must be the time for visitors at the moment. i have someone stalking me in my house and in my dreams. all last night while i was dreaming i was a aware there was someone else sharing my dream and it was a very uncomfortable presence ( Read more... )

i have a fear of failure.....shit. stops me from doing heaps of stuff. stops me from starting things. i know i never post anything "upbeat" but i'm using live journal as a tool to help record my thoughts as they come through and so i can hear about other peoples experiences of a similar thing. also i get to see what makes my friends tick as well ( Read more... )

little lost inside my head of late and i need to do a quick inventory of whats going on so i can make sense of it all ( Read more... )

equality. very similar to another post i made but this is on a more personal level. been thinking about how when i go out i tend to get so pissed at the stupidity of the plebs and how they are so selfish. then i tend to wonder, "how selfish am i being expecting that i should go out and  everything to be set right and working in a manner i see fit ( Read more... )

so so fast. i am moving so fast in some areas it scares me. all the realisations about who i am and what i'm about are coming through so thick and fast. everyday is something new. i seem to be coming to terms with myself on quite a few levels and it's really really full on. one i've had lately was to sit back and realise that the reason i hate my ( Read more... )

continuation......

it's getting hard to want to go on as i am without exploding at someone. i feel that by giving people false respect i am giving myself none which is really doing my spirit in.  by saying "giving people false respect" i'm talking about people in authority over me or people who command it through stupidity and ignorance.  i'm ( Read more... )

what would life be like if we didnt have to ask for anyones approval or fight for approval. if we were just possibly accepted as who we were and there was no pressure to be anything more than that? when i say that i dont mean to take on the guise of "how good would it be to be lazy?" i actually mean just being able to be yourself and have no ( Read more... )

i was driving home today thinking about heaps of things such as old friends and partners, relationships i've had with people i have lost over the years. i realised one thing about all of these relationships...i have held them in my heart for so long now they are beginning to take up space. last words i've wanted to say to people. relationships i've ( Read more... )

we all have it in us. some of us it's buried really really deep and others it sits and bubbles just under the surface. i am the latter. make me wonder who or what i am? i want to be calm and not let things effect me so harshly. i want to be able to look ata  situation and automatically see the reasoning behind it so i can just go "oh....nothing to ( Read more... )

feel a little beaten lately. feel like quitting everything  and just running away to build a house for my prospective family and live out my years. i'd get bored in about 15 mins but it's a good idea for now.

it's a heavy feeling in my mind. it takes me away from the things i love and the things i want to do. all the time is work work work and ( Read more... )