somehow my journal background has disappeared. My beautiful Faye Valentine wallpaper is gone, and it wasn't saved on my computer. I had this set up over two years ago by someone else. I almost want to cry ( Read more... )

apparently my journal is depressing. Sorry for this, but I've been really really down lately. I've been trying to figure out where I fit in with the grand scheme of things, and where I want to go from here ( Read more... )

fuck me man. I make a little bit of headway, and then I get all emotional and irrational and muck it all up.

I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say but I'm sorry.

wow. Only I could lose track of a picture that is 24"x36". I didn't really lose it, it just got covered up. The knob that holds the strap on my bass came loose and I went hunting for the screw and unearthed the picture. Cute little guy, big blue eyes and blonde curls. Riding a little red fire engine. I'll bet he made the fishy face ( Read more... )

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This whole week has been really strange on my system. I wasn't scared about my audition on Monday until that morning, and I knew that fossestyle323 would be returning to me that day. And somehow despite being scared shitless I got a callback. My stomach sank when I saw the names of the other four girls because they were all awesome and I thought "ohmygodI' ( Read more... )

I feel nauseatingly hateful today. Like I could step on a puppy in front of a small child and then laugh at his anguish. And I promised my friend Jonathan that I would hang out with him tonight, poor thing. He's already having a crappy time of life at the moment, he went with me to the Cont the other night (::shudders:: I'm sorry, but I really ( Read more... )

So I actually had fun for the first time in a long time on Saturday night. Had just enough Jager to make being in the pit not quite so unpleasant. I did have a little bit of a meltdown after I got home, but then again those seem to happen kinda frequently lately ( Read more... )

so after god knows how many months of agony, and not sleeping, and tears, and meanness . . .I finally figure it out. And I did it way too fucking late.

I. Am. So. Stupid.

I hate myself for this. And I can't begin to say how sorry I am going to be from here on out.

found out upon my arrival to school that my exam is on Tuesday, and was not today. One small sigh of relief there. Had a rehearsal for the directing scene that I'm in, and that's been going much better. I no longer want to kill myself upon starting this piece of work ( Read more... )