never letting you go - chapter seven
The ground glistered as the sun reflected in the white snow everywhere as the car drove downs the highway. Everything passed the windows in a haste, not much caught Hyukjae’s eyes because of the barrier of mist created through the cold outside and warm inside meeting.
Every now and then Heechul would let his eyes slide off the road to glance at the review mirror to check the apathetic boy in the backseat.
When coming to a small store by the roads side, the man pulled the car up for a stop and got out of the driver’s seat, then opening the back door to get into the car once again right next to Hyukjae.
The blonde boy leaned closer to the car’s door, not caring about what Heechul was up to. He took in shaky breaths, the exhale creating more fog on the chill window.
“Eunhyuk-ah”, Heechul started speaking softly and turned his body more to Hyukjae. The latter shuddered and hid his face between his knees. Donghae was the only thing that popped up in his mind right now.
“Maybe I should introduce myself more properly.” The man continued with a smile, though Hyukjae was unable to see it. “I’m Kim Heechul. Donghae and I have been friends since a long while, that’s why he called me.” A pause was introduced for Heechul to take note if Hyukjae was actually listening or not - which he seemed to do. “Did Donghae tell you where we are going?”
A tiny motion on the blonde’s head indicated that he didn’t know.
“Okay, but first of all I want to ask if you can trust me?”
No answer.
“If you can’t trust me then I won’t be able to help you. Do you want help?”
There was still no answer coming from Hyukjae, but Heechul sat patiently next to him and didn’t try to rush the boy to anything. A small sob emerged from the crumbled body, and mumbling words.
“I want to go back to Donghae.”
Heechul felt bad for Hyukjae. He seemed to be most comfortable with Donghae - since they even seemed to have been involved in romantic relationship, so Heechul understood why he did - and to be left over to another person like that couldn’t be easy for him. But he couldn’t put all the blame on Donghae either.
“I’m sorry Eunhyuk-ah, but you can’t do that right now. I promise you will be able to meet Donghae soon, but right now he needs some space.
“You don’t have to stay with me if you feel uncertain. If it would feel safer to have a female with you I could get that for you, but then I’m not sure if you’ll be able to meet Donghae for a long while.”
Hyukjae shook his head, clearly not liking the idea at all.
“Okay…” Heechul nodded before moving towards the car’s door again. “I’ll just go and buy a cup of coffee inside, do you want something?”
Hyukjae blinked his eyes before whispering “S-strawberry milk.” With a smile, Heechul got out of the car an hurried towards the store.
~*~
After three hours Donghae gave up with staring at the watch and count all the minutes that had passed since Heechul came to get Hyukjae.
"Hyukjae..." the name had been slipping out of his lips several times, letting his tongue get used to it. Though, he shouldn't need that name anyways.
Heechul's reaction to all this was normal and it was also needed to wake up Donghae. He knows he shouldn't be getting involved with Hyukjae in this way. He should have just let the boy stay until he was able to be on his own, and then Donghae would have let go. But instead he had become too attached to Hyukjae, and worst of all falling to like him.
The reason why Hyukjae had acted along must have been because Donghae’s been too kind and generous. The boy must have mistaken his feelings of gratitude as a liking. And if he really has been abused as he suspected, Hyukjae only stayed with him to get protection.
Donghae sighed frustrated. How could he let something like this happen? He decided that next time they would meet, everything had to be cleared out and Donghae would go on with his old normal life. But for now, he would let Heechul take care of it.
Guilt struck him though, since Hyukjae have nothing to go back to.
A low murmur emerged from his stomach, telling him that he should eat, but his appetite was gone and he made up his mind to go out for a stroll; clear up his mind before letting himself sink into his job so the thoughts of a lonely blonde boy wouldn't appear.
‘If I didn’t went that far, he would’ve still been here.’
~*~
Hyukjae didn’t like it here. He didn’t like it even a tiny bit. He wanted to go back to Donghae in this instant, but Heechul had made him sit and he didn’t dare to not obey. Two other boys were sitting in the room with him and they tried to smile politely at him, but it was hard since Hyukjae gave them a cold shoulder. Heechul talked to the boys, also to Hyukjae, but he was without ears since his own world had taken him.
“Eunhyuk-ah, this is Sungmin and this is Ryeowook.” Hyukjae barely spared them a glance to see who of them was who. “Then Hyorin lives here as well, but she’s out today, so you might meet her later.”
Heechul let him get away from the other’s and walked him around the house - or more likely Heechul walked as Hyukjae stayed so the man had to talk loud to tell where he could find necessary things - and then walking him into his new room.
Hyukjae carefully took in the environment of the house, noticing it was very pretty and nicely designed, and it was also quite big. He wasn’t sure if he liked that. The size of Donghae’s apartment had been much cozier.
The door into a bedroom opened before him and Heechul let the boy walk in first. It was a simple room with a single bed, wardrobe, study desk, a large mirror hanging next to it and a big window that allowed the sun’s ray’s to light up the room.
“Are you okay with having your own room? If you want company, then Sungmin can move in here if you’d like. He’s happy when he doesn’t have to sleep alone.”
Heechul had been hoping for a proper answer, but Hyukjae still answered with nods or shakes on the head - and now it was a shake. Heechul who had carried Hyukjae’s back pack upstairs put it next to the nightstand table, and then carefully sitting himself on the bed, his eyes wandered softly up and down the boy, then around Hyukjae’s face which was mixed with different feelings.
As Hyukjae caught the man looking at him, Heechul smiled and gestured for the boy to sit down as well. To his may, he did.
“Do you mind if I talk with you for a bit?”
Hyukjae wanted to say no. If it was anything Heechul would talk about with him would probably be how living here would help him or maybe anything about his past. He didn’t want that. Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Hyukjae waited for the other to say something, and he did.
“Do you like snow? Or do you prefer the warmth in the summer?”
The boy looked at Heechul for a moment, noticing he was looking out the white clad window instead of on him, and he looked as if he was very serious with his question. Though it wasn’t that kind he had expected to get. He cleared his voice and mumbled “snow”.
Heechul smiled at his answer and nodded to himself.
“Just what I thought.”
Hyukjae blinked and turned back to Heechul for a second time.
“W-why?” he couldn’t help but ask about it. The tension loosened a little as Hyukjae didn’t find Heechul as intimidating as he looked, at least not when that sincere gentle smile played on the man’s lips while still looking outside.
“People who like the cold are said to be most compatible with persons with warm personalities.” The black-haired man turned his head, and Hyukjae noticed a small twinkle in his eyes. “They can be hard to catch, so you shouldn’t let them go.”
With that, Hyukjae’s head sunk and he looked sadly at his lap where bony fingers were resting.
“He was the one who let go.” He answered with an almost too quiet whisper for Heechul to hear, though the latter was able to snap it up. He smiled and stood up from the bed.
“Then you shouldn’t give up, and just stick to him. If you trust Donghae, he will take you back. Once they’ve found the one, they always come back. If you don’t give up, you are the one.”
What Heechul said didn’t make much of a sense to Hyukjae so he just shook the thoughts off. He wondered what he was supposed to do now during his days when there was no Donghae around. The thought of it just pained him more.
Heechul noticed the change in Hyukjae’s eyes what he was thinking about. He needed things for Hyukjae to take his mind off Donghae and other bothering stuff, only hoping that the boy would agree to it.
“Come on now, I’ll show you the bathroom so you can wash up while I fix the bed sheets for you.” Hyukjae nodded and followed Heechul slowly out of the lonely room.
---
Heechul gave Donghae a call as soon as he had let the boy settle himself in his new room.
“Is he okay?” Donghae asked with a low voice as if his life power had all poured out, his finger nails clenching into his own fist to leave deep red marks afterwards. He didn’t feel any pain from it though.
“Well,” Heechul sighed, “he’s uncomfortable.”
“He’ll probably soften up in a few days…”
”Donghae,” the tone of the elder’s voice wasn’t something Donghae liked. “He was fine with you earlier right? I don’t think moving him like this would be any good for him. If he had trust in you, the best would have been to let him stay with you. I’m a total stranger to him.”
“I’m not sure how to handle the fact of his past… I just feel so bad and guilty for everything. And you’re great Heechul, he’ll get used to you so it’ll be good for him.” He tried to convince the older.
“I’m not some miracle, Donghae-ah. The lifestyle some persons get into here isn’t great for everyone. I will need to contact the Child Protection Agency later, but if they don’t agree to him staying here, or if Eunhyuk himself doesn’t want to then he will be needed to be moved again, probably it’ll be Seoul.”
Donghae didn’t answer, only his deep breathing could be heard weakly over the phone.
“I know Eunhyuk must be something special to you. You wouldn’t have gone that far with any person that young, so if he does mean much to you then don’t leave him, Donghae. It might actually be you who can help him move forward.”
Another breath, a shaky one, sounded though the phone and Heechul saw that this was hard for Donghae as well.
“I’ll give you some time to think about it.” He said before ending the call.
~*~
The sky darkened within few hours as the winter only allowed a small period for the sun to shine. Hyukjae stayed cuddled up on his given bed with his legs pressed tightly against his chest. All the lights in the room were lit to make him feel more comfortable.
He hadn't left the room ever since he first stepped into it after his shower, and he didn't have the intentions to do so either. He let the phone slip between his fingers until it hit the knee and then took a new grip to repeat the action as his only entertainment. For every second slip, he read the text on the screen and thought over and over if he should send it or not. If he sent a text to Donghae and he answered, then he wouldn't hate him. Though his plan broke as the cell phone decided to let the last pin of battery turn red and then die.
Life simply didn't want him to be with Donghae anymore.
Then it didn’t matter if he stayed here now, since he probably never would go back to Donghae. Now that Donghae knew who he truly was, there was no chance he could be loved. Why would anyone love him? He was just a piece of junk, and now it was time to be thrown in the trashes. He felt betrayed by Donghae. Donghae who said he loved him. Donghae who promised he would stay by his side. Donghae who always acted like he cared and showed him how it felt to be truly loved. All of that had been tossed away when his true colors was shown.
Donghae couldn’t love him anymore.
Still, he couldn’t bring himself to hate the man. He still felt that special feeling inside of him whenever he thought about Donghae, and he already missed him so much.
Tears poured down his face as his heart started aching. Why did Donghae have to hate his old life this much?
--
Heechul had come in to check on to Hyukjae several times and even left a tray with food since he didn't want to come down for dinner, but each time he popped his head in he saw the untouched plate. Last time he walked in, Hyukjae was already asleep on top of the covers, fully dressed. Heechul had seen many kids act this way during his eight years of work, but it still felt just as awful every time he got to experience it. He sneaked in quietly and took out a thick blanket from the wardrobe to drag over the sleeping boy. Hyukjae exhaled contently in his sleep as the warmth started coming to him, a soft "Hae" leaving his lips.
~*~
“We’re going to watch a movie downstairs now.”
Hyukjae didn’t say anything, and just lay unmoving on the bed when Heechul came in and sat himself on the edge.
“Why don’t you join us?”
“I don’t want to.” The boy turned his face the other direction and sunk deeper into his pillow.
“Then what would you like to do? Lying here can’t be any fun, right?”
No response.
“Eunhyuk-ah… I know you’re not very fond of being here, but I can’t just let you live on the street, can I? Donghae needed some space, so just give it to him for a while.
“There is either here, or a place located in Seoul you could stay at if you’d like that better.”
At the word Seoul - Hyukjae had shot up from the bed and looked with large, scared eyes at Heechul. His hands shook while he held himself up.
“I-I can’t go back there!”
It downed to Heechul very quickly that whatever, or whoever, frightened Hyukjae must be in said city.
“H-he would f-find me and-“ the boys breaths became short and quick, and Heechul made him lie back on the bed again. “I don’t…”
“There’s no need to do that, Eunhyuk. You’re safe here alright?”
The boys shut his eyes hard and clenched his bed sheets. A frown appeared on Heechul’s face, thinking of how Hyukjae just had said “He would find me”. Obviously now, he knew someone was looking for Hyukjae.
“Trust me when I say that you are safe here Eunhyuk-ah. Don’t worry about it.
“Now, will you come down with me and see the movie?” Hyukjae opened his eyes slightly and looked at Heechul for a second before turning his glance away. His back turned to Heechul and the man sighed mentally, but he knew he couldn’t do anything about it.
He stood up, but to his surprise he noticed that Hyukjae rolled out of bed on the other side as well and walked after him. Heechul smiled contently as he walked ahead downstairs with Hyukjae at his feet.
~*~
Outside the snow continued falling peacefully. By the window a thick layer of the snow had been attached which Hyukjae was currently staring at. The window sealing was cold and so was the air around the window. He snuggled into the blanket he had been given from Heechul earlier, not that it provided the same warmth Donghae's arms would have given him. A sigh escaped Hyukjae's lips, painting a blurry white shapeless figure on the window that faded away within seconds, as his thoughts had trailed back on Donghae again. Heechul had tried explaining to him why he was there, but it all still didn't make sense to him. Mostly because he didn’t want to understand, because if the reason was Donghae’s dislike for him, then he didn’t want to know.
"Eunhyuk-ah?" Someone called for him from the other side of the door and knocked softly. Hyukjae sunk deeper into the blanket and looked towards the door, waiting for someone to enter. Just as he had expected, seconds later a head popped into the room, big round eyes looked around and landed on Hyukjae by the window, and a shy smile tugged at his lips. If he wasn’t wrong, he had been introduced to Hyukjae as Lee Sungmin.
"Can I come in?" The big eyes blinked cutely and his black hair hung right above them. He didn't get any response; Hyukjae had turned his head back to face the window. The second boy assumed it was okay and took another step further into the room. "Heechul hyung has prepared some dinner for us. He asked me to tell you that you should come and eat."
"I'm not hungry," was Hyukjae's simple answer.
Sungmin bit his lower lip. He stood in the middle of the room, not risking walking too close to the younger boy.
"I was like that too in the start." Hyukjae frowned and turned slowly to Sungmin. "I refused eating and leaving my room as well, but later I realized that it won't do me any good. As soon as I embraced the help, everything turned much better."
Sungmin smiled encouragingly at the other.
"Heechul hyung really wants to help. Just let him do so and you will feel better."
“What can he do for me? He doesn't let me go back to him." Hyukjae said coldly. The older boy forgot they were supposed to eat, and wanted to stay for a talk. As much as he knew, Hyukjae barely talked as well. He took the hostility to move and sit down at the bed and blink his eyes innocently towards Hyukjae.
"Who's 'him'?"
Hyukjae bowed his head and whispered out with a hoarse voice.
"Donghae."
He pushed down any more crying. Maybe his too much crying was another reason Donghae didn't want him anymore.
After recollecting himself, Hyukjae looked up at Sungmin who looked quite uncomfortable sitting on his bed. Sungmin must have experienced something hard as well, otherwise he wouldn't be there. His eyes trailed from the innocent looking face to the fiddling feet.
"Do you want me to leave?" Sungmin asked after a long pause, looking through his bangs at the younger male.
"Do you mind staying?"
The black-haired boy raised his eyebrows a little stunned, shaking his head.
"No."
"Then I don't want you to leave."
He was lonely. Sungmin was nice, and having him there made him feel less burdened. Sungmin tried starting a conversation, Hyukjae answered to a few of his questions but when Heechul came in wondering why neither of them had come down to eat, Hyukjae immediately turned quiet and busied himself with looking out in the dark.
“I’ll come in with the food here.” He said to them. The boys waited in silence and just as Heechul had said, he came back with two trays with sets of food-filled plates that he placed on the study table, smiling warmly towards Sungmin as he left them alone.
Hyukjae stayed motionless while Sungmin got up to get his tray.
“Eventually, you’ll have to eat.”
“But not now.”
~*~
Jongwoon pressed the key on the laptop to show next picture and the next again, continuing even faster for each photo that the screen would show. Donghae was sitting on a chair further away fiddling with his camera, a depressed expression painted on his face.
Sure, if anyone else had taken these photos they would have been fine and accepted, but these pictures are the ones Donghae’s snapped. Every single one of them missed that “feeling” only Lee Donghae could put into a photo. They were all like lazily taken for being professional and Jongwoon was getting worried, because never did Donghae ever make his photo’s lack in any kind of way.
“Hyung, can I - Woah! Who took those hideous pictures?”
Jongwoon shook his head and sighed as Kyuhyun had arrived and settled on the chair next to his boss and stared at the computer screen. Not only he had noticed the lacking in the photo.
“It was Donghae… Seriously, there’s something wrong with him lately.”
“Donghae hyung?” Kyuhyun stretched out his hand to click the ‘next button’ and look over the rest of the photos. “He’s lost it, really. I could take better pictures than these.” The younger stated in all honesty. They both turned their head to Donghae’s direction and the man had stopped observing his camera and was staring into nothing.
“Something definitely happened.” They both mumbled and Jongwoon rose from his seat and strolled towards the dazed man.
Donghae jerked when Jongwoon gripped his shoulder gently to gain attention.
“Donghae, are you feeling unwell? You seemed to have been sucked up by something for a couple of days now and I can’t stand watching you like this.”
“What do you mean hyung?” Donghae tried to look oblivious to what the older man was talking about, but it still showed he knew exactly what the problem was. “I’m fine, I just had a bad night of sleep.”
“You,” Jongwoon still held onto the other’s shoulder and pointed a finger with the other to emphasize the ‘you’, and continued. “You should stay home for the rest of the week and take a rest. Come back when you’re feeling better.”
“But I’m all good, Jongwoon!”
“No Donghae, you are not.” The voice was stern. “And you know it yourself obviously.” He sighed and put his hands into his pockets. “I can’t have you around here when you can’t do your job properly Donghae. I’m sorry, so just go home and take your time to rest.” With that Jongwoon turned and walked back to where Kyuhyun had been sitting all the time and asked the latter to take over Donghae’s schedule for the day.
--
Donghae felt very much frustrated at Jongwoon’s words, but it was his own fault after all for dropping his concentration. His fingers tightened around the steering wheel as he drove the car on his way home. Instead of going all the way back, he stopped at a café and sloped down in one of its cushioned chairs. A girl dressed in an apron approached Donghae with a smile and a small notepad in her hand, asking what he wanted to order.
“Anything that can help a headache,” he had mumbled as he sunk his face into his palms - not realizing he was being rather impolite. The girl frowned for a second but then smiled croakily and accepted his request. After a couple of minutes she came back with a big glass of water and a small cookie on a plate.
~*~
As the third day came Heechul woke up to having a very bad feeling. Gracefully he jumped out of his bed and run towards each of the kids’ rooms to check on them, and he wasn't too surprised as he reached Hyukjae's room and found the boy lying on the floor, pale and cold.
Anyone would have passed out like that when not having anything to eat, so he hoped that this would be the trigger for Hyukjae to realize he had to do it by now.
Hyukjae was placed back underneath the covers and Heechul didn't leave his side for hours until he noticed the boy was slowly gaining his consciousness back and then he was ready with a bowl of soup whether or not he was willing to eat it.
But Hyukjae did, to his may.
During the time Hyukjae still hadn't waked up, Heechul had contacted Donghae and telling about the boy's condition. The reaction wasn't the one he had expected, because Donghae sat quiet on the other side of the line, not uttering a word.
"I'm not sure what to do if he repeats it. He seems like he's willing to continue like this.” Heechul sighed and rubbed his temples, feeling worried. “Did he behave like this before?"
"No." Donghae's voice clearly sounded like he was spacing out. Now Heechul didn’t have only one, but two persons to worry about.
"Donghae-ah, if the reason is that he misses you, can't you at least make sure you keep in touch? He’s feeling abandoned, and he still wants to meet you very badly."
There was a pause for Donghae to think before answering. "I can't Heechul."
"Donghae for God’s sake, come on!” The older wanted to whack Donghae’s head for acting like this. He had realized Hyukjae really only wanted to be with Donghae. “Has the truth of his past made you judge him differently? I thought you said you cared for the boy, but it doesn't really seem like you do!"
"I do care hyung." Donghae's voice was unsteady. "I just don't know, it's like I would only look at him with pity."
"I don't think I can take care of him properly if he doesn't hear from you, and then they might take him away. And I don't think you’re doing very well without him either.” Heechul dragged his hand through his hair in a frustrated manner. “Are you eating properly?” He asked his younger friend, and got a hum in response.
Obviously, Donghae was surly acting the same way as Hyukjae.
“Don’t let me go there and look after you too. Take care of yourself Donghae-ah."
~*~
Quietly, the front door opened and then closed, nobody noticing the shadow painting the hallway wall for a split second as a dark shape had slipped inside. With soft steps, the person wandered towards the living room and stopped at the door opening as he noticed the room was empty.
“Hankyung, you’re back!”
The man turned hastily at the voice coming from his back and then smiled happily at Heechul who looked surprised at the newcomer.
“Yeah, work allowed me to go come back here. “
Heechul smiled at Hankyung, who smiled back widely. Before they had time to say anything else a high pitched squeak was heard from above. "Hankyung hyung!" Ryeowook came running down the stairs followed suit by Sungmin and they both jumped on the tall man to hug him and laughing loudly. "I missed you hyung." Sungmin's eyes sparkled as he looked up at Hankyung.
Even though it was Heechul taking care of the young boys, Hankyung was usually coming by when he had time to play with them. But lately he had been too busy at work to come visit.
"I missed you too kids." He replied and ruffled the duo's hairs.
"You guys better let go of him before Heechul gets jealous." Hyorin who sat at one step in the staircase with her head resting in her palms smiled broadly. "He's missed him a lot too"
"I did not" Heechul sneered back at her.
"I hear you talking to Hankyung hyung a lot on the phone, but you never let us talk to him. You only want him to yourself." The youngest boy pouted and tightened his hold of Hankyung.
The black-haired male controlled himself to not snap any harsh comment at him, since he could get very sensitive. Instead he turned to Hyorin who was snickering to herself.
"Shouldn't you just move out soon? Then the boys will rule the house and at last get rid of your nagging."
Hyorin had just turned 18, and had been staying with Heechul for the last five years. Now that she was legal and had recovered from her past trauma thanks to Heechul, she was ready to move out. Therefore the man knew he could jokingly be rude to her. After all, the bond created between them after five years grew secure.
"Nah, I might stay for another year so you can prepare yourself mentally for my leave, because you’ll miss me.”
~*~
Hyukjae gained his energy and decided for going down. Maybe, just maybe if he talked to Heechul, the man could let him meet Donghae. He really felt he needed to be with him right now.
Slowly, he walked down the stairs while holding on to the banisters as support. He was still feeling a bit dizzy and had a heavy head from passing out earlier.
An unknown voice that Hyukjae hadn’t heard here before echoed downstairs. He stopped in the middle of his walking to peek down in the hallway to see another man standing with Heechul.
Hankyung laughed at the way Heechul shooed away the kids to go somewhere else so they could have a chat, and then he noticed the shadow creeping down from the middle of the staircase, and moved his head a little to see the persons face. His eyes widened as a familiar picture appeared in his head that resembled the person standing just a few meters away from him.
“Shit, Heechul! What’s this kid doing here?!” Hankyung pointed a finger straight at Hyukjae and the latter looked frightened as the stranger was staring at him. Hyukjae turned around abruptly and ran back up the stairs to get away from the scene and a loud ‘bang’ heard as the door was shut harshly.
“Aah, damn…” Hankyung mumbled while quickly pulling up his cell phone and started dialing a number but Heechul was quick enough to pull it away. Hankyung frowned as he wasn’t in the mood for playing around at the moment and tried getting the device back. “Heechul, give it back! It’s the runaway kid I’m looking for. His father is worried sick you know!”
Heechul just smiled ironically and slammed the phone at the floor. Hankyung just stared at him unbelievingly.
“What the hell are you doing? I have to contact his father. He’s one of the biggest business men in Seoul, so it’s best to not keep him waiting.” Hankyung calmed down a little. He knew Heechul could be a bitch but usually he had a reason and there was no need to shout, but the latter still had his voice raised.
“Hankyung, why the hell do you think he’s come here for? Because he’s been mistreated and is scared of everyone, and don’t you think it could be his father? Eunhyuk only lets Donghae near him.”
Hankyung stood quiet for a moment. “Eunhyuk? The one Mr. Lee is looking for is a Lee Hyukjae, not Eunhyuk.” He pointed at a document with information about Hyukjae he had plucked out from his suit case. “But the picture is still the exact same.”
Heechul looked seriously at Hankyung.
“Hankyung, please. I’ve tried talking to him and this far he’s only uttered small words, and he is afraid of body contact. He even has his back covered with scars. You can’t hand over this child to that man, at least not yet. I have to find out what’s happened and then we’ll act, okay? He’s hiding from someone, it could be him!”
Hankyung hesitated but he knew better than leave over an abused child to the suspected abuser.
"It's okay Heechul, take it easy." Hankyung smiled at Heechul who was looking a bit scared and lost, taking his hand and led the man over the living room's sofa and sat down. "I promise I won't tell his father until you have talked to Hyukjae. Don't worry too much. Mr. Lee gave the task to me to search through Mokpo, and I guess he trusts me quite a lot."
"I'm sorry if your job is on the risk here." Heechul clenched his fingers around the other's hand. Hankyung only smiled and shook his head.
"If the situation really is as we fear, there's no chance I will continue working for him. I will do my outer best to help protecting him."
They both gave each other assuring smiles, fingers entwining together. Hankyung’s lips then fell a bit and a frown wrinkled his forehead.
“But what should I do? Eventually someone else could find him here, and I will get in trouble for keeping silent.”
Heechul’s smile grew, and Hankyung knew the other had a plan.
“You said you’re looking for a Lee Hyukjae. Here’s only a Eunhyuk, so no worries.”
“But he’s easy to recognize. His blonde hair is really obvious.”
“Let’s just make some changes, and then no one will blame you for not noticing. But I do recommend you to not spend too much time here, because if they do find out, you’ll be in less trouble if you haven’t met Eunhyuk that often.”
“You’re right….” Hankyung sighed and pushed himself up from his seat. “I’ll just get some stuff and then I’ll leave.”
When Hankyung had finished up he made it to the door with his luggage in one hand and the other laying on the door handle. Before he left, Heechul came up behind him and wrapped the arms around his waist. He was a bit startled, but then patted the older’s hands.
“Please make sure you don’t get in trouble because of this” The black haired man merely whispered into Hankyung’s back. The latter smiled whole-heartedly and nodded before he exited the house.
Heechul felt a headache coming to his head as he turned his back to the door and headed for the stairs. He needed to check on Hyukjae since he didn’t seem to have taken Hankyung’s appearance as anything good.
He knocked on the boy’s door three times before bushing it ajar and check into the room carefully, but to his surprise Hyukjae was nowhere to be seen. Heechul took another step into the room to check but Hyukjae wasn’t there.
“Hyung…” Heechul turned around to the squeaky voice behind his back and saw Ryeowook standing by the door. “I don’t think Eunhyuk-hyung is feeling very well.” The boy blinked nervously towards the man, and Heechul gave him a gentle smile.
“Do you know where he is?”
--
“Eunhyuk-ah, if you would just please unlock the door, I promise nothing will happen to you. Hankyung’s a friend of mine and Donghae, so you don’t have to worry for anything, okay?”
Heechul had been standing outside the bathroom’s door for the last ten minutes and pleading for the blonde boy to come out, and finally the lock opened and gave Heechul access to enter.
As he walked in, Hyukjae had gone back to sitting on the toilet seat with his legs pulled up against his chest and forehead dipped down onto his knees. His shoulders were shaking with each breath taken.
“You thought you were getting into trouble, didn’t you?” Heechul asked softly after sitting on the floor and leaning his back against the bathtub. The boy sniffed, and Heechul sat quiet until Hyukjae had finished crying, which he didn’t have any idea for how long it really took.
“I won’t go back.”
Heechul nodded even though Hyukjae wouldn’t see it.
“It’s okay; you don’t have to go anywhere. As long as you are here, you will be safe.”
--
“You know, we should do something about your hair.” Heechul broke the silence after been sitting next to Hyukjae for the past forty minutes in the bathroom without saying anything. “It would be fun!”
The blonde looked to his side to face Heechul, and for the first time since they met, he looked him straight in the eyes. Heechul felt the sorrow and pain just by the look of the boy, so he kept his gentle smile on his lips.
Something twisted in the corner of Hyukjae’s lips and Heechul knew that was something close to a smile. The blonde took a deep breath then nodded his head once.
“O-okay.”
~*~
For days Donghae had been sitting on the same chair, getting up from the bed, make a cup of coffee and sit down and stare into space until the untouched coffee has become cold. Then he just ate something simple before turning on the TV and falls asleep on the sofa.
That was how his days went on.
"Hyukjae..." the name played on his lips, his hand spread out to the other side of the bed where the boy usually slept, like he was waiting for Hyukjae to come back and lie with him.
He let Hyukjae go because he told himself that it was the best for the boy. He let him go because it could help Hyukjae get the confidence of a normal boy. He let go because he wanted Hyukjae to live.
What he didn't want to admit to himself was the true reasons, that he was scared.
It wasn't for Hyukjae, but it had been for himself. It was Donghae who was weak.
He almost felt like hitting something, preferably himself, as he realized how angry he was at himself for acting the way he did, yet he couldn’t help it. His hand’s grip tightened on the cell phone he was holding, a thumb ghosted over the screen whether to press the number showing, or not. Why does he have to make it so hard for both of them?
With a deep sigh, the sweaty and shaking finger finally made contact with the name and he raised the cell phone to his ear. If he could get this over, maybe things would be solved easier.
To his dismay, instead of hearing Hyukjae answer the call, he heard the robotic female voice telling him the device was out of use.
~*~
A loud "no" was yelled out in the middle of the night, Hyukjae raised his upper body out off the bed panting and soon tears streaked down his cheeks. Panic swelled up inside his chest and he started fidgeting around for something, not realizing what just happened was a dream.
He was sure Donghae had been with him right there that moment, holding him, and then his father came to take Donghae away and hurt him.
As he was trying to tangle himself out of the bed sheets, the lamp in the ceiling was lit and Heechul stood by the door with a pretty calm expression.
"Are you okay, Eunhyuk-ah?" Heechul walked closer as he saw the boy crying hard.
"They took him! P-please, I need to-... he's g-gone!" Hyukjae continued panicking over his nightmare and not knowing what to do. Heechul kept his calm and sat down on the bed next to the boy who was trying to scramble out of the bed.
"Who?" Gently he put his hand on Hyukjae's shoulder and to his surprise the boy didn't flinch a bit, he actually leaned closer and pressed his face against Heechul's shoulder. Now Heechul didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Hyukjae's shaking body to get him calm.
"H-he took Donghae... He was r-right here, he took him and-"
"Shh, Eunhyuk it's okay. You were dreaming and Donghae is safe, don't worry." Heechul patted the boy's back gently.
"B-but he was right h-here..."
"Do you want me to call him for you? You'll see he's okay so you don't have to worry." Hyukjae blinked the tears away as Heechul got up to grab his phone.
The clock was close to three in the morning, Donghae was only able to be half asleep, as his cell phone started ringing disturbingly. He tossed over to his other side, ignoring the vibrating device next to his bed and hoping the person calling would give up soon. After all, it was in the middle of the night, but it certainly gave Donghae a headache so he grabbed his phone and he felt him stomach flipping when he saw Heechul’s name. He was scared to answer because if something had happened to Hyukjae, but he still didn’t hesitate to open the call and press the phone against his ear.
“Hyung!” he exclaimed sleepily with a hoarse voice. “Did something happen?”
“Not too much. Whatever you do, just don’t hang up okay?”
Donghae frowned a little as he couldn’t understand what Heechul was talking about, but then a small fragile voice broke out in the speaker.
"Donghae..."
It was like all his intestines made summersaults when his own name reached his ears. That voice.
"Hyukjae! What's wrong?"
This was the first time Hyukjae had contacted Donghae since he had left. His hands started shaking slightly and heart pumped faster. Somehow, he felt more alive as he knew Hyukjae was on the line.
"I-I had a nightmare." The boy was on the edge of breaking out in tears again with the thought of his dream.
"It's okay Hyukjae.” He remembered the way Hyukjae always would wriggle around in the bed at the times he had a nightmare and would wake up either crying or screaming. He really wanted to be there with him. “Just let your lamp on, so it won't be as scary."
"But I don't want to be alone"
‘I’m so sorry Hyukjae.’
"You're not alone. Heechul hyung is there. He's there to help you."
‘I said I would stay, but I never thought I would be this scared.’
"I want you to be here...I miss you Donghae."
‘I miss you too.’
The brunette heard Hyukjae's faint sobs through the speaker and they went straight to his heart. What was he supposed to do?
"Hyukjae... I didn't contact Heechul because I wanted to get rid of you. I did because I thought he would be better for you, as a professional. I don't know what to-"
"You don't have to give me any sympathy for my past and talk about it all the time! That's not what I want!” Hyukjae’s outburst took Donghae by surprise. “Being here reminds me of it, but when I was with you I could think freely of other stuff. I was much happier living with you."
There was a long silence. Donghae pressed a fist against his lips because he knew he could start crying himself any minute. The pain of not being with Hyukjae only proved that what he felt wouldn’t be washed away just like that. Hyukjae was indeed precious to him
"I even colored my hair - or Heechul did.” Hyukjae said quietly. “I wanted you to see because it looks kind of nice."
A small smile formed on Donghae’s lips as he imagined what it looked like.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"You should really sleep now Hyukjae."
"But I'm still scared."
Donghae thought for a second when he got an idea.
"Lie down. And make sure to tuck yourself in comfortably." Hyukjae just did as he was told, not knowing what Donghae had in mind. "You ready?"
"For what?"
Donghae didn't say anything more; instead he had started singing in a low soft tone - making Hyukjae gape in astonishment. Donghae really knew how to sing. The boy felt himself relaxed and happy, just as if Donghae was there with him right now. Then he felt sad again because he could hear Donghae but not feel him. The bed was too cold when he was lying there alone.
The man continued his harmonic lullaby in hope that it might make the other one feel better. He too felt that he missed holding the other in his arms at this time. Donghae promised himself he would have Hyukjae back once he wouldn’t just feel pity for him.
Though it pissed him off in first place that he even felt like that. It was really unfair to Hyukjae.
The song came to an end, Donghae took a deep breath and whispered Hyukjae’s name to see if he was still awake or not. He got a hum in response, indicating the boy wasn’t asleep just yet.
“That was beautiful…”
Donghae smiled a little at the compliment.
“I’ll sing for you again next time.”
Hyukjae felt a bit weird in his chest. How could he be sure there would be a next time they would talk? What if it only was something Donghae said to give him hope to be happy for?
Donghae could almost feel the hesitance coming from Hyukjae though the phone.
“Don’t worry Hyuk… I promise you I will sing for you again. I’ll meet you again soon.”
Hyukjae nodded, and hoping that what Donghae said was really true.
“Could you pass the phone back to Heechul hyung though? I forgot to talk to him about a thing.”
“Sure…” Hyukjae mumbled as he glanced towards the door where Heechul was waiting outside.
“Thank you, Hyukjae.” The said boy felt his heart flutter when Donghae spoke his name so gently. “Sleep tight, and I will hear from you again soon, okay? Good night.”
There was something in Donghae’s voice that didn’t seem sincere. Something wasn’t right. Hyukjae felt sad when the older wasn’t truly honest with him, it felt like he didn’t trust him anymore.
Donghae heard the rustling from the phone being passed over to Heechul, and he sighed with relief from not needing to talk with Hyukjae anymore. It wasn’t like he disliked the boy now, the love he had developed was still there and he was so happy to have heard Hyukjae’s voice, but he just felt uncomfortable. He didn’t know how to look at the boy anymore other than with pity. He was a coward, and he knew it, but he just wanted some more time to think. Not that there was anything to think about and he was already feeling a bit lighter as he had talked to Hyukjae. The only problem lied within himself for being partly an ass. He still didn’t think Hyukjae would feel better just by staying with him.
“Hyung…What should I do?” Donghae sighed into the phone. “I feel so much pity now when I talk to Eunhyuk, and that wouldn’t be good for him. I don’t know if I can speak with him properly.”
Donghae blinked his eyes and waited for Heechul to say something.
“Hyung, are you there? Hyung wha-“Donghae almost dropped the telephone when he heard a faint muffled sob, and he was struck with guilt. “Hyukjae, you’re still there right?” He barely dared to whisper the words. “Hyuk, I didn’t mean it that way-“but Donghae was interrupted before he had time to finish.
“I think you made it rather clear what you meant.” Donghae’s heart fell apart when he heard the hurt voice coming from Hyukjae, who had heard what he had said. “Good night Hae.”
The line went dead before he even had time to say anything more.
Once again, Donghae made Hyukjae feel more pain than necessary. He cursed loudly and took a deep shaky breath as he got out of bed. He knew he couldn’t continue like this anymore.
~*~
A/N: Sorry for being even slower than Yesung’s turtles with updating… I really had problem with writing this for some reason and I’ve been busy with school as well... This is pretty much fail and badly made, this whole chapter. And most of it, I don’t even know what I have written, so don’t be surprised if you’ve read something weird or confusing, because I didn’t have the time to even re-read it. I might just come back sometime in the future and edit this.
I’m sorry, and I really hope you appreciated this update; I did not really enjoy writing this chapter at all... Maybe that's noticable of how it came out.
And please don't hate Donghae ;_;
Have a good time until next update~
Previous Chapter Next Chapter