonymous
May 12 2013, 00:00:37 UTC
Dear Ms. Perfect and Ms. Naught,
I guess there's no better way to say this. I have this coworker that is... not one of my favourite people in the world. He has an ego too big for his head, chronic anger management issues and a disturbing tendency towards seizing any bit of power he can.
And I'm... uncomfortably attracted to him. We have our odd spats that occasionally get physical, but usually that just means he's shouting and waving his arms a lot and doesn't calm down until I punch him.
Last time I kissed him. He hasn't stopped shouting since. His office is four doors down from mine and I can still hear him.
Re: Did Not Want this Promotion for a Reason
anonymous
May 14 2013, 13:34:38 UTC
Job-
Have you tried dominating him in bed? In my experience, it's the bossy, self-important, domineering ones that make the best submissives, staring up at you from between your legs.
Write in to our fabulous column and have the wonderful Ms. Perfect and Ms. Naught respond with only the most helpful and insightful advice, provided by their own experience!
Posting is open to all Fornax and Kink Meme members and their affiliated sites.
Reply
I don't even know why I'm writing this. Bailey suggested it, and he's my boss, so I guess I should do it. Don't wanna end up in prison, or anything. Whatever. Anyway, there's this girl. She's kind of annoying, but as not as annoying as everyone else, I guess. And she's pretty, you know, for a human girl.
Thing is, she's seeing some other guy. Danner something. Not that I care or anything, but I guess...I'm kind of used to seeing her around. Don't want her to think I'm clingy, or I like her, or anything like that, though.
What should I tell her?
Sincerely,
KriosJunior
Reply
From the sound of it, I am inclined to say you care about this girl, whether you acknowledge it or not.
However, from the mention of prison and your detachment from your feelings of love and attraction, I'm guessing there are deeper issues at work than can be written about here.
I think your first step should be to admit that you care about this girl in a completely platonic, utterly non-sexual way, and that you enjoy being in her company.
That admission will make it much easier for you to communicate your feelings (of a platonic nature) to her. If you are worried about her leaving, unfriending you on Spacebook, or spending all of her time with her boyfriend, it is vital that you let her know how good of a friend-that-you-are-not-attracted-to-in-any-way-sexually she is to you. Otherwise, she'll have no idea.
It also helps if you can find a common activity that will allow you to spend time together, like saving the galaxy. Or knitting.
Best of luck,
Perfect
Reply
Reply
You, Anon, owe me a new keyboard. My current one is the casualty of a spit-take. :P
Reply
Awhile back, I contacted you and Ms. Naught about a personal problem with my boyfriend. I wasn't sure if I was ready to sleep with him just yet. Well, I did. And we've been together a lot since then.
Things were going pretty well, up until yesterday. I went to the doctor's to get myself checked out. I've been feeling a little nauseated lately, mostly in the morning. I can't believe I didn't put things together, until then.
I'm sitting by my omnitool right now, waiting to hear back about the results. I'm not sure if I'm pregnant or not, but if I am...what do I do? I mean, I'm nineteen. I'm in school. I'm not ready for kids. How do I tell my family? Or Danner? I'm pretty sure my guardian angel would have an aneurysm if she found out. What do I do?
Sincerely,
Lawson 2.0
Reply
I sympathize with your plight, and can only imagine what you are going through right now. However, there are at least 17 different forms of pregnancy prevention, and even MS. NAUGHT advised that you observe 'safe sex' protocols.
But that's not important, now. Now, if you are pregnant, it is important that you not try to handle this on your own. Even if they don't approve, I'm sure your family loves you more than anything, and will continue to support and love you in this difficult time.
Similarly with Danner. Indeed, if he drops you like a hot potato or mysteriously disappears now, he probably wasn't good enough for you anyway.
It's not like he can hide from your 'guardian angel' forever, anyway.
Sincerely,
Ms. Perfect
Reply
I don't know what your secret is, but I kind of want to know. Perfect went ballistic, and I had to tie her to the bed and fuck her stupid until she calmed down and went to sleep.
But yeah, what she said. Tell your family. They may not understand right away, but in the end, you're the only you they have.
Don't let Danny-boy skip town, either. If he breaks up with you, sic that sex-starved 'guardian' on her.
-N
Reply
I just got the results, and it turns out I am not pregnant. However, some of the issues I was having...err...below, are the result of an infection. One that can be cured, but one that I certainly didn't bring to the table. I mean, I was a virgin when I met Danner. He wasn't...and you only get this sort of thing through sexual contact...
...
That son of a bitch.
...
And now, I've tried calling him three times, and he won't pick up. I even asked his roommate, but he says that Danner hasn't been around all afternoon. He started talking to some girl in a black and white catsuit, and heels, then took off. Figures. Son of a bitch.
Well, if he does show up, he won't be leaving with his penis. I'm not overreacting, am I?
Lawson 2.0
Reply
Reply
Nah. Fucker'd probably already be a smear on the wall if it was me, so your response seems reasonable to me.
A catsuit, eh? Kinky bitch.
-N
Reply
Reply
Doesn't sound too fucking bad. My last two jobs were a suicide mission nobody was supposed to return from after I blew up the prison ship I was on, and a job teaching kids how to tear apart abominations.
The suicide mission? Sponsored by the company that abducted me and performed illegal modifications on me, while isolating me from any human contact.
And don't even get me started on the fucking toilet chef.
-N
P.S. - Had some nice eye candy though.
Reply
I guess there's no better way to say this. I have this coworker that is... not one of my favourite people in the world. He has an ego too big for his head, chronic anger management issues and a disturbing tendency towards seizing any bit of power he can.
And I'm... uncomfortably attracted to him. We have our odd spats that occasionally get physical, but usually that just means he's shouting and waving his arms a lot and doesn't calm down until I punch him.
Last time I kissed him. He hasn't stopped shouting since. His office is four doors down from mine and I can still hear him.
What the hell do I do?
Sincerely,
IHateMyDamnJob
Reply
Have you tried dominating him in bed? In my experience, it's the bossy, self-important, domineering ones that make the best submissives, staring up at you from between your legs.
-N
Reply
That... is not something I considered.
I might have to take that advice, although the nearest desk will do just fine.
- IHMDJ
Reply
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