I am dead.

Nov 01, 2008 09:41

I should have slept a long, long time ago. My body says it's tired, but it shakes every time I try to move. Everything's going at once ( Read more... )

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Comments 19

theroguex November 1 2008, 19:26:33 UTC
Mike.

This is all terribly self-destructive, and you must break yourself out of it. If you can't, then it is your responsibility to go and seek professional help. Yeah, I know it hurts. Trust me. And I know it will take some time. But this is backsliding; this is not moving forward.

Don't let her take away everything you enjoy. That would only be allowing her to win. You're stronger than that.

Don't make me come down there and smack you.

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bluescottygirl November 1 2008, 21:10:15 UTC
Your friend above talks sense. You're scaring me. Talk to someone, please.
I've always sensed that you love her more than she loved you, right from the very beginning.

Right now you need to find someone who will help you manage those feelings and I think that's beyond most of us, your friends.

You're special, don't let anyone take that away from you.

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erinrai_orian November 1 2008, 23:40:34 UTC
Mike, don't make me come down there and kidnap you. Wait, maybe that is what you need for a bit. To get away from there, from the house you shared. theroguex speaks true words though. You are headed down a self destructive path. I speak from experience. What would it take to get you to come up here for a weekend? Say the 14-16th of this month? Hmmm? Let me know. If it is gas money I may be able to do that. I think some time away would help. A different town, different faces and people. Think about it and let me know.

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maurkus November 2 2008, 11:52:34 UTC
I guess, since it's a weekend, just gas money. I don't know. I'd have to figure out what to do with the dogs while I was gone.

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garden_lady November 3 2008, 08:15:50 UTC
Philip could take care of the animals for you. I think it would be good for you to go see Kim & Danny.

Don't worry if the grass was not mowed in time - I will manage to pay the city of Joplin. Since they waited to send me a bill until October for the mowing in July and August, they can just wait for the money, too.

I do love you, you know that. Please let me help if I can. I have been very proud of you for handling this whole mess so well - I guess you just have not let me see the bad times. You know I will understand, you remember how I was after your Daddy left us. It hurts. A lot. Eventually it gets better, but it takes a long time. Please hold on and let those of us who love you help you.

Also, sleep is good. Sleep deprivation just makes things worse. Do you need me to send food? You need to eat. I wish I were there.

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moonlilli November 3 2008, 03:29:02 UTC
I love you even when you are not strong. I am not the only one.
Sometime, you will meet one that Loves you when you are not strong. Until then, I hope our love, although it is different, helps some. It is not Love, but it is love times a dozen and more.

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anonymous November 4 2008, 13:07:43 UTC
You are not dead. You have not died.

You have, rather, failed at life.

Others have been imperfect, but most of the fault lies within you.

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maurkus November 5 2008, 04:19:02 UTC
This, from a coward hiding behind anonymity.

I may be dead...

And I may be failing at life...

But I am still better than you.

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anonymous November 5 2008, 04:39:45 UTC
A pitiful source of solace. Let us assume, for the sake of argument, that you are better than me. Most failures are better than someone. They are still failures.

Until you stop trying to "win" against others, and begin fixing what is wrong with you, you will never truly move beyond failure. You may have moments of illusory triumph, but they won't last.

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maurkus November 5 2008, 11:38:44 UTC
Like your attempt at a moment of illusory triumph right now ( ... )

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