NO ONE IS ANSWERING THEIR CELL PHONES. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME MY FLIGHT IS TOMORROW. RESPOND TO THIS AND TELL ME.

Yesterday I saw a guy ride a tiny pink elephant. I am NOT bullshitting you ( Read more... )

Alyssa and I paid twenty-five bucks each and saw the Producers on broadway from the sixth row orchestra ( Read more... )

I was hoping we could talk about our feelings today. Sort of. I want to talk about a couple of feelings--not all of them. There are five basic human emotions ( Read more... )

Orange-flavored toothpaste slightly confuses me. Only recently, it seems, has flavor been an important proponent of toothpaste selection. Mine is "Citrus" flavored, implying that the manufacterers were torn between "Orange Whitening" and "Lemon-lime Cavity Defense," or even "Tropical Punch Tarter Control." Somewhere along the developmental ( Read more... )

I guess this is the end ( Read more... )

Twenty feet below the surface, you don't feel like you're underwater anymore ( Read more... )

Friday can't get here soon enough ( Read more... )

Way ( Read more... )

For three nights now, I've had trouble sleeping ( Read more... )